機械基督徒少女 後日談06

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

後日談 06 破機器人

Sequel 05: Shabby Robot

一個再尋常不過的午後，孟禎正與志文隨意閒聊，話語裡帶著彼此熟悉的輕鬆與打趣。孟禎照例隨口自嘲了一句：「事情就是這樣。我這破機器人呀，就是...」。志文聽了，也笑著接腔道：「對呀，妳這破機器人。」

然而，孟禎臉上原本掛著的笑意卻瞬間凝結。她錯愕地看向志文，周遭的空氣也隨之變得沉重。她收起玩笑的語氣，帶著一絲受傷幽幽地說：「志文，不好意思，我可以自己說自己破機器人，但你不能。」

見孟禎臉色變得陰鬱低落，志文意識到自己無意中觸碰了她藏在心底角落的隱密傷口。他連忙上前輕輕擁抱孟禎，誠懇地道歉，並耐心溫柔地安慰她。兩人之間陷入了沉默，過了好一會兒，孟禎才緩緩地開口。她提起了他們上次一起看的那部電影，講述一位原本高傲自信的女主角，如何在身處的環境中，因為無端的流言蜚語與惡意，一點一滴地失去對自己的信心。她開始質疑自己屢屢被暗諷否定的外貌、才華、個性和氣質，曾經引以為傲的一切都變得不再確定。這些優長處就像被扔在地上反覆踐踏，徹底失去了原有的光澤和價值。孟禎說著說著，眼眶泛紅，晶瑩的淚珠忍不住滾落下來，低聲說她對電影主角的感受感同身受。

志文心疼地抱緊孟禎的頭，溫柔地在她耳邊低語：「聽起來，妳心裡藏著更深的心事吧？是關於什麼呢？願意告訴我嗎？」孟禎在他的懷裡沉默片刻，彷彿在內心掙扎是否要說出口，又像在為接下來的傾訴做足心理準備。終於，她輕聲開口，說她會有這種對自我的深刻懷疑，源自於一段關於她剛開始去教會的經歷。

It was an ordinary afternoon. Mengzhen and Zhiwen were chatting casually, their words carrying the familiar ease and banter they shared. As usual, Mengzhen casually self-deprecatingly said, "That's just how things are. I, this shabby robot, I just..." Zhiwen heard her and also smiled, picking up the conversation, "Yeah, you, this shabby robot."

However, the smile that had been on Mengzhen's face instantly froze. She looked at Zhiwen in surprise, and the air around them also became heavy. She put away her joking tone and said faintly with a hint of hurt, "Zhiwen, I'm sorry, I can call myself a shabby robot, but you can't."

Seeing Mengzhen's expression turn gloomy and low, Zhiwen realized he had unintentionally touched a hidden wound tucked away in the corner of her heart. He quickly stepped forward and gently hugged Mengzhen, sincerely apologized, and patiently and gently comforted her. Silence fell between them. After a long while, Mengzhen slowly opened her mouth. She brought up the movie they had watched together recently, which told the story of an originally proud and confident female protagonist who, in her environment, little by little lost confidence in herself due to groundless rumors and malice. She began questioning her appearance, talent, personality, and demeanor which were repeatedly subtly mocked and denied. Everything she was once proud of became uncertain. These strengths were like being thrown on the ground and repeatedly trampled upon, completely losing their original luster and value. As Mengzhen spoke, her eyes redenned, and crystal tears couldn't help but roll down. She softly said she felt the same way as the movie protagonist.

Zhiwen held Mengzhen's head tightly with heartache and gently whispered in her ear, "It sounds like you're hiding deeper thoughts in your heart, aren't you? What is it about? Are you willing to tell me?" Mengzhen was silent in his embrace for a moment, as if struggling internally whether to say it, and also like preparing herself mentally for the upcoming pouring out. Finally, she spoke softly, saying that this kind of profound self-doubt stemmed from an experience she had when she first started going to church.

回想起剛踏入教會的日子，孟禎確實感受到了前所未有的溫暖與舒服。那裡的氛圍極為熱情友善，每個人都像親密的兄弟姊妹一樣對待她。特別是一位外文系的學姊，更是對她照顧得無微不至，讓她感到格外窩心。孟禎很快就被教會充滿的喜樂和愛深深吸引，儘管當時的她還是信徒，仍在內心默默地摸索，尋找通往信仰的道路。她全心融入了教會環境，感覺就像是漂泊許久後，終於找到了一個溫暖的大家庭。孟禎有信心，她能在這裡毫無防備地拆解自己，暴露己身脆弱於大家的關愛之前，安心修理陷於「意義缺失」和「歸屬感匱乏」信號中的心腦關係，最後把自己的心成功提交給其實腦並不相信的上帝。

然而，被純粹溫情環繞的日子，並未持續太久。隨著孟禎與教會成員們彼此由陌生轉為熟悉，初來乍到時那層客氣的親切漸漸淡去，取而代之的是真實個性的摩擦碰撞和根深蒂固的想法差異，以及形成中的人際關係帶來的反面效應。這些元素像樂隊裡不和諧的音符，開始在原有的溫馨旋律中製造出細微的刺耳雜音。

孟禎人造腦中豐富的知識學養和清晰的思辨能力，讓她在參與教會的信仰分享會和查經班時，習慣於邏輯性的分析和深入的追問。當大家分享對某段經文的感動時，她可能會提出關於其歷史背景或不同翻譯版本的疑問；當討論「恩典」的含義時，她可能會從哲學或心理學角度進行剖析，並對某些過於簡化的解釋提出質疑；甚至在聽見證分享時，她也可能不加掩飾地對其中邏輯不通或過於情緒化的部分表示困惑。她並非刻意展現自我，只是以她身為哲學社社員所習於的，對知識和真相負責的方式在思考和表達。

Recalling her first days in the church, Mengzhen indeed felt an unprecedented warmth and comfort. The atmosphere there was extremely enthusiastic and friendly; everyone treated her like a close brother or sister. An upperclassman from the foreign languages department, in particular, took meticulous care of her, which made her feel especially touched. Mengzhen was quickly deeply attracted by the joy and love that filled the church. Although she was a believer at the time, she was still quietly exploring within herself, searching for the path to faith. She fully integrated into the church environment, feeling as if she had finally found a warm family after drifting for a long time. Mengzhen was confident that here she could dismantle herself without guard, expose her vulnerability before everyone's care, and safely mend the relationship between her heart and mind that was trapped in signals of "lack of meaning" and "scarcity of belonging," ultimately successfully submitting her heart to a God that her brain didn't actually believe in.

However, the days surrounded by pure warmth did not last long. As Mengzhen and the church members transitioned from unfamiliarity to familiarity with each other, the polite friendliness from her initial arrival gradually faded. In its place were the friction and clashes of real personalities, deeply rooted differences in ideas, and the negative effects brought about by the developing interpersonal relationships. These elements were like dissonant notes in a band, starting to create subtle, grating noise within the original warm melody.

Mengzhen's rich knowledge and clear critical thinking ability in her mind made her accustomed to logical analysis and in-depth questioning when participating in the church's faith sharing sessions and Bible study classes. When others shared their feelings about a certain passage of scripture, she might raise questions about its historical background or different translated versions; when discussing the meaning of "grace," she might analyze it from a philosophical or psychological perspective and question some overly simplified explanations; even when listening to testimonies, she might unreservedly express confusion about parts that were illogical or overly emotional. She was not intentionally trying to show off, but simply thinking and expressing herself in the way she was accustomed to as a member of the philosophy club, being responsible towards knowledge and truth.

然而，這種異於群體的思辨模式很快就引起了微妙的不悅。在一個更傾向於情感接受、信心宣告而非理性辯詰的環境中，孟禎的深入探討被一些人視為「不夠單純」、「用人的小聰明去揣摩神」、「缺乏信心」。她的問題和見解，無意中挑戰了某些人既有的理解框架，讓他們感到不適甚至受到冒犯。

與此同時，孟禎出眾的美貌和清新的氣質，在教會也意外地引起了波瀾。她很快成為目光的焦點，特別是在男教友之間，人氣迅速攀升。如同在女教友們的心湖裡投下石子，她們看孟禎的眼神也開始微妙地改變了。原本帶著好奇與接納新同伴的目光，漸漸混入了打量及探究，甚至是一絲不易察覺的審視和敵意。

這之中，最讓孟禎感到心寒的，莫過於那位當初待她如親姊妹般的外文系學姊的態度轉變。她的關懷不再單純，而是變成了帶刺的試探與指責。學姊似乎特別「熱心」於「關懷鼓勵」孟禎的成長，但言語中總是指桑罵槐，假借指點之名，精準地挑出孟禎的「缺點」。孟禎那些基於理性思考而產生的信仰疑問，以及參與教會活動時表現出的因未完全信服而帶有的保留，都成了學姊和其他人批判的把柄。直到事後，孟禎才輾轉得知一個讓她恍然大悟卻又心緒複雜的真相：原來那位學姊正在交往的對象也在這個教會裡，並且，他也正是那些被孟禎吸引，對她展現出特別好感的男教友之一。

However, this mode of thinking, which was different from the group, soon caused subtle displeasure. In an environment that leaned more towards emotional acceptance and declaration of faith rather than rational debate, Mengzhen's in-depth exploration was seen by some as "not simple enough," "using human cleverness to fathom God," and "lacking faith." Her questions and insights unintentionally challenged some people's existing frames of understanding, making them feel uncomfortable or even offended.

At the same time, Mengzhen's outstanding beauty and fresh demeanor unexpectedly caused ripples in the church. She quickly became the focus of attention, especially among the male church members, and her popularity rose rapidly. Like throwing stones into the hearts of the female church members, their gazes towards Mengzhen also subtly changed. The looks that originally carried curiosity and acceptance of a new companion gradually mixed with scrutiny and probing, and even a trace of hard-to-detect examination and hostility.

Among these, what made Mengzhen feel most disheartened was the change in attitude of the upperclassman from the foreign languages department who had initially treated her like a real sister. Her care was no longer simple, but turned into thorny probing and accusation. The upperclassman seemed particularly "enthusiastic" about "caring for and encouraging" Mengzhen's growth, but her words always contained veiled criticism, using the guise of offering guidance to precisely pick out Mengzhen's "shortcomings." Mengzhen's faith questions arising from rational thinking, as well as the reservations she showed when participating in church activities due to not being fully convinced, became pretexts for the upperclassman and others to criticize. It was only later that Mengzhen eventually learned a truth that made her suddenly understand yet feel complicated: it turned out that the person the upperclassman was dating was also in this church, and he was precisely one of those male church members who was attracted to Mengzhen and showed her special favor.

在這種日益微妙且充滿暗流的環境下，孟禎在教會中的感受日漸複雜，變得混濁且錯亂，再不復最初的單純喜悅。一方面，她感受到一種伴隨著異樣色彩的「喜歡」——某些男教友過度的熱絡和似乎帶著保護和佔有欲的維護，話語裡都隱藏著期待情感回報的味道；緊盯著她容貌和身材的異樣目光，透過在她背後的品頭論足，也漸漸地凝聚在她身上。另一方面，針對她的公開指責與私下流言像潮水般，一波又一波地湧來。這些批判的面向上至信仰層面（指責她不夠虔誠、對教義有太多質疑、缺乏謙卑），下至對她個人品行的攻擊（暗諷她不夠親切、裝模作樣、想吸引男生才來教會等），甚至連穿著打扮都成了被品評的對象。學姊就曾當著旁人的面，看似無意實則尖酸地說：「哎呀，我們氣質清純的學妹，怎麼從長裙皮鞋換成短裙涼鞋啦？是不是有其他意思啊？」那輕蔑的語氣，彷彿孟禎的每一次呼吸都被放在顯微鏡下審視和扭曲。

此刻的孟禎，內心正承受著一股難以言喻的痛苦與脆弱。她本就處於重塑心腦交互，構造自己新的信仰構型的關鍵時期。為了讓自己能敞開心扉，讓原本以為安全溫柔的外部影響流入，她早已卸下了那層用以保護自我的堅硬外殼，攤開她的內在，彷彿打開了維修蓋板，捧著自己琳琅滿目的零部件在教會活動，希望善意和信仰，讓教友碰觸自己的零部件時，能流入溫柔的光芒。沒想到，在最為赤裸而不設防的時刻，她卻被捲入了教會人情世故複雜的漩渦。來自教友間各異的看法、揣測甚至不懷好意的負面情緒，此刻就像多條看不見的繩索，緊緊地纏繞上孟禎，她暴露的零部件被往四面八方拉扯，連接的纜線幾乎要脫落；而她內部運作的各個模組，像一本本書般，從黃孟禎這個書架上，被一人一手地抽走、翻閱、批評、塗改、棄置。

Under this increasingly subtle and undercurrent-filled environment, Mengzhen's feelings within the church became increasingly complex, turning muddy and confused, no longer retaining the initial simple joy. On the one hand, she felt a kind of "liking" accompanied by a strange color – the excessive warmth of some male church members and maintenance that seemed to carry protectiveness and possessiveness; their words were all hiding the taste of expecting emotional return. Strange gazes fixed on her appearance and figure, through judging her behind her back, also gradually converged upon her. On the other hand, public accusations and private rumors came like a tide, wave after wave. The aspects of this criticism ranged from the level of faith (accusing her of not being devout enough, having too many doubts about doctrine, lacking humility) down to attacks on her personal conduct (subtly hinting she wasn't friendly enough, was putting on an act, or only came to church to attract guys), and even her clothing and appearance became objects of scrutiny. The upperclassman had once said in front of others, seemingly unintentionally but actually sarcastically, "Oh dear, our pure and innocent junior schoolmate, how did you change from a long skirt and leather shoes to a short skirt and sandals? Does it have other meanings?" That contemptuous tone was as if Mengzhen's every breath was being examined and distorted under a microscope.

At this moment, Mengzhen's heart was enduring an unspeakable pain and vulnerability. She was already at a critical period of reshaping the heart-mind interaction and constructing her new faith configuration. To allow herself to open her heart and let external influences that she originally thought were safe and gentle flow in, she had already taken off that hard outer shell used to protect herself, laying bare her inner self. It was as if she had opened a maintenance panel, holding her myriad parts while participating in church activities, hoping that kindness and faith, when church members touched her parts, would allow gentle light to flow in. Unexpectedly, at the most exposed and defenseless moment, she was caught in the complex whirlpool of human relationships and social dynamics in the church. Differing views, speculations, and even malicious negative emotions from fellow church members were at this moment like multiple invisible ropes, tightly coiling around Mengzhen. Her exposed parts were being pulled in all directions, the connecting cables were almost coming loose; and her internal operating modules, like books, were being pulled out, flipped through, criticized, scribbled on, and discarded one by one from the bookshelf of Huang Mengzhen.

身為一個機器人，孟禎閃亮亮的優點長處，是她深深依賴的救命稻草。已經是機器人了，至少要當個超棒的機器人。精工細作賞心悅目的美麗外表，樂此不疲日夜累積的豐富知識，琢磨鍛鍊邏輯清晰的思考能力，以及她一直努力學習並維持著的，溫和得體善解人意的個性。這些都是孟禎珍惜的寶物，在心腦交流的不協調和對自我的存在焦慮下，至少還有這些閃爍著光芒的寶物支撐著她，讓她覺得自己還能是個有價值的高科技高性能機器人，「卓越」就是她存在的績效。

然而此刻，在那些充滿審視、質疑甚至惡意的目光下，她感覺自己的這些「珍寶」已不再具有意義。這些她曾引以為傲，傾盡心力「製造」出來的優點，在別人眼中是如此不堪，甚至根本不值一文。這種被從根源上否定貶低的感受，就像電影裡，那位原本光芒四射的女主角，被流言蜚語擊垮，徹底失去對自我價值認同時的絕望與支離破碎。

孟禎深陷漩渦，她的人造身軀，彷彿被拆解切碎，然後被惡意地胡亂重組。高科技高性能的她的組成，此刻都只是毫無價值的廢鐵塊，沒有珍惜的必要。對信仰的追求，也不再適用於她這個偽造品。來自異性別有所圖的「喜愛」、「欣賞」，更在她殘破的身軀上，強硬地插入一束氣味噁心的毒玫瑰。為了上教會呈現最棒自己的精心打扮，現在都成了詭異雕像上的滑稽裝飾。穿上清純可人白色涼鞋的雙腿，披上優雅俏麗粉紅洋裝的軀體，在學姊帶有忿怒的灼熱眼光中，被指責得搖搖晃晃，四處奔逃；特意掛在胸前的十字架，更像在嘲笑，嘲笑破爛鐵塊，怎能有信仰，怎配有信仰。

As a robot, Mengzhen's shining strengths and virtues were her deeply relied upon lifeline. She was already a robot; at least she had to be a superb one. Her finely crafted and pleasing to the eye beautiful appearance, the rich knowledge she tirelessly accumulated day and night, her polished and trained logical and clear thinking ability, and the gentle, proper, and understanding personality she had been striving to learn and maintain – these were Mengzhen's cherished treasures. Amidst the disharmony in heart-mind interaction and anxiety about self-existence, at least these treasures shining with light supported her, making her feel that she could still be a valuable high-tech high-performance robot. "Excellence" was her performance indicator for existence.

However, at this moment, under those gazes full of scrutiny, questioning, and even malice, she felt that these "treasures" of hers no longer had meaning. These strengths she was once proud of and had poured all her efforts into "manufacturing" were so unbearable in the eyes of others, even completely worthless. This feeling of being fundamentally negated and devalued was like in the movie, when the originally radiant female protagonist was struck down by rumors, experiencing despair and fragmentation as she completely lost her self-worth recognition.

Mengzhen was deeply trapped in the whirlpool. Her artificial body felt as if it had been dismantled and cut into pieces, then maliciously haphazardly reassembled. The components of her high-tech high-performance self, at this moment, were just worthless scrap metal; there was no need to cherish them. The pursuit of faith was no longer applicable to her, this counterfeit. The "liking" and "admiration" with ulterior motives from the opposite sex were even more like forcibly inserting a bunch of disgusting-smelling poisonous roses onto her broken body. The careful dressing up to present her best self for church now all became comical decorations on a bizarre statue. The legs wearing pure and lovely white sandals and the body draped in an elegant and pretty pink dress, under the upperclassman's burning gaze filled with anger, were accused until they swayed precariously and fled in all directions. The cross deliberately hung on her chest was even more like a mockery, mocking how a piece of broken scrap metal could have faith, how it deserved to have faith.

孟禎帶著這樣一個千瘡百孔、搖搖欲墜的自己，鼓起最後一絲微弱的希望，去找牧師，渴望能從信仰權威中得到撫平傷口的慰藉話語和指引迷津的答案。然而，與牧師深談迎來的卻是更深的孤寂與落寞。她本希望能與牧師深入探討信仰的本質、教義的疑難，或是讓自己接受信仰、被教會夥伴接受的方法，然而牧師似乎難以理解她對「知」的渴望，只反覆強調「信」的需求。牧師的關懷顯得急切而單一，認為她過度的思辨源自於她的驕傲與執著，是阻礙她接受信仰的絆腳石。這種認知上的巨大差異，讓牧師的指引顯得如此隔閡、遙遠而無力，無法觸及她核心的痛楚。他牧師還鼓勵她「勇敢面對信仰」、「勇敢面對教眾」。要求孟禎以她尚不具備或不認同的方式去「相信」和「融入」的態度，反而將她推向了更深的孤獨深淵。

當牧師提出讓她上台分享自己的經歷時，孟禎內心發出了無聲的瀕死尖叫——這無異於是讓她將自己這個滿是裂痕、即將崩潰的存在，赤裸裸地扔在眾人最嚴格無情的審視之下。她感覺自己像是即將被提交給這個集體信仰審查的無頭機器，而頭被交到牧師手上，隔離了她自以為是的堅硬。她勉強身體，擺出一個順從的姿勢，如同下跪禱告，試圖去融入他們對她的要求。

然而，當她在台上開始表達時，她那些基於真實經歷和自身想法，揉雜了理性困惑和情感掙扎的「見證」，卻不符牧師和教友預的預期。那些原本只是耳語和側目的嘲諷，隨著孟禎詭異難懂的見證，感受到冒犯不適。教友們向彷彿是異形的孟禎，投以防禦性的輕賤目光。目光像經過聚焦鏡的匯聚，帶著信仰的道德高度和集體的重量，兇猛地燒灼著她「無頭軀體」上破碎凌亂的頸部斷口，無情地燒痛了她殘餘的心腦之間脆弱連結，燒毀了正在掙扎著重新形成的「自我」輪廓。痛苦如此巨大，孟禎卻感覺眼淚卡在乾澀的眼眶裡，一滴也流不出來，彷彿連哭泣這種最基本的情感反應，也已在超越認知的扭曲中失靈了，只剩下一個冰冷殘酷的自我定義：她就是個破機器人，無論外表曾經多麼精巧細緻，內在多麼豐富充實，身體多麼高性能高科技，此刻，也只不過是一堆等待被丟棄的無價值廢鐵塊罷了。

Carrying this severely wounded and tottering self, Mengzhen mustered the last glimmer of faint hope and went to the pastor, craving comforting words to soothe her wounds and answers to guide her from the religious authority. However, what the deep talk with the pastor brought was even deeper loneliness and desolation. She had hoped to delve into the essence of faith, the difficult points of doctrine, or find ways for herself to accept faith and be accepted by fellow church members. Yet, the pastor seemed unable to understand her craving for "knowing," only repeatedly emphasizing the need for "believing." The pastor's care seemed urgent and singular, viewing her excessive deliberation as stemming from her pride and stubbornness, a stumbling block preventing her from accepting faith. This huge cognitive difference made the pastor's guidance seem so distant, remote, and powerless, unable to reach her core pain. The pastor even encouraged her to "bravely face faith" and "bravely face the congregation." This attitude of demanding Mengzhen to "believe" and "integrate" in ways she didn't yet possess or agree with instead pushed her into a deeper abyss of loneliness.

When the pastor suggested she go on stage to share her experience, her heart emitted a silent death scream – this was no different from asking her to throw her existence, full of cracks and on the verge of collapse, nakedly under the most stringent and merciless scrutiny of the crowd. She felt like a headless machine about to be submitted to this collective faith examination, her head handed to the pastor, isolating her self-righteous hardness. She forced her body into a submissive posture, like kneeling in prayer, attempting to integrate into their demands of her.

However, when she started expressing herself on stage, those "testimonies" based on real experiences and her own thoughts, mixed with rational confusion and emotional struggle, did not meet the expectations of the pastor and fellow church members. What were originally just whispers and glances of mockery, with Mengzhen's strange and difficult-to-understand testimony, turned into feelings of offense and discomfort. Fellow church members cast defensive and disdainful gazes towards Mengzhen, as if she were an alien. Their gazes converged as if through a magnifying glass, carrying the moral high ground of faith and the weight of the collective, fiercely burning the broken and messy断口 on her "headless body," mercilessly burning the fragile connection between her remaining heart and mind, burning away the contours of the "self" that was struggling to reform. The pain was so immense, yet Mengzhen felt her tears were stuck in her dry eye sockets, not a single drop could flow out, as if even this most basic emotional response of crying had malfunctioned in a distortion beyond comprehension. Only a cold and cruel self-definition remained: she was just a shabby robot, no matter how exquisite and delicate her appearance once was, how rich and full her inner self, how high-performance and high-tech her body, at this moment, she was just a pile of worthless scrap metal waiting to be discarded.

從那些沉重破碎的回憶中緩緩抽離，孟禎抬手抹去眼角未乾的淚痕。她的聲音還帶著一絲未散的沙啞，也多了幾分塵埃落定的釋然。「志文，」她輕聲開口，「你現在大概能完全體會了，『破機器人』這四個字，對我來說，意味著什麼。」她頓了頓，眼神飄忽地望向遠方，「事後我經歷了很多事情，教會的生活也漸漸有了好的轉變，甚至我現在還成了團契小組長。」她將視線拉回志文身上，眼神變得懇切而脆弱，「但是，那個稱謂帶來的傷害，那段經歷刻下的印記，已經深深地烙在我心裡，成了難以磨滅的的傷痕。」她緩緩地說著，「我可以自己嘲諷自己是破機器人，我可以在無人的角落獨自舔舐傷口。但是，絕對、絕對不能被別人這樣叫。」她強調，目光鎖定志文，「尤其... 尤其不能被你這麼叫。志文，如果你在無意中說出『破機器人』的時候，哪怕心裡真的只有那麼一絲絲，一絲絲覺得我就是個無價值的的破機器人，我...我真的難以承受。那會讓我覺得，連你也冷冷看著那個被踐踏後的，最不堪的我。」

志文靜靜地聽完了她的傾訴，臉上的表情從一開始的關切與歉疚，逐漸轉變為深刻的理解與心疼。他輕輕地嘆了一聲，聲音溫和而誠懇：「原來是這樣... 孟禎，謝謝妳，謝謝妳願意把這段深埋心中的經歷告訴我。」他溫柔地握住她的手，傳達一份帶有溫度的無聲支持。「其實我也隱約察覺到，我們之間的信仰差異，多少像一道無形的牆，讓我們在某些關於教會的話題上總會有那麼一點點『腳步差』。現在我懂了，可能因為對信仰評價的顧慮，妳不太願意跟我分享那些關於教會的負面細節，寧願只講妳自己內在的掙扎和感受...」他抬眼，溫暖而認真地看著她，「但今天，妳選擇向我完全地敞開，讓我看到了更全面而真實的妳。孟禎，能有這樣的信任，能知道妳這麼深層的內心世界，我只有滿心的感謝。」

Slowly withdrawing from those heavy and broken memories, Mengzhen raised her hand to wipe away the still-wet tear stains from the corners of her eyes. Her voice still carried a hint of lingering hoarseness, and added a bit of settled relief. "Zhiwen," she said softly, "you can probably fully understand now what the two words 'shabby robot' mean to me." She paused, her gaze drifting vaguely towards the distance. "Afterwards I experienced many things, church life also gradually had good changes, and I even became a fellowship group leader now." She pulled her gaze back to Zhiwen, her eyes becoming earnest and vulnerable. "But, the hurt brought by that term, the mark carved by that experience, has been deeply branded in my heart, becoming an indelible scar." She said slowly, "I can mock myself as a shabby robot; I can lick my wounds alone in a deserted corner. But, absolutely, absolutely cannot be called that by others." She emphasized, her gaze fixed on Zhiwen, "Especially... especially not by you. Zhiwen, if when you unintentionally said 'shabby robot,' even if there was only a tiny, tiny bit in your heart that felt I was a worthless shabby robot, I... I really cannot bear it. That would make me feel that even you are coldly looking at the most unbearable me after being trampled upon."

Zhiwen quietly listened to her pouring out. The expression on his face gradually changed from concern and guilt at the beginning to deep understanding and heartache. He lightly sighed, his voice gentle and sincere, "So that's how it is... Mengzhen, thank you, thank you for being willing to tell me about this experience deeply buried in your heart." He gently held her hand, conveying a silent support with warmth. "Actually, I also vaguely sensed that the difference in faith between us was somewhat like an invisible wall, making us always have a slight 'difference in pace' on certain topics about the church. Now I understand, perhaps due to concerns about the evaluation of faith, you weren't very willing to share those negative details about the church with me, preferring only to talk about your own inner struggles and feelings..." He raised his eyes, looking at her warmly and seriously, "But today, you chose to fully open up to me, letting me see a more complete and real you. Mengzhen, to have this kind of trust, to know such a deep inner world of yours, I am only filled with gratitude."

在分享了沉重的過往、獲得了理解與支持後，兩人之間彷彿有什麼無形的壁壘正在融化。空氣中流淌著一種更為緊密、更為坦然的連結感。就在此時，志文臉上的溫暖突然褪去，取而代之的是一種前所未有的嚴肅，不帶絲毫玩笑的成分，讓孟禎心底升起一絲不安。她有些疑惑，輕輕「嗯？」了一聲，等待他的下文。志文緊緊地握住她的手，眼神堅定地看著她，彷彿在做出一個需要勇氣的重要決定。語氣帶著鄭重與忐忑，他緩緩地拋出了一個讓孟禎瞬間僵住的提問，「那麼... 孟禎，」他深吸一口氣，「可以讓我，也叫妳『破機器人』嗎？」

「蛤！？」孟禎一臉錯愕，簡直懷疑自己聽錯了，眼中帶著一絲剛哭過的微紅，「志文，你不是剛聽完我說的嗎？是聽不懂人話，還是不想聽機器人講人話啊？」

志文搖了搖頭，表情依舊認真，「不是沒聽懂。我聽懂了，孟禎。我懂妳說的傷痛，懂那個詞的沉重。我甚至看得到，妳有時候自稱『破機器人』，是在用一種近乎殘忍的方式觸碰自己的傷口，像在說『看，我經歷了這些，我還沒完全好，但我活下來了，我其實很強韌』。同時，也有一點點，我感覺到了，妳在對自己進行或許連自己都沒察覺到的自我貶低。」他頓了頓，眼神深邃，「別急著否認，我也看得到妳的運作系統資訊，多少也看懂了一點。」他輕輕握緊她的手，「而現在，聽了妳的故事聽了妳最深的恐懼，我想加入。我想讓妳的傷疤和負擔，不再只屬於妳。」他直視她的雙眼，再次強調：「我對妳的心意，妳知道，是百分之百的純粹，沒有任何一絲一毫的貶低，不論妳是不是機器人。無論我用什麼詞稱呼妳，妳心裡都清楚我對妳的心意，是吧？所以，我想讓妳把我，當成妳自己來看待。而且，我對妳的心意，比有時候妳對自己的更純粹，更沒有負面的想法與心緒。既然妳能說，為什麼我不能說？」他溫柔地笑了一下，「我想把那個詞從黑暗裡拉出來，用我的方式，讓它在我們之間擁有不同的意義。」

After sharing the heavy past and receiving understanding and support, it felt as if some invisible barrier was melting between them. A sense of closer, more candid connection flowed in the air. It was at this moment that the warmth on Zhiwen's face suddenly faded, replaced by an unprecedented seriousness, without a trace of jest, causing a trace of unease to rise in Mengzhen's heart. She was somewhat puzzled, lightly said "Hm?" and waited for him to continue. Zhiwen tightly held her hand, looking at her with a firm gaze, as if making an important decision that required courage. His tone carrying solemnness and apprehension, he slowly threw out a question that instantly froze Mengzhen, "Then... Mengzhen," he took a deep breath, "can I, also call you 'shabby robot'?"

"Huh!?" Mengzhen had a look of surprise, almost suspected she had heard wrong, her eyes carrying a trace of redness from having just cried. "Zhiwen, didn't you just finish listening to what I said? Are you unable to understand human language, or do you not want to listen to a robot speak human language?"

Zhiwen shook his head, his expression still serious. "It's not that I didn't understand. I understood, Mengzhen. I understand the pain you spoke of, understand the heaviness of that word. I can even see that sometimes when you call yourself 'shabby robot,' you are touching your own wound in a nearly cruel way, like saying, 'Look, I've been through this, I'm not completely healed yet, but I survived, I am actually very resilient.' At the same time, just a little bit, I sensed that you are engaging in self-deprecation that perhaps even you haven't noticed." He paused, his gaze deep. "Don't be in a hurry to deny it. I can also see your operating system information, and I understand a bit." He gently squeezed her hand. "And now, after hearing your story and your deepest fears, I want to join in. I want to make your scars and burdens no longer belong only to you." He looked directly into her eyes, emphasizing again, "You know my feelings for you are one hundred percent pure, without any trace of devaluation, whether or not you are a robot. No matter what word I use to call you, you know clearly how I feel about you, right? So, I want you to see me as yourself. And, my feelings for you are purer than yours for yourself sometimes, and freer from negative thoughts and emotions. Since you can say it, why can't I say it?" He smiled gently, "I want to pull that word out of the darkness, and in my way, let it have a different meaning between us."

孟禎看著他眼中的真誠，聽著他近乎穿透視自己的話語，心底積壓已久的防線在瞬間崩塌。她懂了。他不是要開她玩笑，更不可能傷害她。他也不是輕視她的痛苦，而是要跨越兩人間的界線，用一種最極端的方式告訴她：妳的脆弱，妳的自我鄙視，妳內在無法消除的波動與紊亂，不改善也沒關係，分享給我吧，我願意與妳一起承擔，與妳一起尋找新的意義。志文想要成為整套孟禎的「自己人」，大大方方地融入她的世界，讓孟禎沒有任何隔閡與負擔地給他一起扛，被她好好「利用」。孟禎深吸一口氣，感覺像站在一個充滿未知卻又吸引力十足的迷宮洞口，但她知道裡面是完全可信的的安全。她輕輕點了點頭，臉上露出一絲信任的微笑。「我了解了。可以喔，志文...」她輕聲說，「不過先讓我作個準備... 深呼吸... 準備好了，倒數了喔！」她聲音微微顫抖，卻充滿決心與期待，「三...二...一...！」

「破機器人。」志文在她話音落下的瞬間，面帶微笑，輕柔而清晰地說出這個詞。

Looking at the sincerity in his eyes, listening to his words that almost seemed to penetrate her, the defense line accumulated in her heart for a long time collapsed in an instant. She understood. He wasn't making fun of her, and even less likely to hurt her. He wasn't belittling her pain, but wanted to cross the boundary between them, to tell her in the most extreme way: Your vulnerability, your self-contempt, the unresolvable fluctuations and disorder within you, it's okay if they don't improve, share them with me. I am willing to bear it with you and search for new meaning with you. Zhiwen wanted to become Mengzhen's "own person" completely, to generously integrate into her world, so that Mengzhen could let him carry it with her without any barrier or burden, to be properly "used" by her. Mengzhen took a deep breath, feeling like standing at the entrance of a labyrinth full of unknowns yet immensely attractive, but she knew it was completely trustworthy and safe inside. She gently nodded, a trace of a trusting smile appearing on her face. "I understand. Okay, Zhiwen..." she said softly, "but let me get ready first... Deep breath... I'm ready, counting down now!" Her voice trembled slightly, but was full of determination and expectation, "Three... two... one...!"

"Shabby robot." At the moment her words fell, Zhiwen, with a smile, gently and clearly said the word.

「啊！」孟禎身體反射性地縮了一下，像被電擊般，抱著頭往後跳，大口喘氣。

「破機器人。」他又叫了一聲，音量更大了些，似乎想確認什麼。

「呀！！！等下，你...你來真的啊！？哪能一直叫！」孟禎瞪大眼睛，有點驚恐地回著，臉頰瞬間染上了淡淡的粉紅。

「黃孟禎妳這個，破機器人！」志文笑著靠近，將她輕輕摟入懷中，聲音裡滿是無法掩飾的深情。

「哇啦啦啦啦啦！！夠了！夠了夠了！你叫夠了沒啊！？」孟禎將臉埋進他懷裡，發出有點生氣又有點好笑的抗議聲，「還黃孟禎咧，你還真敢說啊？沒有想弄我？我系統被你攪得一團亂，哼！」她緊緊抓著他的衣服。

"Ah!" Mengzhen's body reflexively flinched, as if electrocuted, jumping back holding her head and gasping for air.

"Shabby robot." He called out again, slightly louder, seeming to want to confirm something.

"Ah!!! Wait, you... you're serious!? How can you keep calling me that!" Mengzhen widened her eyes, responding with a bit of panic, her cheeks instantly tinged with a light pink.

"You, Huang Mengzhen, you shabby robot!" Zhiwen smiled and approached, gently pulling her into his embrace, his voice full of unconcealed deep affection.

"Whoa la la la la la!! Enough! Enough, enough! Haven't you called enough!?" Mengzhen buried her face in his embrace, letting out a somewhat angry and somewhat funny protesting sound. "Even calling me Huang Mengzhen , you really dare to say that? Aren't you trying to tease me? My system is all messed up by you, hmph!" She tightly clutched his clothes.

「沒有啊，真的沒有。」志文下巴輕抵著她的髮旋輕摩，語氣溫柔得像最輕盈的羽毛拂過，「妳這破機器人，我倒八輩子楣愛上的破機器人。」

「陳志文！！！」孟禎撫著激動後的胸口，臉頰滾燙，惡狠狠地看著志文。這個臭傢伙，該修理他的時候又到了。

在兩人的玩鬧將那個曾經沉重的詞徹底「遊戲化」，讓積壓在心底最深處的情緒完全釋放後，志文的臉色重新變得認真而溫柔。他再次握住孟禎的手，將她拉得更近。

「別擔心，孟禎。從今以後，如果妳還是有自己是『破機器人』的感覺，那好，我就是愛上破機器人的破人類，對妳的貶低也是對我的貶低，我也會跟著妳一起破。」他的眼神轉變得深邃包容，映照著她微濕的眼眸，「如果妳哪天感覺自己破碎一地，化為無數散落的零件，灑滿妳內心的機器人王國，那麼我就算改造我自己，也要變成能進入機器人王國的機器人，帶著妳的分享喜怒哀樂去找妳，把妳這散落的破鐵塊，一片片撿起來，好好珍惜。」

"No, really not." Zhiwen's chin gently rested against her crown, lightly rubbing, his tone was as gentle as the lightest feather brushing. "You, this shabby robot, the shabby robot I was unlucky enough to fall in love with for eight lifetimes."

"Chen Zhiwen!!!" Mengzhen clutched her chest after being agitated, her cheeks burning, glaring fiercely at Zhiwen. This evil guy, it was time to fix him again.

As the two of them, through their playful interaction, completely "gamified" that once heavy word, allowing the emotions accumulated in the deepest part of her heart to be completely released, Zhiwen's expression became serious and gentle again. He again held Mengzhen's hand, pulling her closer.

"Don't worry, Mengzhen. From now on, if you still feel like you are a 'shabby robot,' then fine, I am the shabby human who fell in love with a shabby robot. Your devaluation is also my devaluation, and I will also become shabby along with you." His gaze became deep and inclusive, reflecting her slightly moist eyes. "If one day you feel yourself shattered into pieces, turning into countless scattered parts, strewn all over the robot kingdom within your heart, then even if I have to transform myself, I will become a robot capable of entering the robot kingdom, bringing your shared joys, angers, sorrows, and happiness to find you, picking up these scattered pieces of shabby metal, one by one, and cherishing them well."

「呃...要吐了...」孟禎聽著他這番肉麻又真誠的怪異告白，臉頰瞬間染上了春天最嬌豔的色彩。「陳志文，你... 你真的好噁心喔...噁心到我的層析分餾器，都能扭動起來。」她低聲咕噥著，卻沒有絲毫抗拒，反而更將自己埋進他懷裡。

她抬起頭看著他，眼神從剛才被打動的淚光，變成了深刻的理解與全然的接受。她露出一個甜甜的微笑，說「好吧，陳志文先生，我的『系統』，看來同意了讓你叫我『破機器人』了。」她伸出一隻手，輕輕點著他的胸口，「你被系統登錄成我的擴充組件了。從今起，你也是機器人黃孟禎的一部分，恭喜恭喜。」她用手指畫著圈，繼續定義他們的關係，語氣裡滿是甜蜜的依戀：「你就是那個透過語音和表情圖形辨識介面，與黃孟禎核心系統最深處通聯的『情感產生器』。」她湊上前，將頭輕輕靠在他的肩膀上，聲音帶著完全的信賴與囑託：「我的『系統』，已經完全敞開我這個『破機器人』，接受你進來了...」她輕聲細語，彷彿對他也對自己說，「你可不能糟蹋了喔。」

在他們緊密的相擁中，「破機器人」不再是過去痛苦的標籤，而是兩人對黃孟禎的共同承擔。

"Ugh... I'm gonna puke..." Listening to his cheesy yet sincere strange confession, Mengzhen's cheeks instantly tinged with the most vibrant colors of spring. "Chen Zhiwen, you... you're really disgusting... so disgusting that even my chromatography fractionator can wriggle." She muttered softly, yet without the slightest resistance, instead burying herself further into his embrace.

She raised her head to look at him. Her gaze changed from the teary look of being touched just now to one of deep understanding and complete acceptance. She revealed a sweet smile and said, "Okay, Mr. Chen Zhiwen, my 'system' seems to have agreed to let you call me 'shabby robot'." She extended a hand, gently tapping his chest. "You have been logged into the system as my expansion component. From now on, you are also a part of Robot Huang Mengzhen, congratulations." Drawing circles with her finger, she continued to define their relationship, her tone full of sweet attachment. "You are the 'emotion generator' that communicates with the deepest part of Huang Mengzhen's core system through the voice and expression graphic recognition interface." She leaned forward, gently resting her head on his shoulder, her voice carrying complete trust and entrustment. "My 'system' has completely opened up me, this 'shabby robot,' to accept you in..." she whispered softly, as if saying to him and also to herself, "You can't mess it up, okay."

In their close embrace, "shabby robot" was no longer a label of past pain, but the shared burden of Huang Mengzhen by the two of them.