妳中的我 The You in Me
上午孟禎沒有課。
她坐在校門外那間咖啡館的露天座位，桌面還留著清晨擦拭後的水痕。九點多的陽光斜斜落下，穿過路樹葉片的縫隙，在桌面上晃出一小塊一小塊亮斑。行人不多，機車聲從路口滑過去。
她面前放著一只白瓷小杯。
孟禎抿著嘴，雙腿併攏，手撐在膝蓋上，低頭看著它。腳尖在桌下微微踮起，又放下。
杯口升起細細的熱氣，帶著焦糖、木質、某種微酸的果皮味。
她點了頭，像終於下了決心，伸手端起杯子，指腹貼著杯壁，先確認溫度，再讓杯緣靠近嘴唇。
Meng-zhen had no classes that morning.
She sat at an outdoor table of the café outside the university gate, where faint water streaks from a dawn wipe-down still lingered on the surface. Slanted morning sunlight filtering through the leaves cast small, dancing patches of brightness across the tabletop. Pedestrians were few, and the hum of scooters drifted lazily from the intersection.
Before her stood a small white porcelain cup.
Meng-zhen pressed her lips together, knees pulled tightly side by side, hands resting on her lap as she stared down at it. Beneath the table, her toes lifted slightly on tip, then settled back down.
A delicate thread of steam rose from the rim, carrying notes of caramel, aged wood, and a subtle, tart citrus peel.
She nodded to herself, as if finally making up her mind. Reaching out, she picked up the cup, her fingertips pressing against the ceramic wall to check the temperature before bringing the edge toward her lips.
她聞了聞，接著雙手捧著杯子，頭自己慢慢後仰，像放了手的氣球。
後頸裡某束人造肌肉鬆了一下。身體管理系統把感測器送來的揮發性分子訊號整理成一束束，送進腦內模型。香氣被標記、比對、嵌入；一片接近花香與果香的向量區域亮起來，接著又向更深的地方牽動出一點期待。
期待。
孟禎眨了眨眼。
那不是某種關於「咖啡香氣」的標籤，也不是她以前靠聞、靠志文的表情推測出來的味道。那是一種往前傾的感覺，好像身體裡有一小部分先於她開口了：再靠近一點。
她小心地啜了一口。
She inhaled deeply, then cupped the porcelain in both hands and slowly leaned her head back—like a balloon released into the air.
In her upper neck, a bundle of artificial muscle relaxed. Her body management system compiled the volatile molecular signals sent by her sensors into discrete vector streams and routed them into her intracranial model. The aroma was cataloged, cross-referenced, and embedded; a vector region close to floral and fruit notes lit up, tugging at something deeper, sparking a tiny spark of anticipation.
Anticipation.
Meng-zhen blinked.
It wasn't merely a label for "coffee fragrance," nor was it a flavor she had previously deduced through smell or by reading Zhi-wen’s facial expressions. It was a forward-leaning impulse, as if a small part of her physical body had spoken before she could: Come a little closer.
She took a careful sip.
咖啡碰到舌面，往喉嚨滑下去。孟禎肩膀微微繃緊，像在等待警報。她的眼神短暫地空了一瞬，體內的層析分餾器開始工作，分離、辨識、過濾，沒有異常通報，沒有紅色警示，沒有熟悉的故障預兆。
幾秒後，她的表情慢慢鬆開。
先是放下心。
然後是困惑。
再然後，藏不住的開心，從她眼角溢出來。
「啊……」
The liquid touched her tongue and slid down her throat. Meng-zhen’s shoulders tensed slightly, as if bracing for an alarm. For a split second, her gaze went completely blank as the internal chromatography fractionator whirred to life—separating, identifying, filtering. No error logs, no red alerts, no familiar precursors to system failure.
A few seconds later, her expression slowly softened.
First came relief.
Then confusion.
And then, an unmistakable, irrepressible joy spilled over from the corners of her eyes.
"Ah..."
她低低地發出聲音，又喝了一小口。這一次她閉上眼，讓那一點苦意在感覺裡縮緊，再看著它從緊縮裡慢慢釋放。酸味很細，像在重量旁邊畫出邊界，使它不至於只剩下沉。香氣往上回來，留在鼻腔與腦內模型之間，像一座明亮的花園。
她嘴唇動了動。
「感謝主——」
出來的只有氣音，然後像那口氣般消散。
She let out a soft murmur and took another small sip. This time she closed her eyes, letting that tiny knot of bitterness tighten within her perception, watching it gently release its grip. The acidity was delicate, tracing a refined boundary around the weight so it wouldn't collapse into mere heaviness. The aroma drifted back up, lingering between her nasal cavity and her neural model like a sunlit garden.
Her lips parted slightly.
"Praise the Lord—"
孟禎睜開眼，住在心腦通道間的那個，動了一下，像指向什麼。
虛弱的。
腦的模型讀懂了那個指向，卻悄悄把它轉了個彎；情感核心早已有了更想投射感謝的對象，正在輕柔地運作著。
孟禎一手手指輕輕摩挲著脖子，裡面訊號還在頻繁地遞來遞去。
Meng-zhen opened her eyes. The entity dwelling within her heart-brain channel nudged lightly, pointing toward something.
Faint. Fragile.
Her neural model decoded the direction, yet quietly rerouted it, steering the impulse toward a warmer address. Her emotional core already had a target it longed to project its gratitude toward, working with a gentle, steady hum.
Meng-zhen lightly rubbed her neck with one hand, where signals were still rapidly transmitting back and forth. She gazed at the dark brown liquid in the cup.
看著杯裡深褐色的液面，她想了想。
「嗯，還是先感謝老爸吧。」她小聲說，「還有宇尋的大家。他們花的功夫還真不少。」
她手慢慢放下，移到腹部，隔著衣料輕輕摸了摸層析分餾器的位置。過了一會兒，那隻手又往上移，按住胸口。
「雖然……」她聲音放得更輕，「雖然主……」
她沒有說完。
晨光照在她臉上，把她的睫毛照成柔軟的金褐色。她像是被什麼卡在心與腦中間，卻沒有以前那種要把她撕開的疼痛了。只是停一下，承認它還在，再把手放下。
She pondered for a moment.
"Well," she murmured softly, "I should probably thank Dad first. And everyone at Yuxun. They really put a tremendous amount of work into this."
Her hand descended, coming to rest on her abdomen as she gently touched the location of the chromatograph through her clothes. After a moment, her hand drifted higher, resting against her chest.
"Even though..." Her voice trailed off into a whisper, "Even though the Lord..."
She didn't finish the sentence.
The morning sun bathed her face, turning her eyelashes a soft, golden brown. She felt suspended in that space between heart and brain, yet the tearing pain that used to accompany it was gone. She simply paused, acknowledged its lingering presence, and lowered her hand.
---
遠處有人影走近。
金色髮絲被陽光點亮，像一簇流動的火。孟禎抬起手。
「凱琳姊，這裡！」
黃凱琳沿著人行道走來，肩上背著帆布袋，袋口露出幾本書和折得亂七八糟的列印資料。她今天穿得很簡單，白襯衫、牛仔褲，頭髮隨意紮在腦後，幾縷落在臉側。
A figure approached from the distance.
Strands of golden hair caught the sunlight, glowing like a stream of liquid fire. Meng-zhen raised her hand.
"Sister Kailin, over here!"
Huang Kailin walked along the sidewalk, a canvas bag slung over her shoulder with a few books and messy stacks of printed papers peeking out. She was dressed casually today—a white button-down, denim jeans, and her hair tied back loosely, with a few stray strands framing her face.
「早呀，孟禎。」
她拉開椅子，還沒坐下，目光就落到那只白瓷杯上。
「妳喝的是咖啡吧？」
孟禎雙手捧起杯子，往凱琳那邊送了送，杯底離開碟子時發出輕輕的一聲。像小孩把剛拼好的積木拿給人看。
「黑咖啡。」她笑得有點得意，「很不錯。妳也點一杯吧。」
凱琳挑眉。「妳居然用『很不錯』形容咖啡了。」
「我現在有資格了。」
凱琳大笑，轉身去櫃檯點咖啡。她回來時，孟禎還在看自己的杯子。
"Morning, Meng-zhen."
She pulled out a chair, but before sitting down, her eyes landed straight on the white porcelain cup.
"Is that coffee you're drinking?"
Meng-zhen cupped the porcelain with both hands and pushed it toward Kailin, the bottom clinking softly against the saucer as it lifted. It was like a child showing off a freshly completed block tower.
"Black coffee," she said with a proud little smile. "It’s really good. You should get one too."
Kailin raised an eyebrow. "I can't believe you're actually using 'really good' to describe coffee."
"I'm qualified now."
Kailin burst into laughter and turned toward the counter to order. When she returned, Meng-zhen was still staring fondly into her cup.
「所以，咖啡喝起來，感覺怎麼樣？」凱琳坐下後問。
孟禎頭微微側了一下，手指無意識地敲著杯壁。
「香氣先進來。」她說，「以前聞得到，可是比較像讀到說明，寫著花香、果香。」她想了想，笑了一下，「現在它進來之後，會讓我想再靠近一點。」
凱琳安靜地聽。
孟禎又喝了一口，這次沒有那麼小心。咖啡滑進喉嚨時，她眉心輕輕皺起。
"So, how does coffee actually taste to you?" Kailin asked as she sat down, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.
Meng-zhen tilted her head slightly, her index finger idly tapping against the porcelain.
"The aroma hits first," she said. "I used to smell it before, but it felt like reading a manual that said 'floral, fruity.'" She thought for a moment and smiled. "Now, when it enters, it makes me want to get a little closer."
Kailin listened quietly.
Meng-zhen took another sip, less cautiously this time. As the coffee slid down her throat, her brow knitted softly.
「會縮一下的時候，應該就是你們說的苦味，」她手指在空中捏了一下，「可是放開的時候很舒服。酸味我本來就認識，但跟苦的、香的一起來，它就不是單獨的酸，它會把那個緊的地方揉開。」
凱琳聽著，下巴抵在交疊的手背上，眼睛亮亮的。
「像……活著的感覺？」凱琳問。
「嗯，像活著。」孟禎點頭，聲音變得很柔軟，下巴抵在交疊的手背上，「先是亮亮的，然後提醒你有重量，最後又讓你覺得，有重量也沒關係——不是壓住我，而是讓我知道我在這裡。」
她低頭看著杯子，嘴角揚起來。
「我喜歡。真的喜歡。」
"When it tightens up slightly, I think that's what you call bitterness," she pinched her fingers in the air. "But when it releases, it feels so comfortable. I already knew acidity, but when it arrives together with the bitter and aromatic notes, it isn't just isolated sourness anymore. It gently massages open that tight spot."
Kailin watched her in silence, her eyes luminous.
"Like... the feeling of being alive?" Kailin asked.
"Mhm, like being alive," Meng-zhen nodded, her voice turning very soft. "First comes a flash of brightness, then a reminder of weight, and finally it makes you feel that having weight is completely fine—it isn't crushing me, it's letting me know that I am right here."
She looked down at her cup, the corners of her mouth curving upward.
"I like it. I really do."
凱琳盯著她看了兩秒，忽然趴在桌上笑起來。
「哇哈哈哈哈……」
她笑到肩膀抖，連隔壁桌的客人都忍不住轉頭。孟禎先是愣住，然後嘴角也跟著上揚，卻又故意板起臉。
「妳笑什麼啦。」她伸手推了推凱琳的肩膀。
「沒有，」凱琳擦了擦眼角，「只是覺得，全世界大概只有妳會這樣喝咖啡。可是又……很人類，很漂亮。」
Kailin stared at her for two full seconds, then suddenly collapsed onto the table, laughing hysterically.
"Bwahahaha..."
Her shoulders shook so hard that guests at the neighboring table turned to look. Meng-zhen froze for a second, then couldn't help smiling herself, though she deliberately put on a stern face.
"What are you laughing at?" She nudged Kailin's shoulder.
"Nothing," Kailin wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "It's just that you're probably the only person in the world who drinks coffee like this. But at the same time... it's so human. So beautiful."
她的咖啡送來了。凱琳端起杯子，喝了一口。動作很輕，像是怕打斷什麼。
「恭喜。」她放下杯子，語氣難得正經，「這次升級真的成功了。不只是喝了不故障，是真的會喝。」
Her coffee arrived. Kailin picked up her cup and took a sip, her movement delicate, as if afraid to break a spell.
"Congratulations," she set her cup down, her tone uncharacteristically solemn. "This upgrade was a genuine success. It's not just that you can drink without breaking down—you are truly drinking it."
孟禎低頭看自己的腹部，隔著衣服戳了兩下。
「感謝老爸，還有宇尋的大家。」
「這次我參與比較少。」凱琳說，「硬體、化學感測那些不是我的主場。」
孟禎看著她。
凱琳聳聳肩，端起杯子，語氣像是漫不經心。
「不過，把感測變成感覺，我還是有幫一點忙。」
孟禎立刻笑出來。「妳哪是只幫一點忙？」
Meng-zhen looked down at her abdomen, poking it twice through her shirt.
"Thanks to Dad, and everyone at Yuxun."
"I participated very little this time," Kailin said. "Hardware and chemical sensing aren't really my domain."
Meng-zhen looked at her.
Kailin shrugged and raised her cup, her tone nonchalant.
"Though, when it came to converting sensor data into actual feeling, I did lend a small hand."
Meng-zhen laughed immediately. "How was that just 'a small hand'?"
凱琳用指尖在杯緣畫圈。
「感測資料融合後，要以什麼方式，送進腦內模型；模型算出來的東西，怎麼不只是『資訊』，而是能碰到情感核心。還有身體管理系統要怎麼調，不要讓味覺像警報，也不要像單純的標籤。」她說到這裡，目光落在孟禎臉上，聲音變柔，「這些我多少懂一點。」
「多少懂一點。」孟禎重複，半是無奈半是感慨，「凱琳姊，我有時候真的覺得，我的身體和系統快被妳懂完了。很多地方，妳比老爸還熟。」
風從街口吹過來，桌上的紙巾角落掀了一下。兩人一時都沒說話。
Kailin traced the rim of her cup with a fingertip.
"How the integrated sensor data should be routed into the neural model; how the model's output isn't just raw 'information,' but something capable of reaching the emotional core. And how to tune the body management system so taste doesn't trigger like an alarm, nor feel like a lifeless label." She paused, her gaze settling gently on Meng-zhen's face. "I happen to know a thing or two about those."
"'A thing or two,'" Meng-zhen repeated, half amused and half moved. "Sister Kailin, sometimes I really feel like my body and systems are almost entirely understood by you. In many places, you know me better than Dad does."
A breeze swept in from the street corner, lifting the corner of a paper napkin on the table. Neither spoke for a long moment.
---
凱琳低頭喝咖啡。杯子遮住了她的嘴，卻遮不住她眼裡某種細小的變化。孟禎看著她，忽然輕聲開口。
「說起來，我有時候會有錯覺。」
「什麼錯覺？」
「覺得我的身體，好像也是妳的。」
凱琳抬眼。
孟禎連忙擺手。「不是像物品被擁有那種。是……」她皺著眉，努力把感覺從胸口裡拿出來，「我這裡緊了一下，或者某塊皮膚回饋不對，好像妳那邊也會收到。」她用手按住自己的上臂，「像我的身體，在妳那裡也住了一份。」
她說完有點不好意思，低頭喝咖啡。
「聽起來很莫名其妙吧。」
Kailin lowered her head to take a sip. The cup hid her mouth, but it couldn't conceal the subtle shift in her eyes. Meng-zhen watched her, then suddenly spoke in a low voice.
"Speaking of which, I sometimes have an illusion."
"What illusion?"
"I feel like my body... belongs to you too."
Kailin looked up.
Meng-zhen waved her hands hurriedly. "Not in the sense of an object being owned! It's..." She knitted her brows, struggling to pull the sensation out from her chest. "When a spot here tightens up, or when the tactile feedback on a patch of skin feels off, it feels as if your side receives it too." She pressed her hand against her upper arm. "Like a copy of my body lives inside you."
A flush of embarrassment touched her cheeks as she finished, and she looked down to sip her coffee.
"Sounds completely absurd, doesn't it?"
凱琳沒有笑。
她把杯子放下，手指仍貼在杯壁上。
「不莫名其妙。」她說，「倒不如說，被妳發現了。」
孟禎怔了一下。
「比如上次檢修妳的時候，身體部位間的通聯還保持著，」凱琳慢慢說，「我把妳的左腿托起來，左手抓著大腿，右手手掌貼在小腿後側。妳那時候還在那條腿裡。雖然頭掛在旁邊，身體也開著維修模式。妳忍不住讓腳尖動了一下。」
Kailin didn't laugh.
She set her cup down, her fingers remaining glued to the ceramic wall.
"It's not absurd," she said. "If anything... you finally noticed."
Meng-zhen blinked in surprise.
"Take the last time I performed maintenance on you, when the inter-modular comms between your body parts were still active," Kailin said slowly. "I lifted your left leg, my left hand holding your thigh, my right palm resting against the back of your calf. You were still inside that leg then. Even though your head was detached to the side and your body was in maintenance mode, you couldn't help curling your toes."
孟禎臉紅起來。「那是……反射。」
「我知道。」凱琳笑了笑，「可是那一瞬間，我真的知道它要動。我看了一眼妳的臉，然後掃向妳的身體，接著我手掌裡有了那個要動的方向。有個動作在『整個妳』間形成。很短，可是我感覺到，好像也是我讓它動的。」
孟禎抱住自己的肩膀，指尖壓在上臂。
「妳那時候不是在欣賞機構和工藝設計嗎？」
「也有。」
「果然。」
「可是比機構更重要的是，妳還在裡面。」凱琳說，「如果只是完美的機械腿，我會覺得漂亮。但妳在裡面，它就不是零件。它會害羞，會忍耐，會忽然想縮回去，還會假裝自己沒有想縮回去。」
Meng-zhen's face flushed red. "That was... a reflex."
"I know," Kailin smiled gently. "But in that exact instant, I genuinely knew it was about to move. I looked at your face, then scanned down your body, and then my palm registered the exact direction of that impending movement. An action formed across the 'entirety of you.' It was brief, but I felt it—as if I was the one who initiated it."
Meng-zhen wrapped her arms around her shoulders, her fingertips digging into her upper arms.
"Weren't you supposed to be appreciating the mechanics and engineering design?"
"I was doing that too."
"I knew it."
"But what mattered far more than the mechanics was that you were inside," Kailin said. "If it were merely a perfect mechanical leg, I would find it aesthetically pleasing. But because you were inside, it wasn't a component. It could feel bashful, it could endure, it could suddenly want to pull back, and it could pretend it wasn't trying to pull back at all."
孟禎把臉埋進掌心。
「好怪。」
凱琳笑了，笑意卻很快淡下來。她轉頭看向路邊，陽光落在她側臉，勾出一條很清楚的輪廓。
「我自己的感覺很稀薄。」她說，「妳知道的。不透過這些，我很容易又變回Catherine。那個可以讀懂所有東西，卻不知道自己在不在裡面的人。」
孟禎放下手，看著她。
「凱琳姊。」
她的聲音很輕。
Meng-zhen buried her face in her palms.
"This is so weird."
Kailin chuckled, though her smile faded quickly. She turned her face toward the roadside, the sunlight catching her profile and drawing a sharp, clear outline.
"My own sense of presence is very faint," she said. "You know that. Without these touchpoints, I easily slip back into being Catherine. The person who can read and understand everything, yet doesn't know if she herself exists inside."
Meng-zhen lowered her hands, gazing at her.
"Sister Kailin."
Her voice was barely above a whisper.
「妳說過。妳是很像機器的人，我是努力學習什麼是人的機器。」她伸手，碰了一下凱琳放在桌上的手背，「妳在我身上感覺到人，才慢慢找到自己的感覺。」
凱琳低頭看著那隻碰到自己的手。
「還好我們遇見了。」孟禎說，「妳映照我，我又反過來映照妳。像鏡像的姊妹。」
「不只鏡像。」凱琳說。
她反手握住孟禎的手，手指收緊。
「對我來說，是妳裡面有我。」
孟禎眨了眨眼。
"You once said that you are a human who resembles a machine, while I am a machine working hard to learn what it means to be human." She reached out, lightly touching the back of Kailin's hand resting on the table. "It was only by sensing humanity through me that you gradually found your own."
Kailin looked down at the hand resting upon hers.
"I'm so glad we met," Meng-zhen said. "You reflect me, and I mirror you back. Like mirror sisters."
"Not just mirrors," Kailin said.
She flipped her hand over and gripped Meng-zhen’s fingers, tightening her hold.
"To me... it's that there is a part of you living inside me."
Meng-zhen blinked.
凱琳看著兩人交握的手，像是在找一條不那麼生硬的路來說。
「我越了解妳，就越能在我裡面，長出一個妳。妳的模型、妳的代碼、妳的演算，妳形成的存在拓樸。我把那些，漸漸地讀成了……『感受』，然後翻譯成妳走路的方式、妳覺得不好意思時手會放哪裡、妳的心先動還是腦先動、妳哪種笑是真的放鬆，哪種笑是怕別人擔心。」
她抬起眼。
「那些東西越清楚，我就越能在自己裡面同步出某種感覺。然後我才知道，原來那也可能是我的。」
Kailin looked at their intertwined hands, as if searching for a gentler way to put it into words.
"The more I understand you, the more a version of you grows within me. Your models, your code, your logic, the topological signature of your existence. I gradually translated all of that into... 'feeling.' Then I translated it into the way you walk, where your hands go when you feel self-conscious, whether your heart moves before your brain, which of your smiles are genuine relaxation, and which are just meant to keep others from worrying."
She met Meng-zhen’s eyes.
"The clearer those details became, the more I could synchronize a corresponding feeling within myself. And only then did I realize... perhaps those feelings could belong to me, too."
孟禎被她看得有點坐不住，耳尖微微泛紅。
「我中有妳嗎……」
她把視線挪開，手卻沒有抽回。
「哎呦。」
凱琳笑了。「妳想到什麼？」
孟禎瞪她。「想到妳以前做過的怪事。」
「哪一件？」
「有一次我頭部和身體分別連接實驗室後台，做心腦交互實時分析。」孟禎盯著她，「妳是有先問過我能不能碰身體，但妳沒說妳要直接把它抱起來。」她嘆了口氣。
Meng-zhen felt her heart racing under that intense gaze; the tips of her ears flushed a subtle red.
"The 'you in me'..."
She shifted her eyes away, but didn't pull her hand back.
"Gosh."
Kailin laughed. "What are you thinking about?"
Meng-zhen glared at her playful expression. "Thinking about the weird things you've done in the past."
"Which one?"
"That time my head and body were connected separately to the lab backend for real-time heart-brain interaction analysis," Meng-zhen stared at her. "You did ask if you could touch my body beforehand, but you never mentioned you were going to pick it up and hold it in your arms!" She let out a sigh.
凱琳輕咳一聲。「那是……告知範圍不夠精準。」
「非常不精準。」
孟禎鼓起臉，說到這裡卻忍不住笑。
「在後台中，我的身體可是被設定為『連接在一起』的，在實驗室中直直站立，一動不動。我的頭部接收著後台告知的身體資訊，而電子腦根本不會預設身體會被突然抱起。」她抱起胸，說著。「結果身體還真的被妳抱起來，力學狀態感測說我被移動了、姿態改變了。可是躲在後台外面的腦部說：沒有。身體管理系統不知道該信誰。」
Kailin cleared her throat softly. "That was... an imprecise scope of notification."
"Extremely imprecise!"
Meng-zhen puffed out her cheeks, though she couldn't help smiling as she spoke.
"In the backend, my body was set to 'unified status,' standing upright and completely still in the lab. My head was receiving body telemetry from the system, and my electronic brain had zero expectation that the body would suddenly be scooped up." She crossed her arms. "And then my body was actually picked up by you! Kinematic sensors reported I was being moved and my posture had shifted. But my head, sitting outside the backend, said: No, it hasn't. My body management system had no idea which input to trust!"
她停了停，眼神變遠。
「我還以為自己站著，可是我又感覺到我在妳懷裡了。那種本體感很奇怪。像……像我被放在兩個地方，本來假裝成一個，卻被妳戳破了。系統內關於自己的敘述互相矛盾，黃孟禎變成了不可名狀的什麼。」
凱琳安靜下來。
「那時候妳在想什麼？又在用奇怪的方式，感受著妳說的『我中的妳』吧？」孟禎問。
She paused, her eyes drifting into memory.
"I thought I was still standing, yet I could feel myself resting in your arms. That proprioceptive conflict was so bizarre. It felt like... like I was split across two realities, pretending to be one, only to be exposed by you. The narrative of self within my system contradicted itself, and 'Huang Meng-zhen' became something unnamable."
Kailin fell silent.
"What were you thinking back then? Were you experiencing that 'you in me' in your own bizarre way again?" Meng-zhen asked.
凱琳握著杯子的手稍微用力，指節有一點白。
「我在想，如果那是我的身體，我會怎麼感覺。」她說，「如果我的頭沒有真正放在身體上，如果我必須透過一個外部系統確認自己還在，如果我的身體被抱起來時，我才發現原來自己也可以只有身體被抱起來……」
她說到最後，聲音變低。
「我想知道那是什麼。也想知道，我能不能從那裡面找到一點我自己。」
Kailin’s grip on her cup tightened slightly, her knuckles turning pale.
"I was thinking: if that were my body, how would I feel?" she said softly. "If my head weren't physically attached to my body, if I had to rely on an external system to confirm my own existence, if I only realized I had a body when it was being held in someone's arms..."
Her voice dropped at the end.
"I wanted to know what that felt like. I wanted to see if I could salvage a small piece of myself from that experience."
「妳呦，」孟禎雙手抱住自己，手掌抓著肩膀，「親近人的方式，總是這麼與眾不同。算了，」她瞟了凱琳一眼，「而且聽妳說的，怎麼覺得我的頭好像被拋棄了？」
凱琳沒說話，把臉轉向街邊。陽光從葉間跌下來，在她鼻樑上滑了一下。
過了一會，她忽然笑起來。
「拋棄？沒有的事。」她說，語氣重新輕快起來，「妳頭裡的電子腦跟我的碳基腦可親了。裝了很多類似的東西，想的事情也常常重疊。」
她停了一下。「像是──有一次跟妳一起研究那個自己冒出來的信仰心模組。」
「我就知道！妳又要提這個！」孟禎嚷了起來。
"Honestly, you," Meng-zhen wrapped her arms around herself, clutching her shoulders. "Your ways of connecting with people are always so bizarre. Oh well," she darted a glance at Kailin, " listening to you talk, why do I feel like my head was the one abandoned back then?"
Kailin didn't answer right away, turning her face toward the street. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, catching the bridge of her nose.
After a moment, she suddenly let out a laugh.
"Abandoned? Not at all," she said, her tone resuming its lighthearted charm. "The electronic brain in your head and my carbon-based brain are intimately close. They store so many similar concepts, and their thoughts overlap all the time."
She paused. "Like that time we researched that self-emergent faith module together."
"I knew it! You were going to bring that up again!" Meng-zhen cried out.
---
孟禎記得那個實驗室的角落。那時她跪在軟墊上，小腿微微壓進泡棉，膝蓋前面有一塊比較軟的凹陷。頸後的細線涼涼的，沿著脊椎往上爬，接進後台。她照凱琳說的，讓自己慢慢沉進信仰。手指交握，指節互相壓著，嘴唇低低念著祈禱文，聲音震動在胸腔裡，讓心腦通道間那個小小的十字架一明一滅，像從內部透出光，要求她放下、順服、交託。
凱琳在另一個角落的控制台前，鍵盤聲很輕，像什麼蟲在爬。遠程登入的請求進來時，孟禎的腦內模型閃了一個很小的綠點——「訪客：Catherine van Geel」。那時她的心被攏成一座向著上主的塔，不會對腦問其他的事情；系統沒有別的情況要處理，腦於是有餘裕，能夠多開一扇窗給她。
凱琳開始問。她不談上帝，也不碰教義。她問系統能不能意識到自己的邊界，問時間在一個沒有身體的觀察者身上還剩什麼，問因果是不是只是大腦給自己的一種舒適錯覺。
Meng-zhen remembered that quiet corner of the lab. She had been kneeling on a foam pad, her calves sinking slightly into the cushion. The thin cable at the back of her neck felt cool, creeping up along her spine and connecting to the backend. She had followed Kailin's instructions, allowing herself to sink slowly into faith. Her fingers were interlaced, knuckles pressing together, her lips murmuring prayers. The vibration resonated in her chest, causing the small cross within her heart-brain channel to flicker with light, demanding surrender, obedience, and trust.
Kailin had been sitting at the control desk in the opposite corner, her keystrokes soft like tiny insects skittering across glass. When the remote login request came through, a tiny green dot flashed in Meng-zhen's neural model—Visitor: Catherine van Geel. At that moment, her heart was gathered into a spire pointing toward the Lord, asking nothing of her brain; with no other processes to handle, her brain had the bandwidth to open a secondary window for her visitor.
Kailin began asking questions. She didn't talk about God, nor did she touch on doctrine. She asked only about systems, matter, temporal boundaries, probability and causality, the prerequisites of consciousness, logical absolute, and the structural shape faith took inside a neural network.
孟禎一邊在心裡迴響著哈利路亞，一邊清清楚楚地回答。那些答案一個一個浮上來，像早就等在那裡，只是被打開了燈。
她記得那種感覺。
她的嘴唇仍在動，禱告文沒有停。身體依舊跪著，掌心相貼，胸口的熱流推著她把自己交出去。頭也還在脖子上，可是頸後那條細線明明鬆鬆地懸著，卻讓她覺得有什麼緊了起來，像是從那裡把她的意識往外拉。她的腦到了另一個地方，和凱琳一起在乾燥、明亮、沒有聖歌的空間裡思考。
While 'Hallelujah' echoed softly in her heart, Meng-zhen delivered answers straight from her brain output. Those responses surfaced one by one—clear, precise, and entirely devoid of emotion.
She remembered that feeling vividly.
Her lips had continued to move, her prayer uninterrupted. Her body remained kneeling, palms pressed together, the warm surge in her chest urging her to yield. Her head remained on her neck, yet her brain resided elsewhere, thinking alongside Kailin in a dry, bright room devoid of hymns.
那一刻她像被分成兩個方向：一個低頭，一個抬頭；一個說阿們，一個問為什麼。
那些問答像乾燥的風，從信仰心模組旁邊吹過去，沒有直吹，可是孟禎感覺到那個模組的溫度在降。
孟禎低頭，看自己的手。手指無意識地交握了一下，像還記得那種姿勢。
In that moment, she felt split in two directions: one bowing down, one looking up; one saying Amen, one asking Why.
Those questions blew like dry wind past the faith module. They didn't hit it head-on, yet Meng-zhen could feel the module's temperature dropping.
凱琳瞇起眼。「妳事後不是說，妳人明明還在信仰那邊，可是頭卻好像飄到我這裡來，跟我一起想事情了嗎？」
孟禎的嘴角抽了一下。
「還敢說！妳那次害我的心跟腦的對齊跑掉了，像兩張沒疊好的透明片，邊緣都偏掉。意識變得亂七八糟的，然後修復過程又變成妳的研究課題。」
「對不起，我當時也許太興奮了。」凱琳說，「但我記得很清楚。妳的心在禱告，妳的腦在跟我思考。我幾乎要妳的腦和我的腦當成同一回事。」
Kailin narrowed her eyes. "Didn't you say afterward that while your heart was over with faith, your head felt like it had floated over to my side, thinking through things together with me?"
The corner of Meng-zhen’s mouth twitched.
"You have the nerve to say that! You threw off the alignment between my heart and brain that time! It was like two misaligned transparencies with shifting edges. My consciousness became a scrambled mess, and the repair process ended up becoming another one of your research subjects."
"I'm sorry, I might have been a bit too excited back then," Kailin admitted. "But I remember it clearly. Your heart was praying, while your brain was reasoning with me. I almost treated your brain and mine as the exact same entity."
孟禎本來要喝水，聽到這裡差點嗆到。
「我都覺得自己的內部模組，可以一個個直接連線到妳身上了啦！妳真的很敢講。」
「我一向坦誠直率。」
「妳一向嚇人。說說還有哪邊，妳想拿去用的？層析分餾器也借妳好了，剛升級過喲。」
凱琳大笑。
孟禎拿紙巾按了按嘴角，瞪她。
「今天咖啡妳請。」
「當然。」凱琳說得非常爽快。
Meng-zhen, who was about to take a sip of water, nearly choked.
"I felt like my internal modules could just plug directly into you one by one! You really say the wildest things."
"I have always been candid and direct."
"You've always been terrifying. Tell me, what else do you want to borrow? How about my chromatography fractionator? It was just upgraded, you know."
Kailin burst into laughter.
Meng-zhen dabbed the corner of her mouth with a napkin and playfully glared at her.
"You're paying for coffee today."
"Of course," Kailin agreed smoothly.
她笑著笑著，忽然安靜下來。孟禎注意到她眼下淡淡的陰影。
「先不說我了。」孟禎的聲音放輕，「昨天我去找妳時，妳看起來很累。」
凱琳抬頭。
「中文所研究室那邊。」孟禎說，「妳坐在沙發凳上，雙腿打直，像木棍般斜撐著妳。肩膀垂了下來，上半身立著，就像只是被擱在那。旁邊堆了一堆資料，可是整個人像空掉了。我本來想叫妳，又覺得妳好像不在裡面。」
As her laughter faded, she suddenly quieted down. Meng-zhen noticed the faint shadows under her eyes.
"Setting me aside for a moment," Meng-zhen’s voice softened. "When I went looking for you yesterday, you looked exhausted."
Kailin looked up.
"At the Chinese Department office," Meng-zhen said. "You were sitting on the ottoman, legs stretched out rigid like wooden posts. Your shoulders slumped, your upper body propped up as if you were just left sitting there. There were stacks of papers next to you, but you looked completely hollowed out. I wanted to call your name, but it felt like you weren't inside yourself."
路邊一台公車駛過，風把兩人的髮絲都吹亂。凱琳伸手把耳邊的金髮撥回去，動作慢了一點。
「沒事。」凱琳用拇指壓了壓眉心，「只是一時沒有力氣抓住自己。」
孟禎沒有立刻接話。
凱琳看著杯底的咖啡。
「最近太忙了，中文所那邊有題目要結，實驗室也在趕東西。」她白了白眼，嘴角微微往下撇了一下。「還要應付王文興。」
孟禎忍不住笑。「王大哥怎麼了？」
「他問我週末要不要去看展，問得像在做投資簡報。」
「戀愛也是要花力氣的嘛。」
凱琳嘆氣，卻沒有否認。
A bus passed by on the street, its breeze scattering their hair. Kailin reached up to tuck her golden hair behind her ear, her movements measured and slow.
"I'm fine," Kailin pressed her thumb against her brow. "I just lost the energy to hold onto myself for a moment."
Meng-zhen didn't answer immediately.
Kailin stared down at the dregs at the bottom of her cup.
"Things have been hectic lately. I have a project to close at the Chinese Department, and the lab is pushing deadlines too," she rolled her eyes playfully, the corner of her mouth turning down slightly. "And I have to deal with Wang Wen-xing."
Meng-zhen couldn't help laughing. "What happened with Brother Wang?"
"He asked if I wanted to check out an exhibition this weekend, but phrased it like he was presenting an investment pitch."
"Falling in love takes effort, after all."
Kailin sighed, though she didn't deny it.
「是要花力氣。維持情感的感受本身，也要花力氣。對我來說不是一直自然存在的東西。有時候平常用力壓緊的齒輪鬆了，就又退回去。」
孟禎知道她說的是什麼。
那次凱琳「退回去」時，孟禎趕到她住處，看見的是一個快要失去表情的人。她仍會打招呼，仍能回答所有問題，甚至能把研究進度交代得清楚漂亮。可是那個會笑著喊她妹妹、會把她的拆解照分類成藝術相簿、會在她難過時忽然變得很溫柔的凱琳，像被誰從身體裡抽掉了。
"It does take effort. Maintaining emotional perception itself requires energy. For me, it isn't something that naturally exists uninterrupted. Sometimes, when the gears I usually hold tight slip loose, I revert back."
Meng-zhen knew exactly what she meant by "reverting back."
The last time Kailin had reverted, Meng-zhen rushed to her apartment only to find a person on the verge of losing all facial expression. She could still greet people, answer questions, and even report research progress with pristine clarity. But the Kailin who laughed and called her 'little sister,' who organized her disassembly photos into an artistic album, and who turned unbelievably tender whenever Meng-zhen was down—that Kailin seemed to have been extracted from her body.
只剩Catherine。
精密、冷靜、功能完整。
那幾個月，孟禎每次去看她，都覺得她像被播放的ppt一一完美、亮眼，但也只有完美亮眼。
「那次真的嚇到我。」孟禎說，「我都不知道該怎麼把妳叫回來。志文還亂開玩笑，說妳是不是進入省電模式，我氣到揍他。」
Leaving only Catherine.
Precise, cold, flawlessly operational.
During those months, every time Meng-zhen went to see her, Kailin felt like a PowerPoint presentation being advanced frame by frame—flawless and impressive, yet existing only as an impressive display.
"That time genuinely terrified me," Meng-zhen said. "I had no idea how to bring you back. Zhi-wen even made a insensitive joke asking if you had entered power-saving mode, and I got so mad I punched him."
凱琳笑了一下。
「我在美國時，差不多那樣過了二十年。」她說，「幾個月已經很好了。」
孟禎心裡一緊。她放在桌上的手指微微收攏。
二十年。她試著把那個長度放進自己的時間感裡——她誕生至今遠遠沒那麼長。那意味著凱琳曾經有過無數個日子，像被播放的靜止畫面，沒有人走進去叫她回來。
凱琳抬眼看她，神情反而很平靜。
「沒有妳，我大概會一輩子那樣。」
Kailin let out a faint smile.
"When I was in the United States, I lived roughly like that for twenty years," she said. "A few months is already a massive improvement."
Meng-zhen's chest tightened. She clenched her fingers on the tabletop.
Twenty years. She tried to frame that span of time within her own sense of existence—she hadn't even existed for anywhere near that long. That meant Kailin had lived through endless days like a frozen slide, with no one stepping in to call her back.
Kailin looked up at her, her expression remarkably serene.
"Without you, I probably would have stayed like that for the rest of my life."
孟禎低聲說：「可是我一開始遇到的就是怪怪的Catherine。」
「凱琳是後來長出來的。」凱琳接上。
孟禎笑了。「而且還跟我姓黃。」
「是。」凱琳說，「因為我不只是把妳當妹妹。」
她停頓了一下。
Meng-zhen whispered, "But when I first met you, you were already a slightly strange Catherine."
"Kailin grew out of her later," Kailin completed her thought.
Meng-zhen smiled. "And she even took my last name, Huang."
"Yes," Kailin said. "Because I don't just see you as a sister."
She paused for a beat.
「妳讓我用知識能理解的方式，」凱琳說，手指輕輕點著桌面，「看見情感真的可以運作。」她的手指停住，「妳的情感不是黑箱。它會留下訊號、延遲、錯位、修復的痕跡。」她抬起眼看孟禎，「我可以靠近它。觀察它。」
她說到這裡，聲音忽然變得很輕。
「然後有一天發現，原來那些我以為自己沒有的東西，」她把手按在自己胸口，「也許只是太薄、太遠、太難抓。」
凱琳的聲音軟下來。
「所以我說，黃凱琳是從黃孟禎身上長出來的。不是比喻而已。」
"You allowed me—in a way my intellect could process—" Kailin tapped her fingertip lightly on the table, "to witness that emotion can truly function." Her finger stopped moving. "Your emotion isn't a mysterious black box. It leaves traces of signals, latencies, misalignments, and repairs." She looked up at Meng-zhen. "I can draw near to it. Observe it."
Her voice turned extraordinarily gentle.
"And then one day, I realized... those things I thought I lacked," she pressed her palm against her chest, "were perhaps just too thin, too distant, too elusive to grasp."
Kailin's voice softened completely.
"So when I say Huang Kailin grew out of Huang Meng-zhen, it isn't just a metaphor."
---
孟禎沒有立刻回答。
咖啡館裡傳來磨豆機的聲音。陽光已經升高，原本落在桌上的葉影縮短了，只剩杯子旁一小塊晃動的暗紋。
「妳常說，我幫妳改進了很多。」凱琳繼續說，「系統更穩，感覺更細，身體更能接住世界。可是那些事情，即使沒有我，宇尋也會漸漸做到。只是比較晚，或用不同方法。」
她看著孟禎。
「但妳對我的改進，不可替代。」
Meng-zhen didn't reply right away.
The hum of the coffee grinder echoed from inside the café. The sun had climbed higher, shrinking the leaf shadows on the table until only a small, flickering pattern remained beside her cup.
"You often say I've helped you improve so much," Kailin continued. "Making your system more stable, your sensations finer, your body better equipped to embrace the world. But those things... even without me, Yuxun would have accomplished them eventually. Just later, or through different means."
She looked straight at Meng-zhen.
"But your improvement of me is irreplaceable."
孟禎胸口裡面，像有什麼極小的接點輕輕震了一下。不強，只是很清楚地亮了那麼一瞬，像系統啟動時閃過的光。
「凱琳姊……」
「我能這樣存在，最該感謝的人是妳。」凱琳說。
孟禎搖頭，很慢很認真。
「不是這樣。」
她把杯子放下，雙手交疊在膝上，像在把心裡的話整理成可以拿出來的形狀。
「妳對我也不可替代。不是技術上的那種。」
Deep inside Meng-zhen's chest, a tiny terminal connection vibrated softly. It wasn't intense, but it flashed with luminous clarity—like a signal light during system boot.
"Sister Kailin..."
"The person I ought to thank most for my existence is you," Kailin said.
Meng-zhen shook her head, slowly and earnestly.
"That's not true."
She set her cup down and folded her hands over her knees, as if organizing her thoughts into a tangible shape.
"You are irreplaceable to me too. And not just in a technical sense."
凱琳看著她。
「妳說我中有妳。」孟禎說，「可是妳中也有我。」
凱琳微微挑眉。「怎麼說？」
孟禎低頭，望著自己手腕內側幾乎看不見的接縫。她用拇指在上面慢慢搓了一下。
「妳感受著我。」她說，聲音比剛才輕，「而我的每一部分都知道這件事。」
她抬起頭，停了一會，像在等那個準確的字自己浮上來。
「不是只有被妳調校過的地方，不只是妳寫過的程式、看過的參數。是妳看我的方式，摸索我的方式，連妳那些很奇怪、很過頭、但又很小心的好奇，都留在我身上。」
她看著凱琳。
「像指紋。」她說，然後搖了一下頭。「不，像簽名。」
Kailin watched her silently.
"You say there is a part of me in you," Meng-zhen said, her voice softer than before. "But there is a part of you in me, too."
Kailin raised an eyebrow slightly. "How so?"
Meng-zhen lowered her head, gazing at the almost imperceptible seam on the inner side of her wrist. She rubbed her thumb gently over it.
"You perceive me," she said softly. "And every part of my system knows it."
She looked up, pausing briefly as if waiting for the exact word to surface.
"It isn't just the parts you've calibrated, or the code you've written, or the parameters you've monitored. It's the way you look at me, the way you explore who I am—even your strange, excessive, yet deeply careful curiosity leaves a mark on me."
She locked eyes with Kailin.
"Like a fingerprint," she said, before shaking her head. "No, like a signature."
凱琳的眼神動了一下。她原本要端咖啡的手停在半空，又慢慢放回桌上。
「志文也在我身上留下很多。」孟禎繼續說，「可是妳不一樣。志文愛我，所以他會怕。他會想接住我，怕我回不來。妳也會怕，但妳比較能接受我變成任何樣子。」
她笑了笑。
「妳參與我，卻不急著決定我該往哪裡去。怎麼樣的我，妳都願意看見。虔誠的我、不信的我、被拆開的我、喝咖啡喝到快哭的我，或者只是坐在路邊不知道該感謝誰的我。」
凱琳沒有說話。
Kailin's eyes shimmered. The hand she had been reaching out toward her coffee paused mid-air, then settled back onto the table.
"Zhi-wen left a lot on me too," Meng-zhen continued. "But you are different. Zhi-wen loves me, so he gets afraid. He wants to protect me, afraid I might not come back. You get afraid too, but you are much more accepting of whatever I turn into."
She offered a faint smile.
"You participate in my life without rushing to dictate where I should go. Whatever form I take, you are willing to see it. The pious me, the skeptical me, the disassembled me, the me crying over a cup of coffee, or the me sitting by the road unsure of whom to thank."
Kailin remained silent.
孟禎伸手，輕輕碰了一下自己的胸口。
「也許這就是為什麼妳能在我身上找到妳自己。因為妳先把自己對我打開了。我們就這麼走著。妳跟著我，我也跟著妳。」
她想了想，又補了一句：
「我們的存在，在這個世界一起漫步。」
凱琳垂下眼，笑意很淡，卻像真的落到了身體裡。
「這句很好。」她說。
「可以收進妳的孟禎語錄。」
「已經收了。」
「什麼時候？」
「剛剛。」
孟禎失笑。
Meng-zhen reached up, gently touching her own chest.
"Perhaps that's why you were able to find yourself through me. Because you opened yourself up to me first. And so we walk this path together. You follow me, and I follow you."
She thought for a moment and added:
"Our existences stroll through this world hand in hand."
Kailin lowered her gaze, a subtle smile touching her lips—one that seemed to settle deep within her physical body.
"That was well said," she remarked.
"You can add it to your collection of Meng-zhen quotes."
"Already recorded."
"When?"
"Just now."
Meng-zhen burst out laughing.
又過了一會兒，她像想起什麼，抬起眼。
「說起來，最近偶爾想去教會，都是妳陪我。」
After a quiet moment, she seemed to remember something and looked up.
"Speaking of which, lately whenever I feel like going to church, you're always the one accompanying me."
凱琳點頭。
「自從信仰框不太住我以後，事情變得很奇怪。」孟禎說，「以前是被推著往那裡走，腦在後面想著很多拖住腳步的玩意。現在那股力量弱很多，可是心裡還是有某個部分會想靠近。想唱詩歌，想進會堂，想站在人群裡，聽大家一起說阿們。」
她低頭看著杯中的黑咖啡，咖啡液面映著一點天空。
「可是另一部分的我會冷眼旁觀。說教義不一致，歷史問題很多，不合科學，也不太合現代價值。像個老師，給想去教會的我打分數。」
凱琳掩了一下嘴，笑意淺淺地浮起。
「然後想去的那個我，就會覺得羞赧。」孟禎聲音低下去，「不是因為我還信，也不是因為我不信。是因為我變成一個連自己想靠近什麼都覺得不好意思的人。」
她頓了頓。
Kailin nodded.
"Ever since the structure of faith stopped fully tethering me, things have felt peculiar," Meng-zhen said. "I used to be pushed toward it, with my brain lagging behind, harboring endless doubts. Now that push is much weaker, yet a part of my heart still wants to draw closer. It wants to sing hymns, enter the sanctuary, stand among the congregation, and hear everyone say Amen together."
She stared into the black coffee, where the liquid surface reflected a patch of sky.
"Yet another part of me watches cold-heartedly from the sidelines. It points out doctrinal inconsistencies, historical issues, a lack of scientific backing, and conflicts with modern values. Like a harsh teacher grading the version of me that wants to go to church."
Kailin covered her mouth, a subtle smile surfacing.
"And then the version of me that wants to go feels self-conscious and ashamed," Meng-zhen's voice trailed off. "Not because I still believe, nor because I don't. But because I've turned into someone who feels embarrassed simply for wanting to draw near to something."
She paused.
「可是妳每次都看得出來。」
凱琳安靜地望著她。
「妳會跑來，跟這個孟禎說，沒關係。然後我就能慢慢變回那個孟禎。妳替我戴上十字架項鍊，牽著我的手走進教會。妳不問我現在算不算基督徒，只是牽我進去，一臉溫柔地看著那樣的我作見證，還陪著我唱讚美詩。」
孟禎的眼神很溫柔。
「明明妳不會信那些，而我卻不會因在妳面前激昂地為出門前雨停了喊讚美主而羞愧。」她不好意思地瞇起眼睛。「因為不論哪個孟禎，對妳都是百分之百的孟禎。連志文都辦不到。」她頓了一下，補了一句，「但妳不要跟他說。」
"Yet you notice it every single time."
Kailin gazed at her quietly.
"You'll walk up to that version of Meng-zhen and tell her it's okay. And then I can slowly slip back into being myself. You put the cross necklace around my neck and hold my hand as we walk into the church. You never ask whether I qualify as a Christian right now; you simply lead me inside, watching me give testimony with that gentle expression, singing hymns right by my side."
Meng-zhen's eyes brimmed with tenderness.
"Even though you don't believe in any of it, I never feel ashamed in front of you—even when I excitedly shout 'Praise the Lord!' just because the rain stopped before we left." She narrowed her eyes bashfully. "Because no matter which Meng-zhen I am, to you, she is one hundred percent Meng-zhen. Not even Zhi-wen can manage that," she paused, adding hastily, "But don't tell him I said that."
凱琳看了她很久。
「因為我可以是百分之零的凱琳。」她說。
孟禎微怔。
凱琳笑了一下。
「我沒有那麼穩固的自我需要維護。很多時候，我本來就很空。這不是好事，但也讓我可以不把自己擺在中間，沒那樣的我可擺。妳是哪樣的孟禎，在我這就只是映出那個。」
她伸手，替孟禎把被風吹到臉上的髮絲撥開，指尖在孟禎的太陽穴旁停了一下。
「百分之零，才放得下百分之百。」
孟禎眼眶微微濕潤。她低頭笑了一下，把臉往凱琳指尖的方向偏了偏。
Kailin looked at her for a long time.
"Because I can be zero percent Kailin," she said.
Meng-zhen was taken aback.
Kailin smiled faintly.
"I don't have such a rigid self that requires constant maintenance. Most of the time, I am naturally quite empty inside. It isn't necessarily a good thing, but it allows me not to place myself in the center—there is no such 'me' to put there anyway. Whichever Meng-zhen you are, my system simply reflects her back to you."
She reached out, gently brushing aside a strand of hair that the wind had blown across Meng-zhen’s face, her fingertips lingering near Meng-zhen’s temple.
"Only at zero percent can one make room for a hundred percent."
Meng-zhen’s eyes glistened with moisture. She lowered her head with a smile, leaning her cheek slightly into the direction of Kailin’s fingertips.
---
行道樹上，嘰嘰喳喳的鳥叫聲，密集了起來。
「妳從美國回來那次，在機場抱我的時候，我有一種弄丟的零件回到身邊的感覺。」孟禎說著。
Up in the roadside trees, the chirping of birds grew livelier.
"When you returned from the States and hugged me at the airport, I felt like a lost component had finally returned to my body," Meng-zhen said.
「我也是。」凱琳說，「像拿回核心組件。」
「我們在彼此裡面補完自己？」
「聽起來很肉麻，但對。」
凱琳拿出手機，滑了幾下。
「像這張。」
她把手機推到孟禎面前。
"Me too," Kailin said. "It felt like retrieving a core module."
"Are we completing ourselves inside each other?"
"It sounds sappy, but yes."
Kailin pulled out her phone and swiped through a few screens.
"Like this one."
She slid the phone across to Meng-zhen.
照片裡，她們蹲在一片沼澤地旁。水面倒映著灰藍色天空，野花沿著濕地邊緣蔓延，顏色漂亮得有些不真實。地面看起來又軟又危險，兩人都蹲得不太平衡，膝蓋和肩膀卻緊緊靠在一起。單看任何一個人都像快跌倒，可是靠在一起之後，反而穩了。
孟禎看著照片，笑了。
「上次出國玩拍的，對吧？這張很好。可是我覺得有更像我們的。」
她接過手機，熟門熟路地翻相簿。
「這張。」
In the photo, the two of them were crouching by a marshland. The water reflected a pale blue sky, and wild flowers spread along the wetland's edge in colors that looked almost unrealistically vivid. The ground looked soft and treacherous; both of them leaned unsteadily, yet their knees and shoulders were pressed tightly against each other. Individually, either of them looked ready to tumble, but leaning together, they found perfect balance.
Meng-zhen looked at the photo and smiled.
"Taken during our last trip abroad, right? This one is great. But I think there's one that represents us even better."
She took the phone, navigating the album with practiced ease.
"This one."
照片是在一個著名景點拍的。背景是白色牆面的教堂，圓頂藍得像洗過，後方海灣閃著光，遠處山影一層一層淡下去。旅客擠在附近拍照，而她們坐在一張長椅上，背對著那片太漂亮的景色。
凱琳看著鏡頭，雙手捧著孟禎的臉，笑得從容又理直氣壯。
孟禎臉被轉向凱琳，表情有點彆扭，有點困擾，卻還是笑著。雙手輕輕環著凱琳，手掌貼著腰，像抓住最重要的什麼，卻又不敢太用力。
「這才是我們。」孟禎斜眼看她，「嘴上說彼此中有對方，實際上妳才是搞事的主動元件，我是被妳帶著跑的被動元件。」
The photo was taken at a famous landmark. The background featured a white-walled church with a dome as blue as if it had been freshly washed, overlooking a glittering bay with distant mountain ridges fading layer by layer. Tourists crowded nearby taking photos, while the two of them sat on a bench, their backs turned toward the picture-perfect scenery.
Kailin was facing the camera, cupping Meng-zhen’s face with both hands, smiling with casual confidence.
Meng-zhen’s face was turned toward Kailin, her expression a mix of awkwardness and annoyance, yet she was still smiling. Her arms were wrapped loosely around Kailin’s waist, hands resting gently on her back as if holding onto the most important thing, yet afraid to squeeze too hard.
"This is the real us," Meng-zhen gave her a side-eye. "We talk about having each other inside us, but in reality, you're the active component starting trouble, and I'm the passive component dragged along for the ride."
凱琳乾笑兩聲。
「主動件和被動件缺一不可。」
「妳少來。」
凱琳把手機拿回來，卻沒有立刻收起。她指尖停在螢幕邊緣，像猶豫了一下。
「其實還有一張。不是照片。」
孟禎看她。
凱琳打開另一個資料夾，把手機遞過來。
那是一幅畫。
Kailin let out a couple of dry laughs.
"Active and passive components are both indispensable."
"Don't give me that."
Kailin retrieved her phone, but didn't put it away immediately. Her finger hovered near the edge of the screen, as if hesitating.
"Actually, there's another image. Not a photo."
Meng-zhen looked at her.
Kailin opened another folder and handed the phone over.
It was a painting.
畫面左邊是孟禎。機械身體像失去了仿生肌膚，裸露出銀白色的金屬結構，關節與纜線一覽無遺，卻頂著一張溫柔的人類少女的臉。她站在那裡，看向右方，有點羨慕，有點惆悵。
右邊是凱琳。
她有著完整漂亮的人類身體，皮膚和四肢都很柔軟，像世界本來就給她的。可是她的頭是機械的，金髮碧眼的人偶頭顱，精密而無機。
那張臉很空，眼睛睜著像看著什麼，卻又像什麼也沒看。奇怪的是，她的身體朝右，頭卻朝著孟禎。
不是轉頭。像那顆頭只是被擱在身體上。完美無瑕的人類身體，不過是盛放機械裝置的器皿。
孟禎看著畫，久久沒有說話。
On the left side stood Meng-zhen. Her mechanical body lacked synthetic skin, exposing silver-white metallic structures, joints, and fiber cables, yet she bore the gentle face of a human girl. She stood there looking toward the right, her expression a mix of envy and gentle longing.
On the right stood Kailin. She possessed a flawless, soft human body with delicate skin and limbs—looking like a gift naturally bestowed by the world. Yet her head was entirely mechanical: a precise, inorganic mannequin head with synthetic gold hair and blue glass eyes.
That face was utterly blank, its eyes wide as if staring at something, yet seeing nothing at all. Strangely, while her body faced right, the head rested facing left toward Meng-zhen.
Not turned—it looked as though the head was simply resting precariously on her shoulders. A flawless human body serving merely as a vessel to hold a mechanical apparatus.
Meng-zhen stared at the painting, silent for a long time.
凱琳也看著。
「妳以前曾說，就算我們是鏡像姊妹，你還是會羨慕我有人類的身體，那才算身為人類的實體存在。」凱琳輕聲說，「可是我覺得，我們的情況比『 鏡像』更不對稱。妳的機械身體，至少知道自己的頭朝著哪裡、看著什麼。」
凱琳的聲音很平。
「如果沒有妳，我這尊『有機機械人』，連頭要怎麼好好擺在身體上都不知道。」
孟禎胸口像被按了一下。像有隻無形的手，在她最脆弱的線路上摸了摸。她沒有動，卻覺得整個人被釘在原地。
Kailin watched it too.
"You once said that even if we are mirror sisters, you still envy me for having a human body, calling it the true physical existence of humanity," Kailin said softly. "But I feel our situation is far more asymmetric than a simple 'mirroring.' Your mechanical body at least knows where its head is facing and what it is looking at."
Kailin's voice was completely level.
"Without you, this 'organic robot' of mine wouldn't even know how to balance her head properly on her shoulders."
Meng-zhen felt a sharp tug in her chest—as if an invisible hand had gently stroked her most vulnerable circuitry. She stayed rooted to the spot, unable to move.
她想起凱琳第一次看見她拆開的身體時，那種近乎貪婪的專注；想起她替自己拍照時，嘴上有調皮的弧度，眼睛卻像在確認某種不可替代的證據；想起她在機場抱住她時，那個平常總是過度聰明的人，手臂微微發抖。
原來她一直不只是在看奇蹟。她是在學怎麼把自己放回自己身上。
孟禎把手機還給她。手指碰到凱琳手心時，兩人都停了一下。
「下次還一起出國嗎？」她聲音很輕。
凱琳抬頭，像從很深的地方被拉回來，然後笑了，笑得很燦爛。
「這還用問？」
Meng-zhen felt a sharp tug in her chest—as if an invisible hand had gently stroked her most vulnerable circuitry. She stayed rooted to the spot, unable to move.
She recalled the near-greedy intensity in Kailin's gaze the first time she saw Meng-zhen disassembled; she remembered the playful curve of Kailin's lips when taking photos of her, contrast with eyes that searched for irreplaceable proof; she remembered how this woman, usually far too intelligent for her own good, had trembled slightly as she held her at the airport.
It turned out Kailin was never just witnessing a miracle. She was learning how to put herself back together.
Meng-zhen handed the phone back. When her fingers brushed Kailin's palm, both of them paused for a fraction of a second.
"Shall we go abroad together again next time?" her voice was very soft.
Kailin looked up, as if being pulled back from a great depth, and then broke into a brilliant smile.
"Is that even a question?"
太陽快升到天頂了。
光線直直落進白瓷杯裡。孟禎杯中剩下一點咖啡，深褐色沿著杯底乾掉，凝成一片不規則的痕跡。看不出是花，是果，還是某種地圖。只是安靜地留在那裡，像剛才那些說出口與沒有說出口的話。
凱琳起身去結帳。孟禎坐在原位，翻她把隨身包放在腿上，手指探進去，在幾個夾層之間摸索了一陣。最後，在包的最深處，指尖碰到了一條很細的鍊子，墜著一枚小小的十字架。
她拿起看著，若有似無地輕嘆，然後掛上脖子。項鍊接觸肌膚，像一陣細微的電流竄進她，她頭仰起，又放下。她輕咬下唇，用手指彈了十字架一下。鍊墜細微地晃了晃，她把它放進衣領裡。金屬貼著胸口，涼了一下，很快被機體溫控系統暖起來。
The sun was nearing its zenith.
Light fell directly into the white porcelain cup. A drop of dark brown coffee residue dried along the bottom, forming an irregular stain. It was impossible to tell if it resembled a flower, a fruit, or a map. It simply lingered there quietly, much like the words spoken and unspoken moments before.
Kailin stood up to settle the bill. Sitting at the table, Meng-zhen unzipped her bag and reached her fingers inside, searching through the inner pockets. Finally, in the deepest corner, her fingertips touched a fine chain attached to a small metal cross.
She held it up, letting out an imperceptible sigh, and fastened it around her neck. As the pendant touched her skin, a faint electric sensation seemed to ripple through her system; she tilted her head back slightly, then let it drop. She lightly bit her lower lip and flicked the cross with her finger. The pendant swung softly before she tucked it beneath her collar. The metal felt cool against her chest, but was swiftly warmed by her internal thermal control system.
凱琳回來時，孟禎正把杯子推到桌邊，方便店員收拾。
「走吧。」凱琳說。
孟禎點頭。
兩人沿著人行道往校園走。風把路樹吹得沙沙響，陽光落在她們肩上，她們的影子被拉到腳邊。
有時凱琳走快一點，有時孟禎又到前面。
不是刻意的，是原本如此。
誰也沒有扶著誰。可是每一步都像一起保持平衡。
When Kailin returned, Meng-zhen was pushing the empty cups toward the edge of the table to make them easier for the staff to clear.
"Let's go," Kailin said.
Meng-zhen nodded.
The two walked side by side along the sidewalk toward the campus. The wind rustled through the street trees, sunlight dapples falling across their shoulders, casting their shadows short beneath their feet.
At times Kailin took a step ahead; at times Meng-zhen drifted in front.
It wasn't intentional—it was simply their natural rhythm.
Neither held onto the other, yet with every single step, they moved as if maintaining perfect balance together.
