機械基督徒少女 後日談 03

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

後日談 03 姊妹情深

Sequel 03: Deep Sisterhood

本篇請參考前傳 HRC-06 黄淑君的故事。

Please refer to the prequel, HRC-06 Huang Shujun's story, for context.

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實驗室的自動門無聲滑開，陳志文走了進去。約定的定期檢查時間已到，孟禎說過她會先進去準備。果然，他一眼就看到了她——或者說，是她的「一部分」。

孟禎的身體靜靜地坐在常用的維修椅上，雙手優雅地交疊於膝。但讓志文停頓腳步的是，她身上穿的並非平日的休閒服飾，而是一件剪裁合身、風格成熟的黑色連身禮裙，裙襬恰到好處地落在膝蓋上方。孟禎的雙腳則套在一雙同樣是黑色的露趾高跟皮鞋裡，精緻的腳踝線條一覽無遺。更引人注目的是，她白皙的頸項上，佩戴的不是那枚熟悉的銀色十字架，而是一串圓潤光潔的珍珠項鍊。

這身裝扮，像極了要去參加一場正式晚宴的成熟女性——如果忽略掉她脖頸之上空無一物的話。

The lab's automatic door slid open silently, and Chen Zhiwen walked in. The agreed-upon time for the regular check-up had arrived, and Meng Zhen had said she would go in first to prepare. Indeed, he spotted her right away—or rather, a "part" of her.

Meng Zhen's body sat quietly on the usual maintenance chair, her hands elegantly folded on her lap. But what made Zhiwen pause was that she wasn't wearing her usual casual clothes, but rather a fitted, sophisticated black dress, its hem falling perfectly just above the knee. Meng Zhen's feet were encased in a pair of matching black open-toe high heels, her exquisite ankle lines on full display. What was even more striking was that around her pale neck, she wasn't wearing the familiar silver cross, but a string of lustrous pearls.

This outfit made her look exactly like a sophisticated woman dressed for a formal evening event—if you ignored the fact that there was nothing above her neck.

孟禎的頭顱，被小心地放置在旁邊一個鋪著絲絨軟墊的小型高腳桌上，正對著門口的方向。志文注意到，她的臉上似乎被精心打理過，畫上了淺淺的妝，平日裡素淨的唇瓣，此刻塗上了一抹溫柔的淡色口紅。那雙總是清澈明亮的眼睛，此刻正含情脈脈地注視著他，嘴角帶著一抹飽含情感、難以言喻的抿嘴微笑，彷彿有無數未曾說出口的故事，想要向他傾訴。

Meng Zhen's head had been carefully placed on a small, high-legged table nearby, padded with a velvet cushion, directly facing the entrance. Zhiwen noticed that her face appeared carefully made up; she was wearing light makeup, and her lips, usually bare, now wore a trace of soft, pale lipstick. Those eyes, always clear and bright, were now gazing at him with deep emotion. Her lips held a hint of a poignant, unspeakable, tight-lipped smile, as if countless untold stories were waiting to be poured out to him.

實驗室的氣氛，似乎也與往常不同，多了一絲靜謐與難以名狀的感傷。

「孟禎？妳還好吧？」志文走上前，有些困惑地問道，目光在她成熟的裝扮和那雙充滿故事的眼睛之間游移，「今天怎麼打扮成這樣？」

「沒事呀。」孟禎的聲音依舊溫柔，帶著笑意，「就只是…只是想這樣看看你。」她的目光沒有移開，專注地望著他，彷彿要將他的樣子刻進核心數據庫的最深處。

The atmosphere of the lab also seemed different than usual, with an added touch of stillness and an inexpressible melancholy.

"Meng Zhen? Are you alright?" Zhiwen walked forward, asking somewhat confusedly, his gaze shifting between her sophisticated attire and those eyes full of stories. "Why are you dressed like this today?"

"I'm fine," Meng Zhen's voice was still gentle, with a smile in it. "It's just... I just wanted to see you like this." Her eyes didn't leave him, gazing intently at him, as if wanting to engrave his image into the deepest part of her core database.

志文在她對面坐下，心中疑慮未消。他拿起工具，準備開始例行檢查，但還是忍不住問：「這身衣服…很好看，但好像不是妳的風格？」

孟禎的眼神閃爍了一下，笑容裡添上了一抹複雜的情緒。「嗯，這不是我的。」她輕聲說，「這身衣物屬於HRC-06黄淑君，她是我的姊姊。」

志文一愣。「妳姊姊？」他雖然知道孟禎的機體編號是HRC-07，自然會有在她之前的型號，但那些早期作品仿生程度較低。志文見過的，沒有像是能稱為「姊姊」的，而且他也從未聽孟禎提過她還有姊姊。

Zhiwen sat down opposite her, his doubts lingering. He picked up his tools, preparing to begin the routine check-up, but he still couldn't help but ask, "This outfit... it's very nice, but it doesn't seem like your style?"

Meng Zhen's eyes flickered slightly, and her smile took on a complex emotion. "No, this isn't mine," she said softly. "This outfit belongs to HRC-06 Huang Shujun; she is my sister."

Zhiwen was taken aback. "Your sister?" While he knew Meng Zhen was unit HRC-07 and there would logically be previous models, those earlier models were less lifelike. Of the earlier models Zhiwen had seen, none seemed like they could be considered a "sister," and he had also never heard Meng Zhen mention that she had a sister.

「是啊，從未見過面的姊姊。」孟禎的目光飄向實驗室的某個角落，那裡靜靜矗立著一個恆溫恆濕的保存櫃。「嚴格來說，她已經不在了。雖然她的身體還好好地保存在那裡。」

志文順著她的目光看去，心中更加好奇。「身體還在，為什麼說姊姊不在了呢？」孟禎的姊姊應該也是機器人，只要硬體尚存，總有修復的可能。「不能修復嗎？」

孟禎聞言，嘴角那抹微笑淡去，換上了一種混合著無奈與小情緒的表情，嘟了嘟嘴。「不是你想的那麼簡單啦，志文。」她嘆了口氣，「你都和我一起探索我的身體、我的系統這麼久了，怎麼還像個外行人一樣？」

"Yes, a sister I never got to meet." Meng Zhen's gaze drifted towards a corner of the lab, where a temperature and humidity controlled preservation cabinet stood silently. "Strictly speaking, she's gone," she continued. "Even though her body is still preserved intact there."

Zhiwen followed her gaze, his curiosity deepened. "Why do you say your sister is gone if her body is still there?" An android like Meng Zhen's sister, he reasoned, as long as the hardware is intact, repair is always possible. "Can't she be repaired?"

At his words, the trace of a smile on Meng Zhen's lips faded, replaced by an expression of mixed helplessness and slight petulance, and she pouted slightly. "It's not as simple as you think, Zhiwen." She sighed. "We've explored my body, my system together for so long now, how can you still talk like a layman?"

她停頓一下，語氣變得有些沉重：「我們機器人的『自我』，是很脆弱的東西。有時候，即使身體沒有受到致命損傷，但核心的人格數據，那些構成『我之所以為我』的交互模式一旦被嚴重破壞，就算硬體修復了，機體還是同一個，重新啟動後也不再是原來的那個人了。就像…」她打了個比方，「就像一尊古董銅像，你把它熔毀，重新鑄造成跟原來一模一樣的銅像，也不再是原來的那一尊了，不是嗎？它沒有經歷過古老時代的光陰，沒有經歷過收藏者手中的流轉，沒有接受過千百年來的眼光、觸摸與喜愛，只是另一尊新鑄的銅像。」

接著，孟禎的目光再次投向那身黑色的禮裙，幽幽地向志文講述了黃淑君的故事，講述她短暫而悲傷的一生。她說道黃博士最初創造淑君時，是渴望一個能並肩同行的「夥伴」；述說淑君如何完美地扮演了這個角色，卻又在日復一日的相處中，悄然滋生了超越界線的愛戀；還講到黃博士的迴避與那「黄」與「黃」之間無法跨越的距離；提到那次淑君致命的獨自維護任務，以及淑君在絕望與存在焦慮中，試圖駭入自身靈魂、強行改造自我的瘋狂舉動；最後是淑君那徹底崩潰的系統，和她留給黃博士的「謝謝你」，如此令人心碎。

She paused, and her tone became somewhat heavy: "Our robotic 'self' is a fragile thing. Sometimes, even if the body hasn't suffered fatal damage, but the core personality data—those interactive patterns that make 'me who I am'—are severely damaged, even if the hardware is fixed and the unit remains the same, after restarting, it's no longer the original person."

"It's like..." she offered an analogy. "Like an antique bronze statue – if you melt it down and recast it into a statue exactly like the original, it's no longer the original one, is it? It hasn't experienced the passage of ancient times, hasn't passed through the hands of collectors, hasn't received the gaze, touch, and affection of centuries; it's just another newly cast bronze statue."

Then, Meng Zhen's gaze returned to the black formal dress, and she softly and sadly recounted Huang Shujun's story to Zhiwen, telling him about her short and tragic life. She spoke of how Dr. Huang, when first creating Shujun, had longed for a "partner" who could walk alongside her, how Shujun had perfectly embodied this role, yet in their daily interactions, a love that crossed boundaries had quietly taken root. She also spoke of Dr. Huang's avoidance and the unbridgeable distance between the two "Huangs." She mentioned Shujun's fatal solo maintenance mission, and how Shujun, in despair and existential anxiety, had attempted the insane act of hacking into her own soul, forcibly modifying herself. Finally, there was Shujun's completely collapsed system, and the "Thank you" she had left for Dr. Huang, which was utterly heartbreaking.

「老爸說，淑君姊的心智系統，在最後的震盪中受到了不可逆的模型參數越界調整與再分配，以韌體紀錄的參數被非正規修改，整個模型再也無法復原。我們的模型被經歷塑造，即使把硬體格式化後載入初始參數，還是再也找不回那個…曾經愛過、痛過、掙扎過的黄淑君了。」孟禎的聲音越來越低，說到最後，她那雙含情的眼中終於溢滿了淚水，無聲地滑落，「不管是老爸，還是淑君姊，他們都是那麼好、那麼棒的人。為什麼…還是會有這麼悲傷的結局…若我是她，我不知道能有多痛苦、多難過。就像把老爸賜予我的這一身拆碎、踐踏，任意折磨，或許堪可比擬...」

"Dad said that Shujun's mind system, in the final oscillation, suffered irreversible out-of-bounds adjustments and redistribution of model parameters. Parameters recorded in the firmware were non-regularly modified, and the entire model could no longer be recovered."

"Our models are shaped by experience. Even if you format the hardware and load the initial parameters, you still can't get back that... Huang Shujun who once loved, felt pain, and struggled."

Meng Zhen's voice grew lower and lower, and by the time she finished speaking, tears finally welled up in her affectionate eyes and slid down silently. "Whether it was Dad, or Shujun, they were both such good, such wonderful people. Why... why did it still have such a sad ending...?"

"If I were her, I can't imagine how much pain, how much sorrow she must have felt. It's like taking this body Dad gave me, tearing it apart, trampling on it, and torturing it arbitrarily... perhaps that's the only thing comparable..."

她看著自己身上的衣服：「這套衣服、鞋子，還有項鍊，是老爸前幾天整理淑君姊遺物時，拿給我的。他說，這些幾乎沒被穿過，一直收在櫃子深處。老爸也是那時候，才比較完整地跟我說了淑君姊的故事…」

孟禎的聲音帶著哽咽：「淑君姊…她平常總是穿著端莊得體的衣著，努力扮演好老爸所期望的完美夥伴。但她心裡一定也偷偷渴望著，能有機會展現自己身為『女人』的一面吧？每當她被老爸檢修維護後，看著自己被老爸造出的美好，心懷感激卻又被視若無睹，這份美好註定永遠尋不著歸屬...」

She looked down at the outfit she was wearing. "This set of clothes, the shoes, and the necklace, Dad gave them to me a few days ago when he was going through Shujun's belongings. He said they were almost never worn, kept hidden away in the back of the closet. It was only then that Dad told me Shujun's story more completely..."

Meng Zhen's voice caught with a sob: "Shujun... she always wore proper, dignified clothing, striving to be the perfect partner Dad expected. But she must have also secretly longed in her heart for a chance to show her side as a 'woman', right? Every time she was inspected and maintained by Dad, seeing the beauty Dad had created in her, feeling grateful but treated as if unseen, this beauty was destined never to find a place to belong..."

「這身貼身的禮服、這雙露趾的高跟鞋，還有這串顯眼的珍珠項鍊，都不是她平時會選擇的風格，因為那不符合老爸期待的夥伴角色。她買了，卻可能因為太過猶豫，或者太害怕影響老爸心中那個完美夥伴的形象，從來沒有真正穿上過…她…」

孟禎壓抑地發出細微的啜泣聲，她再也說不下去。

志文心中一痛，連忙伸出手，輕輕捧住那顆流淚的頭顱，用指腹溫柔地拭去她光學感測器邊緣滑落的「淚珠」（那是系統模擬的生理鹽水排泄）。「別難過了，孟禎。別難過了…」他柔聲安慰著。

"This form-fitting dress, these open-toe high heels, and this striking pearl necklace... these are not styles she would usually choose. Because they didn't align with Dad's expectations for a partner. She bought them, but perhaps because she hesitated too much, or was too afraid of affecting the image of the perfect partner in Dad's heart... she never actually wore them... She..."

Meng Zhen let out tiny, suppressed sobs. She couldn't say anymore.

A pang went through Zhiwen's heart, and he quickly reached out his hand, gently cradling the head that was shedding tears. Using his fingertip, he gently wiped away the "teardrops" sliding down the edges of her optical sensors (which was the system's simulated excretion of saline solution).

"Don't be sad, Meng Zhen. Don't be sad..." he comforted her softly.

過了一會兒，孟禎的情緒稍稍平復。志文想找個話題轉移氣氛，他注意到她身體頸上的珍珠項鍊，問道：「對了，妳今天怎麼沒戴十字架？是…系統切換了嗎？」

孟禎愣了一下，隨即嘆了口氣。「才沒有切換呢。我還是那個把自己交託給上主的黃孟禎。」她的聲音恢復了些許平靜，眼神卻依然望著那身衣裝，「只是啊…今天，我的身體穿上了淑君姊的衣服。據老爸說，她沒有接受任何信仰。所以這一刻，我想尊重她。我想用我的身體，向這位從未謀面卻又與我命運相連的姊姊致意。她心中一定渴望過，能像這樣，作為一個『女人』被看到吧？所以此刻，我也讓自己成為這樣的女人，讓自己的心，試著感受一下她的女人心。」

「女人嗎？」志文看著她那張依然帶著淚痕卻故作鎮定的臉，忍不住逗她，「妳現在這個樣子，最多也只算是個小女孩吧？」

After a while, Meng Zhen calmed down slightly. Zhiwen wanted to change the subject to lighten the mood. Noticing the pearl necklace around her body's neck, he asked, "Oh, right, why aren't you wearing your crucifix today? Has your... system switched?"

Meng Zhen paused for a moment, then sighed. "Not at all. I am still Huang Meng Zhen, the one who entrusts herself to the Lord." Her voice had regained a little calmness, but her gaze was still fixed on the outfit. "It's just... today, my body is wearing Shujun's clothes. According to Dad, she had no faith. So in this moment, I want to respect her. I want to use my body to pay tribute to this sister I never met, yet whose destiny is connected to mine. She must have longed in her heart to be seen like this, as a 'woman', right? So at this moment, I am also allowing myself to be such a woman, allowing my heart to try and feel her 'woman's heart'."

"A woman?" Zhiwen looked at her face, still tear-stained but putting on a brave face, and couldn't help but tease her. "Looking like this, you're just a little girl at best, aren't you?"

「陳—志—文—！」孟禎立刻被點燃，大聲抗議，「你這個不解風情的笨蛋！也不看看現在是什麼氣氛，亂開玩笑！」

雖然在抗議，但她的嘴角卻不由自主地微微上揚。志文的玩笑，總能在恰當的時候，驅散她心中的陰霾。

話鋒一轉，孟禎的眼神又變得柔和起來，帶著深深的感激。「說真的，志文，我很感謝老爸。經歷過淑君姊的事情後，他這次是真的把我當作女兒來對待。他給了我最大的自由，從不限制我，只是默默地在背後支持我，優化我的系統，確保我在這個世界上行走時，不會因為自身的弱點而摔得太重。」

"Chen—Zhi—wen—!" Meng Zhen flashed indignant and protested loudly, "You clueless idiot! Don't you see what kind of atmosphere this is, cracking jokes randomly!"

Despite her protest, a slight, involuntary smile played on her lips. Zhiwen's jokes could always clear the clouds in her heart at the right time.

Changing the subject, Meng Zhen's eyes softened again, filled with deep gratitude. "Honestly, Zhiwen, I'm very grateful to Dad. After what happened with Shujun, this time he truly treated me as his daughter."

"He gave me the greatest freedom, never restricting me, just silently supported me from behind, optimized my system, ensuring that as I navigate this world, I wouldn't stumble too badly due to my own vulnerabilities."

「他對我信基督教，對我…遇見你，甚至和你在一起，從來沒有反對過。他只是像個父親那樣，擔心著，守望著，以他的技術和知識，盡力幫助我。」她輕嘆一聲，「我心裡…裝了老爸，裝了耶穌，現在又裝了滿滿的你…我知道，像我這樣的存在，對於照顧者來說，是多麼大的負擔。對你來說，至少我還能做你的女朋友；但對於老爸，我真的不知道該如何回報。」

志文沉默了一下，輕輕撫摸著她的頭。「我沒資格替黃博士說什麼。」他溫和地說，「但他把你視為女兒來創造和養育，我想…我多少能體會一點他的心情。或許妳能夠好好地做黃孟禎，去經歷屬於妳的獨一無二『機械人生』，去經歷、去感受、去塑造妳自己，就已經是他最想要的回報了吧？」

"He hasn't objected to my Christian faith, my... meeting you, or even being with you. He just acted like a father, worrying and watching over, using his technology and knowledge to do his best to help me." She sighed softly. "My heart... holds Dad, holds Jesus, and now it's full of you..."

"I know how much of a burden an existence like me is for a caregiver. For you, at least I can be your girlfriend; but for Dad, I really don't know how to repay him."

Zhiwen was silent for a moment, gently stroking her head. "I'm not qualified to speak for Dr. Huang," he said gently, "but he created and raised you as his daughter, and I think... I can understand his feelings to some extent."

"Perhaps you living fully as Huang Meng Zhen, to experience your unique 'mechanical life,' to experience, to feel, and to shape yourself... might already be the repayment he desires most?"

孟禎靜靜地聽著，眼中洋溢著溫暖的光芒。她知道她有多幸運，一直能遇到她需要的人。

定期檢修接近尾聲。志文將所有系統檢查完畢後，備份好數據，接著小心地將孟禎的頭顱重新安裝回她的身體上，接回那個依然穿著屬於淑君的黑色禮裙和高跟鞋的身體上。

當連結重新建立，孟禎再次回歸完整。她低頭看了看自己身上的裝扮，這身衣服承載著淑君未能實現的期盼，而今穿在了她的身上。彷彿是一種無聲的交接，她將接過淑君的棒，以一個更幸運、更自由的機器人的身份，繼續探索人類最為強烈也最為複雜的感情世界。希望這一次會是個美好的故事。

Meng Zhen listened quietly, her eyes filled with a warm glow. She knew how lucky she was to have always met the people she needed.

The regular check-up was nearing its end. Once Zhiwen had completed the system check and backed up the data, he then carefully reinstalled Meng Zhen's head onto her body, reconnecting it to the body still dressed in Shujun's black formal dress and high heels.

As the connection was restored, Meng Zhen became whole again. She looked down at the outfit on her body. This outfit carried Shujun's unrealized hopes, and was now worn by her. As if in a silent handover, she would pick up where Shujun left off, and as a luckier, freer android, continue to explore the most intense and complex world of human emotions. She hoped this time would be a beautiful story.

志文似乎感受到了孟禎此刻複雜柔軟的心情。他彎下腰，手臂穿過她的膝彎和背部，輕柔地將她抱起，如同抱起一位真正的公主。

孟禎略感訝異，隨即放鬆下來，將頭輕輕靠在志文的胸膛上，沉浸在他突如其來的體貼中。被志文抱在懷裡，她微微晃動著雙腿，目光落在自己那從黑色露趾高跟鞋中探出來的腳趾上。那曾經是屬於淑君姊的鞋，如同包覆著她的夥伴角色，緊緊裹住孟禎的腳掌。從緊迫的魚嘴中衝出的圓滾滾腳趾，卻像初生的赤子，找到了一條通往不同生命道路的出口。孟禎動了動自己的腳趾，讓它們代替淑君，向這個美好的新世界說聲早安。

Zhiwen seemed to sense Meng Zhen's complex and soft mood at this moment. He bent down, his arms sliding under her knees and behind her back, and gently picked her up, as if lifting a real princess.

Meng Zhen was slightly surprised, but immediately relaxed, resting her head gently on Zhiwen's chest, basking in his unexpected thoughtfulness. Held in Zhiwen's arms, she gently wiggled her legs, her gaze falling on her toes peeking out from the black open-toe high heels. Those had once been Shujun's shoes, as if embodying her role as a partner, gripping Meng Zhen's feet tightly. The plump toes emerging from the tight peep-toe front, however, like a newborn infant, had found a path leading to a different life.

Meng Zhen wiggled her toes, letting them, on behalf of Shujun, say good morning to this beautiful new world.