艷夏烏雲 Summer of Dark Clouds
那天早上，黃士道博士剛把公事包拎起來，鑰匙還沒碰到門把，客廳傳來一聲細細的「啊——」。不是驚叫，是氣球慢慢癟掉的聲音，漏到一半就沒了。
他循聲過去，看見孟禎卡在沙發邊。
右膝壓著坐墊，左腳點地，右手撐著扶手——一個正要彈起來衝出去的姿勢，很有幹勁。就是頭有點遠。
頸子和身體之間空了一截。幾根細細的線纜鬆脫垂落，只剩中間一根銀色的頸椎結構還連著，讓她的頭顱像一顆訊號不穩的燈泡，懸在半空輕輕地晃。
That morning, Dr. Huang Shidao had just picked up his briefcase. Before his keys could touch the doorknob, a faint "ah—" came from the living room. It wasn't a startled cry. It was the sound of a balloon slowly deflating, leaking halfway before stopping altogether.
He followed the sound and found Mengzhen stuck at the edge of the sofa.
Her right knee pressed into the cushion, her left foot touching the floor, her right hand braced against the armrest—a pose of someone about to spring up and dash out, full of drive. It was just that her head was a bit far away.
Between her neck and body there was a gap. Several thin cables had come loose and hung down, with only a single silver cervical structure still connecting them, making her head hover in midair like a lightbulb with an unstable signal, swaying gently.
「故障？」黃博士嚇了一跳。
「沒、沒有故障啦，老爸……」那顆頭晃得更厲害了，恨不得往脖子底下那個縫鑽進去——可惜鑽進去的動作需要脖子，而她的脖子正在五公分以外站崗。「是、是自保……」
黃博士把公事包往玄關櫃上一放，掏出終端劃了兩下，螢幕跳出一行小字。他讀了一遍，嘴角動了動，像在忍住什麼，然後用報告災情的語氣念出來：「衝突警報。動機：『和志文看電影』，義務：『期末小組報告未完成』。衝突值超標，軀幹控制信號中斷，姿態凍結。」
他抬頭看她。「妳急成這樣？」
"Malfunction?" Dr. Huang was startled.
"N-no, no malfunction, Dad…" The head swayed even more, as if desperate to burrow into the gap below her neck—but the act of burrowing required a neck, and her neck was standing guard five centimeters away. "It's, it's a self-preservation—"
Dr. Huang set his briefcase on the entryway cabinet, pulled out his terminal, and swiped twice. A line of small text popped up on the screen. He read it once through, his mouth twitched, as if suppressing something, then he read it aloud in the tone of someone reporting a disaster: "Conflict alert. Motive: 'watching a movie with Zhiwen.' Obligation: 'final group report incomplete.' Conflict value exceeded threshold. Torso control signal interrupted. Posture frozen."
He looked up at her. "You got this worked up?"
孟禎想抬手摀臉，手卻死死撐在扶手上一動不動，只好把眼睛瞇起來。
「我剛看到有興趣的電影上映，想找志文一起去，結果報告的提醒就跳出來了。都是我，一個說衝啊，一個說不行，然後就……」她停了一下，像在回憶那個瞬間，「啪。彈開了。身體不讓我動，可是被壓著、彎著、晃著的感覺全在，一直跟我說：妳卡住了。」她嘆了口氣，「有夠詭異。」
黃博士盯著女兒這副被自己卡住的樣子，半天才擠出一句：「什麼鬼啊妳。」接著嘆了口氣，「暑假就在眼前了，報告寫完再去約會會怎樣？」
孟禎乾笑兩聲。「哈哈……只是一時興頭來了嘛，又不是不寫。等一下我復原後，還是會好好做的。」
Mengzhen wanted to raise a hand to cover her face, but her hands were locked in place against the armrest, so she could only squeeze her eyes shut.
"I just saw a movie I was interested in was coming out, wanted to find Zhiwen to go together, and then the report reminder popped up. It was all me—one part saying 'go, go,' one part saying 'no way,' and then…" She paused, as if recalling the moment. "Snap. Popped apart. My body won't let me move, but the feeling of being pressed down, bent over, swaying—it's all there, telling me over and over: you're stuck." She sighed. "Seriously creepy."
Dr. Huang stared at his daughter in this self-stuck state for a long while before managing: "What the hell are you." Then he sighed. "Summer vacation is right around the corner. Would it kill you to finish the report before going on a date?"
Mengzhen gave a dry laugh. "Haha… I just got a sudden urge, it's not like I'm not going to write it. Once I recover, I'll still do it properly."
「興頭？比起電影，重點是跟那小子一起看吧。」黃博士冷笑一聲，已經走向書架，把她的筆電抽出來，放到她撐著的那張沙發前面的茶几上，翻開。
「這樣剛好。妳頭腦清醒，手又不用動，專心寫。」他拍了拍螢幕邊框，「妳身體的電力充足，系統健康度也沒問題。外部裝置的無線介面我也幫妳設好了。寫完，我遠端幫妳把頭裝回去。」
「欸？老爸？就這樣寫？」話才出口，她就感覺到筆電和自己的系統握了手——接著螢幕角落跳出一行小字：「偵測到新裝置：黃孟禎。」她笑得更僵了。
「現在我算是……虛擬鍵盤？動不了手指，卻能敲字？好怪！」
「不然呢？至少我還沒把畫面直接投進妳視網膜。」黃博士重新拎起公事包，走到門口，揮揮手，「我的好女兒，約會可以，功課先做，好嗎？」
"Urge? Compared to the movie, the point is watching it with that boy, isn't it?" Dr. Huang snorted coldly, already walking to the bookshelf. He pulled out her laptop and placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa she was braced against, opening it.
"This works out perfectly. Your mind is clear, and your hands don't need to move. Focus on writing." He patted the edge of the screen. "Your body's power is sufficient, system health is fine. I've also set up the wireless interface for external devices. When you're done, I'll remotely reattach your head."
"Huh? Dad? Just like this?" The moment the words left her mouth, she felt the laptop shake hands with her system—then a line of small text appeared in the corner of the screen: "New device detected: Huang Mengzhen." Her smile stiffened further.
"So now I'm like… a virtual keyboard? Can't move my fingers but can type? So weird!"
"What else? At least I haven't projected the screen directly onto your retinas." Dr. Huang picked up his briefcase again, walked to the door, and waved. "My good daughter—dating is fine, but homework first, okay?"
「你的好女兒，被你設成筆電的附屬裝置了啦！」孟禎抗議，聲音有點急。
黃博士踉蹌一下，噗哧一聲，頭也不回地出門。
門關上了。
客廳裡只剩一個脖子被拉長了五公分的女大學生。頭在半空輕輕晃著，眼睛盯著螢幕。而螢幕上的游標，正一行一行自己往前跑。
窗外的陽光移進來，落在她垂下的那幾根線纜上。細細的亮線微微晃著，像結在半空的蛛絲。
"Your good daughter has been turned into a laptop peripheral!" Mengzhen protested, her voice a little urgent.
Dr. Huang stumbled, then burst out laughing, not turning back: "My daughter's mind runs fast—she's just lazy."
The door closed.
In the living room, only a college student with her neck stretched five centimeters remained. Her head swayed gently in midair, eyes fixed on the screen. And on the screen, the cursor was moving forward line by line on its own.
Sunlight shifted in through the window, falling on the few cables hanging from her neck. The thin, bright lines swayed faintly, like spider silk strung in midair.
---
放暑假之後，哲學社的讀書會和宇尋實驗室的見習都還在，但屬於他們兩個人的時間明顯變多了。
那天他們窩在書店，為下次社團主題「人造意識」找資料。
這題目對他們來說有點幽默。同學還在台上認真說著「我們得在未來來臨前做好思想準備」，他們在台下對看一眼，忍不住笑出來。
有點不公平。但也沒辦法。
畢竟未來已經站在哲學書區翻書了。
After summer vacation began, the philosophy club reading group and the internship at Yuxun Laboratory were still ongoing, but the time belonging to just the two of them had clearly increased.
That day they were holed up in a bookstore, looking for material for the next club topic: "Artificial Consciousness."
The subject was a bit humorous to them. While classmates were still earnestly saying on stage, "We must prepare our thinking before the future arrives," they exchanged a glance below and couldn't help laughing.
It was a little unfair. But there was no help for it.
After all, the future was already standing in the philosophy section, flipping through books.
書架前，《意識的解釋》《心靈概念》《人造的人性》輪流被抽下來。孟禎翻書快得不像在讀，手指壓住書脊，目光從上到下掃過一頁，就換下一頁。志文在一邊慢慢啃一段丹尼特，抬頭看見她已經讀完了三本，正把第四本倒過來讀參考文獻。
「妳看完了？」
「嗯。」她頭也不抬，「這本的中文房間論證有個隱藏的預設，作者沒交代——」
「好好好，等我追上來再說。」志文把書舉到她臉旁比了比封面。
封面上印著一顆機械頭骨。「哼，哲學殭屍。」孟禎瞪他：「少亂套。你才是殭屍。」
「不，我是幽靈。」志文笑，「有機的那種，沒住在機器中。」
她沒繃住。書從鬆掉的手指間滑下去，被她兩根手指夾住了——反應時間大概不到十分之一秒——但她愣了一下，還是裝出一副「好險好險」的表情，把書放回架上。
In front of the shelves, Explaining Consciousness, The Concept of Mind, and The Artificial Humanity were pulled down in turn. Mengzhen flipped through books so fast it didn't look like reading—fingers pressing the spine, eyes sweeping a page from top to bottom, then on to the next. Zhiwen was slowly chewing through a passage of Dennett on the side. He looked up to see she'd already finished three books and was reading the fourth upside down, going through the references.
"You finished?"
"Mm." She didn't look up. "This one's Chinese Room argument has a hidden premise the author didn't account for—"
"Okay, okay, wait till I catch up." Zhiwen held the book up next to her face, comparing the cover.
The cover had a mechanical skull printed on it. "Hmph, philosophical zombie." Mengzhen glared at him. "Don't just throw that around. You're the zombie."
"No, I'm a ghost." Zhiwen smiled. "The organic kind. Doesn't live in a machine."
She couldn't hold it in. The book slipped from her loosened fingers, caught between two of them—reaction time probably under a tenth of a second—but she blinked, then still put on a "close call" expression and slid the book back onto the shelf.
時間在翻書聲裡慢慢流過去。
某一瞬間，孟禎像是聽見了什麼，抬起頭，朝天花板角落笑了一下。很淺，很快。
志文注意到了，但沒問，直到走出書店。
「剛剛那個是怎樣？」他才開口，七月的熱氣撲上來。
孟禎伸出食指，隔著空氣在他放手機的口袋前畫了個圈。「你看手機。」
志文解鎖，通訊軟體跳出孟禎傳來的照片。
Time flowed slowly through the sound of turning pages.
At some point, Mengzhen seemed to hear something. She looked up and smiled toward the corner of the ceiling. Very faint, very quick.
Zhiwen noticed but didn't ask until they walked out of the bookstore.
"What was that about?" he finally said, and July's heat rushed at them.
Mengzhen extended her index finger and drew a circle in the air in front of the pocket where he kept his phone. "Check your phone."
Zhiwen unlocked it. A photo from Mengzhen popped up in the messaging app.
是剛剛的書店。鏡頭從高處俯視，像天花板上的一隻眼睛。
她仰著臉。那個笑法，她自己大概不曉得——毫無防備，像對什麼人完全不設防地亮了一下。手裡捏著一本剛抽出的書，書頁還翹著沒合。馬尾垂到後頸。再往下看，酒紅色瑪莉珍的鞋頭頂著另一隻鞋內側的弧，膝蓋一彎一直，雙腿就這麼隨意地交錯著。
彷彿她本來就在那裡。
「嗯嗯……等等——」志文看著照片，拇指在螢幕上停住，沒有劃走。過了兩秒他才抬起頭，「這角度……哪來的？」
孟禎掩嘴，瞇起眼睛。「就是我說的『那個』啊。我跟監控聊了兩下，它把照片給我。」
It was the bookstore just now. The camera looked down from above, like an eye on the ceiling.
She was looking up. That smile—she probably didn't know it herself—completely unguarded, like she'd lit up for someone without any defenses at all. A book just pulled from the shelf in her hand, pages still curled open. Her ponytail hung to the back of her neck. Further down, the toe of a wine-red Mary Jane pressed against the inner curve of the other shoe, one knee bent and one straight, legs casually crossed.
As if she'd always been there.
"Mm… wait—" Zhiwen looked at the photo, his thumb stopping on the screen, not swiping away. After two seconds he looked up. "This angle… where's it from?"
Mengzhen covered her mouth, eyes narrowing. "It's that 'thing' I mentioned. I chatted with the security camera for a bit, and it gave me the photo."
「跟……監控聊？」志文愣了一下，接著搖起頭。「不不不不，一般我們稱這為駭客吧。」
「才沒駭什麼哩。」孟禎睜大眼。「是聊。監控向後端伺服器傳送我的影像，也順便跟我『講』了呀。」她有點不服氣，「我聽到了，對它笑了一下。就是你看到的這張。」
看來又是「高科技機器人特權」。志文想著，臉上堆起「妳說的算」的笑容。「看來信息設備都能是妳朋友啊。」
孟禎認真地點點頭。
「本來就是。」她說。
"Chatted with… the security camera?" Zhiwen blinked, then shook his head. "No no no no, normally we call that hacking."
"I didn't hack anything." Mengzhen widened her eyes. "We chatted. The camera transmits my image to the backend server, and it also 'talked' to me." She was a little indignant. "I heard it, smiled at it. That's the photo you're looking at."
So it was the "high-tech robot privilege" again. Zhiwen thought, putting on a "whatever you say" smile. "Seems like all information devices can be your friends."
Mengzhen nodded seriously.
"They always were," she said.
---
從書店出來，日頭已經偏斜了。冷氣房的涼意一到街上就被柏油路的熱氣吞掉，剩下皮膚上一層薄薄的溫差。他們慢慢走著，沒特別要去哪。
轉過一個街角，喧鬧忽然薄了一半。牆後頭露出一角飛翹的屋簷，灰瓦上長著細細的草。門洞裡是另一種綠——不是行道樹那種被修剪過的綠，是深的、濕的、帶著泥土氣息的綠。
他們走到園門前，門額上題著三個字：風荷引。
「進去走走？」孟禎的腳步先慢了下來，拉了拉志文的手，指尖穿過他的指縫勾著。
Coming out of the bookstore, the sun had already tilted west. The chill of the air-conditioned room was swallowed by the heat of the asphalt the moment they hit the street, leaving only a thin layer of temperature difference on their skin. They walked slowly, with no particular destination.
Turning a corner, the noise suddenly thinned by half. Behind a wall, the corner of a flying eave peeked out, thin grass growing on gray tiles. Inside the gate was another kind of green—not the trimmed green of street trees, but a deep, wet green carrying the scent of soil.
They walked to the garden gate. Three characters were inscribed on the lintel: Feng He Yin.
"Want to go in and walk around?" Mengzhen's steps slowed first. She tugged Zhiwen's hand, her fingertips threading through his and hooking.
跨進門檻，暑氣就被留在了外面。
青磚地一進眼裡就開始涼了。太湖石疊在池子邊，瘦瘦高高的，孔洞裡漏著後面的光。池面不大，卻把整片天都裝了進去。幾朵荷花開著，倒影被錦鯉攪碎又拼回來。風過的時候，才聞到角落裡梔子那種很乾淨的甜。老樹濃密的枝葉遮住烈日，樹影隨風在石板上輕輕搖晃，光斑一格一格地移。
他們沒怎麼說話，沿著曲廊走。廊子很低，逼得人也放慢。柱子一根一根地過，像時間被切成了段落。
志文的手偶爾碰到廊柱的漆面，涼的，帶點粗糲。孟禎走在他前面半步，指尖偶爾拂過欄杆，像在讀著什麼。漆面磨掉的地方露出木頭的紋路，她的指腹在上面多停了一下，像辨認一個人的筆跡。
Crossing the threshold, the summer heat was left outside.
The blue-brick ground began to cool the moment it met the eye. Taihu stones stacked by the pond, thin and tall, light leaking through their holes from behind. The pond surface wasn't large, but it held the entire sky. A few lotus flowers bloomed, their reflections shattered by koi and pieced back together. Only when the wind passed did the clean sweetness of gardenia reach them from the corner. The dense branches of old trees blocked the fierce sun, tree shadows swaying gently on the stone slabs, patches of light moving square by square.
They didn't talk much, walking along the winding corridor. The corridor was low, forcing people to slow down. Pillars passed one by one, like time cut into segments.
Zhiwen's hand occasionally brushed the lacquered surface of the pillars—cool, slightly rough. Mengzhen walked half a step ahead of him, fingertips occasionally grazing the railing, as if reading something. Where the lacquer had worn away, the grain of the wood showed through. Her fingertip lingered there a moment longer, like recognizing someone's handwriting.
廊子盡頭是一座兩層的小樓。木梯踩上去，樓板輕輕吱呀一聲，像老骨節活動一下。到了二樓，他們走到欄杆旁，先看近處曲折的園路、池水和花木，再抬起頭。
越過園牆，遠方的都市正在夏日的陽光裡延伸，高樓一棟棟立在天際，玻璃幕牆反射著白晃晃的光。
古老的園林與現代的城市，隔著一片樹梢，安靜地放在了一起。
他們看了好一陣子。
At the end of the corridor was a two-story pavilion. Wooden stairs creaked softly underfoot, like old joints shifting. On the second floor, they walked to the railing, looking first at the winding garden paths, pond, and foliage nearby, then lifted their heads.
Beyond the garden wall, the distant city stretched in the summer sunlight, high-rises standing against the skyline, glass facades reflecting white glare.
The ancient garden and the modern city, separated by a canopy of treetops, were placed quietly together.
They looked for a long while.
「啊。」孟禎的目光四處繞了一圈。「你在這等我一下。」
「要幹嘛？」志文不解。
「等就是了。會給你好看。」她閉起一隻眼，調皮地笑了一下，然後咚咚咚跑下樓去。馬尾在背後一跳一跳的，越來越小。
志文聳了聳肩。他看看風景，又拿起手機滑了幾下。風從欄杆間穿過來，捎來了池水的涼。
「志文～」
樓下有人叫他。
他探出頭。
"Ah." Mengzhen's gaze circled around. "Wait here for me a moment."
"What for?" Zhiwen was puzzled.
"Just wait. I'll give you something good to see." She closed one eye, smiled mischievously, then thumped down the stairs. Her ponytail bounced behind her, growing smaller.
Zhiwen shrugged. He looked at the scenery, then pulled out his phone and scrolled a bit. Wind threaded through the railing, bringing the coolness of the pond.
"Zhiwen~"
Someone called him from below.
He leaned over the railing.
她站在樓下，穿著黑色旗袍。布面上開著一朵朵白花，在日光下泛著細微的光，像一小片星空被縫了進去。原本的瑪莉珍鞋換成了繡花布鞋，馬尾上也多了一支素色髮簪，像停在那裡的蜻蜓。
她雙手背在身後，仰頭看著他。
不變的是那雙腳站出的從容。黑色布鞋落在青石地面上，身子微微偏著，重心輕輕往後腳一靠，前腳尖只點著地面。像是已經在這座園子裡站了很久，久到石頭都認得她。
她笑著。比起監控裡那個不經意的笑，這個笑是笑給他看的。
She stood below, wearing a black qipao. White flowers bloomed across the fabric, shimmering faintly in the daylight, like a small patch of starry sky sewn in. Her Mary Janes had been swapped for embroidered cloth shoes, and a plain hairpin now rested in her ponytail, like a dragonfly perched there.
Her hands were clasped behind her back, and she looked up at him.
What hadn't changed was the composure of her stance. Black cloth shoes on blue stone, body slightly angled, weight resting gently on the back foot, front toe just touching the ground. As if she'd been standing in this garden for a very long time, long enough that the stones knew her.
She smiled. Compared to the unguarded smile in the surveillance photo, this smile was for him.
有那麼幾秒，志文覺得自己忘了怎麼呼吸——直到他聽見她問的那句「好看嗎」。
「好看。」他說。停了一下，又說，「很好看。」
孟禎輕快地跑上來，布料窸窣作響。志文好奇地問她這一身哪來的。
「租的。」她答得理所當然。「我遠遠看到這座園子時，就被吸引了。腦袋自動搜尋起網路，然後古裝體驗的訊息跳到我眼前。我就……想試試。」
是這樣啊。志文想著，笑意浮了上來。
For a few seconds, Zhiwen felt like he'd forgotten how to breathe—until he heard her ask, "Do I look good?"
"You look good," he said. After a pause, he added, "Really good."
Mengzhen ran lightly up the stairs, fabric rustling. Zhiwen asked curiously where the outfit came from.
"Rented." She answered as if it were obvious. "When I saw this garden from afar, I was drawn to it. My mind automatically searched the internet, and then information about historical costume experiences popped up. So I… wanted to try."
So that was it. Zhiwen thought, a smile rising.
孟禎接住了那個眼神。嘴角本來是揚了起來，又忽然收住。下巴微微抬高，目光往旁邊移了一寸，像在調取什麼數據。
「我算了一下，」她說，語氣像在念報告，「這種場合，穿旗袍的視覺協調性最高。配色、輪廓、環境飽和度，綜合權重最大。」
志文眨了一下眼。「妳是用算的？」
「當然。不然用什麼？」孟禎回得乾脆，表情一絲不苟。
Mengzhen caught that look. The corners of her mouth had started to lift, then suddenly stopped. Her chin rose slightly, gaze shifting a inch to the side, as if retrieving data.
"I calculated," she said, tone like reading a report, "for this kind of occasion, the visual coordination of a qipao is highest. Color scheme, silhouette, environmental saturation—composite weighted maximum."
Zhiwen blinked. "You used math?"
"Of course. What else?" Mengzhen replied crisply, expression impeccable.
志文盯著她看了兩秒，然後笑出來了。氣從鼻子裡哼出，帶著無奈。
「少來，還裝。」他搖著頭，「妳什麼樣子，我會不知道？」
孟禎的正經多撐了大概半秒。嘴角先叛變了，然後眼睛也撐不住，哈聲洩了出來。
「好啦好啦，不開玩笑。」她放下掩嘴的手，收了下表情，在他面前轉了半圈。「像不像古裝劇走出來的女主角？」
Zhiwen stared at her for two seconds, then laughed. Air huffed through his nose, helpless.
"Come on, still pretending." He shook his head. "What you're like—don't I know?"
Mengzhen's seriousness held for about half a second. Her mouth betrayed her first, then her eyes couldn't hold it either, and a laugh escaped.
"Okay, okay, no more jokes." She lowered the hand covering her mouth, composed her expression, and twirled halfway in front of him. "Do I look like a heroine stepping out of a historical drama?"
「像是像，」他故作正經，「不過古代可沒有矽晶片和精密馬達。」
「你又來！」孟禎鼓起臉頰，朝他伸出一隻腳。
「這鞋又美又軟，但裡面包著硬梆梆的鐵骨頭喔！終結者似的，恐怖得很！你要不要確認一下？」
她張開腳趾，又轉了轉腳踝。
柔軟的布面隨著動作扭曲，彷彿真的有什麼堅硬的東西正要從裡面撐破布料、衝出來。
志文大笑，連忙投降。
笑聲在木樓裡迴盪了一下，散了。樓下的池面靜靜的。荷花一動不動。風也停了。像什麼都沒發生過。
"You do," he said with mock seriousness, "but ancient times didn't have silicon chips and precision motors."
"There you go again!" Mengzhen puffed her cheeks and extended a foot toward him.
"This shoe is beautiful and soft, but inside it's packed with hard iron bones! Like a Terminator, terrifying! Want to verify?"
She spread her toes, then rotated her ankle.
The soft fabric twisted with the movement, as if something hard were about to burst through the cloth and surge out.
Zhiwen laughed heartily, quickly surrendering.
The laughter echoed once in the wooden pavilion, then scattered. Below, the pond was still. The lotus flowers didn't move. The wind had stopped too. As if nothing had happened.
---
夏日的天氣總是晴朗得令人放心。那種藍是完整的，沒有一絲猶豫，讓人覺得明天也會一樣。直到某一刻才發現，有些變化早已開始——只是天邊的雲還太薄，看不出要聚成什麼。
那天他們剛聽完一場關於演化的講座，走在路上還在說著演化穩定策略和「強」、「好」之間的差別。話說到一半，志文的喉嚨被冷氣房裡帶出來的燥熱弄乾了。他說去買兩瓶冰氣泡水——孟禎能喝。
「等我一下。」他說。
孟禎點頭。陽光從她身後照過來，把她的影子拉得長長的，貼在地磚上。
Summer weather is always reassuringly clear. That kind of blue is complete, without a trace of hesitation, making one believe tomorrow will be the same. Until some moment when you realize some changes have already begun—it's just that the clouds at the horizon are still too thin to tell what they'll gather into.
That day they'd just finished a lecture on evolution and were walking, still discussing evolutionarily stable strategies and the difference between "strong" and "good." Mid-sentence, Zhiwen's throat went dry from the heat carried out of the air-conditioned room. He said he'd go buy two bottles of sparkling water—Mengzhen could drink them.
"Wait here," he said.
Mengzhen nodded. Sunlight came from behind her, stretching her shadow long and thin on the paving stones.
他從超商出來的時候，遠遠就看見孟禎身邊站了一個人。
男的。三十多歲，黑框眼鏡，白襯衫，沒打領帶，袖口捲到小臂。笑得很安靜。那種安靜不是沒話說，是很確定自己在說什麼的安靜。
孟禎站在他面前，微微仰著頭。
平常那個會一邊翻書一邊吐槽志文的孟禎，此刻只是睜大了眼睛，輕輕點頭。很輕地點頭，像在確認一個很久沒聽見的頻率。
志文加快腳步。
When he came out of the convenience store, he saw from a distance that someone was standing next to Mengzhen.
A man. Thirties, black-framed glasses, white shirt, no tie, sleeves rolled to the forearm. Smiling quietly. That quiet wasn't the quiet of having nothing to say—it was the quiet of someone very certain of what he was saying.
Mengzhen stood before him, head slightly tilted up.
The Mengzhen who normally flipped through books while snarking at Zhiwen was now just wide-eyed, nodding gently. Nodding very lightly, as if confirming a frequency she hadn't heard in a long time.
Zhiwen quickened his pace.
他走近幾步，聽見那男的把一本小小的冊子遞過去，說了句：
「受造的，本來就有地方的。」
孟禎接過去的手指頓了一下，像系統有什麼要處理。
那本冊子很薄，封面沒有字，只有一個壓凹的十字，在太陽底下不太反光。她握著它的手勢，不像是在接一張宣傳品。像在接一件曾經放在原處很久的東西。
He got closer and heard the man hand over a small booklet, saying:
"The created have their own place."
Mengzhen's fingers paused as she took it, as if her system had something to process.
The booklet was thin, cover blank except for a pressed-in cross that didn't reflect much in the sun. The way she held it wasn't like receiving a flyer. It was like receiving something that had once sat in its original place for a very long time.
男的轉身走了。步子不快不慢，白襯衫的下擺在風裡輕輕動了一下，很快就混進了街景。
「孟禎？」
她沒有回應。頭稍微仰著，臉很空。陽光從行道樹的葉縫間灑下來，切在她臉上，明暗一格一格的。她望向遠方，但視線沒有聚焦。手裡的冊子被她的手指無意識地握緊了一點，紙頁邊緣微微彎折。
The man turned and walked away. His pace was neither fast nor slow, the hem of his white shirt stirring faintly in the wind, quickly blending into the street scene.
"Mengzhen?"
She didn't respond. Her head was slightly tilted up, face blank. Sunlight filtered through the leaves of street trees, cutting across her face in alternating bands of light and shadow. She gazed into the distance, but her eyes weren't focused. The booklet in her hand was unconsciously gripped tighter, page edges bending slightly.
「孟禎？」志文又叫了一次。
她像是才發現他在。視線慢慢對上焦，落在他臉上。過了幾秒，她低頭看了看手裡的冊子，好像不認識它似的。
「……沒事。」她說。聲音很輕，很慢才出來。
志文沒問那個人是誰。他忽然不知道該怎麼問。他把水遞給她，她接了，沒有喝。那瓶水一直被她握在手裡，直到水珠順著瓶身滑下來，滴在她的手腕上。她也沒有擦。
"Mengzhen?" Zhiwen called again.
She seemed to just notice he was there. Her gaze slowly focused, landing on his face. After a few seconds, she looked down at the booklet in her hand, as if she didn't recognize it.
"…I'm fine." She said. Her voice was very light, coming out very slowly.
Zhiwen didn't ask who that person was. He suddenly didn't know how to ask. He handed her the water. She took it but didn't drink. The bottle stayed in her hand until droplets slid down its side and dripped onto her wrist. She didn't wipe them either.
他牽起她走。她的手比平時涼一點，指尖微微蜷著，像在抓什麼看不見的東西。
他們走了一段路。孟禎的步伐比平常慢半拍，像每一步都要先確認地面還在那裡。志文的手握著她的，沒有用力，只是把溫度留在那裡。
他們走到一處地下道入口。往下走的階梯上，孟禎忽然鬆開了他的手，在第三階停住。
她兩隻腳交叉，鞋尖探出階緣一點點，整個人微微前傾，像是被下面什麼拉著要往下掉，又硬生生把自己留在原地。手插在口袋裡，肩膀縮著，頭側側地看著他。想說什麼，嘴唇動了一下，又沒說。
He took her hand and walked. Her hand was cooler than usual, fingertips slightly curled, as if grasping something invisible.
They walked for a while. Mengzhen's pace was half a beat slower than usual, as if each step required confirming the ground was still there. Zhiwen held her hand without gripping hard, just leaving his warmth there.
They reached an underpass entrance. On the steps going down, Mengzhen suddenly let go of his hand and stopped on the third step.
Her feet crossed, toes extending slightly past the edge, body leaning forward a little, as if pulled by something below, yet forcing herself to stay in place. Hands in her pockets, shoulders hunched, head tilted as she looked at him. She wanted to say something—her lips moved—but no words came.
背後的光把她的輪廓照得有點糊。她的臉在陰影裡，只有眼裡有一點光，很淡，像快要熄掉的燈芯。
「孟禎？」志文的聲音比前幾次高了一點。
她沒應。對看了幾秒。那幾秒很長。地下道裡有風穿出，帶著熱氣和一點灰塵的味道。遠處有車聲，悶悶的，像隔了一層水。然後她轉身，一階一階地走回地面，逕自往路口走去。
志文追了上去。
「……回家吧。」她輕輕說。沒有回頭。聲音很輕，像連這句話都是從很遠的地方被拖過來的。
The light behind her blurred her outline. Her face was in shadow, only a faint light in her eyes, dim, like a wick about to go out.
"Mengzhen?" Zhiwen's voice was a little louder than before.
She didn't respond. They looked at each other for a few seconds. Those seconds were long. Wind came through the underpass, carrying heat and a hint of dust. Distant traffic sounds, muffled, like through a layer of water. Then she turned and walked back up the steps to the surface, heading straight for the intersection.
Zhiwen followed.
"…Let's go home." She said softly. Didn't look back. Her voice was very light, as if even this sentence had been dragged from somewhere very far away.
志文跟在她身邊。幾次想開口，嘴唇動了一下，最後都沒有出聲。兩個人的影子一長一短，步伐不一樣，卻都沒有停。
回到黃博士家，她的話還是很少。她換了拖鞋，沒進客廳，逕自走進實驗室。志文跟在後面，看見她蹲在地上。一手托著下巴，一手垂著，嘴微微張開。
那張臉，什麼都沒有。不是難過，不是驚惶。是系統把顯示關掉了。眼睛睜著，沒有眨。像忘了眨眼這件事。
Zhiwen walked beside her. Several times he wanted to speak, lips moving, but in the end no sound came. Their shadows, one long and one short, kept different paces but neither stopped.
Back at Dr. Huang's house, she still said very little. She changed into slippers, didn't go into the living room, and walked straight into the laboratory. Zhiwen followed and saw her crouching on the floor. One hand under her chin, the other hanging down, mouth slightly open.
That face—there was nothing on it. Not sadness, not panic. It was the system turning off the display. Eyes open, not blinking. As if she'd forgotten blinking was a thing.
志文蹲下去抱她。
她轉過頭來看他，身體卻沒跟著動。頸椎裡傳來幾聲極輕的齒輪聲，像什麼在慢慢尋找咬合的位置。
她說「我沒事」。也說「我愛你」。
每一句都是真的。卻沒有一句能說明她怎麼了。
Zhiwen crouched down and hugged her.
She turned her head to look at him, but her body didn't follow. From her cervical spine came a few very faint gear sounds, like something slowly searching for the right meshing position.
She said "I'm fine." She also said "I love you."
Every sentence was true. But not one could explain what was wrong with her.
---
那天晚上，志文睡得不沉。
半夜他醒來，聽見實驗室有細微的金屬聲。很輕，像指甲碰在鋁箔上。
他起身走過去。
That night, Zhiwen slept shallowly.
In the middle of the night he woke to a faint metallic sound from the laboratory. Very light, like a fingernail against aluminum foil.
He got up and walked over.
孟禎站在實驗台前。她軀體的前蓋完全打開，胸腹的內在構造暴露在檯燈的光裡：線束像一叢叢安靜的血管，散熱片泛著銀光，微型泵浦偶爾搏動一下。幾根管路的表面凝著很細的水珠，是溫差造成的，像出汗。
她一手拿著小起子，一手在裡面翻找著什麼。指尖撥過一束束纜線，動作很急，又怕弄壞什麼似的小心翼翼。
Mengzhen stood at the lab bench. The front panel of her torso was completely open, the inner structure of her chest and abdomen exposed in the desk lamp's light: wiring harnesses like quiet clusters of blood vessels, heat sinks gleaming silver, micro-pumps occasionally pulsing. Fine droplets of condensation clung to the surface of several tubes, from the temperature difference, like sweat.
She held a small screwdriver in one hand, the other searching for something inside. Fingertips brushed through bundles of cables, movements urgent yet careful, as if afraid of breaking something.
「沒有，都……沒有……在哪呢……」她喃喃地說。聲音很平，像在跟自己報告。
志文走過去，輕輕拍了拍她的肩膀，看著她的雙眼。
孟禎的動作停了。她抬頭，看著志文。眼神有一瞬間是空的，像還留在剛才翻開的某條迴路裡。然後瞳孔微微縮了一下，像鏡頭重新對準了他。接著目光又滑到一邊。
「幫我蓋回去吧。」一會兒，她小聲說。語氣帶著不確定，像在請求，又像在命令自己。
"Not there, none… not there… where is it…" she murmured. Her voice was flat, as if reporting to herself.
Zhiwen walked over, gently patted her shoulder, and looked into her eyes.
Mengzhen stopped. She looked up at Zhiwen. For a moment her gaze was empty, as if still in some circuit she'd just opened. Then her pupils contracted slightly, like a lens refocusing on him. Then her gaze slid away again.
"Help me put it back," she said quietly after a moment. Her tone carried uncertainty, like a request, or like commanding herself.
志文拿起軀體前蓋。金屬邊緣在燈下閃了一下。他小心地對準卡榫，一扣一扣地按回去。每扣進去一聲「喀」，她的身體就輕輕震一下。不是痛。是每一塊被接回的部位，都在跟她報告：我回來了。
蓋好了。外表又是那個完整的孟禎。什麼都看不出來。
他牽著她回臥室。她的手指在他掌心裡動了一下，像想握緊，又鬆開了。
Zhiwen picked up the front torso panel. The metal edge flashed under the light. He carefully aligned the tabs and pressed them back one by one. Each "click" sent a slight tremor through her body. Not pain. It was each reconnected part reporting to her: I'm back.
It was closed. On the outside she was the complete Mengzhen again. Nothing could be seen.
He led her back to the bedroom. Her fingers moved in his palm, as if wanting to grip tighter, then loosened.
---
接下來的幾天，孟禎似乎恢復了原樣。那一天的事，誰也沒有再提起。他們照常出門，照常約會。
她比平常更主動。說要騎車去山上，引擎聲在彎道裡一截一截地斷掉又接上。停在一片平緩的林子邊，她下了車就往裡走了幾步，再回頭對志文笑。那個笑太亮了。亮得像林子裡借來的光，乾乾淨淨的，什麼都留不在上面。
可她一轉身往前走，志文看著她的背影，忽然覺得她走得太乾脆了。乾脆得像不打算回頭。
泥地上留下一排淺淺的鞋跟印，很深，很整齊，一個接一個地往林子深處去。仿生小腿收縮又伸張，節奏很穩。穩得不像在散步，像有一個地方在等她，而那個地方不是他。
另一天，他帶她去城市北方的海岸散心。
遠處峽灣裡有小小的漁港，房子沿著岸邊稀疏地長著。更遠的地方，一道山脊像手指一樣伸進海裡。天高高的，風順順的，雲懶懶的，光柔柔的。海面上有碎光，閃得人眼睛發酸。
一切都很美好。真的美好。
她也確實開心。開心到在風中轉了好幾圈，頭髮全亂了，髮絲貼在嘴唇上，她也不管，笑聲被海風吹到了遠方。
可是當她靜下來、坐下來時，又有什麼本來該有的東西不見了。她坐在石磚上，腿併攏，身體往前壓，一手按著膝蓋，一手托住下巴。姿勢很穩，但那種穩不是放鬆的穩，是用力的穩。像是怕不撐著，頭就會掉下來。
她的臉像一扇幾乎關上的窗，只留下一道窄縫。有什麼從裡面透出來。很淡，看不清楚。
晚上，志文試著跟她聊。語氣才帶一點擔心，她聽出那個音，就立刻轉過來。
一蹦一跳地走到他面前，雙手捧住自己的臉頰，用力往上擠出一個大大的笑，往上提——
「喀。」
一聲很輕的卡榫聲。
她把頭捧了起來，遞到志文面前。
志文下意識接住。她的臉軟軟的，貼著他的手掌，頭髮蹭著他的虎口。那張臉還在對他笑。眼睛彎著，嘴角揚著。一面捉弄他，一面又親近他。
彷彿她還是那個孟禎。
只是餘光裡，她那具沒了頭的身體往後退了半步。衣領的縫隙間，有一點細細的銀光在晃。
是一條鍊子。鍊墜是個小小的十字架。
他不記得她什麼時候戴上它的。細細的銀鍊貼著鎖骨的弧線，十字架垂在胸骨的位置，隨著身體的呼吸輕輕晃。
身體的一隻腳抬起來，一隻手不自覺地舉起，護在脖子前面，像怕被看到什麼。
彷彿她的頭顱遞給了他，身體就可以……就可以……
隨著志文的眼光移過去，他手裡的那個笑容僵了一下。
然後——雙手交握了。那動作很慢，很輕。手指扣在一起，指節互相壓著。
像祈禱。
「孟禎……」志文輕喚，輕得像怕驚動什麼。
終於連笑容也維持不下去了。嘴唇抿了一下，然後裂開一道縫。眉心皺起，眼眶裡的液體沿著頰面滑下來，滴在他的掌紋裡。
「對不起、對不起……」她說。聲音從頭顱裡出來，沒有了胸腔的共振，比平常更輕、更細碎，像一截被剪斷的訊號。
像怕被聽見，又像必須被說出來。說不上是對誰說的，只是要說。
志文用拇指替她擦了擦臉。他想說什麼，喉嚨動了一下，又沒有聲音。他把她的頭抱進懷裡，另一隻手摸著她的頭髮。
「我們明天去宇尋一趟吧。」最後，他只說了這句。很溫柔，但也很確定。
她沒有回答。
他懷裡的臉還在流淚，後面的身體維持著那個姿勢，動也不動。
那晚，她的頭顱再也沒有回到身體上。志文把頭顱交還給孟禎的身體體後，遲遲沒有裝回去。她坐在沙發上，頭就在手裡，接口就在脖子上。她把頭舉起來一點，又放下。舉起來，又放下。像找不到一個對的理由去接上它。
最後，她靠在沙發上，就這麼抱著自己的頭，逐漸睡去。
志文聯絡了出差的黃博士，簡短地回報了狀況。黃博士沉默了幾秒，確認在遠程通聯下進入睡眠模式不會出問題。志文稍微放了心。
他走到客廳，看了這樣的孟禎一眼。夜燈的光落在她身上，把她和她的頭映成了兩個影子。
右腿盤在沙發上，左腿伸出來，垂到地毯上，腳尖點著地面。身體坐直，像安撫著一個哭鬧的嬰兒似地，把頭顱攏在懷裡。
頸部的截面裡，有著細細的光在閃爍。像呼吸。又像什麼還在裡面醒著，一時找不到該走的方向。
那張臉終於安靜了下來。不再笑了，也不再哭了。嘴唇微微張開一點，像還想說什麼，又決定算了。
有什麼很重的東西壓在志文胸口。他長長地呼了一口氣，試著把它吐出來。
然後他關上客廳的燈，找了另一張沙發躺下。
黑暗裡，那截頸部的細光還在。明明滅滅的。
「晚安。」他說。
窗外不知什麼時候落了雨。
白天的熱積得太久，終於撐不住了。細細的雨點打在玻璃上，聲音很輕，像有人在外面用指甲一下一下地敲。涼意從窗縫裡慢慢滲進來，把客廳裡殘存的暑氣一點一點帶走。
遠處有雷聲。隆隆的，悶悶的，像隔著一整座城市傳來。聽不清方向，也聽不清它要說什麼。
雨越下越密。玻璃上的水痕往下爬，一道一道的。
