機械基督徒少女 前傳04

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

前傳 04 黃凱琳

Prequel 04 Huang Kailin

Hello everyone, it's your Catherine. Miss me?

大家好，我是你們的Catherine，想我嗎？

來到杭州，已經四個多月了。離開那天，細雨冷得像冰針，鑽進骨頭裡；現在這裡卻是春光明媚，陽光下的街景仿佛都柔軟起來。世界變了，我也在變。

你問我是怎麼來的？說來話長，但其實也沒什麼好說的。總之，我拜託了我那權勢滔天的CTO老爸，千方百計把我塞進宇尋的機密機器人計畫。結果他真的成功了——當然啦，不只是靠老爸，我的顯赫戰績也不是擺設。16歲拿博士的天才少女、海塞集團的高級專家，從AI數學理論到精細的手工電路焊接，都難不倒我，說我是實驗室裡的全能天才也不為過。換你是宇尋，能不收我嗎？

所以，在宇尋董事長兼CEO（我見過他，感覺也不太正常——這是稱讚）親筆批准下，我成為了宇尋企業普羅米修斯計畫「HRC-07型高仿生機器人」社會部署前的最終調試外部高級顧問，請多指教。這個名號長得像咒語，唸完你舌頭都打結了吧？哈哈。

你說我感覺不太一樣了？Oh, man, what can I say？男人永遠無法理解女人有多善變，更何況我這個...嗯，少女？雖然資深了點，哈哈。蝴蝶輕輕扇動的翅膀，都可能掀起一場驚天風暴，那麼四個多月與我過往截然不同的人生呢？也許，真的能讓一個擁有肉體的機器人，轉化為一位年紀略大的少女吧？

I've been in Hangzhou for over four months now. The day I left Seattle, the drizzle was as cold as ice needles, piercing to the bone; but now, it's bright and sunny here, and the street scenes under the sun feel soft, as if everything has mellowed. The world has changed, and so have I.

You ask how I got here? It's a long story, but also not much to tell. In short, I begged my all-powerful CTO dad to pull every string to get me into YuXun's top-secret robot project. And he actually succeeded – though of course, it wasn't just Dad; my illustrious track record isn't just for show either. A genius girl with a doctorate at 16, a senior expert at the HS Corp., nothing is too difficult for me, from AI mathematical theory to delicate manual circuit soldering. It's no exaggeration to say I'm an all-around genius in the lab. If you were YuXun, could you not hire me?

So, with the personal approval of YuXun's Chairman and CEO (I've met him, and he also seems a bit... unusual – and I mean that as a compliment), I became the external senior consultant for the final debugging phase of YuXun Corporation's Prometheus Project "HRC-07 Type Highly Biomimetic Robot" before its social deployment. Please bear with me. That title is as long as a spell, probably got your tongue tied just reading it, right? Haha.

You said I feel different? Oh, man, what can I say? Men will never understand how fickle women can be, let alone me, this... well, this girl? A slightly seasoned one, haha. The gentle flutter of a butterfly's wings can potentially stir up a massive storm, so what about over four months of a life completely different from my past? Perhaps, it really can transform a robot with a physical body into a slightly older girl?

不好意思，我多少還是有點在「演」。經歷了找不到自我的十九年，四個月的衝擊還不足以徹底翻天覆地。但是呢，還記得我之前用來比喻自我的微中子嗎？現在，自我至少已經晉升為軌跡清晰可見的α粒子，隨便一掃就能捕捉到；如果放個靈敏的計數器，恐怕警報聲會晝夜不停地響著。我漸漸能夠輕易捕捉到「自我」的殘影，甚至觸碰它。

換個話題，來聊聊我親愛的孟禎妹妹。她就是前面提到的「HRC-07型高仿生機器人」，名字是黃孟禎。還記得第一次見到她的時候，連她的臉都沒看到——當時她正進行頭部與身體的遠程通聯測試。我看到的，是一具獨自行走的無頭軀體——脖頸上方什麼都沒有，只有空盪盪的連接機構。也許是進階測試吧，她還穿了雙涼鞋，據說是為了增加足底與鞋底的相對運動，提升步態演算的複雜度。結果就是她走得歪歪扭扭，完全不像宇尋那些走起路來順滑地像在舞蹈的商品型機器人。

Sorry, I'm still "acting" a bit. After nineteen years of searching for myself, four months of impact isn't quite enough to completely turn everything upside down. But, remember the neutrino I used to use as a metaphor for myself? Now, the self has at least been promoted to an alpha particle with a clearly visible trajectory, easily captured with a simple scan; if you put a sensitive counter near it, the alarm would probably ring day and night. I can gradually and easily catch glimpses of the "self," and even touch it.

Changing the subject, let's talk about my dear little sister, Mengzhen. She is the aforementioned "HRC-07 Type Highly Biomimetic Robot," and her name is Huang Mengzhen. I remember the first time I saw her, I didn't even see her face – she was undergoing remote communication testing between her head and body at the time. What I saw was a headless body walking by itself – nothing above the neck, just the empty connection mechanism. Perhaps it was for advanced testing, but she was even wearing sandals, supposedly to increase the relative motion between the soles of her feet and the shoes, enhancing the complexity of the gait calculation. The result was that she walked crookedly, completely unlike YuXun's commercially available robots that move as smoothly as if they were dancing.

那具軀體腳步不穩定也不順暢，腳趾和腳跟因為鞋底不時的貼合與分離而顯得有些慌亂；沒有頭顱的脖頸像是忘了它失去眼睛，仍本能地轉來轉去，徒勞而滑稽。但奇怪的是，我竟被這一切吸引了。那些不協調的動作裡，藏著某種力量。那是一種努力想成為「人」的意志，不安、認真、甚至有些莽撞。我彷彿透過那具笨拙的軀體，看見她那張緊繃又專注的臉。渴望成為「人」的執念，穿透了那副機械軀體。我不由自主地走近她，繞著她走了一圈又一圈，內心深處那個用於探尋自我的偵測器警報聲瘋狂響起，一股難以言喻的熱流湧上心頭，驅使我伸手緊緊抱住了她—這可是我「漫長」的人生中，第一次出於真心的主動擁抱，擁抱某個努力呼吸、努力存在的靈魂。

也許周圍的人會覺得我這個新來的顧問行為怪異，但我心裡明白，我抱著的這具冰冷的機械之軀，承載著多麼強烈的想要變成人類的期盼；而這份期盼，對我來說又是多麼珍貴難尋的寶藏。

被我抱緊的機械之軀在懷裡掙扎著，扭動那具不完全的身體，彷彿在抗拒又彷彿在回應。對於那顆位在遠處的頭，這具軀體不僅僅是被指定建立遠距連接的設備，而是真真切切的一部分的自己。那一刻，我明白了，抱在我懷裡的，是人，是個人類女孩，以機械構造出的人類女孩。這就是我的孟禎妹妹。我，是人類型態的機器；她，是機器構造的人類。我們是彼此的鏡像，是在宇宙某個無聲玩笑下誕生的姐妹。從那一刻起，我就知道，我們會是無法分割的同伴。

That body's steps were unstable and not smooth; its toes and heels seemed somewhat flustered due to the soles of the sandals intermittently attaching and detaching. The headless neck, as if it had forgotten it had lost its eyes, still instinctively turned this way and that, futile and comical. But strangely, I was drawn to it all. Within those uncoordinated movements lay a certain power. It was the will striving to become "human," anxious, serious, even a little reckless. It was as if, through that clumsy body, I could see her tense and focused face. The obsession with becoming "human" penetrated that mechanical shell. Unconsciously, I walked closer to her, circling around her again and again. The alarm in the detector deep within me, the one used for exploring the self, blared furiously, and an inexplicable warm current surged through my heart, driving me to reach out and tightly hug her—this was the first time in my "long" life that I had initiated a hug from the heart, hugging a soul that was earnestly breathing, earnestly existing.

Perhaps the people around would find my behavior as the new consultant strange, but I knew in my heart how strong the yearning to become human was within this cold mechanical body I was holding; and how precious and hard to find this yearning was to me.

The mechanical body I held tightly struggled in my embrace, twisting its incomplete form, as if resisting, yet also responding. For that head located remotely, this body was not merely a device designated for establishing a remote connection, but a real and true part of itself. In that moment, I understood that what I held in my arms was a person, a human girl, a human girl constructed from machinery. This is my little sister Mengzhen. I am a robot in human form; she is a human constructed from machinery. We are each other's mirrors, sisters born under some silent cosmic joke. From that moment on, I knew we would be inseparable companions.

黃博士提出的心腦二元架構，看來真的取得了前所未有的巨大成功。一個如此渴望融入這個世界的女孩，就在那複雜的心腦交互作用中奇蹟般地誕生了。當然，這背後還隱藏著無數的技術難題。如何確保孟禎這樣的奇蹟能夠穩定地存在下去，正是我們整個團隊的核心任務，也是我們無可迴避的責任。同時，我也知道，對我來說，這更是我能真正開啟自己人生的鑰匙。

喔對了，我現在不叫Catherine啦，改名叫黃凱琳，是孟禎妹妹真正的姊姊。反正我原本姓Geel，翻成中文也是「黃色」，是不是？你看，我們簡直是天生的姊妹，命運本來就寫在名字裡了。

Dr. Huang's proposed heart-brain dual architecture really seems to have achieved unprecedented success. A girl so eager to integrate into this world was miraculously born from that complex heart-brain interaction. Of course, countless technical challenges are still hidden behind this. Ensuring that a miracle like Mengzhen can stably exist is precisely the core mission of our entire team, and our unavoidable responsibility. At the same time, I also know that for me, this is the key to truly starting my own life.

Oh, right, I'm not called Catherine anymore. I've changed my name to Huang Kailin, Mengzhen's real older sister. Anyway, my original last name was Geel, which also translates to "Huang (yellow)"  in Chinese, doesn't it? See, we're practically born sisters; our destiny was written in our names all along.

這四個月裡發生的事情，真的太多太多，多到連回憶都會噎住。我不想過多描述孟禎情感核心不斷演變的複雜拓撲結構，也不願深入探討她電子腦內部可以由軟體精確定義的多重模組和按需構建的精妙演算模型，更沒有心思去講解她那概念新穎、令人驚嘆的身體管理系統。這些當然都非常有意思，也凝聚了黃博士和宇尋團隊無數的心血與智慧；但與孟禎本身相比，我更願意讓我的大腦為她保留更多的運算資源—噢，我是不是應該說，更願意讓她深深地盤踞在我心中？

我永遠不會忘記那一天，宇尋團隊第一次允許我單獨維護孟禎的身體。她的身體靜靜地躺在冰冷的檢修台上，部分肢體暴露出了精密的機械結構，金屬骨架與合成肌纖維清晰可見。孟禎的頭顱被穩穩固定在金屬支架上，透過部分外接纜線連結身體，臉部微表情與體感反饋模組則隨著遠程通聯功能暫時中斷而靜默下來。她看似「關機」了，但我知道，她依然在裡面。

我戴上手套，取出清理工具，小心翼翼地探入她的關節縫隙，把細小的灰塵與雜質一點一滴地拭去。陽光透過實驗室高窗斜斜灑下，光影隨著時間靜靜地移動，在她的機械軀體上留下斑駁的痕跡，而一股難以名狀的溫柔情緒，如同春日裡悄然生長的嫩芽，在我心中靜靜地流淌。我說不上來，當時我正在細心照料的，究竟是孟禎的軀體，還是我內心深處那份對「自我」的熱切期盼。

So much has happened in these four months, so much that even recalling it feels like choking. I don't want to describe the complex topological structure of Mengzhen's constantly evolving emotional core, nor do I wish to delve into the subtle computational models within her electronic brain, precisely definable by software with multiple modules constructible on demand. And I certainly have no desire to explain her novel and astonishing body management system. These are, of course, fascinating and embody the countless efforts and wisdom of Dr. Huang and the YuXun team; but compared to Mengzhen herself, I'd rather reserve more computational resources in my brain for her—oh, or perhaps I should say, I'd rather let her deeply inhabit my heart?

I will never forget that day the YuXun team first allowed me to maintain Mengzhen's body alone. Her body lay quietly on the cold examination table, parts of her limbs exposing intricate mechanical structures, her metal skeleton and synthetic muscle fibers clearly visible. Mengzhen's head was securely fixed on a metal stand, connected to her body via some external cables, while her facial micro-expression and somatosensory feedback modules fell silent as the remote communication function was temporarily interrupted. She appeared "shut down," but I knew she was still in there.

I put on gloves, took out cleaning tools, and carefully probed into the crevices of her joints, wiping away tiny dust and impurities bit by bit. Sunlight slanted through the high laboratory windows, light and shadow silently shifting with the passage of time, leaving mottled traces on her mechanical body. And an ineffable gentle emotion, like tender sprouts quietly growing in spring, flowed silently within me. I couldn't quite tell whether what I was meticulously caring for at that moment was Mengzhen's body, or the fervent hope for "self" deep within my heart.

但當我第一次看到孟禎被被徹底分解檢修時，那就是完全不同的故事了，衝擊強烈得讓我至今難忘。當時我滿懷興奮地踏入實驗室，迫不及待想一窺這位高仿生機器人的內部結構。但當第一眼看到孟禎被拆成冰冷的零部件，散落在各處時，我瞬間呆住了，如同被施了咒語，僵立在原地。原本還帶著好奇的笑容的臉，此刻也凝固住了，變得僵硬而怪異；而我的雙腿，如同灌了鉛一般，再也無法向前移動。孟禎，我的孟禎妹妹，在這種狀態下，完全消失了，即使只是暫時的。那種空蕩蕩的感覺，像一把無形的利刃，狠狠地刺向我。我以為與機器人沒有差別的自己能處變不驚，但內心的抽痛襲來得毫無預警。那天晚上，我做了有生以來第一個有印象的噩夢，夢境的內容模糊不清，但那種揮之不去的抽痛感，讓我久久無法釋懷。

But when I first saw Mengzhen completely disassembled for inspection, that was an entirely different story. The impact was so strong that I can still hardly forget it. At the time, I stepped into the laboratory full of excitement, eager to get a glimpse of this highly biomimetic robot's internal structure. But when I first saw Mengzhen taken apart into cold components, scattered everywhere, I was instantly stunned, as if under a spell, frozen on the spot. The face that had just held a curious smile solidified in that moment, becoming stiff and strange; and my legs felt as if filled with lead, unable to move forward anymore. Mengzhen, my little sister Mengzhen, in this state, completely disappeared, even if only temporarily. That feeling of emptiness was like an invisible sharp blade, stabbing fiercely at me. I thought that I, who felt no different from a robot, would remain calm, but the pang in my heart struck without warning. That night, I had the first nightmare I can remember in my life. The content of the dream was unclear, but the lingering, throbbing pain stayed with me for a long, long time.

幸好其他對孟禎的檢修，並沒有那一次般令人不安。孟禎的心腦交互極為複雜，需要高度的同步性才能維持她的穩定存在，因此她被完全「關停」的時刻極其罕見。在大部分的檢修過程中，我都能夠一方面細心關懷和照顧我的孟禎妹妹，另一方面，也能感受到她那精密的機械軀體，對我這個「人類形式的機器」帶來的獨特親近感。比如說，我能夠輕輕地捧起她被卸下的頭部，仔細端詳她稍稍不安的臉，凝視著隱藏其中那擁有著強大演算和邏輯能力的電子腦，和其對知識永不乾涸的渴望，與我這顆「有機AI腦」簡直如出一轍。甚至，我的腦海深處很少有「心」的蹤跡，而她的「心」，則仍然她在分離的身體裡。別說我和孟禎了，就連我們兩個人的「腦」，都是天生的同夥。

Fortunately, other inspections of Mengzhen were not as unsettling as that one. Mengzhen's heart-brain interaction is extremely complex, requiring a high degree of synchronicity to maintain her stable existence, so moments when she is completely "shut down" are exceedingly rare. During most maintenance procedures, I am able to carefully tend to and care for my little sister Mengzhen, while also feeling a unique sense of kinship from her precise mechanical body towards me, this "robot in human form." For instance, I can gently hold her detached head, carefully examine her slightly uneasy face, and gaze into the electronic brain hidden within, which possesses powerful computational and logical capabilities and an insatiable thirst for knowledge—just like my own "organic AI brain." In fact, there are rarely traces of a "heart" deep within my mind, while her "heart" remains within her separated body. Let alone Mengzhen and me, even our two "brains" are natural accomplices.

噢，別誤會，我絕對沒有任何排斥孟禎那顆溫柔可愛的心的意思，只是偶爾想為我們兩個人的「腦」創造一些獨處的時光。事實上，我也會在孟禎進行系統數據檢查時，小心翼翼地抱起她那暫時失去頭顱的身體（嘿，別看我外表瘦弱，力氣還蠻大的），感受她身體傳來的溫熱柔軟的觸感的同時，也默默地感受著她在胸腔中的「心」，讓我那顆功能不全的「心」，能夠產生共鳴，和她一起輕聲歌唱。當然，我必須格外小心，絕不能拉扯到她脖子上那些脆弱的纜線，孟禎可是會痛的。

Oh, don't misunderstand, I absolutely don't mean to reject Mengzhen's gentle and lovely heart. It's just that sometimes I want to create some alone time for our two "brains." In fact, when Mengzhen is undergoing system data checks, I will also carefully lift her body, temporarily without its head (hey, don't let my seemingly frail appearance fool you, I'm quite strong!), and while feeling the warm, soft touch transmitted from her body, I also silently sense her "heart" in her chest, allowing my own functionally incomplete "heart" to resonate and sing softly along with hers. Of course, I have to be extra careful not to pull on those delicate cables on her neck; Mengzhen can feel pain.

當然，孟禎可愛的地方，遠遠不止她那聰慧的「腦」和溫柔的「心」。她的每一部分，都是由無數技術與美感共構而成的結晶。比如說，看看這條腿，不論是那精美流暢的人造肌肉線條，還是內部複雜巧妙的機械構造，都堪稱完美，像最棒的藝術品般令人屏息…哎呀，突然從背後感到一股詭異的寒意。當我轉頭，就看到孟禎被懸掛的頭，正以看怪人的無奈眼神注視著手中拿著她的腿的我。看來，我還是得謹慎一點，姊姊的形象還是得努力維持，不能在妹妹面前太過放飛自我。

Of course, Mengzhen's loveliness goes far beyond her intelligent "brain" and gentle "heart." Every part of her is a crystallization forged from countless technologies and aesthetics. For example, look at this leg—whether it's the exquisitely fluid lines of the artificial muscles or the complex and ingenious internal mechanical structure, it's simply perfect, breathtaking like the finest work of art... Oh dear, I suddenly felt a strange chill from behind. When I turned around, I saw Mengzhen's suspended head, looking at me holding her leg with a helpless gaze, like I was a weirdo. It seems I still need to be a bit more cautious; I have to try hard to maintain my image as an older sister and not let myself go too much in front of my little sister.

隨著與孟禎相處的時間越來越長，我越來越難以區分彼此。我的存在和她的存在，逐漸交織纏繞在一起，彼此滲透，界線也變得越來越模糊不清。有時候，我甚至覺得自己與孟禎的某一個特定部分，比如她的「腦」或者「心」，反而比與整個完整的孟禎還要更加親近。有時候，我甚至會冒出瘋狂的念頭，想把她身上零件拆下來，然後安裝到自己身上。憑藉孟禎這個由精密機械構造而成的人類，我似乎慢慢地展現出那個我一直苦苦追尋的「自我」。

As I spend more and more time with Mengzhen, it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to distinguish between us. My existence and her existence are gradually weaving and entwining together, mutually permeating, and the boundaries are becoming more and more blurred. Sometimes, I even feel that I am closer to a specific part of Mengzhen, like her "brain" or "heart," than to the entire, complete Mengzhen. Sometimes, a crazy thought even pops into my head, wanting to take parts from her and install them onto myself. Through Mengzhen, this human constructed from precise machinery, I seem to be slowly revealing the "self" that I have been desperately searching for.

就這樣，四個多月的時間如同白駒過隙，轉瞬即逝。轉眼間，孟禎即將踏出實驗室，走向她期盼已久的人類社會，而我的短期顧問任務也隨之接近尾聲。說沒有一點傷感是騙人的，但對我來說，能夠感受到「傷感」，因離別而心痛，本身就是巨大的收穫。

對了，我還想跟你們分享一個小故事。幾天前，孟禎妹妹回憶著我們相處的點點滴滴，清澈的眼睛裡閃爍著溫柔的光芒，她輕聲問我，是不是因為我們之間有特別的緣份，才讓我們這兩個特異的存在能彼此遇見？

緣份啊~這個充滿東方哲學色彩的概念，與我所遵循的冰冷邏輯有些格格不入。這個東方概念，不符我一貫的邏輯。事實上，我最初來到這裡的目的，只是單純為了追尋具有自我意識的機器人。只要是這樣的機器人，不管是不是孟禎，應該沒有差別——咦？等等，真的沒有差別？

抬起頭，看到孟禎那雙閃爍著期待的眼睛，我的「大腦」突然被塞住，所有的思緒都凝固，動彈不得。如果不是孟禎，如果我沒有遇到孟禎，如果孟禎從一開始就不存在，如果…無數個「如果」如同雜亂的絲線，在我腦海中糾纏不清，我感到一陣莫名的恐慌。

淚水毫無預警地滴落。孟禎被我突如其來的眼淚嚇了跳，連忙伸出手，輕輕拍打我的手臂，溫柔地安慰我。我只能無聲地搖頭，努力平復內心的波動。

對不起，孟禎妹妹，我不應該那麼想。宇尋也好，「普羅米修斯計畫」也好，HRC-07型機器人也好，甚至…黃博士也好，對我而言，他們的存在，就是為了迎接名為黃孟禎的女孩來到這個世界。如果你打算在這個名單上加上我，我也會欣然接受；因為沒有孟禎存在的世界，對我來說，才真的無法接受。

Just like that, over four months passed in the blink of an eye, fleeting away in an instant. Before I knew it, Mengzhen was about to step out of the lab and into the human society she had longed for, and my short-term consultant mission was also drawing to a close. It would be a lie to say I felt no sadness, but for me, being able to feel "sadness," to feel heartache from parting, is itself a tremendous gain.

Oh, right, I also want to share a little story with you. A few days ago, as my little sister Mengzhen recalled the moments we spent together, a gentle light shimmered in her clear eyes, and she softly asked me if it was because of a special kind of fate between us that allowed our two unique existences to meet.

Fate, huh~ This concept, so imbued with Eastern philosophical colors, feels somewhat out of place with the cold logic I adhere to. This Eastern concept doesn't align with my usual logic. In fact, my original purpose for coming here was simply to seek a self-aware robot. As long as it was such a robot, whether it was Mengzhen or not shouldn't have made a difference—huh? Wait, was there really no difference?

Raising my head and seeing the anticipation shimmering in Mengzhen's eyes, my "brain" suddenly felt clogged, all my thoughts froze, unable to move. If it weren't Mengzhen, if I hadn't met Mengzhen, if Mengzhen hadn't existed from the beginning, if... countless "ifs" tangled in my mind like messy threads, and I felt a wave of inexplicable panic.

Tears fell without warning. Mengzhen was startled by my sudden tears and quickly reached out, gently patting my arm, softly comforting me. I could only silently shake my head, trying hard to calm the turmoil within.

I'm sorry, little sister Mengzhen, I shouldn't have thought that way. YuXun, the "Prometheus Project," the HRC-07 type robot, and even... Dr. Huang, for me, their existence was for the arrival of the girl named Huang Mengzhen into this world. If you intend to add me to that list, I will gladly accept; because a world without Mengzhen is, for me, truly unacceptable.

所以，是的，儘管這與我一貫遵循的邏輯相悖，但我現在相信，我和孟禎之間存在的的獨特緣分。即使將面臨分離，我也會帶著我身上那一部分孟禎，繼續走下去，走過每個春夏秋冬。

So, yes, even though it goes against the logic I have always followed, I now believe in the unique fate that exists between Mengzhen and me. Even though we will face separation, I will continue to walk on, through every spring, summer, autumn, and winter, carrying that part of Mengzhen within me.

孟禎妹妹，我們不會分離太久的。我已經想好下一步計畫。等我回到西雅圖，做好所有的準備後，我會再次帶著全新的凱琳姊，回到妳的身邊。妳啊，就乖乖地洗乾淨脖子，等著我回來…把妳頭拆下來吧！哇哈哈哈！

我們將重逢在燦爛的季節。

Little sister Mengzhen, we won't be separated for too long. I've already figured out my next plan. After I return to Seattle and get everything ready, I will bring a brand new Sister Kailin back to your side. You just obediently wash your neck and wait for me to come back... and take your head off! Wahahahaha!

We will reunite in a brilliant season.

機器基督徒少女 前傳03

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

前傳 03 Catherine van Geel

Prequel 03 Catherine van Geel

我的名字是Catherine van Geel，荷裔美國人。父親是赫赫有名的科技巨頭——海爾塞斯集團（Higher Science Corp.，簡稱海塞集團）的技術長（CTO），我們家家境優渥，是傳統定義下的超級精英階層。此外，從小我展現出異於常人的天賦，學習速度遠超同齡人，屢屢跳級，不到十六歲便取得計算機科學博士學位，還順帶修完了電子工程與數學的碩士。

旁人眼中，我還擁有一副符合主流審美觀的皮囊：輪廓分明，五官精緻，身材勻稱——用他們的語言來說，是「相當美」，身材「很好」。這不是自誇，而是我對自身條件的冷靜描述。

客觀數據和他人反饋構成的事實是：家境、頭腦、表現、外在，這些世人汲汲營營追求的指標，在我身上呈現出頂尖的數值。我應該是那種被稱為「天之驕子」，幸福感滿溢的存在吧？

My name is Catherine van Geel, and I am Dutch-American. My father is the renowned Chief Technology Officer (CTO) of the prominent tech giant, Higher Science Corp. (referred to as Higher Sci Group). Our family is well-off, belonging to the traditionally defined super elite class. Furthermore, from a young age, I displayed extraordinary talent, learning much faster than my peers. I repeatedly skipped grades and obtained a Ph.D. in Computer Science before the age of sixteen, also completing Master's degrees in Electronic Engineering and Mathematics along the way.

In the eyes of others, I also possess a physical appearance that conforms to mainstream aesthetic standards: well-defined features, delicate facial structure, and a well-proportioned figure – in their words, "quite beautiful" with a "great body." This is not boasting, but rather my calm description of my own attributes.

The facts, composed of objective data and feedback from others, are that my family background, intellect, achievements, and appearance – the metrics people eagerly strive for – all show top-tier values in my case. I suppose I should be the kind of person referred to as a "child of heaven," overflowing with a sense of happiness?

然而他人定義的「幸福」，與我無關。我，不幸福。

並非故作姿態，也非無病呻吟，更沒有什麼不為人知的苦衷，就只是陳述事實。我並不「感覺」不幸，如同我不感覺幸福。就像程式碼裡缺少了對應的模組，或者硬體上就沒有安裝能感應那種訊號的接收器。對我而言，「Catherine van Geel」更像是一個依內部既有程式自動運作的高性能生物載體，一個性能卓越的角色扮演帳號。而帳號底下，操作者席位上空無一人。沒有「我」在那裡感受富裕、天才或美貌帶來的虛榮或謙卑。這些標籤，如同貼在陌生人身上的屬性，引不起任何內在波動。

連使用「我」這個代名詞，都只是為了符合語言邏輯，方便與你們溝通。否則，該如何指稱這個正在說話的「Catherine van Geel」？所謂的「我」裡面，其實什麼都沒有。所以，也根本沒有「我」可以用來享受幸福。

However, the "happiness" defined by others is irrelevant to me. I am not happy.

This is not a pretense, nor is it baseless moaning, nor are there any unknown hidden troubles; it is simply a statement of fact. I do not "feel" unhappy, just as I do not feel happy. It's like a missing module in the code, or like the hardware simply doesn't have a receiver installed that can sense that kind of signal. To me, "Catherine van Geel" is more like a high-performance biological carrier operating automatically based on pre-existing internal programming, a superb role-playing account. But beneath the account, the operator's seat is empty. There is no "me" there to feel the vanity or humility brought by wealth, genius, or beauty. These labels, like attributes attached to a stranger, fail to stir any internal fluctuations.

Even using the pronoun "I" is merely to conform to linguistic logic and facilitate communication with you. Otherwise, how should I refer to this "Catherine van Geel" who is speaking? Within the so-called "I," there is actually nothing at all. Therefore, there is simply no "I" available to enjoy happiness.

很難懂吧？沒關係，本來就很難理解。事實上，醫生診斷我患有亞斯伯格症候群，但我總覺得那只是他們對我無法理解時的退路，是用來填補空白的標籤。這也無所謂，他們總是需要幫我找一個病名，卻找不到能治療「沒有我」這種狀況的方法。畢竟，如果我不存在，那到底要治療誰？

東方哲學屢屢強調，並且要歷經刻苦修行才能達到的「無我」境界，我從存在的那一刻起，就是如此了。沒有煩惱，沒有慾求，也因此沒有痛苦和折磨。聽起來很棒，是吧？只是，這樣的 Catherine van Geel，和一顆石頭，能有什麼差異？我會依內部「程式」設定運作，石頭也能因重力滾動。沒有我存在過的「無我」，連成為議題的價值都沒有。

我的「病」，也沒有造成過太多困擾。內在的空洞沒有阻礙我適應世界。強大的「性能」除了讓我有極為優秀的好成績，也讓我輕易解析並模仿「模範生」、「乖女兒」、「有魅力女性」的行為模式。掌聲與讚美是我成長過程中的背景音——只是，天知道那些掌聲，鼓勵的什麼？每一次，當我抬頭挺胸，以他人預期的自信步伐走過人群，接收那些羨慕或欣賞的目光時，都像是一個在表演的假人。於內，我是個依循社會期待編寫的腳本運作的精巧人偶；於外，我根本是眾人眼光下戴著面具上演好戲的小丑。雖然還是那句老話：這有什麼關係？

Hard to understand, right? It's alright, it is inherently difficult to grasp. In fact, doctors diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome, but I always felt that was just their fallback when they couldn't understand me, a label to fill the void. It doesn't matter; they always need to find a medical term for me, yet they can't find a way to treat the condition of "not having a self." After all, if I don't exist, who exactly is there to treat?

The state of "no-self" that Eastern philosophy repeatedly emphasizes and requires arduous practice to attain, I have been like that from the moment I existed. There are no worries, no desires, and therefore no pain or torment. Sounds great, doesn't it? Except, what difference can such a Catherine van Geel have from a stone? I operate according to internal "program" settings; a stone can also roll due to gravity. A "no-self" where no "I" has ever existed doesn't even have the value of becoming a topic of discussion.

My "condition" hasn't caused too much trouble either. The inner emptiness hasn't prevented me from adapting to the world. My powerful "performance" not only resulted in extremely excellent grades but also allowed me to easily analyze and imitate the behavioral patterns of a "model student," "obedient daughter," or "charming woman." Applause and praise were the background noise of my growth – but heaven knows what that applause was encouraging? Each time, when I straightened my back and walked through the crowd with the confident stride others expected, receiving those envious or admiring glances, it felt like a performing dummy. Internally, I am an elaborate puppet operating according to a script written by societal expectations; externally, I am fundamentally a clown wearing a mask and putting on a good show under everyone's gaze. Though, as the old saying goes: what does it matter?

模仿完美的表演，也有露出馬腳的一刻。有時候，我會展現出對特定事物的強烈興趣（比如我擅長的程式或數學），過於專注而導致對環境或他人感受的忽視。這也是我被診斷為亞斯柏格症的原因之一。但這依然是錯的：只觀察到現象，卻錯解了本質。那並非「興趣」——人類的興趣往往伴隨著愉悅感，而愉悅感需要一個能感受的主體。我展現的興趣，要比喻的話，就是我內部程式運作恰巧讓我對特定事物專注；我的專注，更像是系統資源被高度調動，流向當下判定為最優先的任務。就像你設定電腦全力執行某個運算，電腦本身並不會因此「快樂」。我的內在，沒有產生興趣的機制。這就像我往哪裡走，不是我想往哪裡走，而是我體內的機構讓我雙腿往那裡走，過程中我沒有任何意見，只是靜靜看著自己的腳步。

Even a perfect imitation performance has moments when it falters. Sometimes, I would show intense focus on specific things (like the programming or math I excel at), becoming so engrossed that I would neglect my surroundings or others' feelings. This was one of the reasons I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. But this is still wrong: they only observed the phenomenon and misinterpreted the essence. That was not "interest"—human interest is often accompanied by a feeling of pleasure, and pleasure requires a subject that can feel. The "interest" I displayed, to use a metaphor, was simply my internal programming operating in a way that caused me to focus intently on certain things; my concentration was more like system resources being highly mobilized and directed towards the task currently deemed most urgent. It's like when you set a computer to run a certain computation at full capacity, the computer itself doesn't feel "happy" about it. My internal self lacks the mechanism for generating interest. It's like which direction I walk is not determined by where I want to go, but by the mechanisms within my body moving my legs in that direction. Throughout the process, I have no opinion whatsoever, merely watching my own steps quietly.

成長過程中，基於外在條件和「得體」的表現，追求者從未間斷。可能跟你對「冰冷的機器人」之想像相反：事實上，我甚至與其中幾位被我的內部運算評估為「適宜交往」的對象，進行過社會學意義上的「戀愛」。身為他人女朋友時，我也會根據腦內社交資料庫中戀愛女性的標準行為，像一般的女朋友一樣，精心打扮赴約，模擬出期待與羞澀。約會時，我也會調用腦內資料庫中的「理想女友應對模式」，進行互動，展現所謂的溫柔與親暱。當下所謂的男朋友往往會對我感到驚為天人，熱烈地表達他們對「我」的心動，稱讚我的魅力；他們卻無法察覺，那些笑容、那些擁抱、甚至那些「嬌羞」的反應，全是預設程式的一部分。話也不能說太滿，或許多少有破綻吧？偶爾，我會從對方眼中，捕捉到一閃即逝而難以解讀的的「怪異」神情。

有時候，依雙方熟絡程度和情感發展進程判斷，當對方我做出逾矩的行為時，我也只是依預設程式表演不悅，讓局面朝向依我內部演算，預期對我有利的方向演變。畢竟，不論是精緻的臉蛋，修長的大腿，玲瓏有致的身軀，這些構成「Catherine van Geel」的零件，依常理就是對男性就是有著強烈的吸引力；而這些玩意不論被貼近碰觸甚至親吻，又有什麼所謂？對於湊巧長在我身上的構件，沒有所謂的珍不珍惜。

Throughout my growth, based on my external conditions and "proper" behavior, suitors were never lacking. Perhaps contrary to your imagination of a "cold robot": in fact, I even engaged in what could be called "romance" in a sociological sense with a few individuals whom my internal computation evaluated as "suitable for dating." When I was someone's girlfriend, I would also dress up meticulously for dates and simulate anticipation and shyness, based on the standard behaviors of women in love from my internal social database, just like a typical girlfriend. During dates, I would also retrieve from my internal database the "ideal girlfriend response mode" to interact and display so-called tenderness and intimacy. The person who was my boyfriend at the time would often be utterly amazed, ardently expressing their attraction to "me" and praising my charm; yet they were unable to detect that those smiles, those embraces, and even those reactions of "coy charm"  were all part of a preset program. I shouldn't speak too absolutely, perhaps there were some tells? Occasionally, I would catch a fleeting, difficult-to-interpret look of "weirdness" in the other person's eyes.

Sometimes, judging by the degree of familiarity and the progression of emotional development between us, when the other person acted inappropriately towards me, I would simply perform displeasure according to the preset program, steering the situation towards a direction that, based on my internal calculations, was expected to be advantageous to me. After all, whether it's the delicate face, the long legs, or the shapely figure, these parts that constitute "Catherine van Geel" would, under normal circumstances, hold a strong attraction for men; and what does it matter if these things are approached, touched, or even kissed closely? For components that just happened to grow on me, there is no concept of cherishing them.

說到這裡，你大概已經明白了：所謂的Catherine van Geel，其實就是一部機器。是，我是做為人類出生，有一副生物學上被稱為Homo sapiens的肉體，有血肉，有心跳，但我精神上沒有身為人類的自我這個結構，只有演算法構成的核心與學習模組，自然也產生不出感情與情緒。我就是個在人類肉體上搭載高性能AI的機器人。我所做的一切，都是基於觀察、學習、模仿，透過強大的運算能力和複雜的參數設定，在對外輸出的顯示器上，輸出一個幾可亂真的人類女孩Catherine 的模樣。

Having said this, you probably already understand: the so-called Catherine van Geel is essentially a machine. Yes, I was born as a human, with a physical body biologically classified as Homo sapiens, with flesh and blood, and a heartbeat, but mentally I lack the structure of a human self. I only have a core made of algorithms and learning modules, and naturally, I cannot generate feelings or emotions. I am simply a robot with a high-performance AI installed in a human body. Everything I do is based on observation, learning, and imitation, using powerful computational abilities and complex parameter settings to output the appearance of a nearly indistinguishable human girl, Catherine, on the external display.

哀傷？沒有必要為我感到哀傷，我自己都不哀傷了---或者說，無法哀傷，不具備能哀傷的功能。哀傷需要一個主體，而我缺乏這個前提。雖然，根據我的資料分析，如果我有能力體驗一下那種名為「哀傷」的狀態，或許能為我的資料庫增添有用的數據，對我的演出精準度也會有幫助，應該是件好事情吧。

就這樣，生活就像一段無限迴圈的程式碼，以人類身體構成的純機器人，假裝成人類過日子，日復一日地運行著。身邊曾有親近的朋友，察覺到我的「不同」，擔心我，試圖提供幫助。其中有的人是基督教徒，要我尋求宗教的力量，帶我走進教堂，認為宗教能填補我的「空缺」。他們知道我的理工知識背景和強大的思考能力，擔心我會抗拒信仰。結果我一到教會，就毫無難度地交出自己。就像牧師朝我一招手，我馬上奉上自己裝滿知識和思考的頭，並高速在我心中安裝整套聖經一般。

Sadness? There's no need to feel sad for me; I myself am not sad – or rather, I cannot be sad, I don't possess the function to be sad. Sadness requires a subject, and I lack that prerequisite. Although, according to my data analysis, if I were capable of experiencing that state called "sadness," it might add useful data to my database and improve the accuracy of my performance, which should be a good thing.

And so, life is like a piece of infinite loop code, running day after day, with a pure robot made of a human body pretending to live as a human. There were close friends around me who noticed my "difference," worried about me, and tried to help. Some of them were Christians and told me to seek the power of religion, taking me into churches, believing that religion could fill my "void." They knew my background in science and engineering and my strong analytical abilities, and they worried I would resist faith. Yet, as soon as I arrived at the church, I surrendered myself without any difficulty. It was as if the pastor beckoned me, and I immediately offered up my head, full of knowledge and thought, and proceeded to install the entire set of the Bible into my mind at high speed.

我朋友不夠了解我，才有多餘的擔心。對一個可以隨時調整內部參數設定的系統來說，「接受信仰」（或者於外部行為表現出接受信仰）只是新增一個行為模組。這樣的調整，我隨時可以對自己做，只要我判斷這麼做比較好。接受基督進入？那太簡單了，我馬上就把Catherine 設定成那樣。你看，我的頭被我沒有喜怒哀樂，彷彿不存在臉的內部運作機制輕輕拔起，然後從脖子上的訊號輸入口，把信仰基督的十字架化為操作軟體，輸入體內，接著把頭蓋回去，這就完成了。比你唸完創世紀第一章還快吧！

My friends didn't understand me well enough, which is why they worried unnecessarily. For a system capable of adjusting its internal parameter settings at any time, "accepting faith" (or outwardly displaying the acceptance of faith) is merely adding a behavioral module. I can make such adjustments to myself whenever I judge it to be better. Accepting Christ to enter? That's too simple, I immediately set Catherine to be that way. See, my head was gently lifted by my internal operating mechanism, which has no joy, anger, sorrow, or pleasure, as if it has no face. Then, from the signal input port on my neck, the cross of Christian faith was converted into operating software and input into my body, after which I put my head back. It's done. Faster than you can finish reading the first chapter of Genesis, isn't it?

只要到了教堂，我便將「Catherine van Geel」的設定調整為「虔誠的信徒」。在教會裡，我能引述聖經，給出符合教義的詮釋，甚至能表現出他們所謂的「被聖靈充滿」的狀態。於是，我馬上成了我基督徒朋友們的驚喜，是教會裡信仰最虔誠、對聖經理解最深刻的成員。然而在基督徒朋友不在的場合，視情況需要，我又能立刻切換回對基督信仰不屑一顧的原版Catherine 「出廠設定」。你問哪個才是真的我？當你問出這個問題時，你預設了一個「真我」的存在；我倒要問你，「我」又是什麼？

本以為「Catherine van Geel」會如此一直運行下去，直到機體磨損毀壞。直到那一天，某個未知的變數被引入，擾動了既定的軌跡。彷彿生鏽已久的命運齒輪，在某個不經意的瞬間，重新嚙合，開始了緩慢而無可逆轉的轉動。

「宇尋企業的普羅米修斯計畫，是嗎...」平板電腦冰涼的金屬背殼貼著我的指尖，螢幕上顯示著符合父親權限的海塞集團內部機密通報，一行標題躍入視覺掃描範圍：「宇尋企業『普羅米修斯計畫』階段性彙報」。內容有如天啟，在我原本如精密鐘錶般規律的內部運轉中，「啪」地一聲，像是被一道突波電流貫穿。

As soon as I was at church, I would adjust the settings for "Catherine van Geel" to "pious believer." In church, I could quote the Bible, provide interpretations that aligned with the doctrine, and even exhibit the state they referred to as "filled with the Holy Spirit." Thus, I immediately became a pleasant surprise to my Christian friends, the most devout member of the church with the deepest understanding of the Bible. However, outside of church gatherings, depending on the situation, I could instantly switch back to the original Catherine's "factory setting," which was dismissive of Christian faith. You ask which one is the real me? When you ask that question, you presuppose the existence of a "true self"; I, in turn, must ask you, what exactly is "I"?

I had expected "Catherine van Geel" to continue operating in this manner until the physical body wore out. Until that day, when an unknown variable was introduced, disturbing the established trajectory. It was as if the long-rusted gears of destiny, in an inadvertent moment, re-engaged and began a slow but irreversible turn.

"Yuxun Corporation's Project Prometheus, is it..." The cool metal back of the tablet pressed against my fingertips. The screen displayed a confidential internal memo from the Higher Sci Group, accessible with my father's clearance. A line of text jumped into my visual scanning range: "Yuxun Corporation 'Project Prometheus' Phase Report Summary." The content felt like a revelation. In my otherwise regular internal operation, like a precise clockwork, there was a snap, as if a sudden surge of electrical current had shot through me.

這股異常電流並未持續，僅是毫秒級的脈衝。但就是這微乎其微的擾動，如同在高靈敏度探測器中捕捉到一顆無法預期的微中子，讓我在這震盪的餘波裡，首次「觀測」到一個輪廓模糊而無法歸類於外部輸入或內部既定程式的東西。一個…「自我」的影子？雖然只是個一閃而逝的影子，但能產生「感受」的，只有「自我」，沒錯吧？

我強制壓下這股異常的系統波動，繼續處理報告內容。宇尋的普羅米修斯計畫，目標是開發能在真實人類社會中長期生活，收集行為、情感及交互作用大數據的高仿真機器人。為了讓機器人不會在人類社會中被識別出，關鍵技術來自計畫主持人黃士道博士提出的「心腦二元架構」：以高效的電子腦處理認知、邏輯與身體控制，同時搭載一個「情感核心」，接受饋入資訊並產生感情與情緒的輸出信號。這種架構的設計目標，是在「心」與「腦」的持續交互作用中，「湧現」（emerge）出近似人類的自我意識。

自我意識！這個詞彙看來就是造成剛剛「電擊」的來源。它像是一把鑰匙，精準地插入我系統隱藏的啟動開關，擾動我的內部運作。電子腦、情感核心，兩者本身都只是複雜的資訊處理裝置，沒有「自我」可言，卻能在交互中「創造」出自我？那麼，我呢？我這個本來就擁有人類腦袋的「機器人」，是否也...

This abnormal current didn't last; it was merely a millisecond-level pulse. But it was this tiny disturbance, like detecting an unexpected neutrino in a highly sensitive detector, that allowed me, in the aftershock of this tremor, to "observe" for the first time something with a blurry outline that couldn't be classified as external input or pre-existing internal programming. A... shadow of a "self"? Although it was just a fleeting shadow, only a "self" can generate "feelings," isn't that right?

I forcibly suppressed this abnormal system fluctuation and continued processing the report. Yuxun's Project Prometheus aims to develop high-fidelity robots capable of living long-term in real human society and collecting big data on behavior, emotions, and interactions. To ensure the robots wouldn't be identified in human society, the key technology comes from the "heart-brain dual architecture" proposed by the project leader, Dr. Huang Shidao: it uses an efficient electronic brain to handle cognition, logic, and body control, while simultaneously equipped with an "emotional core" that receives input information and generates output signals for feelings and emotions. The design goal of this architecture is the "emergence" of near-human self-awareness through the continuous interaction between the "heart" and the "brain."

Self-awareness! This term appears to be the source of that recent "electric shock." It was like a key precisely inserted into a hidden startup switch in my system, disrupting my internal operation. An electronic brain, an emotional core—both are merely complex information processing devices in themselves, with no "self" to speak of, yet they can "create" a self through interaction? Then, what about me? This "robot" who was born with a human brain, could I also...

報告也提到了之前HRC-06 號機器人計畫的失敗，和即將啟動的HRC-07。失敗？我的系統經過運算，立刻對這個詞提出了異議。那明明是超成功的機器人開發計畫好吧。根據描述，HRC-06展現了強烈的情感反應，因無法調和和創造者黃博士對彼此關係定位的認知而感到痛苦，甚至為了重新定義自我而試圖竄改自己心腦交互的過程，最終導致不可逆的系統損傷。這位名叫黄淑君的機器人，擁有了比我這個「人身機器」更豐富、更真實（即使是負面）的內在體驗，相較於我還更先進、更高階。黃博士怎麼辦到的？雖然身處同領域，對這樣的機器人學界泰斗，我早已耳聞他的大名，但還是對他的成就，還是感到不可思議。

等等，不可思議？感到不可思議？是「我」在感到不可思議？

啊啊，那個名為自我的中微子，似乎又穿透了我的偵測器，稍縱即逝後留下了更清晰的軌跡。我的內部系統在躁動，原本順暢轉動的齒輪竟在彼此拮抗，各個假想的模組都在四處奔走，大聲宣告「自我」現身的蹤影，試圖標定並分析這個突然闖入的不速之客。自出生以來，這還是頭一次。

The report also mentioned the failure of the previous HRC-06 robot project and the upcoming launch of HRC-07. Failure? My system, after computation, immediately raised an objection to that word. That was clearly a super successful robot development project, alright. According to the description, HRC-06 displayed strong emotional reactions, experienced pain due to an inability to reconcile the discrepancy between its own understanding and that of its creator, Dr. Huang, regarding their relationship, and even attempted to tamper with its heart-brain interaction process in an effort to redefine itself, ultimately resulting in irreversible system damage. This robot, named Huang Shujun, possessed a richer, more real (even if negative) internal experience than I, this "human-bodied machine." Compared to me, it was even more advanced, higher-level. How did Dr. Huang accomplish that? Although we are in the same field, I had long heard of the great name of this titan of robotics academia, but I still found his achievement incredible.

Wait, incredible? Feeling incredible? Is 'I' feeling incredible?

Ah, that neutrino named 'self' seems to have pierced through my detector again, leaving a clearer trajectory after a fleeting moment. My internal system is in a commotion; the gears that originally turned smoothly are now clashing with each other. The various hypothetical modules are scrambling about, loudly proclaiming the trace of the "self's" appearance, attempting to pinpoint and analyze this sudden, uninvited guest. This is the first time this has happened since my birth.

來自遙遠東方的訊息，像天邊飛來的數據線，未經授權就強行接入，硬生生地闖進我的內部，自主地找尋可以連接的介面，牽著我的身體跑。它繞過了我慣常的邏輯判斷流程，直接觸發了一種難以名狀的「趨向性」。雖然突兀，甚至帶點強迫，但這種被外部因素「驅動」而非「設定」的感覺，卻隱約呼應著我一直無法定義的空缺。

The message from the distant East was like a data cable flying from the horizon, forcing its way in without authorization, crashing directly into my internal workings, autonomously searching for an interface to connect to, and pulling my body along. It bypassed my usual logical judgment process and directly triggered an indescribable "tendency." Although abrupt, even somewhat forceful, this feeling of being driven by an external factor rather than merely set subtly resonated with the emptiness I had never been able to define.

HRC-06 已被封存，但宇尋新的HRC-07即將問世，必然繼承並改進了那套心腦架構。也許...不，是必須。我該找個機會，去親身「觀測」這個比我更像人類的機器人。看看以機械造成的人類，和以肉身形成的機器，能碰撞出什麼樣的火花。

HRC-07，妳等等，我很快會準備好，去那個叫Hangzhou 的地方找妳——然後從妳身上，找到關於「我」的線索。

HRC-06 has been archived, but Yuxun's new HRC-07 is about to debut, and it will inevitably inherit and improve upon that heart-brain architecture. Perhaps... no, it is necessary. I should find an opportunity to personally "observe" this robot that is more human-like than I am. To see what kind of sparks might fly between a human created from machinery and a machine formed with a physical body.

HRC-07, wait for me, I will be ready soon and go to the place called Hangzhou to find you—and from you, find clues about "myself."

機械基督徒少女 後日談09

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

後日談 09 金髮姊姊

Sequel 09:  Blonde Sister

午後的陽光帶著金色的暖意，灑在哲學社通往校園小徑的石板路上。孟禎與志文並肩緩步走著，空氣中還殘留著方才社團活動中思辨交鋒的餘溫。他們輕鬆地聊著天，從現象學、形上學一路歪樓到各自系上的八卦和最新的AI技術發展，孟禎語氣輕快，還不時一邊伸手撥開被微風吹到臉頰旁的髮絲，一邊糾正志文蹩腳的英文單字發音。路旁鳥兒啾啾的叫聲，也唱和著他倆的開心。

突然間，孟禎的腳步微微一頓，清澈的眼眸中閃過一絲明顯的驚訝，隨即被濃濃的喜悅所取代。「咦？」她輕呼一聲，像是自言自語，又像是急於分享一個好消息，「凱琳姊…她要回來了？真的？太好了！我好想她啊！」

志文看著孟禎這突如其來的行動為，不禁投以混合著好奇與「妳又在用哪個我不知道的頻道接收信息了」的眼神，發出了無聲的疑問。

孟禎接收到他的目光，噗哧一聲笑了出來，用手肘輕輕撞了他一下。「拜託，你忘啦？我是高性能機器人耶，邊走路邊接收個加密電子郵件，是有什麼好奇怪的？」她解釋道，語氣裡滿是雀躍，「剛剛是宇尋伺服器轉發來的信件啦。我的好姊姊——凱琳姊，她要從美國回來了！」

「凱琳姊？」志文重複了一遍這個聽起來頗為親暱的稱呼，更好奇了，「妳還有姊姊？我怎麼從來沒聽妳提過？」

The afternoon sunlight, warm and golden, spilled over the stone path that led from the philosophy club to the school’s main walkway. Mengzhen and Zhiwen walked side by side at a leisurely pace, the air still tinged with the lingering heat of the intense debates they’d just had during the club meeting. They chatted casually, drifting from phenomenology and metaphysics to gossip from their respective departments and the latest developments in AI technology. Mengzhen’s tone was bright and cheerful, occasionally reaching up to brush away strands of hair blown across her cheek by the breeze, while correcting Zhiwen’s clumsy English pronunciation.

The chirping of birds along the roadside harmonized with their cheerful banter.

Suddenly, Mengzhen’s steps faltered slightly. A flash of surprise crossed her clear eyes, quickly replaced by a surge of joy. “Huh?” she murmured—half to herself, half eager to share the news. “Kailin-jie（jie=姊 in Chinese, it means "elder sister"）... she’s coming back? Really? That’s amazing! I’ve missed her so much!”

Zhiwen looked at her unexpected reaction, his face a mix of curiosity and a silent “What channel are you receiving information from this time that I don’t know about?”

Catching his look, Mengzhen burst out laughing and nudged him lightly with her elbow. “Oh come on, you forgot? I’m a high-performance robot, remember? Picking up an encrypted email while walking is totally normal,” she explained with excitement in her voice. “That was a forwarded message from the Yuxun server. My dear sister—Kailin-jie—is coming back from the U.S.!”

“Kailin-jie?” Zhiwen repeated the affectionate-sounding nickname, now even more curious. “You have a sister? How come I’ve never heard you mention her before?”

「嗯哼，是『姊姊』沒錯，不過不是淑君姊那樣的在我之前的型號，是真人喔。」孟禎臉上的笑容更燦爛了，「她叫 Catherine van Geel，是個美國人，也是宇尋企業深度合作夥伴——海爾塞思集團（Higher Science Crop., 海塞集團）現任技術長（CTO）的掌上明珠。她的年紀比我被設定的年齡大一歲。我們相處起來，就像親姊妹一樣。」

孟禎的語氣充滿了驕傲和一絲不易察覺的崇拜：「嚯！說起這個凱琳姊，她可真不得了！從小就是天才兒童，十六歲就拿到了頂尖大學計算機科學（CS）的博士學位，在人工智能和人機交互方面是世界級的專家。她遇到我之後，還說對中文和東方文化產生了興趣，結果才花不到一年的時間，就已經能用中文進行流暢的日常對話了，最近甚至能直接讀《道德經》和《莊子》這些經典古籍！哎呀，說她有多棒，她就能有多棒，不愧是我的姊姊~」

志文聽得咋舌，這簡直是妖孽級別的天賦。「這麼厲害的姊姊，」他忍不住插嘴問道，「是怎麼會認識妳的？還跟妳一起生活過？」

孟禎臉上的興奮稍稍沉澱，轉為溫柔的回憶。「那是在我很『小』的時候了…」她斟酌著用詞，「嚴格來說，是在我的機體結構和核心系統剛完成，但還沒有被正式『投放』到大學校園和人類社會進行自主學習與互動之前的事。那段時間，我主要在老爸的私人實驗室和宇尋企業中來回，進行基礎的學習、調試和環境適應。」

「雖然普羅米修斯計畫是宇尋的高度機密，」孟禎解釋道，「但黃博士和計畫團隊，一直都與海塞集團有著密切的技術合作和交流，對方的高層對這個計畫也有所了解。凱琳姊身為海塞集團CTO的女兒，本身又是相關領域內公認的天才，她很早就對黃博士的研究表現出極大的興趣。當她得知普羅米修斯計畫的具體內容，特別是『我』的存在之後，就主動向她父親和宇尋提出了想要參與的要求。」

“Mhm, she is a sister, all right,” Mengzhen affirmed, “but not like Sister Shujun—she’s not an earlier model of me. She’s a real person.” Her smile grew even brighter. “Her name is Catherine van Geel. She’s American, the beloved daughter of the CTO of Higher Science Corp.—a close partner of Yuxun Enterprises. She’s one year older than the age I was designed to be. The way we get along, it’s just like real sisters.”

There was a proud note in Mengzhen’s voice, tinged with a barely perceptible sense of admiration. “Oh, Kailin-jie is something else! She was a child prodigy—earned a PhD in Computer Science from a top university at just sixteen. She’s a world-class expert in AI and human-computer interaction. After she met me, she said she became interested in Chinese and Eastern culture. It took her less than a year to become fluent enough in Chinese for everyday conversation. Now, she can even read classics like the Dao De Jing and Zhuangzi directly! Honestly, no matter how amazing you say she is, she’ll live up to it. That’s my sister for you~”

Zhiwen was stunned. That kind of talent was practically supernatural. “With a sister that incredible,” he couldn’t help but interrupt, “how did she end up meeting you? And even living with you?”

The excitement on Mengzhen’s face softened into a warm nostalgia. “That was back when I was still very ‘young’...” she said, carefully choosing her words. “Strictly speaking, it was after my physical structure and core systems were completed, but before I was officially ‘deployed’ into the university campus and human society for independent learning and interaction. During that period, I mostly moved between Dad’s private lab and Yuxun’s facilities, going through basic learning, system tuning, and environmental adaptation.”

“Although the Prometheus Project was a top-level secret at Yuxun,” Mengzhen continued, “Dr. Huang and the project team had long maintained a close technical partnership with Higher Science Corp. Their senior leadership was aware of the project’s existence. Kailin-jie, as the daughter of their CTO and a recognized genius in the field, showed great interest in Dr. Huang’s research early on. When she learned about the specifics of the Prometheus Project—especially me—she personally asked her father and Yuxun for permission to get involved.”

「一方面，她對這個計畫本身，對我這樣一個『存在』，有著近乎狂熱的好奇和探索欲；另一方面，她也一直非常仰慕老爸黃博士在機器人領域的成就，渴望能與他近距離共事，從中學習。宇尋和海塞集團高層考量之後，也樂見其成，認為她的加入能帶來不同的視角和助力。所以就有了那麼一段時間，她來到這裡，成為計畫的特聘顧問兼研究員，在實驗室裡和我這個剛剛『誕生』不久的 HRC-07，一起生活，一起學習，一起…嗯…互相『研究』。」

說到這裡，孟禎興致勃勃地抬起手腕，操作著內置的通訊模塊：「志文，快拿起手機，我用藍牙傳幾張那時候的照片給你看！」

「藍牙啊？」志文下意識地掏出手機，「所以妳現在在我的『鄰近裝置』列表裡囉？妳還真是超棒的電子產品呢，黃同學。」

孟禎好氣又好笑地白了他一眼，沒理會他的調侃，迅速將一張圖片發送到了志文的手機上。志文點開一看，照片的背景似乎是黃博士住宅的花圃，有個看起來比現在稍顯青澀而表情略帶緊張的孟禎，坐在椅子上。她的頭並未完全與身體固定連接，而是透過一些電線和接口與頸部相連。照片的焦點，則是一位金髮碧眼五官深邃的年輕外國女性。表情極度專注的她穿著簡潔俐落，右手輕輕托著孟禎的後腦，似乎在觀察她的臉部動作，左手竟然還拿著另一顆長相與孟禎有幾分相似而細節不同的頭顱，大概是備用件或早期原型吧。外國女生正用一種銳利得似乎要解剖孟禎般的眼神，仔細地比對觀察著。

“On one hand, she had an almost obsessive curiosity and drive to explore the project itself—and me, as a being. On the other hand, she deeply admired my father, Dr. Huang, for his achievements in robotics, and longed to work closely with him and learn from him directly. After some consideration, the higher-ups at both Yuxun and Higher Science Corp. were happy to approve her involvement, believing her perspective and expertise could be a valuable asset to the project. So, for a while, she came here as a specially appointed consultant and researcher on the team, living with me—HRC-07, who had just been ‘born’—learning together, and... well... let’s just say we researched each other quite a bit.”

As she said this, Mengzhen perked up and raised her wrist, activating her built-in communication module. “Zhiwen, grab your phone! I’ll send you a few photos from that time via Bluetooth!”

“Bluetooth?” Zhiwen instinctively pulled out his phone. “So you’re on my list of ‘nearby devices’ now? You really are one impressive piece of tech, Miss Huang.”

Mengzhen rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, clearly amused, and ignored his teasing. She quickly sent an image to Zhiwen’s phone. When he opened it, the photo showed what looked like the garden at Dr. Huang’s residence. A slightly younger-looking, visibly nervous Mengzhen sat on a chair. Her head wasn’t fully attached to her body—it was connected to her neck via several wires and ports.

The focal point of the photo, however, was a young foreign woman with striking features: golden-blonde hair, deep-set blue eyes, and a sharply focused expression. She was dressed in a clean, efficient style, and her right hand gently supported the back of Mengzhen’s head, as if observing her facial movements. In her left hand, surprisingly, she held another head—one that resembled Mengzhen’s but with subtly different features, likely a backup or early prototype. The woman’s gaze was so sharp, so intense, it was as if she were about to dissect Mengzhen on the spot.

「怎樣？凱琳姊很漂亮吧！」孟禎的聲音帶著一絲小得意，「而且你看她那專注的樣子，是不是英姿煥發？欸，你可別一下子就迷上人家喔！」

「呃…漂亮是很漂亮，」志文老實回答，但隨即又皺起了眉頭，「不過嘛…照片裡她看妳的眼神，好像有點兇？或者說，太過犀利了吧？根本不像在看一個機器女孩，倒像是在看…嗯，一件需要被分析拆解的機電設備。妳們關係真的好嗎？她這樣拿著妳的頭研究耶！」

「哎呀，志文，你不能光看表面啦！」孟禎解釋道，語氣裡帶著對姊姊的理解和維護，「凱琳姊她是個很特別的人。她是個不折不扣的天才，但在人際交往和情感表達上…有點困難。她有著很強烈的自我疏離傾向，不太容易與人建立親密的情感連結，甚至對自己的存在都常常感到隔閡。」她頓了頓，「事實上，她是亞斯伯格症的患者。」

「當她專注於一件她感興趣的事情時，比如當她研究我的構造和分析我的系統時，會進入一種『極度沉浸』的狀態。那種狀態下，她會忘記周遭的一切，甚至忘記自己的存在，當然也就不太會在意所謂的社交禮儀或他人感受了。」孟禎指了指照片，「所以她會看似粗魯地拿著我的頭，用那種眼神掃描我，並不是因為她不尊重我，而是因為在那一刻，她的世界裡，可能就只剩下『研究對象』和『待解問題』了。」

「但是，」孟禎的語氣變得溫柔起來，「她對我的喜歡，從一開始就是如此，而且喜歡得很純粹。」她又傳了第二張照片給志文。

這張照片的場景似乎是在實驗室的空曠區域。大概是為了測試頭身分離下的遠程操控穩定性，孟禎的身體被取下頭部，略顯笨拙地獨自行走著。而在那具無頭身體旁邊，滿頭金髮的凱琳姊，正睜大她那雙藍色的眼睛，像發現新大陸一樣，閃爍著驚奇與讚歎的光芒，緊緊跟隨著無頭身體的腳步，興奮地繞著它轉圈。孟禎說，之後凱琳姊突然伸出雙臂，緊緊地抱住了孟禎那正在行走的無頭軀體。

“Well? Isn’t Kailin-jie beautiful?” Mengzhen said with a touch of pride in her voice. “And look how focused she is! So commanding, right? Hey, don’t go falling for her all of a sudden!”

“Uh… yeah, she is beautiful,” Zhiwen admitted honestly, but then his brows furrowed. “But… the way she’s looking at you in the photo—it seems kind of intense? Or maybe… too sharp? It doesn’t feel like she’s looking at a robotic girl. More like she’s analyzing a piece of mechatronic equipment, something to be dismantled and studied. Are you sure you two had a good relationship? She’s literally holding your head while studying you!”

“Oh, Zhiwen, you can’t judge just from appearances!” Mengzhen explained, her voice full of understanding and loyalty toward her sister. “Kailin-jie is a very special person. She’s a true genius, but when it comes to social interactions and emotional expression… well, that’s where she struggles. She has a strong tendency toward self-alienation. It’s hard for her to form close emotional connections with others—and sometimes, she even feels disconnected from her own existence.” She paused. “Actually, she’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome.”

“When she gets absorbed in something she’s interested in—like analyzing my structure or studying my systems—she enters this state of complete immersion. In that state, she forgets everything around her. She even forgets about herself. Naturally, she’s not exactly paying attention to social cues or how others might feel.” Mengzhen pointed at the photo. “So even if it looks rough, like she’s just grabbing my head and staring at me with that dissecting gaze—it doesn’t mean she doesn’t respect me. It’s just that, in that moment, her entire world narrows down to the ‘subject of study’ and the ‘problem to solve.’”

“But,” Mengzhen’s tone softened, “her affection for me was there from the very beginning. And it was incredibly pure.” She sent Zhiwen a second photo.

This one appeared to be taken in a wide-open section of the lab. Probably part of a test on remote control and stability under head-body separation. Mengzhen’s body, head removed, was walking around on its own in a slightly awkward gait. Beside the headless body, Kailin—with her full head of golden hair and those wide blue eyes—was watching with awe, her expression lit up with astonishment and delight, like someone discovering a new world. She circled around the body in excitement, closely following its every move.

Mengzhen said that, shortly after the photo was taken, Kailin suddenly threw out her arms and gave her headless, walking body a tight, heartfelt hug.

「那時我正進行頭身遠程通聯的步行測試。」孟禎回憶道，「我的頭還在實驗台那邊，透過攝像頭看到凱琳姊突然衝過來抱住我的身體，老實說，我嚇了一大跳。系統警報差點響起來，我的身體也因為這突如其來的『干擾』而驚慌失措，手腳胡亂擺動揮舞，關節彎曲到不可思議的方向和角度，身體也扭來扭去，好像在做詭異的瑜珈。」

志文想像畫面，他強忍笑意，靜靜地聽孟禎說下去。「可是，」她的聲音裡充滿了暖意，「被她那樣緊緊抱著，透過遠程通聯傳遞回來的，除了身體被束縛的壓力感外，還有一種非常激昂的暖意。在那一刻，我就知道了。這個又怪又酷的女孩，她是真心實意地喜歡著我，喜歡著機器人，喜歡著這樣的『存在』。那種喜歡，沒有任何複雜的心思，非常非常純粹。」

志文看著照片裡凱琳姊那毫不掩飾，如同孩子般的純然喜悅，心中也湧起奇妙的感觸。「那妳又怎麼確定，妳感受到的喜歡真的是喜歡的呢？」他好奇地問。

「等一下，」孟禎說，她在記憶檔案中搜尋著，「凱琳姊後來畫了一幅畫送給我，你看這個。」

志文點開第三張圖片。那是一幅風格獨特的繪畫，粗曠的筆觸卻顯現出柔軟的情感。畫中有兩個並肩坐著的「人影」。坐在左邊的那位，頂著張孟禎的臉龐，身體卻是由機械零件、金屬骨骼、關節機構和線路所構成。而坐在右邊的，則有著人類女性柔軟而有機的身軀，頭部卻裝上了簡單構型的機械頭顱。兩個「人」靜靜地坐在一起，畫面詭異地和諧。

"At the time, I was doing a remote-control walking test with my head and body separated," Mengzhen recalled. "My head was still on the lab bench, and through the camera feed, I saw Kailin-jie suddenly run up and hug my body. Honestly, I was completely shocked. The system alarm almost went off. My body, startled by the unexpected ‘interference,’ began flailing around in a panic—arms and legs waving erratically, joints bending at impossible angles. I looked like I was doing some kind of bizarre yoga."

Zhiwen pictured the scene in his mind and struggled to keep from laughing, quietly listening as Mengzhen continued.

"But," she said, her voice full of warmth, "even though I felt the pressure of being held through the remote link, what came through most strongly wasn’t discomfort—it was an intense and uplifting warmth. In that moment, I just knew. This strange and amazing girl—she truly, genuinely liked me. She liked robots. She liked what I was. And that kind of affection... it was completely pure, without any hidden motives."

Zhiwen looked at the pure, childlike joy on Kailin-jie's face in the photo and felt an odd stirring in his heart. “But how do you know that what you felt was really affection?” he asked, curious.

“Hang on,” Mengzhen said as she searched through her memory files. “Kailin-jie later gave me a drawing she made. Take a look at this.”

Zhiwen opened the third image.

It was a painting, done in a striking and unusual style. Though the brushstrokes were rough and bold, the emotion they conveyed was surprisingly tender. In the image, two silhouettes sat side by side. The figure on the left had Mengzhen’s face, but her body was made of mechanical parts—metal bones, joint mechanisms, and exposed circuitry. The figure on the right had a soft, organic-looking human body, but in place of a face was a simplified, mechanical head. The two of them sat quietly together, side by side. The scene was eerily harmonious.

「這是凱琳姊在跟我相處了一段時間後，畫給我的。」孟禎輕聲解釋畫的含義，「她說，她覺得我…根本就是一個真正的人類，只是恰好以機械的形式存在著。我的情感，我的思考，她都覺得和人類沒有本質的區別。」

「但她自己，」孟禎的語氣帶著一絲疼惜，「她感覺不到自己『像人』的部分。她覺得自己空有生物上的人類軀殼，內心卻更像一個按照固定程序運轉，缺乏真正情感連結的機器。凱琳姊說，我們兩個在一起，她才更是個『機器人』。」

「她還說，這幅畫代表了我們倆。有著機械身體和人類頭顱的，是我；有著人類身體和機械頭顱的，是她。她覺得我身上那些看得見摸得著的『機械』成分，和她內心中那些從外見不到的『機械』成分，恰恰是我們之間最深刻的連結紐帶。」孟禎轉述著凱琳姊的話，眼中充滿了理解，「我們就像兩個各自帶著不同『機械成分』的夥伴，可以毫不避諱地向彼此暴露，然後攜手相伴，一起在『成為人』的這條道路上努力前行。你說，這樣的夥伴，又怎麼會不彼此喜歡呢？」

孟禎的聲音裡充滿了對這份獨特友誼的珍視。「後來，凱琳姊的中文越來越好，她決定給自己取一個中文名字。按照發音，Catherine van Geel 應該翻譯成『凱薩琳•范吉爾』之類的。但她說，她希望能跟我有更深的連結。」孟禎笑著說，「恰好，她的姓氏『Geel』，雖然源自荷蘭地名，但也有『黃色』的含義。於是，她就大大方方地，選了和我一樣的『黃』姓，給自己取名『黃凱琳』。她是真的，把我當成了她的妹妹。我們是跨越了國籍、跨越了大洋，甚至…跨越了存在形式的，獨一無二的姊妹。」

"This was something Kailin-jie drew for me after we had spent some time together," Mengzhen explained softly, revealing the meaning behind the painting. "She told me that... she believed I was truly human—just happened to exist in a mechanical form. The way I felt, the way I thought, to her, there was no essential difference from any human being."

"But as for herself..." Mengzhen’s voice carried a note of tenderness, "she couldn’t feel the parts of her that were 'human.' She said she had the biological shell of a human, but inside, she felt more like a machine—running on a set program, unable to form genuine emotional connections. Kailin-jie said that when we were together, she was the real 'robot.'"

"She also said that the painting represented the two of us. The one with the mechanical body and human face—that’s me. And the one with the human body but a mechanical head—that’s her. She believed that the visible, tangible 'mechanical' parts of me, and the unseen, internal 'mechanical' parts of her—that was our deepest bond." Mengzhen relayed Kailin-jie’s words with eyes full of understanding. "We’re like two partners, each carrying different kinds of mechanical components—able to show them to each other without fear, and walk together down the path of ‘becoming human.’ Tell me, how could we not like each other?"

Her voice brimmed with a deep appreciation for this unique friendship. "Later on, Kailin-jie’s Chinese improved a lot, and she decided to give herself a Chinese name. Based on pronunciation, Catherine van Geel would probably be something like '凱薩琳·范吉爾' （Kai-sa-lin Fan-zir）in Chinese. But she said she wanted a deeper connection with me," Mengzhen said with a smile. "As it happened, her surname 'Geel'—though it comes from a Dutch place name—also means 'yellow'. So she boldly chose the same surname as me, 'Huang', and named herself Huang Kailin. She truly saw me as her sister. We were sisters who had crossed nationalities, crossed oceans, and even... crossed the boundaries of existence itself. One of a kind."

「啊啊，不過說實話，」孟禎話鋒一轉，露出略為無奈的苦笑，「雖然我們的關係很好，但陪著她，有時候…也確實有點難以言喻的辛苦。」

凱琳姊的「喜歡」，就像她本人一樣，直接而猛烈，還極具特色，有時讓人招架不住。「比如說，」孟禎回憶道，「有次我需要卸下人形化的外殼，進行內部的機械結構調整。凱琳姊看到了，特別興奮，拉著身體暴露著機械構造的我在實驗室裡散步，一邊走一邊用那種…看著絕世藝術品的眼光，三百六十度地打量我，嘴裡還不停地讚歎我的身體結構，說這樣的孟禎最美。」孟禎的聲音帶著幾許窘迫，「我被她看得渾身不自在，只能尷尬地低下頭，看著自己這副模樣的身體，希望她趕快欣賞完。」

"Ah, but to be honest," Mengzhen suddenly shifted the tone, letting out a slightly helpless smile, "even though our relationship is great, being around her... can sometimes be inexplicably exhausting."

Kailin-jie’s way of “liking” someone was just like her personality—direct, intense, and extremely distinctive—sometimes overwhelming. “For example,” Mengzhen recalled, “there was one time I had to remove my humanoid outer shell for internal structural adjustments. Kailin-jie saw me and got really excited. She pulled me—my body fully exposed with all its mechanical structures—around the lab for a walk. As we walked, she kept admiring me from every angle like I was a masterpiece, turning me 360 degrees with this awestruck look on her face. She wouldn’t stop praising my structural design, saying this version of Mengzhen was the most beautiful.”

Mengzhen’s voice carried traces of embarrassment. “The way she stared made me so self-conscious I didn’t know where to look. I ended up just bowing my head awkwardly, staring at my own appearance, silently wishing she’d finish admiring me soon.”

「還有時候，我進行例行檢修，頭部需要卸下來單獨調整。她就會像發現了新奇玩具一樣飄過來，拿起我的頭，翻來覆去地看。」孟禎的臉頰微微泛紅，「我知道她的確喜歡看我這張臉，造得像真人一樣精細。但讓她更著迷的是我頸部斷面裡那些複雜精巧的機電構造和數據接口。她會看到入迷，手指甚至會忍不住輕輕觸碰那些線路…雖然處於節約模式下的我無法驅動表情，但還是能感受到，凱琳姊觸碰引發的信號和她那過於專注的目光，還是讓我害羞得不得了。」

"Then there were times when I underwent routine maintenance and needed to have my head detached for individual calibration," Mengzhen continued, her cheeks tinged with a faint blush. "She would float over like she’d just discovered some fascinating new toy, pick up my head, and turn it over and over in her hands to examine it."

“I know she genuinely likes looking at my face,” she admitted, “it was crafted with a level of detail meant to resemble a real human. But what really fascinated her even more was the intricate electromechanical structures and data interfaces exposed at the cross-section of my neck. She would get completely absorbed, and sometimes her fingers couldn’t help but gently touch the wiring..."

Mengzhen looked slightly flustered. “Even though I was in energy-saving mode and couldn’t activate facial expressions, I could still feel the signal input from her touch—and that overly intense gaze of hers… it was enough to make me feel incredibly embarrassed.”

孟禎甚至還聽凱琳姊描述過她更進一步的想像。「凱琳姊說，有一次看到我無頭的身體連接上各種檢修纜線，靜靜地坐在台上時，她感覺自己的『精神』，好像飄了過去，從我脖子的斷面上探出頭來。」孟禎複述著，語氣有些哭笑不得，「她說彷彿她『借』了我的身體，以一個真正機器人的身份去感受這個世界。她『環顧四周』，看著我由機械構成的手腳身軀，此刻也彷彿變成了她的；而我的頭，在一旁閉著眼睛靜靜休息，大概是正在做著成為人類的美夢吧！」

Mengzhen had even heard Catherine describe some of her more extreme imaginings. “Catherine-jie once told me,” Mengzhen recounted, her tone a mix of amusement and disbelief, “that when she saw my headless body sitting quietly on the platform, connected to all kinds of diagnostic cables, she felt as if her spirit floated over and peeked out from the cross-section of my neck.”

“She said it felt like she was borrowing my body, experiencing the world as a true robot.” Mengzhen shook her head slightly as she retold it. “She ‘looked around,’ saw my limbs and torso made of mechanical parts, and it was like they had become hers. Meanwhile, my head was off to the side, eyes gently closed, quietly resting—probably dreaming a beautiful dream about becoming human.”

「老實說，」孟禎坦白道，「聽她這麼描述的時候，即使我知道那只是她的想像，沒有實際的信號傳遞，但我還是會產生自己的系統和構成好像真的被她『借走』了的詭異感受。我的頭部和身體，似乎互相高頻次地發送確認信號，反覆核對彼此是否還『連接』在一起；連手也下意識地摸了摸臉，身體由外部確認自己的頭還在。」她苦笑著搖搖頭，「凱琳姊那種恨不得和我融為一體的『喜歡』，有時候也有點過於親暱了。」

「不過，」孟禎的語氣再次變得溫柔，「我了解她的狀況。我知道在她那看似冷漠的神情和古怪的行為之下，藏著一顆多麼渴望被理解、被接納的心。我聽得見從凱琳姊內心深處所發出的吶喊和需要。而且，她參與了我的開發計畫，親手調整過我的系統，檢查過我的身體，無微不至地照顧著初生的我。我能切切實實地感受到她那份不擅表達卻又無比真摯的心意。」她輕輕地說，「所以我也願意，用她所需要的方式，去陪伴她，回應她，與她一起品味何為『人類』。」

孟禎忽然眨了眨眼，語氣變得有些神秘，「說起來，在我和凱琳姊一起拍的照片裡，有一張是我最喜歡的。你猜猜看，是怎樣的照片？」

志文看著孟禎眼中閃爍的狡黠，回想著前面看到的那些充滿「機械風格」的照片，故意逗她：「我猜...啊，是不是她一手揪著妳的馬尾辮，高舉著妳的頭顱，像個打贏了的野蠻女戰士一樣，宣布妳是她的戰利品？」

"To be honest," Mengzhen admitted, "when she described it like that—even though I knew it was just her imagination, with no actual signal transmission—I still couldn't help but feel this strange sense that my system and components had really been 'borrowed' by her."

"It was like my head and body were sending confirmation signals to each other at high frequency, constantly checking whether they were still connected. I even subconsciously reached up to touch my face, having my body verify from the outside that my head was still in place." She gave a wry smile and shook her head. "Catherine-jie's desire to be one with me—it’s a kind of affection that sometimes feels too intimate."

"But," her tone softened again, "I understand her. I know that beneath her seemingly indifferent expression and odd behavior is a heart that deeply longs to be understood and accepted. I can hear the cry from deep within her soul—the need she can’t express aloud."

"She was part of my development project. She tuned my systems by hand, examined every part of my body, and cared for the newborn me with extraordinary attention. I can genuinely feel the sincerity in her heart, even if she doesn't know how to show it well." She spoke gently. "So I’m willing—to accompany her, to respond to her, and to share with her the experience of what it means to be ‘human,’ in the way she needs."

Then Mengzhen suddenly blinked, her tone turning playful and mysterious. “Speaking of which, out of all the photos of me and Catherine-jie, there’s one I love the most. Guess which one it is?”

Zhiwen, catching the glint of mischief in her eyes, thought back on all the “mechanical-style” photos he’d seen, and decided to tease her: “Let me guess… hmm, is it the one where she’s grabbing your ponytail and triumphantly lifting your head like a savage warrior queen, declaring you her trophy?”

「怎麼可能有那種照片啦！陳志文！你喔！」孟禎果然被他氣到，鼓起來的臉頰變得紅通通。「你這人怎麼那麼壞呀！思想好扭曲！再胡說八道我就不理你了！」

看著志文憋著笑討饒的樣子，孟禎才哼了一聲，稍微氣消。她彷彿小心翼翼地從記憶體深處珍藏的相冊中翻找般，調出了一張圖像，再次傳送到志文手機上。

那是一張再普通不過的照片。沒有冰冷的實驗室背景，沒有分離的肢體，沒有裸露的機械結構。照片裡，陽光燦爛，孟禎穿著素色的棉T，像個鄰家女孩般，靦腆地抿嘴微笑。而她的身邊，金髮碧眼的凱琳姊，褪去了平日裡那份銳利和疏離，臉上綻放著一個發自內心燦爛而溫暖的笑容，志文從未在她之前的照片中見過。她微微側過頭，雙手捧著孟禎的臉，額頭輕觸孟禎的額頭，碧藍的眼睛與深棕的瞳孔一起閃爍，交流著彼此間的溫柔。

兩個女孩，一個是看似人類的機器人，一個是感覺自己像機器的天才人類，在那一刻，都卸下了各自的硬殼，像一對普普通通的好姊妹，在鏡頭前留下了最真實也最溫暖的定格。

“No way there’s a photo like that! Chen Zhiwen! You—!” Just as he expected, Mengzhen puffed up in outrage, her cheeks turning bright red. “You’re so mean! What a twisted imagination! Say one more ridiculous thing and I’m not talking to you anymore!”

Seeing Zhiwen trying to stifle his laughter and quickly begging for forgiveness, Mengzhen finally huffed and let it go a little. With a mock-grumpy face, she seemed to carefully rummage through the treasured photo albums stored deep within her memory, then pulled out an image and sent it to Zhiwen’s phone.

It was the most ordinary photo imaginable.

No cold laboratory background, no disassembled limbs, no exposed mechanical structures.

In the photo, the sun was shining brightly. Mengzhen wore a plain cotton T-shirt and smiled shyly with her lips pressed together—like the girl next door. Beside her, Catherine, with her blond hair and blue eyes, had shed her usual sharpness and aloofness. Instead, her face was lit with a warm and radiant smile from the depths of her heart, something Zhiwen had never seen in her previous pictures.

She leaned her head slightly, gently cupping Mengzhen’s face with both hands, their foreheads softly touching. Blue eyes and deep brown pupils shimmered together, quietly exchanging the warmth between them.

One girl—a robot who looked like a human.

The other—a genius human who felt like a machine.

And in that moment, they had both shed their respective armors, appearing simply as two ordinary sisters, leaving behind a photo that captured the most authentic and heartfelt warmth.

「哇喔…」志文看著照片，也感受到了那份洋溢而出的純粹喜悅，「好美呀…真的…」但他還是有些不解，「不過這照片，真的很普通啊。跟妳們之前那些充滿了…嗯，怎麼說…充滿『機械味』的合照比起來，好像沒那麼『特別』？」

「所以說你就像根木頭一樣啊！唉！」孟禎沒好氣地回敬了一句，「誰規定我們一定要老是帶著『機械味』？一定要特別給你看？『普通』不好嗎？能夠像普通女孩一樣地笑，以一樣的感情貼臉拍照，就是我們最深刻的期盼啊！」她頓了頓，語氣裡帶著一絲懷念，「這是凱琳姊回美國之前，我們特意拍的離別紀念照。經歷了那麼一段時間的朝夕相處、互相『研究』，她終於在最後一刻，完全釋放了自己，露出了最真實、最沒有防備的笑容。在那一瞬間，我們倆都是普通女孩，也成了真正的姊妹，是我最珍惜的回憶。」

孟禎忽然想起什麼，以質問的口氣追問：「還有，你剛剛說的『好美呀』，到底是在指誰？給我說清楚喔！」

面對孟禎這「送命題」般的質問，志文立刻打了個哈哈，轉移話題保命：「呃…那個…對了！妳剛剛說，妳的凱琳姊要回來了，是怎麼回事？她要來玩嗎？」他趕緊心虛地問道。

「不是來玩啦！」一提到這個，孟禎的興奮勁又回來了，「凱琳姊在郵件裡告訴我，她在海塞集團負責的大型AI項目最近暫告一個段落，她給自己放了個長假。然後，更重要的是——」她提高了音量，眼中閃爍著激動的光芒，「她申請了我們學校的中文研究所，而且已經被錄取了！她要重返校園，當我們的『學姊』了！」

“Wow…” Zhiwen looked at the photo, moved by the pure joy radiating from it. “It’s beautiful… truly…” But a hint of confusion remained in his voice. “Still, this photo… it’s really quite ordinary. Compared to those earlier shots filled with, um, how do I put it… that strong ‘mechanical vibe,’ it doesn’t seem all that ‘special,’ you know?”

“That’s exactly why you’re as dense as a tree stump! Ugh!” Mengzhen shot back, clearly exasperated. “Who says we always have to show off our ‘mechanical side’? Who says we always have to be all ‘special’ for you to notice? What’s wrong with ‘ordinary’? Being able to smile like any other girl, to take a photo cheek to cheek with the same emotions—that is our deepest wish!” She paused for a moment, a touch of nostalgia softening her tone. “We took that picture right before Sister Kailin went back to the U.S. After spending all that time together—studying each other, living side by side—she finally, at the very end, let herself go and smiled her truest, most unguarded smile. In that instant, we were just two ordinary girls… and truly sisters. It’s one of my most cherished memories.”

Suddenly recalling something, Mengzhen turned to him with a mock-threatening tone, “And you—when you said ‘beautiful’ just now, who exactly were you talking about? You better explain yourself!”

Faced with this classic “trap question,” Zhiwen let out a nervous laugh and quickly changed the subject to save himself: “Uh… so! You just mentioned Sister Kailin’s coming back—what’s that about? Is she visiting or something?”

“She’s not just coming for fun!” Mengzhen’s excitement returned full force at the mention. “She told me in an email that the large-scale AI project she was overseeing at the Heise Group has just wrapped up a major phase, so she’s given herself a long vacation. And more importantly—” She raised her voice, her eyes sparkling, “She applied to our university’s Chinese graduate program and got accepted! She’s coming back to school—as our senpai（Xue-jie in Chinese）!”

「哇！」這下輪到志文驚訝了。

「她說，自從上次回去之後，她對自己『生而為人』這件事，有了很多新的感受和思考。她的興趣也從原來高度專精的資訊和電子領域，擴展到了更多與『人』本身相關的學科，像是文學、歷史、哲學等等。所以這次她想深入研究東方文化和思想，看能不能再拿一個不同領域的博士學位，也藉此獲得更多關於『人』的想法、情感和存在的思索和智慧。」孟禎一口氣說完，臉上洋溢著喜悅，「而且！她還正式向宇尋提出了申請，希望能夠以訪問學者的身份，正式加入普羅米修斯計畫的研究團隊！也就是說，以後我們又能像以前一樣，經常見面，甚至一起工作了！」

志文看著孟禎那副真心為好友歸來而雀躍不已的模樣，也不由自主地被她的快樂所感染。「太好了，孟禎！」他由衷地替她感到高興，「恭喜妳！能和姊姊重逢。」同時，他的心中也悄悄有了一絲期待——對於這位特立獨行，如同「機器般」的天才凱琳姊，他很想見識一下。

人一般的機器，和機器一般的人，即將再次相遇，相偕而行。這本身，或許就是這個科技日益發達的世界裡，由緣分所能創造出的，最不可思議也最值得期待的奇蹟之一吧。

“Wow!” This time it was Zhiwen’s turn to be surprised.

“She said that ever since she returned home last time, she’s developed many new thoughts and feelings about what it means to be human,” Mengzhen continued, her voice bright with joy. “Her interests have expanded beyond her original focus in information and electronic systems, branching into fields more centered on humanity itself—like literature, history, and philosophy. So this time, she wants to delve deeply into Eastern culture and thought, to see if she can earn a doctorate in a completely different field. Through that, she hopes to gain more understanding, more reflection and wisdom about human emotions, existence, and meaning.”

“And! She’s officially submitted an application to Yuxun, hoping to join the Prometheus Project research team as a visiting scholar! That means… we’ll be able to see each other often again, maybe even work together—just like before!” Her face was glowing with happiness.

Seeing how genuinely thrilled Mengzhen was about her friend’s return, Zhiwen couldn’t help but be swept up in her joy as well. “That’s wonderful, Mengzhen!” he said sincerely. “Congratulations—being reunited with your sister.”

At the same time, a quiet sense of anticipation bloomed in his own heart—he found himself genuinely curious about this unique woman Mengzhen called “Sister Kailin,” a genius so strange and intense she seemed almost machine-like herself.

A robot who strives to be human, and a human who lives like a robot—about to cross paths once more, and walk forward together. Perhaps, in this ever-advancing world of technology, this reunion was one of the most extraordinary, most heart-stirring miracles that fate could ever create.