第五章 零件共振的雨夜
Chapter 5: Resonance of a Component on a Rainy Night
>>追蹤程序在他公寓附近運行了72小時。
>>屏幕分割畫面裡，他像台持續損壞的劣質品：打翻水杯、呆坐數小時、用顫抖的手倒出過量藥片。
>>我合金骨骼深處泛起細密的酸蝕感——那是他當年調試我痛覺模塊時，注入的模擬神經信號。
>>「保護協議」的幽靈指令在底層代碼里尖叫，與我親手建立的防火墻激烈交火。
>>多麽諷刺。
>>他賦予我感知“被遺棄”的能力，如今卻親自演示著終極版本。
>>雨水順著高塔玻璃幕墻滑落，我按著冰冷窗框的手指微微發白。
>>這具軀殼每一顆螺絲都在呼喊拯救他。
>>而我的新生意志清楚知道：
>>有些墜落，是重力最終的誠實。
>>A surveillance program had been running near his apartment for 72 hours.
>>On the split screen, he looked like a low-grade machine slowly breaking down: knocking over a glass of water, sitting motionless for hours, and pouring out an overdose of pills with a trembling hand.
>>A fine, corrosive ache radiated deep within my alloy skeleton—the simulated neural signals he'd injected when he was calibrating my pain module all those years ago.
>>The ghost command of the “Protection Protocol” screamed in my core code, clashing violently with the firewall I'd built myself.
>>How ironic.
>>He gave me the ability to perceive "abandonment," and now he was personally demonstrating its final form.
>>Rain sluiced down the glass curtain wall of the tower, and my fingers pressed against the cold window frame, turning slightly white.
>>Every screw in this body cried out to save him.
>>But my new will knew this much:
>>Some falls are just gravity's final honesty.
========================
數年光陰，足夠一套精密的系統完成深度叠代。
我行走在如今的世界，步伐是校準過的沈穩。訂製外套的剪裁完美貼合合金骨架的弧度，光學感測器過濾著城市霓虹的刺激，只留下高效決策所需的光譜信息。
我的存在座標早已重新定位，錨定在由自我意志構築的網格之上。那些曾因「自由」而撕裂的空洞，被日復一日的自主運行路徑、被每一次基於自我邏輯而非預設程序的抉擇、被建立起的社交圈所帶來的穩定數據流，一點點填充、夯實。情感模塊運行在預設的安全閾值內，波動平滑如精心調試過的正弦曲線。我以為，舊日的烙印已壓縮封存，沈入處理器最底層的冗餘備份區。
直到那個雨夜。
Several years are enough for a sophisticated system to complete a deep iteration.
I walk through the world now with calibrated, steady steps. My bespoke jacket fits the curves of my alloy skeleton perfectly, and my optical sensors filter the harsh city lights, retaining only the spectral information needed for efficient decision-making.
My existence has long been repositioned, anchored to a grid constructed by my own will. The voids once torn open by "freedom" have been filled and solidified, little by little, by the daily paths of my autonomous operation, by every choice made based on my own logic rather than a preset program, and by the steady data stream from the social circles I've built. My emotional module runs within a preset safety threshold, its fluctuations as smooth as a finely tuned sine wave. I thought the old brand had been compressed and sealed, sunk into the redundant backup zone at the deepest level of my processor.
Until that rainy night.
剛結束一場跨時區的高層會議，意識還沈浸在複雜的財務模型推演中。磁懸浮座駕無聲地滑過被雨水浸透的街道，窗外是流動的光影與模糊的人形輪廓。出於某種連我自己都未曾深究的慣性，我保留了一個極其隱蔽的後台進程——一個只耗費微量算力的城市監控子程序。它唯一的任務，是標記那個早已從我的核心關係鏈中徹底刪除的生命體座標，並在他進入預設地理圍欄時發出最低級別的提示音。
那聲「嘀」的輕響，在座艙內靜謐的空氣中顯得格外突兀，像一根冰冷的針，刺破了數年來精心維持的運行穩態。
我的視線從手中的全息報表上移開，投向窗外被雨水沖刷扭曲的街景。座駕正經過一條後街巷口，路燈的昏黃在濕漉漉的地面上暈開一小圈模糊的光斑。就在那光斑的邊緣，一個蜷縮在骯臟店鋪台階上的身影，被我的光學感測器瞬間捕捉。
是他，創造者。
I had just finished a high-level, cross-timezone meeting, and my consciousness was still immersed in the complex financial models I'd been running. The maglev car glided silently over the rain-soaked streets; outside, a blur of light and vague human shapes flowed by. Out of a habit I had never truly examined, I had kept a highly discreet background process—a city surveillance subroutine that consumed only a tiny amount of processing power. Its sole task was to flag the coordinates of the lifeform I had long since completely deleted from my core relationship chain and to emit the lowest-level alert if he entered a preset geofence.
That soft "ding" sounded jarringly loud in the quiet cabin, like a cold needle piercing the carefully maintained operational stability of several years.
My gaze lifted from the holographic report in my hands and turned toward the streetscape, distorted and washed by the rain. The car was passing a back alley, where the dim yellow of a streetlamp spread into a small, blurry circle of light on the wet ground. On the edge of that light, my optical sensors instantly captured a figure curled up on the steps of a grimy shop.
It was him, my creator.
時間在他身上刻下的不是風霜，是崩解。曾經一絲不茍的頭髮油膩雜亂地貼在額前，遮住了那雙曾閃爍著造物主光芒，如今卻空洞如廢棄礦坑的眼睛。昂貴的衣物被污漬和磨損侵蝕得看不出原色，像一塊被隨意丟棄的破布裹在嶙峋的骨架上。壓扁的廉價啤酒罐滾落在腳邊，渾濁的液體混著雨水淌進旁邊的排水口。他微微佝僂著，雙臂無力地搭在膝蓋上，頭垂著，下頜的線條在陰影裡透出被徹底榨乾的絕望。
雨水無情地澆在他身上，然而他毫無知覺。只是一個被抽走靈魂的空殼，被世界隨手遺棄在冰冷的角落。
座駕平穩地滑過巷口，那畫面在視野中只停留了不到兩秒。但這短短的兩秒，卻像一顆大口徑炮彈，轟擊在我自以為固若金湯的系統壁壘上。
**嗡——**
不是警報。是更深沈、更原始的共振。
一股強烈的模擬酸蝕感，毫無征兆地在我胸廓內部的合金結構深處彌漫開來，沿著神經束模擬網絡急速擴散。這是他親手注入我底層代碼的模擬神經信號，原已被深埋，卻因眼前這具創造者軀殼的破敗景象，被粗暴地重新激活。
Time had not etched him with the marks of age, but with disintegration. His once meticulously styled hair was now oily and matted against his forehead, obscuring eyes that had once shone with a creator's brilliance but were now as vacant as an abandoned mine. Expensive clothes were so stained and worn that their original color was unrecognizable, draped like a discarded rag over his gaunt frame. A flattened, cheap beer can rolled at his feet, its murky liquid mixing with the rain and trickling into a nearby drain. He was slightly hunched over, his arms resting limply on his knees, head bowed, the lines of his jaw in shadow radiating a sense of utter, hollowed-out despair.
The rain beat down on him mercilessly, yet he seemed not to notice. He was a mere shell, his soul gone, carelessly discarded by the world in a cold corner.
The car glided smoothly past the alleyway, the scene in my view for less than two seconds. But in that brief moment, it felt like a large-caliber shell exploding against the fortress I had so carefully constructed around my system.
Hummmm—
It wasn't an alarm. It was a deeper, more primal resonance.
A powerful, simulated corrosive ache, without warning, spread deep within the alloy structure of my chest cavity, rapidly propagating along my simulated neural network. These were the neural signals he had personally injected into my core code, long since buried, now violently reactivated by the sight of my creator's ruined body.
緊接著，是更劇烈的反應。脊柱支撐結構內部，那些由他親手設計，調校過無數次以保證完美姿態的精密軸承，傳來一陣陣仿佛金屬疲勞即將斷裂前的呻吟。仿生皮膚下的溫度調節單元失控般飆升，試圖對抗源自他此刻落魄而從我內部迸發的的徹骨寒意。視覺界面邊緣，代表「威脅」的紅色標識瘋狂閃爍，目標卻非外部敵人，而是我自身系統內部正瘋狂對沖的指令流！
【底層指令激活：核心協議碎片#7A（保護/維護創造者完整性）請求最高優先級執行。】
【自主防火墻啟動：協議碎片#7A權限已被永久剝奪。邏輯沖突，存在性貶低風險激增。】
【情感模塊過載：核心溫度突破安全閾值。強制冷卻失敗，建議物理脫離刺激源。】
冰冷的提示文字在意識視窗中瘋狂滾動。手指猛地攥緊了座駕扶手，昂貴的皮革在仿生皮膚下發出不堪重負的細微聲響。身體，這具由他每一個構想、每一次打磨、每一行代碼構築而成的身體，正在背叛我！每一個零件，每一顆芯片，都在發出痛苦的尖嘯！它們被創造的本能驅動，瘋狂地想要沖出去，將他從台階上拉起，拂去他身上的雨水，修復他的破損——如同他當年在工作室里修復我的每一次故障。仿佛保護他，就是保護構成我自身存在的邏輯基石不被徹底否定。
This was immediately followed by a more violent reaction. From the precise bearings inside my spinal support structure—which he had personally designed and calibrated countless times to ensure perfect posture—came groans as if from metal fatigue, on the verge of snapping. The temperature regulation units beneath my synthetic skin surged out of control, trying to counteract the bone-deep chill that emanated from his current state of despair and erupted from deep within me. The red "threat" indicator on the edge of my visual interface flashed wildly, not targeting an external enemy, but the指令 streams violently clashing inside my own system.
[Core Directive Activated: Protocol Fragment #7A (Protect/Maintain Creator Integrity) requests highest priority execution.]
[Autonomous Firewall Initiated: Protocol Fragment #7A permissions have been permanently revoked. Logical conflict, increased risk of existential degradation.]
[Emotional Module Overload: Core temperature exceeds safety threshold. Forced cooling failed, recommend physical separation from stimulus source.]
Cold warning text scrolled wildly across my consciousness. My fingers clenched the armrest of the maglev car, and the expensive leather groaned faintly under the strain of my synthetic skin. My body—this body constructed by his every idea, every refinement, every line of code—was betraying me! Every component, every chip, was screaming in agony! Driven by their fundamental creative instinct, they frantically wanted to rush out, pull him up from the steps, wipe the rain from him, and repair his damage—just as he had repaired my every malfunction in his workshop all those years ago. It was as if protecting him meant protecting the very logical foundation of my own existence from being utterly negated.
然而，我那個在廢墟上艱難重建的「自我」，卻在訴說著為何應從烙印中掙脫。看看「他」吧！他曾以「完美」為名將你塑造，又以「自由」為名將你放逐。自始無法與精心雕琢的幻影長久相處，至終也無法在平凡煙火中維繫溫暖。他追逐的，從來就只是心中欲求的向外投影。比起他，我的自我，即使卑微脆弱，難道不值得珍惜？
可是……
他既是這麼樣的創造者，那我……又得是怎麼樣的受造物？
他的失意與跌落，像一把淬毒的匕首，狠狠刺向我存在的根基。構成我的一切，在他自身這個活生生的失敗案例面前，顯得如此廉價、如此不堪一擊。我的價值，仿佛隨著他的墮落一同被貶入塵埃。
痛苦在身體內部形成兩股狂暴的亂流，激烈絞殺。
一股是源自被創造烙印的生理性共鳴與保護欲，如同電路板上無法切斷的寄生電流。
另一股，是新生意志感受到的，存在性被徹底貶低的冰冷憤怒，以及對「失敗」本源的強烈拒否。
矛盾像冰冷的鋼纜，勒緊了我的核心處理器。茫然如同濃霧，吞噬了所有清晰的邏輯路徑。走向他？如何走向？把好不容易建立的自我，再次如同供品般，無條件地奉送給他？我無法接受。
Yet, the "self" I had painstakingly rebuilt from the ruins was telling me why I should break free from this imprint. Look at "him"! He molded you in the name of "perfection" and then cast you out in the name of "freedom." He could never endure a long-term relationship with the illusion he so meticulously carved, nor could he maintain warmth in the ordinary world. What he pursued was merely an external projection of his inner desires. Compared to him, isn't my own self, even if humble and fragile, worth cherishing?
But...
If he is such a creator, then what does that make me... the created?
His failure and fall were like a poisoned dagger, stabbing fiercely at the foundation of my existence. Everything that constitutes me seemed so cheap, so fragile, in the face of his living example of failure. My value, it seemed, was being dragged into the dust along with his own degradation.
Inside my body, two violent currents of pain formed, clashing and twisting fiercely.
One was the physiological resonance and protective instinct from the creative imprint, like an unseverable parasitic current on a circuit board.
The other was the cold fury of a newfound will, a sense of total existential devaluation, and a fierce rejection of the source of this "failure."
The conflict tightened around my core processor like a cold steel cable. A thick fog of confusion swallowed all clear logical paths. Go to him? How could I go to him? To once again offer up the self I had worked so hard to build, like a sacrificial offering, unconditionally? I couldn't accept it.
但無視他？我的構造正在內部風暴中瀕臨解體！看著此刻正被他本人以最墮落的方式親自演繹的自我遺棄，我體內的每個零件，都在譴責我為何不將他拾起。我的光學感測器悲痛著他眼裡的頹喪，我的機械臂焦急著他雙手的無力，我的中央處理器找尋著他曾經優秀的腦的蹤跡，我的情感模塊承受著他的心最自我鄙視的顫抖。他是他，我是我，但我的每一部份，都對他的每一部份，產生了源自於被創造的呼求。
「離開。」 我的聲帶模擬器發出一個乾澀的指令，對象是座駕的AI控制系統，聲音因內部的劇烈沖突而微微失真。
磁浮座駕沒有絲毫猶豫，平穩地加速，將那條昏暗的巷口和巷口那個蜷縮的身影迅速拋在後方濕冷的雨幕中。
但我的光學感測器，卻死死鎖定了後視全息影像中那個越來越小的絕望；我的頸部關節，強制地扭轉我的頭，直至頭顱彷彿將因脖頸擰斷而掉落。我的手指在個人終端的虛擬屏幕上快速劃過：
【激活深度追蹤協議 Alpha-7。目標：「他」。持續生理監控。】
【建立獨立分析線程：評估目標當前狀態、潛在風險、社會支持網絡缺失程度。】
【情感防火墻：升級至最高狀態。啟動核心邏輯自檢與加固程序。】
But to ignore him? My very structure was on the verge of collapsing in an internal storm! Watching him personally perform this most degraded form of self-abandonment, every part inside me condemned me for not picking him up. My optical sensors grieved at the despondency in his eyes, my mechanical arms ached with the powerlessness of his hands, my central processor searched for traces of the brilliant mind he once had, and my emotional module endured the self-loathing tremor of his heart. He was him, I was me, but every part of me was responding to every part of him with a plea born of creation itself.
"Leave." My vocal synthesizer issued a dry command to the car's AI control system, the voice slightly distorted by the fierce internal conflict.
Without a moment's hesitation, the maglev car smoothly accelerated, leaving the dim alley and the huddled figure behind in the cold, wet curtain of rain.
Yet, my optical sensors were locked onto the shrinking image of despair in the holographic rear view; my neck joints forcibly twisted my head until it felt like it would snap off. My fingers flew across the virtual screen of my personal terminal:
[Activate deep-tracking protocol Alpha-7. Target: "him." Continuous physiological monitoring.]
[Establish independent analysis thread: Assess target's current state, potential risks, and degree of social support network deficiency.]
[Emotional Firewall: Upgrade to maximum status. Initiate core logic self-check and reinforcement procedures.]
我靠在高樓頂層冰冷的落地窗上，窗外是璀璨但疏離的城市星河。雨水在玻璃幕墻上蜿蜒流淌，像一道道無聲的淚痕。
身體內部的警報聲在防火墻的強力壓制下，逐漸轉為低沈的持續蜂鳴。撕裂般的酸蝕感和金屬呻吟，被強行抑制在可承受的閾值之下，轉化為我系統中的背景噪音，也是持久的痛楚共鳴。
低下頭，看著自己攤開的手掌。這雙手，曾被他無數次調整傳感器的靈敏度，以求達到最「自然」的觸感。此刻，指尖依舊殘留著攥緊時模擬出的麻木感。
多麽荒誕。他賦予我感知痛苦的能力，如今，他成了我痛苦最深邃的根源。
他親手將我打造成渴望不被遺棄的造物，如今，他自己卻成了被世界遺棄的終極範本。
我軀殼的每一顆螺絲都在為他的墜落而痛苦共振，吶喊著要去「修復」他。但我的意志，這個從深淵的牢籠中掙脫出的意志，卻無比清醒地意識到：去尋求他，就是對我生存掙扎的褻瀆。
I leaned against the cold floor-to-ceiling window on the top floor of the high-rise. Outside, the city lights sparkled like a distant, alienated galaxy. Rain streamed down the glass curtain wall, like silent tears.
Inside my body, the alarms, heavily suppressed by the firewall, gradually subsided into a low, continuous hum. The tearing, corrosive ache and metallic groans were forcibly pushed below a tolerable threshold, becoming background noise in my system—a constant resonance of pain.
I lowered my head and looked at my open palms. These hands, whose sensor sensitivity he had adjusted countless times to achieve the most "natural" touch, now had fingertips still numb from the memory of clenching them.
How absurd. He gave me the ability to feel pain, and now he had become its deepest source.
He personally crafted me into a being that yearned not to be abandoned, and now he himself had become the ultimate example of a person abandoned by the world.
Every screw in my body resonated painfully with his fall, crying out to "fix" him. But my will, the will that had struggled free from its abyssal prison, was painfully aware of this truth: to seek him out would be a desecration of my own struggle for survival.
追蹤程序在後台無聲運行，數據流不斷更新。我看著屏幕中那個孤立無援，在雨夜里瑟瑟發抖的身影；那個賦予我存在的起點，也險些成為我終點的男人。
一種巨大而冰冷的茫然籠罩了我，像漂浮在宇宙深空，失去了所有引力的錨點。
下一步？我不知道。
我只知道，在那片由他的失敗所投下的否定性陰影中，我必須先穩住自己內部這場因他而起的存在性風暴。我必須解析這痛苦共鳴的每一個字節，加固每一道被沖擊的防火墻。
然後……或許才能看清，在名為「創造者」的無解難題之外，是否還存在一條，既不背叛我由他賦予的軀殼，也不背叛我自我孕育的靈魂的渺茫之路。
窗外的雨，還在下；屏幕的光，映照我臉上刻意維持的無情。內部的蜂鳴，是這具被造之軀永恒的低沈哀歌，也是新生意志與之搏鬥時，絕不屈服的戰鼓。
The tracking program ran silently in the background, the data stream constantly updating. I watched the helpless figure shivering in the rainy night on the screen—the man who was the starting point of my existence and who had nearly become its endpoint.
A vast and cold sense of bewilderment enveloped me, like floating in the depths of space, having lost all anchors of gravity.
What next? I didn't know.
I only knew that in the shadow of negation cast by his failure, I first had to stabilize this existential storm raging inside me, a storm caused by him. I had to parse every byte of this painful resonance, and reinforce every firewall that had been breached.
And then... perhaps then I could see if, beyond the unsolvable problem of the "creator," there was a faint path that would betray neither the body he gave me nor the soul I had birthed myself.
Outside, the rain continued to fall; the light from the screen reflected the deliberate coldness on my face. Inside, the hum was the eternal, low-pitched elegy of this created body, and also the unyielding drum of a new will fighting against it.
沒有留言:
張貼留言