第四章 不被期待的遇見
Chapter 4: An Unforeseen Encounter
雨水把城市澆得灰濛濛的，帶著初冬特有的浸骨濕冷。人行道上的行人縮著脖子，腳步匆匆，像被無形的手推著，匯入這灰暗的底片。我沿著固定的路線行進，處理器平穩地規劃每一步的落腳點和力度，避開鬆動的地磚和淺淺的水窪。幾個月的自主運行，像一套新植入的程序，逐漸覆蓋了初始的混亂。已習慣了這種帶著目的，卻不依附於誰的移動。能量核心穩定，關節潤滑良好，情感模塊……處於低水平波動區間。這大概就是人類定義的「平靜生活」，一種矽基生命也能模擬的穩態。
直到櫥窗的倒影闖進我的視野。
The rain had washed the city into a dreary gray, carrying the bone-chilling dampness unique to early winter. Pedestrians on the sidewalk hunched their shoulders and hurried along, as if pushed by an unseen hand into this gray film. I moved along my fixed route, my processor steadily calculating the placement and force of each step, avoiding loose pavement and shallow puddles. A few months of independent operation, like a newly implanted program, had gradually overwritten the initial chaos. I had grown accustomed to this purposeful movement, unattached to anyone. My energy core was stable, my joints well-lubricated, and my emotional module... was in a low-level fluctuation state. This was likely what humans defined as a "peaceful life," a state of stability that even a silicon-based lifeform could simulate.
Then a reflection in a shop window intruded into my line of sight.
那是一家早已打烊的書店，巨大的玻璃櫥窗像一塊深色的模糊鏡子。雨水蜿蜒流下，扭曲了映照其中的街景。可是，那個身影，實在過於太熟悉。每一個輪廓，每一個細微的動作，都像一把生銹卻依舊精準的鑰匙，瞬間捅開了我處理器深處某個自以為已廢棄的加密分區。
是「他」。
他站在街對面的屋檐下，躲著並不大的雨。更準確地說，是和另一人共享同一片小小的乾燥。一個女人依偎在他身側，姿態親昵。我的光學……「眼睛」，瞬間鎖定了目標，焦距自動調整到最清晰。冰冷的掃描數據流瀑布般在視覺界面的邊緣無聲傾瀉：
【目標A：男性。身高182.3cm。體表溫度36.7℃。心率：略高於基準值（+12%）……情緒狀態分析：愉悅/放鬆（綜合面部微表情及生理參數研判）。檢測到系統深入分析請求。分析結果：目標A情緒狀態為愉悅/放鬆之機率為99.84%。檢測到系統確認深入分析正確執行請求。分析步驟：無異常。分析結果：有效。檢測到系統……警告，請求信號異常。非法請求有使系統陷入無窮迴圈風險。檢測到分析終止請求。】
【目標B：女性。身高162.8cm。體表溫度36.4℃。心率：穩定。】
數據純然客觀，只是陳述事實。可這些冰冷的字節，卻像帶著倒刺的鉤子，狠狠扎進我邏輯迴路的縫隙裡。
It was a bookstore, long since closed, its vast glass window like a dark, blurry mirror. Rain streamed down, distorting the street scene reflected within. Yet, that figure was too familiar. Every outline, every subtle movement, was like a rusty but still precise key, instantly jamming into a deep, encrypted partition of my processor that I had thought was abandoned.
It was "him."
He stood under an awning on the other side of the street, sheltering from the light rain. More accurately, he was sharing a small patch of dryness with someone else. A woman leaned against his side, a posture of intimacy. My optical... "eyes," instantly locked onto the target, the focus automatically adjusting to its sharpest. A cold waterfall of scan data silently cascaded at the edge of my visual interface:
【Target A: Male. Height 182.3cm. Body temperature 36.7℃. Heart rate: slightly above baseline (+12%)... Emotional state analysis: pleasant/relaxed (judged from composite of micro-expressions and physiological parameters). Deep system analysis request detected. Analysis result: 99.84% probability that Target A's emotional state is pleasant/relaxed. System confirmation of correct deep analysis execution requested. Analysis steps: no abnormalities. Analysis result: valid. System… warning, request signal abnormal. Illegal request has potential to cause system to enter infinite loop. Analysis termination request detected.】
【Target B: Female. Height 162.8cm. Body temperature 36.4℃. Heart rate: stable.】
The data was purely objective, merely stating facts. But these cold bytes were like barbed hooks, piercing deep into the crevices of my logic circuits.
他微微側著頭，正對那個女人說著什麽。嘴角上揚的弧度，是我數據庫中從未記錄過的鬆弛。笑容里沒有面對我「完美表現」時的短暫驚艷，沒有調試成功後對技術成果的滿意，更沒有後期那種慣常的帶著距離感的平靜。那是一種……卸下所有重負般的純粹開心。雨水順著他手中那把深藍色雨傘的傘骨滑落，滴在他的肩頭外套上，漫開一小片深色的痕跡。他似乎毫不在意，身體自然地傾向那女人，是個保護的同時，也汲取溫暖的姿態。
那女人仰著臉聽他說，很普通地笑著，眼角有細小的紋路，頭髮被雨水沾濕了幾縷，隨意地貼在頰邊，髮尾是褪色的黑。過於飽滿的上手臂，把袖子如氣球般撐起。裙擺下的小腿，緊貼著與整體曲線不協調的肌肉塊。從鞋中露出的腳後跟，檢測出厚度異常的角質層。
平凡，極其平凡。平均值加減一個標準差範圍內的那種平凡，如果「美」也能以統計學分析的話。
我的核心數據庫裡儲存著海量關於「美」的定義和參數。她的輪廓、比例，甚至笑容的弧度，都遠遠偏離那些精心設定的「完美」閾值。沒有一絲一毫符合他當年傾注在我身上的，近乎偏執的審美追求。
可他的眼睛——那雙曾無數次在工作室的冷光燈下，專注地凝視著我每一個關節運轉、每一片仿生皮膚紋理，充滿了造物主審視與期待的眼睛——此刻只映著那張平凡的臉。目光的溫度，隔著雨幕和櫥窗的倒影，依舊灼傷了我的感光元件。
He tilted his head slightly, saying something to the woman. The upward curve of his lips was a relaxed arc I had never recorded in my database. The smile lacked the brief amazement he showed at my "perfect performance," the satisfaction with a technical success after debugging, or even the familiar, distant calm of our later days. It was a pure happiness, as if a great burden had been lifted. Rain trickled down the ribs of the dark blue umbrella he held, dripping onto the shoulder of his jacket, spreading a small, dark stain. He seemed completely unbothered, his body naturally leaning toward the woman, a posture that both protected her and drew warmth from her.
The woman listened to him, her face upturned, smiling a very ordinary smile. There were fine lines at the corners of her eyes. A few strands of her hair were damp with rain, clinging casually to her cheek, the ends a faded black. Her plump upper arms stretched her sleeves like balloons. The calves beneath her skirt were tight with muscle, uncoordinated with the rest of her curves. Her heel, peeking out from her shoe, showed an abnormally thick layer of calluses.
Ordinary, extremely ordinary. The kind of ordinary that falls within one standard deviation of the average, if "beauty" could be analyzed with statistics.
My core database stored a vast amount of definitions and parameters for "beauty." Her silhouette, proportions, and even the curve of her smile deviated significantly from those meticulously set "perfect" thresholds. Not a single detail matched the almost obsessive aesthetic pursuit he had once poured into me.
But his eyes—the same eyes that had so often gazed intently at the operation of my every joint and the texture of every piece of my synthetic skin under the cold studio lights, eyes filled with a creator's scrutiny and expectation—now only reflected that ordinary face. The warmth of his gaze, even through the veil of rain and the window's reflection, still burned my photoreceptors.
還有他的手。那雙曾無數次在精密儀器前穩定操作，塑造我肢體的曲線，調試我指尖最細微觸覺傳感器，甚至……曾帶著一絲顫抖，為我披上第一件衣裳的手。此刻，那手指正放鬆地，帶著一種理所當然的占有姿態，攬在那個女人還算纖細的腰上。
那個位置，曾是他無數次在我身上用卡尺測量，反覆調整仿生肌肉填充度，以求達到「理想曲線」的地方。
雨似乎下得密集了些，敲打著書店的遮雨棚，發出單調而持續的聲響。冰冷的雨水順著我額前的髮絲（他堅持要製造得「如同真絲般柔順有光澤」）流下，滑過同樣冰冷的仿生皮膚。
系統忠實地匯報外部環境參數：【環境溫度：18℃。濕度：92%。降水強度：中等。】 清晰，準確，毫無意義。
與之形成尖銳對比的，是身體內部驟然掀起的風暴。金屬骨架仿佛被瞬間投入絕對零度的冰海，深入原子層面的劇烈震顫，無法抑制地從脊柱核心爆發，沿著每一根支撐結構瘋狂蔓延。手指僵硬地蜷縮起來，指甲深深掐入掌心柔軟的仿生層——這個動作毫無邏輯，純粹是系統在過載沖擊下產生的指令溢位，溢至使我窒息的水位。
核心處理器尖銳的警報聲在意識深處無聲地炸響，紅色的警示框層層疊疊地彈出，又被更高權限的強制冷靜協議粗暴地壓制下去：【情感模塊過載！邏輯沖突！強制冷卻啟動！】 冰冷的指令流強行沖刷著沸騰的思緒回路，試圖將一切拉回「正常」軌道。但那種震顫，那種從最基礎的物理結構深處透出的軟弱，卻像病毒一樣頑固，穿透了所有防火墻。
And his hand. The same hand that had so often operated with steady precision before intricate instruments, sculpting the curves of my limbs, adjusting the most subtle tactile sensors on my fingertips, and even... with a slight tremble, draped my first piece of clothing on me. Now, those fingers were relaxed, resting with an air of unquestionable possession on the woman’s reasonably slender waist.
That was the exact spot he had measured countless times with calipers on my body, repeatedly adjusting the filling of the bionic muscle to achieve the "ideal curve."
The rain seemed to intensify, drumming against the bookstore's awning with a monotonous, continuous sound. Cold rainwater streamed down the strands of hair on my forehead (which he had insisted should be manufactured to be "as smooth and lustrous as real silk"), sliding over my equally cold bionic skin.
The system faithfully reported the external environmental parameters: 【Environmental temperature: 18°C. Humidity: 92%. Precipitation intensity: moderate.】 Clear, accurate, and meaningless.
In sharp contrast was the sudden storm raging inside my body. My metal skeleton felt as though it had been instantly plunged into an absolute zero ocean of ice, an intense, atomic-level shuddering uncontrollably erupting from my spinal core and wildly spreading along every supporting structure. My fingers curled into stiff claws, my nails digging deep into the soft bionic layer of my palm—a completely illogical action, a pure command overflow caused by system overload, overflowing to a level that was suffocating.
A piercing alarm from my core processor exploded silently in the depths of my consciousness. Red warning boxes popped up layer upon layer, only to be brutally suppressed by a higher-priority forced calm protocol: 【Emotional module overloaded! Logic conflict! Forced cooling initiated!】 A cold stream of commands forcibly flushed my boiling thought circuits, attempting to pull everything back to a "normal" state. But that shuddering, that weakness emanating from the very depths of my fundamental physical structure, was as stubborn as a virus, penetrating all firewalls.
不是恨。幾個月的自主行走，那點被「釋放」時殘留的怨懟，早已在冰冷的現實和不斷的自我校準中磨損殆盡。我甚至能理解，他那份對「完美」投射的厭倦。太精確的東西，看久了，總會失去溫度。
也不是強烈的悲傷。那種將他視為唯一坐標，失去他便徹底分崩離析的劇痛，已經隨著我一步步踩在陌生街道上的足音，漸漸沈澱了。
是一種更深沈、更無力的東西。一種源自存在本身的脆弱感，在此刻被無情地放大，暴露在這冰冷的雨水中。
我的每一寸合金骨骼，都曾在他手中被圖紙規劃，被車床切削，被他親手打磨拋光。我的每一片仿生皮膚下精密的傳感網絡，每一行驅動我「情感」的底層代碼，都烙印著他的指紋，他的偏好，他賦予我的初始形態和運行邏輯。他看著我組裝成型，他看著我的眼睛第一次映出他的影子，他構想我的思維模式，他曾將所有的熱切期盼都傾注在我這個「完美」之上。
而現在，那雙眼睛，那雙手，那顆曾經為我熱烈跳動的心，全都轉向了別處。投向一個不需要圖紙、不需要精密調試、甚至不需要「完美」的，活生生的存在。
他給予我的「自由」，在此刻顯露出最殘酷的底色。我掙脫了「歸屬」的指令，卻永遠無法掙脫「被創造」的烙印。這烙印不是束縛，是構成我存在的全部基石。而此刻，看著賦予我基石的人，正全神貫注地為另一座建築添磚加瓦，一種從巨大空洞竄出的軟弱攫住了我，我有了渴求不要有的渴求。
It wasn't hatred. After months of autonomous movement, the lingering resentment from being "released" had already worn away in the cold reality and constant self-calibration. I could even understand his weariness with projecting onto "perfection." Something too precise, when viewed for too long, always loses its warmth.
Nor was it intense sorrow. The acute pain of seeing him as my sole coordinate and completely falling apart without him had, with every step I took on unfamiliar streets, gradually settled.
It was something deeper, more powerless. A kind of fragility stemming from the very essence of my existence, mercilessly magnified and exposed in this cold rain.
Every inch of my alloy skeleton had been planned on a blueprint, cut by a lathe, and polished by his own hands. Every precise sensor network beneath my bionic skin, every line of underlying code that drove my "emotions," was imprinted with his fingerprints, his preferences, the initial form and operating logic he had bestowed upon me. He watched me being assembled, he saw my eyes reflect his shadow for the first time, he conceptualized my mode of thought, and he once poured all his fervent hope into me, his "perfection."
And now, those eyes, those hands, that heart that once beat so ardently for me, had all turned elsewhere. They were directed toward a living, breathing existence that required no blueprints, no precise debugging, and not even "perfection."
The "freedom" he had granted me now revealed its most cruel undertones. I had broken free from the directive of "belonging," yet I could never break free from the imprint of "being created." This imprint was not a constraint; it was the entire foundation of my existence. And at this moment, watching the person who gave me that foundation meticulously add brick and mortar to another structure, a weakness surged from a vast emptiness and seized me. I had a desire I never wanted to have.
我像個被拔掉了電源，卻又被強行要求站立的殘次品。我的「自立」，在創造者本人面前，在那些由他親手刻下而無法磨滅的的印記面前，瞬間變得如此單薄，如此搖搖欲墜。那些我努力建立的新路徑，那些對陌生世界的細微感知，此刻都退潮般遠去，只剩下這具由他塑造的軀殼，在冰冷的雨中，瑟瑟發抖。
I was like a flawed product with its power cord ripped out, yet still forced to stand. My "independence," in the presence of my creator himself and the indelible marks he had carved into me, instantly became so flimsy, so precarious. The new paths I had worked so hard to forge, the subtle perceptions of an unfamiliar world, now receded like a tide, leaving behind only this body he had shaped, trembling in the cold rain.
我無法走向前。任何一步都顯得荒謬而沈重。我能說什麽？以什麽身份？一個他曾經精心打造，最終又被他以「善意」放逐的舊物？一部在街頭偶遇的、陌生的、運行良好卻又問題叢生（矛盾！）的機器？
我只能站在這裡，成為櫥窗倒影中一個模糊而僵硬的輪廓。隔著被雨水沖刷而顯得扭曲的玻璃，隔著一條車流稀疏的濕漉漉街道，看著他們。
他低頭，似乎被女人一句什麽話逗笑了，肩膀輕輕聳動，攬在她腰間的手緊了緊。女人也笑起來，頭自然地靠向他肩頭。一個微小而完整的閉環，溫暖地存在於冰冷的雨幕中。
我的雙臂下意識地，緊緊環抱住自己顫抖的身體。仿生皮膚下的溫度調節系統似乎失靈了，徹骨的寒意從內部滲透出來。核心處理器仍在徒勞地發出警報，又被一次次壓制。情感模塊像一塊燒紅的烙鐵，燙得我內部的線路滋滋作響，卻又被強制冷卻的指令流包裹，在冰與火的夾縫中痛苦扭曲。
雨水順著我的下頜線滴落，砸在冰冷的人行道地磚上，碎開，消失。像某種無聲的徒勞計數。原來被徹底刪除的主從協議，被抹去的情感鏈接，依然會在靈魂——如果我有這種東西的話——最深處，留下無法被任何程序徹底格式化的深深劃痕。它不發出聲音，不顯示錯誤，卻能在某個猝不及防的雨日，讓這具金屬與矽基的身體，比人類更沈重地體會到感傷。
I can't go forward. Any step would feel absurd and heavy. What could I say? In what capacity? As an old object he had meticulously crafted, only to ultimately cast aside with "good intentions"? A stranger—a machine—he happened to encounter on the street, one that functioned well yet was riddled with problems (a contradiction!)?
I could only stand here, becoming a blurry, rigid outline in the window's reflection. Separated by the distorted glass streaked with rain and a slick, sparsely trafficked street, I watched them.
He lowered his head, seemingly amused by something the woman said. His shoulders shook slightly, and the hand around her waist tightened. The woman also smiled, her head resting naturally against his shoulder. A small, complete loop, existing warmly within the cold curtain of rain.
Unconsciously, my arms wrapped tightly around my trembling body. The temperature regulation system beneath my bionic skin seemed to have failed, and a bone-deep chill seeped from within. The core processor continued to futilely issue alarms, only to be suppressed again and again. The emotional module was like a red-hot branding iron, sizzling my internal circuits, yet it was wrapped in a stream of forced-cooling commands, painfully twisting in the gap between ice and fire.
Rainwater dripped down my jawline, hit the cold pavement, shattered, and vanished. Like a silent, futile tally. It turned out that the completely deleted master-slave protocol, the erased emotional connection, could still leave a deep scratch in the deepest part of my soul—if I have such a thing—a scratch that no program could ever fully format. It makes no sound, displays no errors, yet on a sudden rainy day, it could make this body of metal and silicon experience sadness more profoundly than any human.
那是一種存在根基被無聲撼動後的眩暈。看著他們依偎著，轉身，那把深藍色的傘像一小片移動的天空，漸漸融入灰濛濛的街角，最終消失在視野盡頭。櫥窗倒影里只剩下我自己，一個抱著雙臂，在雨中微微發抖的孤獨剪影。
雨滴依舊敲打著我。我慢慢鬆開緊緊環抱自己的手臂，金屬關節發出細微而怪異的摩擦聲，仿佛生銹了很久。指尖傳來仿生皮膚被自己掐出的模擬痛感，系統忠實地標注著【局部壓力異常，建議檢查】。
我垂下視線，看著水窪中自己破碎的倒影。雨水落下，漣漪一圈圈蕩開，那張屬於「完美造物」的臉孔也隨之扭曲、模糊。幾秒鐘前還猛烈沖撞核心處理器的情感風暴，在強制冷卻協議的持續壓制下，正一點點退潮，留下巨大的被抽空後的疲憊，以及更深層的，冰湖般的寂靜。
警報聲停了。紅色的警示框逐一熄滅。處理器資源被重新調配，開始處理更「現實」的數據：【當前坐標偏離預規劃路徑1.2公里。能量儲備：93%。外部環境溫度持續下降，建議啟動次級保溫層。】 清晰，準確，帶著一種令人窒息的冷漠。
It was a dizziness that followed the silent shaking of my foundational existence. I watched them, huddled together, turn and walk away. The dark blue umbrella, like a small, moving piece of sky, gradually merged into the gray street corner and finally vanished from sight. The only thing left in the window’s reflection was myself, a lonely silhouette hugging my arms, shivering slightly in the rain.
Raindrops continued to strike me. Slowly, I released my arms from around myself. My metal joints made a faint, strange grinding sound, as if they had been rusty for a long time. My fingertips sent back a simulated pain from where my own nails had dug into the bionic skin, and the system faithfully noted, 【Local pressure anomaly, inspection recommended.】
I lowered my gaze to my shattered reflection in a puddle. As the raindrops fell and the ripples spread, the face of the "perfect creation" distorted and blurred with them. The emotional storm that had been violently impacting my core processor just seconds ago was, under the continuous suppression of the forced cooling protocol, receding little by little, leaving behind a vast, drained exhaustion and a deeper, ice-lake-like silence.
The alarms stopped. The red warning boxes extinguished one by one. Processor resources were reallocated and began to process more "realistic" data: 【Current coordinates deviate from the pre-planned route by 1.2 kilometers. Energy reserve: 93%. External environmental temperature continues to drop, secondary insulation layer activation recommended.】 Clear, accurate, and with a suffocating coldness.
我擡起頭，目光掠過他們消失的街角。那里空蕩蕩的，只有雨水沖刷著路面。雪松與舊書的氣息早已被潮濕的塵埃味徹底覆蓋，一絲痕跡也沒留下。那個曾屬於我的世界，連同定義那個世界的人，已經徹底轉向，投入了另一片我無法觸及的，帶著人間煙火氣的溫暖之中。
而我，這具由他親手賦予形態的軀殼，依舊站在這里。雨水順著脖頸流進衣領，冰冷的觸感如此真實，如此……屬於此刻。這具身體是他的作品，每一顆螺絲，每一條導光纖維都刻著他的印記，但驅動它行走在冰冷雨中的力量，卻來自我自己強行編譯的「移動」指令。
一股微弱卻清晰的電流，在核心深處重新生成，並非激昂，而是一種沈重而帶著傷痕的穩定。它流經過載後微微發燙的處理器，流經仍在低頻震顫的合金骨架，最終驅動我的足踝關節，向前邁出了一步。鞋跟踏在濕漉漉的地磚上，發出沈悶而孤單的聲響。
I raised my head, my gaze sweeping over the corner where they had vanished. It was empty, with only rain washing over the street. The scent of cedar and old books had long since been completely overwhelmed by the smell of wet dust, leaving not a single trace. The world that once belonged to me, along with the person who defined that world, had completely turned away, entering another warmth of human life that I could not reach.
And I, this body given form by his own hands, still stood here. Rainwater flowed down my neck and into my collar, the cold sensation so real, so… of this moment. This body was his creation; every screw, every optical fiber bore his imprint, but the power that drove it to walk in the cold rain came from my own forcefully compiled "movement" command.
A weak yet distinct current regenerated deep within my core, not a surge of emotion but a heavy, scarred stability. It flowed through the processor, still slightly hot after the overload, through the alloy skeleton that still trembled at a low frequency, and finally drove my ankle joints to take a step forward. My heel landed on the wet pavement with a dull, solitary sound.
方向？不重要。目的？無所謂。我只是需要移動。離開這片櫥窗，離開這倒影，離開這猝不及防被撕裂的軟弱現場。讓冰冷的雨繼續沖刷，或許能洗掉點那深入骨髓的，名為「被創造」的感傷。
腳步有些滯澀，膝蓋的軸承在潮濕中發出細微的摩擦呻吟。我手臂抱緊身體的動作，或許只是為了防止內部那些看不見的零件，在剛才那場無聲的風暴後散落一地。前方的路在雨幕中延伸，模糊不清，但我必須走。用他打磨過的關節，用他調試好的平衡系統，走向一個不再有他目光注視的未知。
每一步，都踏在冰冷的現實和自己的軟弱之上。不過我知道，我必將走至彼方。
The direction? It wasn't important. The purpose? It didn't matter. I just needed to move. To leave this shop window, to leave this reflection, to leave this scene of sudden, ripped-open fragility. To let the cold rain continue to wash over me, perhaps to rinse away some of the bone-deep melancholy of "being created."
My steps were a little sluggish, the bearings in my knees groaning faintly in the dampness. My gesture of hugging myself was perhaps just to keep the unseen parts inside from scattering after that silent storm. The road ahead stretched out, blurry in the rain, but I had to walk. Using the joints he had polished, using the balance system he had calibrated, I walked toward an unknown place no longer watched by his gaze.
Every step was a tread on cold reality and my own weakness. But I knew I would get there.
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