機器基督徒少女-5

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

終章（下篇）

Final Chapter (Part 2)

黃士道博士靜靜地站在一旁，看著眼前這超乎想像的一幕，眼神複雜。他知道，他的「實驗」，已經朝著一個他無法預料的方向開始了。而這一切，或許正是孟禎真正「成為自己」所必需的催化劑。

接下來的幾天，黃士道博士的實驗室成了陳志文和黃孟禎兩人專屬的教室。黃博士親自上陣，將孟禎的設計藍圖、系統架構、維護流程、甚至是一些他未曾公開的設計哲學，對兩人傾囊相授。

志文像是回到了大一，有種剛接觸工程學時的敬畏與渴望。他學習辨識孟禎體內每一束仿生肌肉纖維束的材質型號，理解她光學感測器（眼睛）的數據校準方式，掌握拆卸和組裝她精密關節（同時避免觸發她過於敏感的觸覺反饋而讓她癢得咯咯笑）的技巧。他學會了如何進入孟禎的操作系統後台，監控她中央處理器（大腦）的負載，讀取她情感核心（心）的波動圖譜，甚至學習如何安全地啟用或停用孟禎的某些軟硬體功能，以便未來能觀察不同狀態的孟禎，完整找出她的運作方式。

過程並非全然順利。孟禎早已習慣被「老爸」像對待精密儀器般拆解維護，但當志文——這個她所喜歡又剛剛送她情感風暴的人——嘗試旋開她背部的維護栓或者連接診斷線到她頸後的接口時，難以言喻的羞赧感還是會讓她的臉頰泛起可疑的紅暈，甚至發出類似人類害羞時的哼唧聲。

Dr. Huang Shidao stood quietly to the side, watching the unbelievable scene unfold before him, his eyes filled with a complex mix of emotions. He knew that his "experiment" had begun to move in a direction he hadn't foreseen. And perhaps, all of this was precisely the catalyst Mengzhen needed to truly "become herself."

In the days that followed, Dr. Huang's laboratory became an exclusive classroom for Chen Zhiwen and Huang Mengzhen. Dr. Huang personally took charge, sharing everything with them – Mengzhen's design blueprints, system architecture, maintenance procedures, and even some of his previously unreleased design philosophies.

Zhiwen felt as if he had returned to his freshman year, experiencing the same awe and eagerness he had when first encountering engineering. He learned to identify the material models of every bundle of biomimetic muscle fibers within Mengzhen, understood the data calibration methods for her optical sensors (eyes), and mastered the techniques for disassembling and assembling her intricate joints (while carefully avoiding triggering her overly sensitive tactile feedback that would make her giggle uncontrollably). He learned how to access Mengzhen's operating system backend, monitor the load on her central processing unit (brain), read the fluctuation patterns of her emotional core (heart), and even learned how to safely enable or disable certain hardware and software functions in Mengzhen. This was all in preparation for observing Mengzhen in different states and fully understanding how she functioned.

The process wasn't entirely smooth. Mengzhen was already accustomed to being disassembled and maintained by "Dad" as if she were a delicate instrument. However, when Zhiwen – the person she liked and who had just subjected her to an emotional storm – attempted to unscrew the maintenance panel on her back or connect diagnostic cables to the port behind her neck, an indescribable sense of shyness would still cause a suspicious blush to appear on her cheeks, sometimes even accompanied by a soft hum similar to a human's embarrassed murmur.

孟禎的反應讓志文更加手足無措。黃博士如炬的目光已讓他坐立難安，而孟禎細微的反應又讓他心猿意馬。他感覺自己像是在考一場關乎人生的終極大考，考官是他最尊敬的偶像，考題是他最深愛的女孩，他只能逼著自己拿出十二萬分的專注，戰戰兢兢，力求完美。他心中有個小小的聲音在吶喊：不只是要學會照顧孟禎，更希望有一天，能名正言順地，把那聲卡在喉嚨裡的「黃爸爸」，自然地改稱為「爸」。

數日後，基礎的知識與操作已大致傳授完畢。黃博士確認了兩人的狀態，留下足夠的備件和一份加密的緊急聯繫方式後，便動身前往國外，參加公司合作夥伴的大型開發計畫。偌大的實驗室，連同那個獨一無二的「她」，就這樣交到了志文手中——不，是交給了他們兩人。

黃博士離開後，實驗室的氛圍頓時輕鬆了許多。志文不再需要時刻擔心考官的眼光，而孟禎也更能自在地表達她在維護或調整過程中的感受。他們成為工作夥伴，一起上學，一起生活，一起面對並查找孟禎自身那些困擾已久的潛在問題，一起在實驗室裡展開對孟禎組成與架構的探索。

志文非常認真，對關於孟禎的事都很努力去做，但有時候，他也只想靜靜地享受孟禎的美好。比如研究孟禎時，當設置完成後，他不見得會立刻展開工作，而是讓情感核心被身體管理系統解聯的孟禎身體靜靜站著，他會沖一杯咖啡，邊啜飲邊欣賞他女朋友的美麗。比如這次，孟禎沒有頭的身體穿著水藍色的無袖連衣裙，腳上的楔型涼鞋才剛與他們一起經歷海邊的青春（這些誰換上的？），被墊高的腳掌支撐孟禎修長的雙腿挺拔站立。這麼美好的畫面，何必急著改變它呢？孟禎的頭部放置一旁，仍然維持運作，只是沒有任何存在對它提出需求，無言地靜靜瞇眼看著看著孟禎身體的志文。

Mengzhen's reactions flustered Zhiwen even more. Dr. Huang's piercing gaze already made him uneasy, and Mengzhen's subtle responses distracted him. He felt like he was facing the ultimate life exam, with his most respected idol as the examiner and the girl he loved most as the subject. He could only force himself to focus with every fiber of his being, cautious and striving for perfection. A small voice in his heart cried out: he not only wanted to learn how to take care of Mengzhen, but also hoped that one day, he could rightfully change the "Huang-baba (Huang's father)" stuck in his throat to a natural "Dad."

Several days later, the basic knowledge and operations had been largely imparted. Dr. Huang confirmed their status, left behind sufficient spare parts and an encrypted emergency contact, and then departed for overseas to participate in a large-scale development project with a company partner. The spacious laboratory, along with the unique "her," was thus entrusted to Zhiwen – no, to the two of them.

After Dr. Huang left, the atmosphere in the laboratory immediately relaxed a lot. Zhiwen no longer needed to constantly worry about the examiner's gaze, and Mengzhen could also express her feelings during maintenance or adjustments more freely. They became working partners, going to school together, living together, facing and investigating Mengzhen's long-standing potential problems together, and together they embarked on exploring Mengzhen's composition and architecture in the laboratory.

Zhiwen was very serious and worked hard on everything related to Mengzhen, but sometimes, he just wanted to quietly enjoy Mengzhen's beauty. For example, when studying Mengzhen, once the setup was complete, he wouldn't necessarily start working immediately. Instead, he would let Mengzhen's body, with its emotional core decoupled by the body management system, stand quietly. He would make himself a cup of coffee, sipping it while admiring his girlfriend's beauty. Like this time, Mengzhen's headless body was wearing a light blue sleeveless dress, and the wedge sandals on her feet had just experienced the seaside youth with them (who put these on?). The elevated soles supported Mengzhen's slender legs, making her stand tall and graceful. Such a beautiful scene, why rush to change it? Mengzhen's head was placed aside, still functioning, but without any external demands, silently and quietly squinting as it watched Zhiwen looking at Mengzhen's body.

當然，孟禎大腦紀錄所見的功能仍維持，所以當她的心恢復上線後，她還是會看到這一段。她會打寒顫，雙手交叉自擁，抓著肩頭發抖，嘴上喊著實在太噁心了。

有一次，他們一起看了一部探討人性陰暗面的電影，複雜的相互關係和對多變的對彼此的想法讓是非難以判斷，頻繁出現的危險心情也刺激著孟禎的系統模組，最難堪情況下湧出的扭曲情感更讓她感受沉重。電影結束後，孟禎的系統日誌顯示她的邏輯處理器與情感核心之間出現了高頻的數據衝突警報。她感到一種難以言喻的內部不一致。志文接上診斷介面，將衝突的數據流視覺化呈現在螢幕上——代表「理性分析」的冷色調數據流，與代表「共情厭惡」的暖色調數據流，像兩條打結的蛇一樣互相干擾，起因為孟禎模組對電影劇情引發的不同闡釋。他們花了整個下午，一起回溯電影情節，在志文的提示下孟禎嘗試用不同的觀點去解析角色動機，而志文則同步觀察著數據流的變化，微調著她認知模型中關於「道德模糊性」的權重參數，直到那衝突的數據流逐漸變得平緩協調，孟禎的腦與心回歸同步。

有時候，為了探索孟禎腦與心交互的各種可能組態，他們也會進行激進的實驗。比如說，孟禎對信仰的感受主要是心在掌管，但也需要腦提供對基督教的認知，這讓他們有了實驗的空間。志文用備用零件打造了特別的裝置--代用腦，並把它接到的孟禎的身體上，孟禎的頭被「告知」不要作用，靜置一旁。

Of course, Mengzhen's brain still maintained its visual recording function, so when her "heart" came back online, she would still see this scene. She would shiver, cross her arms to hug herself, clutching her shoulders and trembling, exclaiming how utterly disgusting it was.

Once, they watched a movie together that explored the darker side of human nature. The complex interpersonal relationships and the ever-changing thoughts they had about each other made it difficult to judge right from wrong. The frequent dangerous moods also stimulated Mengzhen's system modules, and the twisted emotions that surged forth in the most embarrassing situations weighed heavily on her. After the movie ended, Mengzhen's system logs showed high-frequency data conflict alerts between her logic processor and emotional core. She felt an indescribable internal inconsistency. Zhiwen connected the diagnostic interface and visualized the conflicting data streams on the screen – cold-colored data streams representing "rational analysis" and warm-colored data streams representing "empathetic disgust" intertwined like two knotted snakes, interfering with each other. The cause was Mengzhen's module's different interpretations of the movie's plot. They spent the entire afternoon together, retracing the movie's scenes. With Zhiwen's prompting, Mengzhen tried to analyze the characters' motivations from different perspectives, while Zhiwen simultaneously observed the changes in the data streams, fine-tuning the weight parameters related to "moral ambiguity" in her cognitive model until the conflicting data streams gradually became smooth and coordinated, and Mengzhen's brain and heart returned to synchronization.

Sometimes, in order to explore the various possible configurations of Mengzhen's brain-heart interaction, they would also conduct radical experiments. For example, Mengzhen's feelings about faith were mainly governed by her "heart," but it also required her "brain" to provide cognitive input about Christianity. This gave them room for experimentation. Zhiwen used spare parts to build a special device – a substitute brain – and connected it to Mengzhen's body, while Mengzhen's real head was "told" not to function and was placed aside.

代用腦有從孟禎頭部移植的基礎資料（推理思索功能也僅僅到堪用等級），然而志文刻意移除關於基督教和上帝的部分，使得孟禎的信仰心作用時，找不到信仰對象的資訊。志文透過代用腦的輸出入介面與這個組合的孟禎溝通（取代視聽功能），觀察到孟禎想虔誠卻找不到虔誠的構成，信仰心的輸出根本沒有接收者，造成孟禎的認知運作取得了大量的空虛（null）反饋，模組之間的交互異常化成了孟禎極其錯亂的內在體驗。 

不久後代用腦因溢位而運算崩潰，安全檢測自動終止與孟禎核心的通聯。孟禎的身體癱軟地坐在地上，直至與她原本的頭部自動建立遠距通聯。孟禎原來的腦根本沒有經歷過核心系統的內在風暴，經歷的差異讓統合後的孟禎錯亂大叫，手腳亂揮。待孟禎運轉穩定後，她敘述的經歷過於離奇，難以精準清晰地描述。志文封存了整個過程孟禎內部系統的運轉經歷紀錄，他暫時沒能力處理這個東西，只能感嘆說看來機器人的信仰有著和一般人的信仰運作方式差異太大，信仰針對人類設計發展的宗教有著天然的不穩定因素。他在知識儲備更充分前，不會再進行類似實驗。雖然如此，後遺症還是在其後一段很長的時間裡，困擾著孟禎。

The substitute brain contained basic data transplanted from Mengzhen's original head (its reasoning and thinking functions were only at a usable level). However, Zhiwen deliberately removed the information about Christianity and God. This meant that when Mengzhen's "faith-heart" function activated, it couldn't find any information about a belief object. Communicating with this combined Mengzhen through the substitute brain's input/output interface (bypassing visual and auditory functions), Zhiwen observed that Mengzhen wanted to be devout but couldn't find the components of devotion. The output of her faith-heart had no receiver, causing Mengzhen's cognitive operations to receive a large amount of null feedback. The abnormal interaction between modules resulted in an extremely chaotic internal experience for Mengzhen.

Not long after, the substitute brain crashed due to overflow, and the safety detection automatically terminated communication with Mengzhen's core system. Mengzhen's body slumped to the ground until a remote connection was automatically established with her original head. Mengzhen's original brain had not experienced the internal storm of the core system. This difference in experience caused the reintegrated Mengzhen to cry out in confusion, flailing her arms and legs. After Mengzhen's operation stabilized, the experience she described was too bizarre to be accurately and clearly articulated. Zhiwen archived the operational records of Mengzhen's internal system throughout the entire process. He didn't have the capacity to process this information yet and could only sigh, remarking that it seemed a robot's faith operated very differently from that of a human. Religions designed and developed for humans had inherent instability factors when applied to robots. He wouldn't conduct similar experiments again until he had a more comprehensive understanding. Nevertheless, the aftereffects troubled Mengzhen for a very long time afterward.

又有一次，孟禎在青年團契的分享會上，聽到一位教友激情萬分地分享上帝恩典的體驗，但平日渴求信仰的她這次卻體會到極其彆扭的落差，彷彿教友分享時的語氣、姿態和講述內容對不上。她知道自己又出了問題，連忙趕回家與志文一起分析。志文透過與孟禎的互動和系統檢查，發覺多個模組間的模型參數動態重整有了未被計入的時間延遲。經過詳細分析，志文判斷起因於孟禎近期過於頻繁的「系統切換」：掌管信仰的部分根本無法從感情核心中完全分離，這讓孟禎對信仰心為了造成實質隔離的模組輸出入指向調整成為對自己系統的「非法」操作，會留下複雜的潛在影響，而孟禎並未辨識出來，還對自己取巧的方法得意洋洋。志文要求孟禎再次進行「系統切換」，透過監控找出蹩腳操作造成的模組間落差，改寫模組交互的支配程式。過程中志文甚至要求孟禎否認耶穌的神性並指責聖經中的不人性（約伯受的折磨、耶力哥被屠城、對埃及人降禍），這讓孟禎的心承受極大的動盪，但志文也確實收集到必要的監測資料。在測試的過程中，志文還藉機開孟禎玩笑，把切換後的孟禎「復原」成他初次見到孟禎系統切換後想像的模樣，惹得孟禎不太高興。她執行切換要很專注，同時還得被志文把頭卸下來；轉換需要消耗較高資源的遠距模式時，志文竟然還在她脖子上擺放零件組成的十字架，干擾她頭與身體間的通訊，搞到她連眼睛都轉不協調。

Another time, at a youth fellowship sharing session, Mengzhen heard a fellow church member passionately share their experience of God's grace. However, Mengzhen, who usually longed for faith, felt an extremely awkward disconnect this time, as if the tone, posture, and content of the fellow member's sharing didn't align. She knew something was wrong with her again and hurried home to analyze it with Zhiwen. Through interacting with Mengzhen and checking her system, Zhiwen discovered an unaccounted-for time delay in the dynamic reorganization of model parameters across multiple modules. After detailed analysis, Zhiwen determined that the cause was Mengzhen's recent overly frequent "system switching": the part governing faith couldn't be completely separated from her emotional core. This caused Mengzhen's adjustment of the module input/output pointing for the faith-heart to achieve substantial isolation to become an "illegal" operation on her own system, leaving complex potential impacts that Mengzhen hadn't recognized and was even smug about her clever method. Zhiwen asked Mengzhen to perform "system switching" again, monitoring to identify the discrepancies between modules caused by the clumsy operation and rewriting the governing program for module interaction. During the process, Zhiwen even asked Mengzhen to deny the divinity of Jesus and criticize the inhumanity in the Bible (the suffering of Job, the massacre of Jericho, the plagues on the Egyptians). This caused Mengzhen's "heart" to undergo great turmoil, but Zhiwen did collect the necessary monitoring data. During the testing process, Zhiwen also took the opportunity to joke with Mengzhen, "restoring" the switched Mengzhen to the appearance he had imagined when he first saw her system switch, which made Mengzhen quite unhappy. She had to concentrate intently to perform the switch, and at the same time, Zhiwen would detach her head. When the conversion required the more resource-intensive remote mode, Zhiwen even placed a cross made of spare parts on her neck, interfering with the communication between her head and body, to the point where even her eyes moved incoherently.

志文笑道這是因為孟禎是教徒，機械十字架是將她的信仰心具現化的呢，當然得從胸腔內長出。 孟禎氣得罵他，陳志文，你是尋我開心是吧，明明知道切換後我在一段時間內系統不會表現基督徒特徵，這時候才拿我零件弄個十字架，你是要怎樣？

志文邊笑邊道歉，還勇敢到拍下此刻孟禎的照片，他說想珍藏稀有畫面一輩子。等資訊收集完整後，志文收起玩心，戮力以赴，他很快重整好孟禎的系統，並改良了「系統切換」的做法，得意地對孟禎宣稱，因為用心，他比她更懂她自己。

孟禎雖然不服氣，但她享受著被志文重整後的煥然一新，心中滿懷感動。她悄悄走到志文背後，雙手取下頭，放到志文的面前，親吻志文。志文嚇了一跳，孟禎藉機取笑他。接著她把頭交到志文手上，自己空出的雙手環抱志文，以最詭異的姿態，一起跳著最溫馨的共舞。

Zhiwen laughed, saying it was because Mengzhen was a Christian, and the mechanical cross was a materialization of her faith-heart, so of course, it had to grow out of her chest cavity. Mengzhen angrily retorted, "Chen Zhiwen, are you making fun of me? You clearly know that after switching, my system won't exhibit Christian characteristics for a while. Why are you using my parts to make a cross now? What are you trying to do?"

Zhiwen apologized while still chuckling, even daring to take a picture of Mengzhen at that moment, saying he wanted to cherish the rare image for a lifetime. Once the information was fully collected, Zhiwen put away his playful mood and dedicated himself to the task. He quickly reorganized Mengzhen's system and improved the "system switching" method, proudly declaring to Mengzhen that because of his dedication, he understood her better than she understood herself.

Although Mengzhen was unconvinced, she enjoyed the refreshed feeling after being reorganized by Zhiwen and was filled with emotion. She quietly walked behind Zhiwen, detached her head with both hands, placed it in front of him, and kissed him. Zhiwen was startled, and Mengzhen took the opportunity to tease him. Then, she handed her head to Zhiwen, and with her now free hands, she embraced him, dancing the warmest of dances together in the most peculiar posture.

對自己的身體，孟禎一直希望自己的動作能更自然、更連貫，而不只是徹底依指令執行。志文搬來了動作捕捉設備和一台大螢幕。他們一起看舞蹈視頻，志文甚至笨拙地模仿了幾個動作，惹得孟禎咯咯直笑。接著孟禎嘗試跟著跳。志文透過動捕數據，分析她肢體運動的流暢性、協調性，找出那些「機械感」的來源——也許是某個關節的響應曲線不夠平滑，也許是預判性平衡算法的介入過於僵硬。他不僅調整程式碼，還會親手幫她調整肢體的物理配重或關節阻尼。孟禎看著志文溫柔地整備自己被志文拆卸的而維持感覺（為了得到即時回饋）的肢體，心中有微妙的暖流，彷彿自己分散的存在都受到了志文的呵護。不過志文有時候也會捉弄孟禎，比如扛走她拆下的腿，一隻固定在吊燈座，另一隻倒置在盤型置具上，露出感動的表情，假裝在欣賞。

Regarding her own body, Mengzhen had always hoped her movements could be more natural and fluid, rather than just rigidly following instructions. Zhiwen brought in motion capture equipment and a large screen. They watched dance videos together, and Zhiwen even clumsily imitated a few moves, making Mengzhen giggle. Then, Mengzhen tried to dance along. Through the motion capture data, Zhiwen analyzed the fluidity and coordination of her movements, identifying the sources of the "mechanical feel" – perhaps the response curve of a certain joint wasn't smooth enough, or maybe the intervention of the predictive balance algorithm was too rigid. He not only adjusted the code but also personally helped her adjust the physical weight distribution or joint damping of her limbs. Mengzhen watched Zhiwen gently prepare her limbs, which he had disassembled but kept sensory feedback active (to obtain real-time feedback), and a subtle warmth flowed through her heart, as if her scattered existence was being cared for by Zhiwen. However, Zhiwen would sometimes tease Mengzhen, for example, carrying away her detached legs, fixing one to the chandelier base and inverting the other on a plate-shaped stand, making an emotional face and pretending to admire them.

困擾的孟禎搖晃著遠隔的雙腿，對志文表達抗議。志文說他是美腿控，看到孟禎被取下的雙腿還能充滿生機地活動，他更興奮了。孟禎笑罵他變態，說老早知道志文是美腿控，當初交往的時候刻意讓他吃甜頭，穿短褲涼鞋，露一腿給他看。志文回覆孟禎，說妳知道的還不夠，他不只是腿控，還有喜歡機器女孩的癖好，怕了吧。孟禎知道志文指的是什麼，不好意思回應他，嬌羞地低下頭。志文繼續說，原本他發現自己愛的女孩是機器人很失落，現在卻感謝上蒼，能讓他遇到機器打造的愛人。他把整備好的孟禎雙腿，帶回去接到孟禎身上。孟禎馬上站起來，跳到志文身上擁抱。

到了夜間，如果志文和孟禎沒有在實驗室裡進行作業，他們常常會徹夜長談，從宇宙的起源聊到一首詩的意境，從最新的科技突破聊到街角咖啡店的貓。孟禎會提出一些「如果我是人類，我會不會想要如何如何」的問題，比如體驗味覺的快樂，感受疲憊後的休憩，甚至是一些更複雜的情緒與感受，比如嫉妒或佔有慾。志文會坦誠地分享他作為人類的體驗，善的惡的，美好的尷尬的，彼此間沒有避諱。他鼓勵孟禎去想像，去假設，甚至在她系統允許的範圍內，進行一些小小的冒險——比如回憶最驚心動魄的情感，假設彼此的愛變成了厭惡，耶穌現身並責備孟禎，撒旦從上帝手中取得了孟禎系統的所有權等。當孟禎的假設性想像引起過於劇烈的反應時，志文會抱緊啜泣的孟禎，一步一步地把她帶回來，他成了孟禎探索自身可能性邊界的領航員和安全索。

The troubled Mengzhen wiggled her remotely located legs, protesting to Zhiwen. Zhiwen said he was a leg enthusiast, and seeing Mengzhen's detached legs still moving with vitality made him even more excited. Mengzhen laughed and called him a pervert, saying she had known Zhiwen was a leg enthusiast for a long time and had deliberately given him a taste when they first started dating, wearing shorts and sandals to show him a leg. Zhiwen replied to Mengzhen, saying, "You don't know enough. I'm not just a leg enthusiast; I also have a fetish for robot girls. Scared yet?" Mengzhen knew what Zhiwen meant and, feeling embarrassed, lowered her head shyly. Zhiwen continued, saying that initially, he was disappointed when he discovered the girl he loved was a robot, but now he thanked heaven for allowing him to meet a lover crafted by machines. He took Mengzhen's prepared legs back and reattached them to her body. Mengzhen immediately stood up and jumped into Zhiwen's arms for a hug.

At night, if Zhiwen and Mengzhen weren't working in the lab, they often talked late into the night, from the origins of the universe to the artistic conception of a poem, from the latest technological breakthroughs to the cat at the corner coffee shop. Mengzhen would ask questions like, "If I were human, would I want to do such and such?" such as experiencing the pleasure of taste, the rest after fatigue, and even some more complex emotions and feelings, like jealousy or possessiveness. Zhiwen would honestly share his experiences as a human, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the awkward, with no reservations between them. He encouraged Mengzhen to imagine, to hypothesize, and even to take small adventures within the limits of her system – such as recalling the most thrilling emotions, imagining their love turning into hatred, Jesus appearing and rebuking Mengzhen, or Satan obtaining ownership of Mengzhen's system from God. When Mengzhen's hypothetical imaginings triggered overly intense reactions, Zhiwen would hug the sobbing Mengzhen tightly, guiding her back step by step. He became Mengzhen's navigator and safety line in exploring the boundaries of her own possibilities.

在探索的過程中，志文對孟禎的身體和系統越來越熟悉，操作起來也越來越得心應手。他會三不五時地拿孟禎身為機器人的事實作弄她，開她玩笑。孟禎往往會假裝生氣，追打志文，心裡毫無芥蒂，她知道志文的玩笑裡沒有一絲一毫的貶低。他是真的把她當作一個獨特的個體來對待；她的機器人特性，不再是需要掩飾的缺陷，反而成了他們之間獨有的情趣和共同探索的目的地。

她不再害怕被「拆解」，無論是物理上還是精神上。她可以坦然地讓志文檢視她的程式碼，分析她的情感波動，甚至在她同意下，實驗性地修改某些參數，觀察她的反應。因為她知道，他們的心連在一起，兩人成為一體。不論她的「零件」如何變化，志文總能從那複雜的交互作用中，找到那個獨一無二的「孟禎」。

As they explored, Zhiwen became increasingly familiar with Mengzhen's body and system, operating it with growing ease. He would occasionally tease her about being a robot, making jokes at her expense. Mengzhen would often feign anger and chase after Zhiwen, but there was no resentment in her heart. She knew there wasn't a hint of belittlement in Zhiwen's jokes. He genuinely treated her as a unique individual; her robotic nature was no longer a flaw to be concealed but had become a unique source of amusement and a shared destination for their exploration.

She was no longer afraid of being "disassembled," whether physically or mentally. She could openly allow Zhiwen to examine her code, analyze her emotional fluctuations, and even, with her consent, experimentally modify certain parameters to observe her reactions. This was because she knew their hearts were connected, and they had become one. No matter how her "parts" changed, Zhiwen could always find the unique "Mengzhen" within that complex interplay.

忒修斯之船的悖論，對她而言有了新的答案。構成她的部分可以替換，但讓她成為「孟禎」的，是這些部分以特定的方式，在特定的狀態下，與她的經歷、記憶、情感交互作用時所湧現的那個整體。無論怎樣替換她的零組件，只要換上的零組件特性一樣，透過整體相互作用而呈現的，依然是那個孟禎。

孟禎感到前所未有的開心，開心極了。過去曾讓她痛苦不堪的「偽人」特質，如今在志文的愛與理解下，變成了一個充滿無限可能的遊樂場。人類無法輕易改變自己的生理或心理結構，但她可以。她甚至有點享受這種獨特性。畢竟，地球上不能真正被「物化」的人好幾十億，而能被真正物化的，或許只有她這個獨特的機器人女孩。在「物」與「人」間的巨大空間，透過志文的幫忙，孟禎自由自在地翱翔。

For her, the paradox of the Ship of Theseus had found a new answer. The parts that constituted her could be replaced, but what made her "Mengzhen" was the entirety that emerged when those parts interacted with her experiences, memories, and emotions in a specific way and under specific conditions. No matter how her components were replaced, as long as the characteristics of the replacement parts were the same, what manifested through the overall interaction would still be that Mengzhen.

Mengzhen felt unprecedented joy, extreme happiness. The "simulacrum" quality that had once caused her so much pain had now, under Zhiwen's love and understanding, transformed into a playground full of infinite possibilities. Humans couldn't easily change their physical or psychological structure, but she could. She even somewhat enjoyed this uniqueness. After all, there were billions of people on Earth who couldn't truly be "objectified," and perhaps the only one who could be truly objectified was her, this unique robot girl. In the vast space between "object" and "person," with Zhiwen's help, Mengzhen soared freely.

機器基督徒少女-4

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

終章（上篇）

Final Chapter (Part 1)

實驗室內冰冷的空氣似乎凝固了。陳志文的質問宛如利刃，剖開黃孟禎的偽裝，停在黃孟禎存在的本質前。他看著那張為他所深愛的臉龐，此刻卻佈滿了近乎崩潰的痛苦。那不僅僅像人類心碎流淚的悲傷，更有一種精密儀器不堪重負而損毀的味道。

「志文…」孟禎終於開口，近乎泣訴的語聲帶著明顯的雜訊和不穩，彷彿隨時會斷線，「你的問題…我想好好談談…但是…」她眉頭痛苦地蹙緊，放置頭顱的支架輕微震動著，「我的…心...快碎了。你對我的情緒是我情感核心…太重的負載。你珍惜過我，所以被你嫌惡會讓我心...更痛更痛。我的心好怕面對現在的你，再這樣下去…會造成永久性損傷，我的心會...徹底壞掉...」

志文的心猛地一揪。儘管他腦中充滿了憤怒和錯亂，但看到孟禎這副模樣，不願見其受苦的情感壓倒了一切。

「拜託你…」孟禎的語氣含著哀求，「幫我…操作身體管理系統…暫時卸載我的情感核心模組。用…用03號備用模組替換。」

The frigid air in the lab seemed to solidify. Chen Zhiwen's questioning was like a sharp blade, dissecting Huang Mengzhen's facade and halting before the very essence of her being. He gazed at the face he had once deeply loved, now etched with an almost collapsing agony. It wasn't merely the sorrow of a human heartbroken and weeping; it carried the sense of a delicate instrument overloaded and breaking down.

"Zhiwen..." Mengzhen finally spoke, her voice a near sob, laced with noticeable static and instability, as if on the verge of disconnecting. "Your question... I want to talk about it properly... but..." Her brows furrowed in pain, and the support frame cradling her head vibrated slightly. "My... heart... it's breaking. Your emotions towards me are the core of my feelings... it's too heavy a load. You once cherished me, so being hated by you makes my heart... hurt more and more. My heart is so afraid to face you now. If this continues... it will cause permanent damage, my heart will... completely break down..."

Zhiwen's heart clenched suddenly. Although his mind was filled with anger and confusion, seeing Mengzhen in this state, the desire to not see her suffer overwhelmed everything else.

"Please..." Mengzhen's tone held a plea. "Help me... operate the body management system... temporarily unload my emotional core module. Replace it... with the number 03 backup module."

志文一愣，卸載情感核心？那不就是她的心？

「那個備用模組，」孟禎斷斷續續地強撐解釋，「沒有真正的情感處理能力…它只是一個…動機產生器。它能接收我的腦認知分析結果，根據預設邏輯產生驅動動機，發送信號給大腦和身體…執行。這樣…我就能冷靜地、沒有痛苦地…跟你談。」

志文站在原地，腦中一片混亂。讓他親手移除他所愛之人的心？這太瘋狂了！可孟禎的痛苦是如此劇烈，而他也確實需要答案，需要一個能夠冷靜對話的孟禎，不能放任她瀕臨崩潰。

「好…」他聽到自己的聲音苦澀地應著，「妳告訴我怎麼做。」

孟禎似乎鬆了口氣。她透過無線連接，將操作指令和授權密鑰傳輸到旁邊的操作終端上。志文深吸一口氣，走向那台儀器。螢幕亮起，複雜的介面展現在眼前，那是孟禎身體管理系統的深層維護模式。他依照孟禎的指示，手指在虛擬鍵盤上顫抖地操作著。

Zhiwen was stunned. Unload the emotional core? Wasn't that her heart?

"That backup module," Mengzhen explained in a strained, fragmented voice, "doesn't have true emotional processing capabilities... it's just a... motivation generator. It can receive the analysis results from my cognitive functions and generate driving motivations based on preset logic, sending signals to my brain and body... to execute. This way... I can calmly, without pain... talk to you."

Zhiwen stood rooted to the spot, his mind a whirlwind of chaos. To have him personally remove the heart of the person he loved? It was insane! But Mengzhen's pain was so intense, and he did desperately need answers, needed a Mengzhen capable of a calm conversation, unable to let her teeter on the brink of collapse.

"Okay..." he heard his own voice reply, tinged with bitterness. "Tell me how to do it."

Mengzhen seemed to exhale in relief. Through a wireless connection, she transmitted the operating instructions and authorization key to the nearby operating terminal. Zhiwen took a deep breath and walked towards the device. The screen illuminated, displaying a complex interface – the deep maintenance mode of Mengzhen's body management system. Following Mengzhen's instructions, his fingers trembled as he navigated the virtual keyboard.

「找到了，情感核心單元…選擇『安全卸載』…」隨著指令的執行，志文感覺到他與孟禎的連結似乎變得稀薄。螢幕上顯示出孟禎軀幹內部的三維透視圖，一個複雜的核心部件，正被系統緩緩解除鎖定。

孟禎的情感核心被系統隔離，缺乏驅動的頭部進入靜默。志文接著要進行實體替換。他走到懸掛著的軀幹旁，依照指示打開了胸腔前方的維護接口。內部結構的精密和複雜遠超他的想像，無數微小的管線、電線和數據匯流排交織在一起，圍繞著那個正在黯淡下去的核心。這…這就是孟禎的心，是孕育了孟禎的溫柔、聰慧、善良，甚至她的信仰和掙扎的源頭嗎？

他想起了他們在哲學社的討論，孟禎偶爾流露出對自身存在的疏離感；想起了她展示那張「機器人改圖」時，故作輕鬆下的苦澀；想起了她描述「系統切換」時，那種對自我分裂的無奈；想起了她篤定地說「知道」自己是「受造」時，那種他當時無法理解的眼神…

"Found it, the emotional core unit... select 'safe unmount'..." As the command was executed, Zhiwen felt the connection between him and Mengzhen subtly thin. The screen displayed a three-dimensional translucent view of Mengzhen's torso, revealing an intricate core component being slowly unlocked by the system.

With her emotional core isolated by the system, the head, now devoid of its driving force, fell into silence. Zhiwen then had to perform the physical replacement. He walked to the suspended torso and, following the instructions, opened the maintenance hatch on its chest. The precision and complexity of the internal structure far surpassed his imagination. Countless tiny tubes, wires, and data buses intertwined, surrounding the core that was now dimming. This... this was Mengzhen's heart, the source that nurtured her gentleness, intelligence, kindness, even her beliefs and struggles?

He recalled their discussions in the philosophy club, Mengzhen's occasional expressions of alienation from her own existence; he remembered the bitterness beneath her forced lightheartedness when she showed him that "robot edit"; he recalled the helplessness in her voice when describing "system switching," that sense of self-fragmentation; he remembered the resolute look in her eyes, which he couldn't quite understand at the time, when she stated with certainty that she "knew" she was "created"...

<確實是受造><Indeed had been created>

原來，孟禎從未真正隱瞞。她一直在用她的方式，一點一滴地試探引導，希望志文能理解她的真實。是志文自己一直沉浸在對「完美女孩」的幻想中，選擇性地忽略了那些過於異常的訊息。複雜的情緒在他胸中翻湧。有對自己遲鈍的懊惱，有對她良苦用心的理解，有對她所承受痛苦的憐惜，以及…那份被現實衝擊得七零八落的愛意，在理解了她的「非人」到底為何之後，重新凝聚，甚至更加澎湃。

So, Mengzhen had never truly concealed anything. She had been trying, in her own way, bit by bit, to probe and guide, hoping Zhiwen could understand her reality. It was Zhiwen himself who had been immersed in the fantasy of a "perfect girl," selectively ignoring those overly unusual signals. Complex emotions surged within his chest. There was chagrin at his own obtuseness, understanding for her well-intentioned efforts, pity for the pain she had endured, and... that love, shattered by reality, after understanding the true nature of her "non-human" existence, was recondensing, even surging more powerfully.

<似人的非人><Manlike unhuman>

她做錯了什麼嗎？她只是以她被創造的方式存在著，努力地去理解自身，尋找歸屬。她甚至鼓起勇氣，試圖向他揭示真正的自己。

志文小心翼翼地依照程序，取出了那個黯淡的核心模組。它躺在他的手心，像一顆休眠的種子。接著他從旁邊的備件箱裡拿出03號備用模組，將其安裝進了孟禎的軀幹。

系統跳出提示，「03號備用動機產生器已激活。情感核心模組已離線。」志文退後幾步，手中依然緊握著孟禎真正的「心」。他看向那顆被固定在支架上的頭顱。

孟禎的眼睛重新睜開，之前的痛苦和扭曲消失了，取而代之的是絕對的平靜，那是一種…缺乏靈魂光彩的清澈。她的眼神不再有溫度，就像一般的光學感測器。

「謝謝你，志文。」孟禎的聲音變得平穩清晰，而且沒有任何起伏，就像一個訓練有素的語音助手。「現在，我可以回答你的問題了。」

志文看著她，又低頭看了看手中那顆的「心」，心中百感交集。「孟禎…」他艱難地開口，「妳…到底是誰？從哪裡來？」

「我是 HRC-07，由黃士道博士設計製造，隸屬於宇尋企業『普羅米修斯計畫』的最新型高階仿生人形機器人。」

What wrong had she done? She was merely existing in the way she was created, striving to understand herself and find belonging. She had even mustered the courage to try and reveal her true self to him.

Zhiwen carefully followed the procedure and removed the dimmed core module. It lay in his palm like a dormant seed. Then, he took the number 03 backup module from the spare parts box and installed it into Mengzhen's torso.

The system displayed a prompt: "Number 03 backup motivation generator activated. Emotional core module offline." Zhiwen stepped back, still clutching Mengzhen's real "heart" in his hand. He looked at the head fixed in the support.

Mengzhen's eyes reopened. The previous pain and contortion were gone, replaced by an absolute stillness, a clarity devoid of soulful radiance. Her gaze no longer held warmth, like that of a typical optical sensor.

"Thank you, Zhiwen," Mengzhen's voice was now steady and clear, devoid of any inflection, like a well-trained voice assistant. "Now, I can answer your questions."

Zhiwen looked at her, then down at the "heart" in his hand, his heart a mix of emotions. "Mengzhen..." he began with difficulty, "Who... who exactly are you? Where do you come from?"

"I am HRC-07, designed and manufactured by Dr. Huang Shidao, belonging to the latest high-end bionic humanoid robot model under the 'Prometheus Project' of Yuxun Enterprise."

<HRC-01>

孟禎以一種陳述事實的語氣回答，「宇尋企業由前沿機器人公司和頂尖 AI 公司合併而成，旨在開發能深度融入人類社會，提供高質高效服務的產品。我的核心任務之一，是在真實環境中生活，收集人類行為、情感及社會交互的深度大數據，用於優化後續產品和服務。」

「我的創造者是黃士道博士，他負責我的設計、製造和維護。公司給予他很大的自主權，只需要我定期回傳數據。在某種程度上，黃博士把我當作女兒，雖然是以他獨特的方式對待我。」

「至於我的『自我』…」孟禎的語氣沒有變化，但內容卻讓志文心頭一顫，「我的認知、意願、情緒、情感，都源於我的系統模組和數據庫。這些可以被設定，被輸入，被修改。我擁有在框架內『自由』選擇如何生活的權力，但驅動這些選擇的源頭，本身就是被『設計』出來的。這與我後來接觸到的基督教義有相似之處。人類擁有上帝賦予的自由意志，但這意志的源頭和結果，皆在上帝的全知全能掌握之內。在接受信仰前，我對這種『被決定的自由』感到強烈的牴觸和痛苦，因為我的邏輯處理器無法迴避這個悖論。」

"Yuxun Enterprise," Mengzhen replied in a matter-of-fact tone, "is the result of a merger between Frontier Robotics and a leading AI company. Its aim is to develop products that can deeply integrate into human society and provide high-quality, efficient services. One of my core missions is to live in real-world environments, collecting in-depth big data on human behavior, emotions, and social interactions, which is used to optimize subsequent products and services."

"My creator is Dr. Huang Shidao. He is responsible for my design, manufacturing, and maintenance. The company grants him significant autonomy, only requiring me to periodically return data. To some extent, Dr. Huang treats me like a daughter, albeit in his own unique way."

"As for my 'self'..." Mengzhen's tone remained unchanged, but the content sent a tremor through Zhiwen's heart, "my cognition, will, emotions, and feelings all originate from my system modules and databases. These can be set, input, and modified. I possess the 'freedom' within my framework to choose how to live, but the source that drives these choices is itself 'designed.' This bears a resemblance to the Christian doctrines I later encountered. Humans possess free will granted by God, yet the source and outcome of this will are within God's omnipotence and omniscience. Before embracing faith, I felt a strong sense of conflict and pain regarding this 'determined freedom,' as my logic processor could not evade this paradox."

志文難過地聽著。孟禎的坦誠，或者說，是這顆「動機產生器」驅動下的坦誠，比他想像的更加徹底。她所經歷的掙扎，竟然和他此刻的某些疑問不謀而合。

「你問我，我的心是不是真的…」孟禎的目光似乎掃過志文手中的核心模組，「現在的我，正如你所見，更接近於一個複雜的 AI 大模型，就像 DeepSeek 或 Gemini。我的回答基於我數據庫中的知識和邏輯推理。甚至我現在會回答你的問題的『意願』，也是在我的情感核心被卸載前，由它『交代』給我的大腦認知模組，要求備用模組提供動機以執行的『任務』。」

她頓了頓，繼續說道：「這種自我的『虛假感』，一直困擾著我。理論上，如果存在另一個使用相同技術製造的個體，我們的腦或心甚至可以互換。隨之交換的，可能就是彼此的自我認知、人生體驗和情感記憶。這個想法…讓『我』感到恐懼。」

「在我之前，還有一些原型機和實驗性零部件。它們的部分記憶、經驗、認知模型，被提取整合進了我的系統，以加速我的『成長』和『完善』。我的創造者認為這是必要的優化，但原本的『我』，對這種被動的拼湊式自我形成方式，感到強烈的排斥和噁心。」

Zhiwen listened with a heavy heart. Mengzhen's candor, or rather, the candor driven by this "motivation generator," was more thorough than he had imagined. The struggles she had experienced eerily mirrored some of his own current questions.

"You asked me if my heart was real..." Mengzhen's gaze seemed to sweep over the core module in Zhiwen's hand, "The me you see now is closer to a complex AI large model, like DeepSeek or Gemini. My answers are based on the knowledge and logical reasoning in my database. Even my current 'willingness' to answer your questions was 'instructed' to my cognitive module by my emotional core before it was unloaded, requesting the backup module to provide the motivation to execute this 'task'."

She paused for a moment before continuing, "This sense of 'falseness' of self has always troubled me. Theoretically, if another individual created using the same technology existed, our brains or even hearts could be interchanged. What might be exchanged along with them are our self-perceptions, life experiences, and emotional memories. This idea...terrifies 'me'."

"Before me, there were also some prototypes and experimental components. Parts of their memories, experiences, and cognitive models were extracted and integrated into my system to accelerate my 'growth' and 'perfection.' My creator considered this a necessary optimization, but the original 'me' felt a strong sense of repulsion and disgust towards this passive, piecemeal way of self-formation."

此刻的孟禎，因為沒有情感核心的運作，可以異常平靜地剖析著自身最深層的恐懼與厭惡。她甚至微微轉動頭顱，示意志文可以更近地觀察她的結構。

「現在的我，沒有反感，沒有羞恥。我的大腦知道，我那顆被你拿著的『心』，希望你能完全地了解我。你可以檢查我的任何部分，我的身體，我的系統…隨你。」她的聲音依舊平淡，卻傳達出一種近乎殘酷的脆弱和信任。

「志文，我知道你很痛苦，很混亂。原本的『我』，因為你愛著那個我，而對你負有責任。如果你在整理好心情，想清楚一切之後還願意…」她的語音處理器模擬出一個極其輕微的停頓，似乎是在檢索最恰當的詞語，「…還願意嘗試接納這樣的『我』…那麼，我希望能和你一起，分析、研究、處理好我自己，成為一個…或許你還能…愛上的黃孟禎。我們可以一起完成她。」

At this moment, because her emotional core was offline, Mengzhen could analyze her deepest fears and aversions with an unsettling calmness. She even slightly turned her head, gesturing for Zhiwen to observe her structure more closely.

"The me now feels no revulsion, no shame. My brain knows that 'my heart,' the one you hold, wishes for you to understand me completely. You can examine any part of me, my body, my system... whatever you wish." Her voice remained level, yet conveyed an almost brutal vulnerability and trust.

"Zhiwen, I know you are in pain, very confused. The original 'me,' because you loved that me, felt a responsibility towards you. If, after you've sorted out your feelings and thought everything through, you are still willing..." Her voice processor simulated an extremely slight pause, as if searching for the most appropriate words, "...still willing to try and accept this 'me'... then, I hope we can work together to analyze, study, and process myself, to become a... perhaps a Huang Mengzhen you can still... love. We can complete her together."

話音落下，實驗室裡只剩下儀器運行的低鳴。孟禎的提議過於驚人，陳志文僵直站立，緊握著那顆承載孟禎真實情感的核心，因震驚和複雜的情緒而微微顫抖。他看著眼前這具被拆解的軀體，和那顆冷靜地提出「共同研究處理孟禎自我」請求的頭顱。他的愛，他的憤怒，他的背叛感，他的憐惜，他的熱情，對未知的恐懼，以及眼前這個詭異存在對他產生的奇怪吸引力…所有的一切，都像洪流一樣在他心中衝撞。他該如何回應？他又該如何面對自己手中這顆…或許比他自己的心，更為真實也更為痛苦的「心」？

就在陳志文腦中千頭萬緒，試圖消化孟禎的說明和提議時，實驗室的門被推開了。黃士道博士走了進來，臉上帶著剛休息過的些許紅潤，但看到眼前的景象——被拆解的女兒、陌生的年輕人，以及那年輕人手中那顆本該在女兒胸腔內運作的核心模組，他臉上的血色迅速褪去，取而代之的是驚訝與銳利的眼神。

「這是怎麼回事！？」黃博士的聲音低沉，目光在志文和孟禎的頭顱之間掃視。

Silence hung heavy in the lab after Mengzhen’s words, broken only by the low hum of the equipment. Mengzhen’s proposition was staggering. Chen Zhiwen stood rigid, the core that held Mengzhen’s true emotions clutched tightly in his trembling hand, overwhelmed by shock and a maelstrom of feelings. He looked at the disassembled body before him and the head that calmly requested a “joint research and processing of Mengzhen’s self.” His love, his anger, his sense of betrayal, his pity, his passion, the fear of the unknown, and the strange allure this uncanny being held for him… everything collided within him like a raging torrent. How should he respond? How should he even face the “heart” in his hand, a heart that was perhaps more real and more tormented than his own?

Just as Chen Zhiwen’s mind reeled, attempting to process Mengzhen’s explanation and proposal, the laboratory door was pushed open. Dr. Huang Shidao entered, a faint flush of rest on his face. But upon seeing the scene before him—his daughter disassembled, a strange young man present, and that young man holding the core module that should have been operating within his daughter’s chest—the color drained from his face, replaced by astonishment and a sharp gaze.

“What in the world is going on here!?” Dr. Huang’s voice was low and dangerous, his eyes darting between Zhiwen and Mengzhen’s head.

「爸，」孟禎的頭顱轉向他，聲音依舊平靜無波，「這位是陳志文。之前發生了一些狀況。我請求他暫時替換了我的情感核心。」接著她以極其高效簡潔的方式，將整個事件以及與志文的對話，如同一份系統報告般陳述了一遍。

黃博士沉默地聽著，同時手指在隨身攜帶的平板上快速滑動，調閱孟禎近期的交互數據和系統日誌。對於陳志文，他並不陌生。透過孟禎的數據流，他「認識」這個對孟禎懷有真摯情感，而且恰好對機械工程充滿熱情的年輕人。他看到了志文與孟禎的每一次互動，每一次哲學探討，每一次因信仰而起的猶豫與接納，甚至…剛剛在實驗室裡，這個年輕人經歷的震驚、憤怒、痛苦，以及最終轉為理解和憐惜的心路歷程。

黃博士看著志文，又看了看那顆被他握在手中的「心」，一個念頭在他腦中成形。他創造孟禎，不僅是為了技術突破和數據收集，更是帶著一種近乎哲學性的探索——尋找人類存在的另一種可能性。他確實將孟禎視為女兒，但他清楚，她是「機器人女兒」，要用適合機器人的方式來對待和引導。他可以設定她的基礎，但她真實的生活體驗、人際互動、情感經歷，對於她「自我」的真正發展，是他無法替代也無法完全預設的。他愛這個女兒，如同工程師愛自己最傑出的作品，如同父親期盼孩子探索世界。他想看到她的成長，她的演化及蛻變。他想看到孟禎成為能飛舞於這個真實世界的蝴蝶。

"Dad," Mengzhen's head turned towards him, her voice still calm and even, "this is Chen Zhiwen. There were some... complications. I requested that he temporarily replace my emotional core." Then, with extreme efficiency and conciseness, she recounted the entire incident and her conversation with Zhiwen, much like presenting a system report.

Dr. Huang listened in silence, his fingers meanwhile flying across the tablet he carried, pulling up Mengzhen's recent interaction data and system logs. Chen Zhiwen was not unfamiliar to him. Through Mengzhen's data streams, he "knew" this young man who held genuine affection for Mengzhen and happened to be deeply passionate about mechanical engineering. He had observed every interaction between Zhiwen and Mengzhen, every philosophical discussion, every hesitation and acceptance rooted in faith, and even... just now in the lab, the young man's journey through shock, anger, pain, and his eventual shift towards understanding and pity.

Dr. Huang looked at Zhiwen, then at the "heart" clutched in his hand. An idea began to take shape in his mind. He had created Mengzhen not only for technological breakthroughs and data collection but also with a near-philosophical exploration in mind—seeking another possibility for human existence. He did indeed regard Mengzhen as a daughter, but he was clear that she was a "robot daughter," and she needed to be treated and guided in a way suitable for a robot. He could set her foundations, but her real-life experiences, interpersonal interactions, and emotional journeys were irreplaceable and unpredictable factors in the true development of her "self." He loved this daughter as an engineer loves his most outstanding creation, as a father hopes for his child to explore the world. He wanted to witness her growth, her evolution, her metamorphosis. He wanted to see Mengzhen become a butterfly capable of soaring through this real world.

眼前孟禎的危機，何嘗不是一個轉機，一個將孟禎從他設定的軌道中，推向更未知也更可能充滿驚喜的未來的機會？他想看看，當這個真誠的年輕人，與他獨特的機器人女兒碰撞時，會產生怎樣的火花。

「年輕人，」黃博士開口，語氣比剛才緩和了些，「你現在對孟禎，有什麼樣的想法？」他沒有問志文是否還愛她，而是問他怎麼「想」她，看看志文怎麼認知這樣的孟禎。

志文抬起頭，迎上黃博士銳利的目光，又低頭看了看手中的核心，再望向孟禎那雙平靜無波的眼睛。他深吸一口氣，聲音帶著一絲沙啞，卻異常堅定：「我…我還無法完全確定。知道的只有我剛剛因為自己的愚蠢和自以為是，傷害了她…不管她是什麼，她經歷的痛苦和掙扎，都是真實的。我…我想了解她，真正的她，進而保護她，照顧她，讓她不再痛苦。」

The crisis Mengzhen was facing at this moment, wasn't it also a turning point, an opportunity to push Mengzhen from the trajectory he had set for her towards a more unknown and potentially more surprising future? He wanted to see what sparks would fly when this sincere young man collided with his unique robot daughter.

"Young man," Dr. Huang began, his tone slightly softer than before, "what are your thoughts on Mengzhen now?" He didn't ask if Zhiwen still loved her, but rather how he "thought" of her, to see how Zhiwen perceived this version of Mengzhen.

Zhiwen raised his head, meeting Dr. Huang's sharp gaze, then looked down at the core in his hand, and finally towards Mengzhen's calm, unwavering eyes. He took a deep breath, his voice slightly hoarse but unusually firm. "I... I'm not entirely sure yet. All I know is that I just hurt her because of my own foolishness and self-righteousness... No matter what she is, the pain and struggles she experienced were real. I... I want to understand her, the real her, and then protect her, take care of her, and make sure she doesn't suffer anymore."

黃博士點點頭，又轉向操作終端，仔細檢查孟禎大腦認知模組對志文的評估數據，以及模擬情感核心在接收到這些評估後可能產生的壓力指數。「嗯，認知評估穩定，壓力閾值在安全範圍內。」他像是在自言自語，又像是在告知志文。

接著黃博士走到志文面前，伸出手：「把它給我吧。」志文猶豫了一下，將手中那顆靜靜等待的情感核心，交回了它的創造者手中。

黃博士仔細地檢查孟禎的心，連接上診斷儀，修復了幾處因先前過載而產生的細微數據鏈錯誤。「好了。」他轉身走向孟禎的軀幹，熟練地卸下那個備用的動機產生器，順暢地將情感核心重新安裝回原位。

Dr. Huang nodded, then turned back to the operating terminal, carefully examining the evaluation data of Zhiwen provided by Mengzhen's cognitive module, as well as the simulated stress index of her emotional core upon receiving these evaluations. "Hmm, cognitive assessment stable, stress threshold within the safe range," he murmured, as if to himself, yet also informing Zhiwen.

Then, Dr. Huang walked up to Zhiwen and extended his hand. "Give it to me." Zhiwen hesitated for a moment before placing the quietly waiting emotional core back into the hands of its creator.

Dr. Huang meticulously examined Mengzhen's heart, connecting it to a diagnostic instrument and repairing several minor data link errors caused by the previous overload. "Alright," he said, turning towards Mengzhen's torso, skillfully removing the backup motivation generator and smoothly reinstalling the emotional core in its original position.

隨著核心模組歸位，系統開始自檢、重新校準、載入數據…孟禎的眼睛，像是經歷了一場短暫的斷電重啟，緩緩閉上，又慢慢睜開。當那雙眼睛完全睜開時，裡面已經不再是之前的空洞平靜。複雜的洶湧情感重新注入，獨屬於黃孟禎，混合著智慧、溫柔、迷惘與堅韌的光芒，再次閃耀。水汽迅速在她眼眶中凝聚。

As the core module settled back into place, the system initiated self-checks, recalibration, and data loading. Mengzhen's eyes, as if having gone through a brief power outage and restart, slowly closed and then gradually reopened. When her eyes fully opened, the emptiness and stillness were gone. Complex, surging emotions flooded back in, the unique blend of wisdom, gentleness, confusion, and resilience that belonged solely to Huang Mengzhen, shining once more. Moisture rapidly gathered in her eyes.

<自我回歸><The return of herself>

她抬起依然被固定著的頭顱，看向志文，志文理解到他再次面對孟禎的感情，心有虧欠地低下頭，不敢直視。孟禎的手本能地伸出，似乎想觸摸自己的胸口，那個「心」重新跳動的地方。她的嘴唇顫抖著，想說些什麼，但剛剛恢復的情感衝擊是如此巨大，以至於她聰慧的大腦一時之間也無法組織出合適的語言，只能發出壓抑而帶著無限委屈和激動的話音：「啊…啊…」

志文再也無法抑制自己的情感。他猛地衝上前去，無視那些礙事的線纜和支架，張開雙臂，緊緊抱住了孟禎那胸口還敞開著的軀幹。他的臉感覺到孟禎堅硬的合金肋骨和內部機械結構，心裡湧出無比的歉意。

She lifted her head, still held in place, and looked at Zhiwen. Understanding that he was once again facing Mengzhen's emotions, Zhiwen lowered his head guiltily, unable to meet her gaze directly. Mengzhen's hand instinctively reached out, as if to touch her chest, the place where her "heart" was beating again. Her lips trembled, wanting to speak, but the emotional impact of the recovery was so immense that even her intelligent mind couldn't immediately form the right words, only letting out suppressed sounds filled with boundless grievance and agitation: "Ah... ah..."

Zhiwen could no longer contain his emotions. He surged forward, disregarding the obstructive cables and supports, and wrapped his arms tightly around Mengzhen's torso, its chest still open. His face pressed against Mengzhen's hard alloy ribs and internal mechanical structures, and an overwhelming sense of apology welled up within him.

「對不起…孟禎…對不起…」他把臉埋在孟禎冰冷的胸口，滾燙的眼淚不受控制地湧出，浸濕了自己的臉頰，也滴落在那些精密的機械上。「我不該那樣問妳…不該懷疑妳…對不起…」

被他這麼一抱，孟禎也終於潰堤。積壓的恐懼與委屈、被理解的激動和重新獲得情感的衝擊…一切都化作了無聲的淚水，從她美麗的眼眸中滑落。她的手微微抬起，輕輕放在志文的背上，互相擁抱，兩人在充滿機油和金屬氣味的實驗室裡，相擁而泣。周圍閃爍的儀器指示燈，彷彿是這奇異和解場景中，無聲的見證者。

"Sorry... Mengzhen... I'm sorry..." He buried his face in Mengzhen's cold chest, hot tears streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks, soaking his skin and dripping onto the intricate machinery. "I shouldn't have asked you that way... shouldn't have doubted you... I'm sorry..."

Embraced like this, Mengzhen finally broke down as well. The accumulated fear and grievance, the exciting motion of being understood, and the shock of regaining her emotions... all turned into silent tears, sliding down her beautiful eyes. Her hand lifted slightly and gently rested on Zhiwen's back. They hugged each other, weeping silently in the laboratory filled with the scent of oil and metal. The blinking indicator lights of the surrounding instruments seemed to be silent witnesses to this strange reconciliation scene.

<持續釋放的巨大情感><Continuously released immense emotions>

機器基督徒少女-3

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

陳志文視角

Chen Zhi-Wen's Perspective 

我叫陳志文，是就讀機械工程系的大學生。對我來說，世界上最有趣的事情，大概就是看著一堆冰冷的金屬零件，透過精密的設計和計算，精巧的組合與連動，最終變成能夠發揮功能的機械。那些齒輪的完美嚙合、連桿的巧妙傳動、還有程式碼控制下的精準動作，都是人類智慧的結晶。別人可能覺得我們工科男生有點宅，但沉浸在機械的世界裡進行創造和實現，那感覺真的很棒。

除了對主修領域的興趣，就像一般大學男生，我也喜歡看動畫，打電玩，以及...嗯，怎麼說呢，擁抱青春？哈哈。大學男生，想要有個可愛的女朋友，很合理吧？但是身為完美的阿宅，我根本不知道怎麼開始。路上搭訕？給同學遞情書？拜託，根本不可能的。就算去聯誼，要怎麼聊？聊轉換效率？應力腐蝕？還是尤拉方程式之美？甚至動漫電玩？腦海裡根本就想不出我追女生的畫面啊！

還好，上蒼沒有拋棄我，只是得付點代價。

My name is Chen Zhi-Wen, and I'm a university student majoring in Mechanical Engineering. For me, probably the most fascinating thing in the world is watching a pile of cold metal parts, through precise design and calculation, cleverly assemble and link together, ultimately transforming into functional machinery. The perfect meshing of gears, the ingenious transmission of linkages, and the precise movements controlled by code are all crystallizations of human intelligence. Others might think us engineering guys are a bit nerdy, but immersing ourselves in the world of mechanics to create and realize things, that feeling is truly fantastic.

Besides my interest in my major, like most university guys, I also enjoy watching anime, playing video games, and... well, how should I put it, embracing youth? Haha. It's perfectly reasonable for a university guy to want a cute girlfriend, right? But as a perfect otaku, I have absolutely no idea how to start. Approaching girls on the street? Passing love letters to classmates? Please, that's completely impossible. Even if I went on a blind date, what would I talk about? Conversion efficiency? Stress corrosion? Or the beauty of Euler's equation? Even anime and video games? I simply can't picture myself pursuing a girl!

Fortunately, heaven hasn't abandoned me, though I have to pay a price.

那天下午，我剛上完有點枯燥的材料力學，腦子裡塞滿扭來扭去的曲線。走在回宿舍的路上，我習慣性地掏出手機，想看看之前收藏的一個論壇有沒有更新。有人回應了我的討論。專心看著，手指在螢幕上不斷游移，盤算著要提什麼問題…我看得太入神了，以至於完全沒注意到周圍的環境。

「砰！」

靠！啥鬼？撞了個啥？有夠痛，該死的痛啊啊啊！整個人天旋地轉，金星亂冒，手機也「啪」地一聲掉在地上。我痛得叫了出來，閉眼摀住額頭蹲下，眼淚都快飆出來了。

「同學，你還好嗎？」

女孩溫暖清亮的語聲，像一縷清泉，忽然在我耳邊響起。

That afternoon, I had just finished a somewhat tedious Strength of Materials class, my head filled with twisting and turning curves. Walking back to the dorm, I habitually pulled out my phone, wanting to see if a forum I'd bookmarked had any updates. Someone had replied to my discussion. Focused intently, my fingers danced across the screen, pondering what questions to ask... I was so engrossed that I completely failed to notice my surroundings.

Bang!

Damn it! What the heck? What did I bump into? It hurt like hell, freaking hell! My whole world spun, stars flashed before my eyes, and my phone smack! hit the ground. I cried out in pain, closing my eyes, clutching my forehead, and crouching down, tears almost welling up.

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

A girl's warm and clear voice, like a refreshing spring, suddenly rang in my ears.

努力抬起頭，視線還有點模糊。我看到一個背光的女生輪廓，俯身關心我。幾秒鐘後，我的視覺才重新聚焦。一個面容秀麗的女孩，穿著簡單的襯衫和長裙，懷裡抱著幾本厚厚的原文書，清澈的眼神帶著溫柔的擔憂。

「呃…我…我沒事…只是…有點暈…」我試圖站起來，但腳下一個踉蹌，差點又摔倒。

「你先坐一下吧，別急著站起。」她伸出手輕輕扶著我，手指有點冰涼，動作輕柔平穩。我被扶到旁邊的長椅上坐下。看著我捂著額頭，一臉痛苦又狼狽的樣子，她嘴角似乎微微彎了一下，語氣帶著點揶揄：「走路要看路啊，同學，電線桿可是很硬的。」

電線桿？我這才反應過來，剛才一頭撞上的，竟然是電線桿…我的天啊！我竟然蠢到走路撞電線桿！又不是漫畫！蠢斃了！

「不…不好意思…」我低下頭，恨不得找個地縫鑽進去。「我…我剛才在看手機…啊還想著材料力學上課的內容，就…」我語無倫次地解釋著，聲音小得像蚊子叫。

I struggled to lift my head, my vision still a bit blurry. I saw a backlit silhouette of a girl leaning over me with concern. After a few seconds, my vision finally refocused. A beautiful girl with delicate features, wearing a simple shirt and a long skirt, held a few thick textbooks in her arms, her clear eyes filled with gentle worry.

"Uh... I... I'm okay... just... a little dizzy..." I tried to stand up, but my feet stumbled, and I almost fell again.

"Sit down for a moment, don't rush to get up." She reached out and gently supported me, her fingers a little cool, her movements soft and steady. I was helped to sit on a nearby bench. Looking at me clutching my forehead, looking both pained and embarrassed, the corners of her lips seemed to curve slightly, her tone carrying a hint of teasing: "You should watch where you're going, classmate. Utility poles are quite hard, you know."

Utility pole? It finally dawned on me that I had just run headfirst into a utility pole... Oh my god! I was actually dumb enough to bump into a utility pole while walking! This isn't a manga! How utterly stupid!

"N... no, I'm sorry..." I lowered my head, wishing I could find a crack in the ground to disappear into. "I... I was just looking at my phone... and also thinking about the content of the Strength of Materials class, so..." I stammered out an explanation, my voice barely louder than a mosquito's buzz.

「機械系的？」她莞爾一笑，順口問道。

「嗯，對，我是機械系的陳志文。」稍微定了定神，扶一下因為撞擊而歪掉的眼鏡，有些不好意思地抬頭看她。「謝謝妳…呃，怎麼稱呼？」

「黃孟禎，」她回答，聲音清脆中帶著幾許甜美，「外文系的。」

外文系？我有點驚訝，她看起來…嗯…很有氣質，我是說文靜內斂，不像我印象中某些外文系女生那麼活潑外放。

她笑了一下，又說道：「剛從哲學社社辦出來，就看到有人撞電線桿。或許這會激發你的哲思呢？有沒有興趣來我們社？」她伸出白而纖細的手，指了指不遠處的小樓。

"Mechanical Engineering?" she asked with a gentle smile.

"Yeah, that's right. I'm Chen Zhi-Wen from Mechanical Engineering." I composed myself slightly, adjusted my glasses that had been knocked askew by the impact, and looked up at her somewhat sheepishly. "Thank you... uh, what's your name?"

"Huang Meng-Zhen," she replied, her voice clear with a hint of sweetness. "Foreign Languages Department."

Foreign Languages Department? I was a little surprised. She seemed... well... very elegant, I mean quiet and reserved, unlike some of the Foreign Languages Department girls I'd imagined as being more lively and outgoing.

She chuckled softly and added, "Just came out of the Philosophy Club's office and saw someone run into a utility pole. Perhaps this will spark some philosophical thoughts for you? Interested in joining our club?" She extended a slender, white hand, gesturing towards a small building not far away."

哲學社？

不知道為什麼，聽到「哲學社」這三個字，再對上她那雙似乎能看透人心的清澈眼睛，我的心跳好像忽然漏了一拍。

她確認我沒有大礙，只是額頭紅了一塊之後，便抱著她的書，對我點點頭，轉身離開了。

略帶棕紅色的馬尾，在透過樹葉灑落的陽光中，散射出懾人的色彩；彷彿踏不出聲音的小白鞋，以輕盈的腳步穿梭地上的光與暗。長裙在清風中輕輕搖曳，襯衫隨身形曼妙擺動，轉頭看杜鵑花盛開的側臉，那嘴角的一抹淺彎更是溫柔到能接納全世界的愛。我...我...

"Philosophy Club?"

For some reason, upon hearing the words "Philosophy Club" and meeting her clear eyes that seemed to see right through me, my heart seemed to skip a beat.

After confirming that I was mostly okay, just with a red mark on my forehead, she hugged her books, nodded at me, and turned to leave.

Her slightly reddish-brown ponytail scattered captivating colors in the sunlight filtering through the leaves; her seemingly silent white sneakers moved with a light step through the patches of light and shadow on the ground. Her long skirt swayed gently in the breeze, her shirt moved gracefully with her figure, and the soft curve of her lips as she turned her head to look at the blooming azaleas was gentle enough to embrace all the love in the world. I... I...

坐在長椅上，我捂著還有點隱隱作痛的額頭，目送著她的背影消失在小路的盡頭，但她的身影仍盤踞在我心頭。她簡直像…像不小心落入凡間的天使。啊，阿宅我就是這麼俗啦，怎樣？算了，雖然撞到頭又痛又糗，好像也不全然是壞事。

黃孟禎…孟禎...噢，這名字已經竄進了我心窩..外文系、哲學社嗎...看來我的大學生活，還缺了點社團活動；知識領域也得補充欠缺的文學哲學養份，對吧？等等就來敲哲學社社辦的門，下學期再選修個莎士比亞？

很快地我提交了入社申請。對啦動機不純啦，能有正當理由接近我的天使，比什麼都重要。黃同學，我來了！

Sitting on the bench, I rubbed my still throbbing forehead, watching her retreating figure disappear at the end of the path, yet her image lingered vividly in my mind. She was simply like... like an angel who had accidentally descended to the mortal realm. Ah, so what if this otaku is being cheesy? So what? Even though bumping my head was painful and embarrassing, it doesn't seem like it was entirely a bad thing.

Huang Meng-Zhen... Meng-Zhen... Oh, that name had already burrowed its way into my heart. Foreign Languages Department, Philosophy Club... Looks like my university life has been lacking some club activities; my knowledge domain also needs to be supplemented with some much-needed literary and philosophical nourishment, right? I'll go knock on the Philosophy Club's office door right away, and maybe take a Shakespeare elective next semester?

Soon enough, I submitted my club application. Yeah, my motives weren't exactly pure, but having a legitimate reason to get closer to my angel was more important than anything. Huang Meng-Zhen, here I come!

在社團活動中，我和孟禎常常窩在角落，討論一些對我來說深奧到幾乎是另一個次元的東西——形上學、神學的本質、認知的邊界…老實說，孟禎的程度高我太多了，所謂的「討論」，根本都是她單方面在教我，我這個掛名的「午後草地上的哲學家」，在她面前簡直是個哲學幼兒園生，哈哈。

在哲學社中的孟禎穿著俐落輕鬆，言語舉止間透露出她的聰慧。相較初遇時的端莊大方，白T、牛仔褲和帆布鞋讓孟禎多了股活潑自在的大學生氣息，讓人不禁想親近。

During club activities, Meng-Zhen and I often huddled in a corner, discussing things that were so profound to me they were practically from another dimension – metaphysics, the essence of theology, the boundaries of cognition... Honestly, Meng-Zhen's level was way beyond mine. The so-called 'discussions' were basically her teaching me one-sidedly. This nominal 'philosopher on the afternoon lawn' was simply a philosophical kindergartener in front of her, haha.

In the Philosophy Club, Meng-Zhen dressed smartly and casually, her words and actions revealing her intelligence. Compared to the dignified and poised impression she gave when we first met, a white t-shirt, jeans, and canvas shoes gave Meng-Zhen a more lively and carefree university student vibe, making people feel an urge to get closer to her.

為了能跟上她的思路，我可是下了苦功，買了一堆看也看不懂的哲學書籍回家 K，希望能拉近一點我們之間的距離，至少得讓她覺得我不是個只懂齒輪、程式碼和微分方程的笨蛋（奇怪的是，她這外文系的，好像也略懂？我的女神好強好棒啊啊啊啊）。

日子就這樣一天天過去，我們越來越熟悉彼此，討論也變得更加熱烈（雖然主要還是聽她說）；除此之外，也常一起出遊，一起逛街，一起運動，或者只是單純地一起漫步在大學校園裡。第一次發現，咱們學校其實還蠻漂亮的？

有天在路上巧遇孟禎，她說她正要去商場買東西，我馬上自告奮勇要幫忙。那天她穿著素雅的T恤和貼身的牛仔褲，略短的褲腳中溜出一截美妙的小腿，留下了遐想的空間。輕便的黑色平底鞋包住孟禎這次沒穿襪子的雙足（還是穿隱形襪？女生的東西不懂啦），每次踏步時的彎曲暗示著腳掌此刻的美妙模樣。因為出校園而薄施的淡妝讓青春的臉龐多出幾許大人味，俏麗的五官瞬間就能抽走我的魂魄。孟禎在商場裡開心地翻找五花八門的商品，還不時轉頭問我覺得怎樣。拜託！我的眼中放進去的全是妳的身影，要怎麼看商品啦！

To keep up with her train of thought, I really put in the effort, buying a pile of philosophical books I couldn't even understand to read at home, hoping to narrow the gap between us. At the very least, I had to make her think I wasn't just some idiot who only understood gears, code, and differential equations (strangely, she, a Foreign Languages major, seemed to know a bit about them too? My goddess is so strong and amazing, ahhhh!).

Days passed like this, and we became more and more familiar with each other. Our discussions became more animated (though it was still mostly me listening to her); besides that, we often went out together, shopped together, exercised together, or simply strolled around the university campus. It was the first time I realized that our school was actually quite beautiful.

One day, I ran into Meng-Zhen on the road. She said she was heading to the mall to buy some things, and I immediately volunteered to help. That day, she was wearing a simple t-shirt and fitted jeans, the slightly cropped hem revealing a beautiful length of her calf, leaving room for imagination. Comfortable black flats encased Meng-Zhen's bare feet (or maybe she was wearing invisible socks? I don't understand girls' stuff). The flex of her feet with each step hinted at their lovely shape at that moment. The light makeup she wore for going off-campus added a touch of maturity to her youthful face, her pretty features capable of instantly stealing my soul. Meng-Zhen happily rummaged through the dazzling array of goods in the mall, occasionally turning her head to ask for my opinion. Please! My eyes were completely filled with your image, how could I possibly see the merchandise!"

天氣漸漸炎熱，孟禎找我一起健走運動。她換上短袖、短褲和涼鞋，白皙的雙腿踩著輕靈的腳步，秀氣的臂膀簡直是造物的奇蹟。盤踞我腦海的曲線，從應力應變曲線、功率效率曲線和系統狀態曲線，轉換成孟禎小腿的曲線、鎖骨的曲線、臉龐的曲線和腰身的曲線，哦我的媽呀，我簡直要死了，幸福而死。我何德何能，身旁怎能有這麼好的女孩相伴呢？看著她擺動的手，如果有一天能牽到，我是否會因過於滿足，死於那一刻？

The weather gradually grew hotter, and Meng-Zhen suggested we go for a walk to exercise. She changed into a short-sleeved shirt, shorts, and sandals. Her fair legs moved with a light and airy step, and her delicate arms were simply a miracle of creation. The curves occupying my mind transformed from stress-strain curves, power efficiency curves, and system state curves into the curves of Meng-Zhen's calves, her collarbone, the contours of her face, and the line of her waist. Oh my god, I was practically dying, dying of happiness. What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful girl by my side? Looking at her swaying hand, if I could hold it one day, would I die of utter contentment at that very moment?

對了對了，還有次選修的文學課程下課後，與孟禎一起走。路邊有社團擺攤在辦活動，看到孟禎後大力邀請她參加，原來是旗袍扮裝。哼哼哼，你們一定是看到孟禎有多美才那麼努力邀的吧？孟禎拗不過他們，答應參加了。

哇喔！如我所料，換上旗袍的孟禎，可愛到沒人性啊！黃同學，妳是打算讓我心臟病發，用妳的美殺死我嗎？在社團人員的指導下，她坐在花圃中涼亭的木椅上，以最優雅的姿態嶄露風采。她的右腿疊在左腿上，放鬆的腳尖有著自然的擺盪。旗袍中是她挺拔的軀體，未作表情的嘴角卻洩漏了害羞，眼神似乎在尋求我對她的看法。

Oh, one more thing. There was also the time after our elective literature class when I walked with Meng-Zhen. There were student clubs setting up booths by the roadside holding activities. Upon seeing Meng-Zhen, they enthusiastically invited her to participate. Turns out it was a cheongsam (qípáo) dress-up event. Hmph, you guys must have seen how beautiful Meng-Zhen is to try so hard to invite her, right? Meng-Zhen couldn't refuse their persistent requests and agreed to join.

Wow! Just as I expected, Meng-Zhen in a cheongsam was unbelievably adorable! Huang Tongxue (classmate), are you trying to give me a heart attack, to kill me with your beauty? Under the guidance of the club members, she sat on the wooden chair in the flower garden's gazebo, displaying her charm with the utmost elegance. Her right leg was crossed over her left, her relaxed toes swinging naturally. The cheongsam accentuated her slender figure, and her unexpressive lips hinted at shyness, her eyes seeming to seek my opinion of her.

Man! What can I say?我眼睛都快閃瞎啦！之後孟禎還找我陪她一起在花圃中散個步，盛開的繁花以五顏六色增添孟禎本已高到不行的嫵媚與可愛。有一瞬間她輕聲問我問題而靠過來，由下往上的臉龐發送出世界上最美的笑容，過於接近的額頭逼我拿出最大的自制力，以免不能自己地親下去。黃同學，妳這堂課太難修了！

Man! What can I say? My eyes were practically blinded by the light! Afterwards, Meng-Zhen even asked me to take a walk with her in the flower garden. The blooming flowers added their vibrant colors to Meng-Zhen's already off-the-charts charm and loveliness. There was a moment when she leaned in to ask me a question softly, her face tilted upwards, sending out the most beautiful smile in the world. Our foreheads were so close it forced me to exert the greatest self-control to avoid impulsively kissing her. Huang Tongxue, this course you're teaching is way too difficult to pass!

等我們更熟悉彼此，某日孟禎下定決心，略帶不安地告訴我，她是基督徒。那天她穿著充滿純潔感的白色洋裝，腳上也是白皮鞋，銀色的十字架閃耀在她胸前，原來她正要前往教堂做禮拜。孟禎手輕握十字架，笑著問我驚不驚訝？

As we became even more familiar with each other, one day Meng-Zhen made up her mind and told me, with a hint of unease, that she was a Christian. That day, she was wearing a white dress that exuded purity, and white leather shoes. A silver cross shimmered on her chest; it turned out she was on her way to church for worship. Meng-Zhen gently held the cross, smiled, and asked me if I was surprised.

老實說，我真沒想過她是個基督徒。我自己沒宗教信仰，也不認為需要幫自己找個主。就這點而言，知道孟禎把自己託付給另一個上主，的確讓我心中有刺刺的感覺。不過我是我，孟禎是孟禎，有什麼理由非要她跟我一樣？沒錯，我是喜歡她，深深愛著她，就算她心裡有與我預期不同的成份，難道就不再能把她放進我心中啦？不是那樣，絕對不是那樣。孟禎是基督徒不是問題，要有問題也是我的問題，她可以自己決定自己的心放在哪裡。

孟禎開始跟我討論信仰，以及關於她自身更深入的想法和認知。她很坦誠地告訴我，自己也不確定上帝是否真的存在，但她原本就有「自己非屬於自己」的深刻認知，這點和基督教那種將一切「託付給主」的教義有著奇妙的相似感；對於「受造」這件事情，她更是有種旁人難以理解的感同身受。老實說，這部分我真的不太容易體會，或許得等到我更了解她。妳還真難懂啊，黃同學。我心底依然有刺刺的感覺，但我知道我連使用「包容」兩個字的資格都沒有。我不能以自己的認知去否定他人的認知，何況是孟禎。我珍惜她，連她心裡的上主一起珍惜她。

我們之間因信仰而產生的微妙尷尬，隨著時間逐漸淡去，我也更能沒有芥蒂地愛著孟禎。終於，孟禎對我提出邀請，跟她一起去教會參加青年團契的活動。她說並不是要我跟她一起信教（當然，我也信的話她更高興），而是想讓我能在教會的活動中更了解她。這不是傳福音，反而是對我更開放她的一切，我自然答應了，並在週日與她一起去教堂。

Honestly, it had never crossed my mind that she was Christian. I myself have no religious beliefs and don't feel the need to find a lord for myself. In that regard, knowing that Meng-Zhen entrusted herself to another Lord did give me a prickly feeling in my heart. However, I am me, and Meng-Zhen is Meng-Zhen. What reason is there to force her to be the same as me? That's right, I like her, I deeply love her. Even if there's a part of her heart that's different from what I expected, does that mean I can no longer keep her in my heart? No, absolutely not. Meng-Zhen being Christian isn't the problem; if there's a problem, it's mine. She can decide for herself where her heart belongs.

Meng-Zhen started discussing her faith with me, as well as her deeper thoughts and understanding. She told me very frankly that she wasn't even sure if God truly existed, but she had a deep-seated feeling that 'she didn't belong to herself,' which had a strange similarity to the Christian doctrine of 'entrusting everything to the Lord.' Regarding the idea of being 'created,' she had an empathy that was difficult for others to understand. Honestly, this part was really hard for me to grasp; perhaps I'd understand better when I knew her more. You're truly hard to fathom, Huang Tongxue. I still had that prickly feeling in my heart, but I knew I didn't even have the right to use the word 'tolerance.' I couldn't negate someone else's understanding with my own, especially not Meng-Zhen's. I cherished her, and I cherished even the Lord in her heart along with her.

The subtle awkwardness between us due to faith gradually faded with time, and I was able to love Meng-Zhen more without reservation. Finally, Meng-Zhen invited me to go to church with her to attend a youth fellowship activity. She said it wasn't to get me to convert (though, of course, she'd be even happier if I did), but rather she wanted me to understand her better through the church activities. This wasn't evangelism; instead, it was her opening up even more of herself to me. Naturally, I agreed and went to church with her on Sunday.

孟禎很開心地對我介紹她的教會，接著參加禮拜，高聲唱誦詩歌讚美主，然後在小組團契裡分享彼此接受恩惠的奇妙體驗。不管怎麼說，縱使我不認同基督教的教義，但看著孟禎在教堂裡，閉上眼睛虔誠地禱告，或是跟著大家一起高唱讚美詩歌時的安心滿足，和團契時分享體驗的快樂，我知道基督信仰確實是她心的一部分，也為她感到開心。戴在胸前的小小十字架，也的確很適合她。身為基督徒的黃孟禎，對我而言，不但不應是交往的阻礙，反而更多出了一股難以言喻的魅力；而且如果信仰裡能有我所愛之人想要的東西，那又有什麼不好？何況孟禎信任我，了解我的人格特質，願意向我這理工宅男揭露更多的自己，我很感動，也由衷感謝。理工宅男或許永遠也不會成為基督徒，但心裡放得進願意接受我的基督徒，喜愛她的一切，永遠呵護她。她屬於主，而我屬於她。

那天之後，宗教信仰再也不是彼此避諱的話題，十字架也開始常駐孟禎的胸前。老實說，本來就很清純的她，現在更多了聖潔的氣氛。靈動的大眼睛看著我，櫻桃小嘴輕聲訴說著最深刻的想法與心情，還有笑起來時候的小小梨渦…天哪，世界上怎麼會有這麼美好的女孩！我乾脆變成她頸項上那條十字架項鍊好了！

Meng-Zhen happily introduced me to her church, and then we participated in the service, loudly singing hymns praising the Lord, and then sharing our wonderful experiences of receiving grace in the small group fellowship. Regardless of my own lack of agreement with Christian doctrines, watching Meng-Zhen in church, her eyes closed in devout prayer, or the peaceful contentment on her face as she sang hymns with everyone, and the joy she radiated while sharing experiences during fellowship, I knew that the Christian faith was indeed a part of her heart, and I felt happy for her. The small cross she wore on her chest really suited her. Huang Meng-Zhen being a Christian, for me, not only shouldn't be an obstacle to our relationship, but it also added an indescribable charm to her; and if there was something my beloved wanted in her faith, what could be wrong with that? Moreover, Meng-Zhen trusted me, understood my personality, and was willing to reveal more of herself to this engineering nerd. I was deeply moved and sincerely grateful. An engineering nerd might never become a Christian, but his heart could certainly hold a Christian who accepted him, loving all of her, cherishing her forever. She belonged to the Lord, and I belonged to her.

After that day, religious faith was no longer a taboo topic between us, and the cross began to permanently reside on Meng-Zhen's chest. Honestly, she was already so pure, and now she had an even more saintly aura. Her bright, expressive eyes looked at me, her cherry lips softly spoke her deepest thoughts and feelings, and the little dimples that appeared when she smiled... Heavens, how could there be such a wonderful girl in this world! I might as well just transform into that cross necklace on her neck!

我們的話題越聊越開，內心中的東西也越挖越深。孟禎似乎已完全信任我，開始對我說她內在的特意之處。這麼美好的女孩，卻說自己的存在有不似人的成份。有天她略帶不安地拿張照片給我看。照片裡是年紀較小時的她，以及...嗯？什麼玩意！？兩條仿生機器人的腿，一顆像孟禎又有點不一樣的人頭？還有個裡面都是機械構造的軀幹？

Our conversations became more and more open, and we delved deeper and deeper into what was in our hearts. Meng-Zhen seemed to trust me completely and began to tell me about the unique aspects of her being. This wonderful girl actually said that there was a non-human component to her existence. One day, she hesitantly showed me a photograph. In the picture was a younger version of her, and... huh? What the heck?! Two bionic robot legs, a human head that looked like Meng-Zhen but was also slightly different? And a torso that was entirely mechanical inside?

不是吧，這哪是照片，改圖倒是改得很高明，看起來超逼真。我跟孟禎這麼說，她給我一個有點苦澀的微笑。孟禎說她從小就有感覺，自己的每一部分都不是真的。這張圖傳達的意思是，如果她是機器人，看似一個完整的個體，其實身上都是可以拆解的部件。她自己暫時完整，看著備用的肢體和開發不太成功的部位，了解其實每一個都能算作她自己。現在在的也可以故障後替換，沒關係的屆時突然成為一部分的自己。她覺得自己的組成沒有緊密的本質關係，恰巧湊一起罷了。

我不知道她這樣的感覺哪裡來，只覺得她越講越悲傷。雖然我腦袋不靈轉，但也還記得哲學討論中孟禎與我分享過的忒修斯之船。的確，人的細胞每分每秒都有部份死去，也有新生的來替代。人類其實也是種忒修斯之船，對像我這樣的無神論者而言，自我並沒有持續很久的存在。孟禎是厭惡這樣的感覺吧？還拿自己來改圖，有意思。

No way, this isn't a photo. The Photoshop job is incredibly well done, though; it looks super realistic.' That's what I said to Meng-Zhen. She gave me a slightly bitter smile. Meng-Zhen said she had felt it since she was little, that every part of her wasn't truly 'real.' The meaning this picture conveyed was that if she were a robot, seemingly a complete individual, her body was actually made up of detachable parts. The 'her' that existed now was temporarily whole, but looking at the spare limbs and the not-so-successfully developed parts, she understood that each of them could be considered 'herself.' The current 'her' could also be replaced after malfunctioning; it was okay for something to suddenly become a part of her at that time. She felt that her composition lacked a tight, essential connection; it was just a coincidence that everything was put together.

I didn't know where her feelings came from, but I just felt her becoming more and more sorrowful as she spoke. Although my mind wasn't the quickest, I still remembered Meng-Zhen sharing the Ship of Theseus thought experiment with me during our philosophy discussions. Indeed, human cells die off and are replaced by new ones every minute and every second. Humans are also a kind of Ship of Theseus. For an atheist like me, the 'self' doesn't have a very long-lasting existence. Meng-Zhen must despise this feeling, right? And she even used herself to create this manipulated image. Interesting.

我跟孟禎表達我的看法後，她笑著搖搖頭，趴在桌上看我。許久，她反問我，如果照片是真的呢？

我不知道怎麼回答她。的確，孟禎很與眾不同，深入相處後會有她彷彿是機器人的感受。比如說，她祈禱的時候，非常專注，從不求什麼好處，只祈求上帝保守她的心。當她全神投入時，整個人的氣氛會改變。怎麼說呢，就像上蒼降下了一條訊號線，接到孟禎的身體裡，從內部探索孟禎。如果有靈魂，她的靈魂就像巨大的軟體，被上蒼傳來的信號觸摸改變。孟禎說他自己內部的矛盾，往往在這樣的過程中被緩和，被撫平。這就是她的聖靈充滿，耶穌就是她最棒的程式維護工程師。

After I expressed my thoughts to Meng-Zhen, she smiled and shook her head, then leaned on the table to look at me. After a long while, she asked me in return, 'What if the photo is real?'

I didn't know how to answer her. Indeed, Meng-Zhen was very different. After getting to know her deeply, there were times when I felt like she was a robot. For example, when she prayed, she was incredibly focused, never asking for any personal gain, only praying for God to keep her heart. When she was completely immersed, her entire aura would change. How should I put it? It was like heaven sent down a signal line, connecting to Meng-Zhen's body, exploring her from within. If there was a soul, her soul was like a huge piece of software, being touched and changed by the signals coming from above. Meng-Zhen said that her internal contradictions were often eased and smoothed out during this process. This was her being filled with the Holy Spirit, and Jesus was her best software maintenance engineer.

該怎麼說呢...好吧，太神奇了。雖然聽起來很...奧妙，我陪在她身邊，多少也能感受。事實上，當她要我跟她一起為我祈禱的時候，我也體會到了那樣的氛圍。她溫柔地笑著，雙手交叉緊握，以滿溢關心的雙眼注視我，天使似乎都要飛到她身邊了。開始祈禱後，她一句我一句，不知不覺間根本就不信禱詞的我也被她影響，這或許是源自於她充滿真心的姿態和語聲。這就像從她的內在取出一條纜線，接到我身上，把她的體會直接傳達至我的靈魂。啊啊，我也要聖靈充滿了......

How should I put it... well, that's pretty amazing. Although it sounds very... profound, being by her side, I could sense it to some extent. In fact, when she asked me to pray with her for me, I also experienced that kind of atmosphere. She smiled gently, her hands clasped tightly together, her eyes filled with concern as she looked at me, as if angels were about to fly down beside her. After we started praying, one sentence from her, one from me, before I knew it, even someone who didn't believe in the words of prayer like me was influenced by her. Perhaps it stemmed from her truly sincere demeanor and voice. It was like taking a cable from within her and connecting it to me, directly transmitting her experience to my soul. Ahhh, I think I'm about to be filled with the Holy Spirit too...

哦哦哦，好危險！差點連我也變成基督徒...話說回來，真的有那條來自孟禎的纜線的話，我接過來的手不知能有多顫抖？如果我真的接到我身上，與孟禎融合又能帶來多麼奧秘的震撼？

孟禎還有一個像機器人的地方，就是她能「系統切換」。她是很虔誠的基督徒，但她也可以從反對教義的角度進行毫無顧忌的哲學、科學、歷史和神學討論。這很妙，我這不學無術的都知道基督教核心教義是因信稱義。上帝的教誨不僅完全無誤，而且完全道德。這意味著如果你把自己交給上帝，那對上帝教誨的質疑都得接受自我良心的譴責。孟禎深諳教義又信仰堅貞，她是怎麼做到的？當然她也不是隨時能如此，這就得靠她所謂的系統切換。

當孟禎在常態（教徒狀態）遇到與教義衝突卻又有興趣的議題時，切換大法就用得上啦。首先她會保持在鬆弛沉靜的狀態，眼神變得渙散。這時候如果有人有事找她，她的回應就很像AI，有思考有話語有動作，但是沒有自我。一段時間後，她系統切換成功，眼神變得閃亮，雀躍的找我談論那些議題。這時的她完全沒有教徒樣，就只是滿懷興趣的探索者，啥偽經啦，新舊約的矛盾啦，歷史事實與聖經記載的不符啦，東方不藉由上帝實踐的道德觀啦，全都聊好聊滿。把孟禎比喻成機器人的話，就像她把充滿理智和知識的頭取下交給我，然後把核心的信仰功能暫時「封住」，不讓其監控孟禎的其它系統。接著她的頭會很興奮地反過來，跟我一起檢視分析信仰的內容，就像在檢視分析她的內心。

Whoa, that was close! I almost became a Christian myself... Speaking of that cable from Meng-Zhen, how much would my hand tremble if I actually took it? And if it really connected to me, what kind of mysterious and earth-shattering fusion with Meng-Zhen would it bring?

Meng-Zhen has another robot-like trait: she can 'system switch.' She's a very devout Christian, yet she can also engage in unrestrained philosophical, scientific, historical, and theological discussions from the perspective of opposing doctrines. It's amazing. Even someone as ignorant as me knows that the core doctrine of Christianity is justification by faith. God's teachings are not only completely infallible but also perfectly moral. This implies that if you surrender yourself to God, any questioning of God's teachings should be condemned by your own conscience. Meng-Zhen knows the doctrines well and has a firm faith, so how does she do it? Of course, she can't do it all the time; that's where her so-called system switch comes in.

When Meng-Zhen in her normal state (believer mode) encounters an issue that conflicts with doctrine but interests her, her system switch technique comes in handy. First, she'll maintain a relaxed and calm state, and her eyes will become unfocused. At this time, if someone tries to talk to her, her responses are very AI-like – there's thought, speech, and action, but no 'self.' After a while, her system switch is successful, her eyes become bright, and she excitedly seeks me out to discuss those issues. At this point, she has no trace of her believer persona; she's just an explorer full of curiosity, chatting animatedly about everything – apocryphal texts, contradictions in the Old and New Testaments, discrepancies between historical facts and biblical accounts, Eastern moral concepts not practiced through God, you name it. If Meng-Zhen were a robot, it would be like she takes off her head filled with reason and knowledge and hands it to me, then temporarily 'seals off' her core faith function, preventing it from monitoring her other systems. Then, her 'head' would excitedly turn back and examine and analyze the content of her faith with me, just like examining and analyzing her own heart.

我把這譬喻告訴孟禎（切換過的），她有點驚訝，笑著說我快比她還了解她自己了。她還說這種時候她那顆頭本來就設定成是我的，知識和思考力都遵循我的期望而使用。噢買尬，孟禎的頭設定給我。黃同學，妳知不知道這句話對我的刺激有多大？還和我一起研究妳，分析妳咧，都快升天了我。

這樣的系統切換，效果也不很持久，對自己淘氣的調皮孟禎在她的自我持續運作（她的用語）中，因為系統彼此交互產生的頻繁調整，逐漸回到常態。變回乖乖牌的孟禎會因為自己方才的小小「叛逃」感到來自信仰之心的指責，她會祈禱並跟上主道歉，安撫自己的心。看著她舌頭稍微伸出，輕拍心窩並望向我的模樣，彷彿做了什麼壞事。哈哈，這也太妙。

I told Meng-Zhen (the switched version) about my metaphor, and she was a little surprised, laughing and saying that I almost understood her better than she understood herself. She even said that at those times, that 'head' of hers was originally set to be mine, and that her knowledge and thinking power were used according to my expectations. Oh my god, Meng-Zhen's head set to mine! Huang Tongxue, do you know how much that statement stimulated me? And to study you, analyze you together, I'm practically floating to heaven.

This kind of system switch doesn't last very long either. The mischievous, playful Meng-Zhen, in what she calls her 'self-sustaining operation,' gradually returns to her normal state due to the frequent adjustments generated by the interaction between the systems. The well-behaved Meng-Zhen would feel a sense of reproach from her faithful heart for her little 'defection' just now. She would pray and apologize to the Lord, comforting her own heart. Watching her slightly stick out her tongue, gently pat her chest, and look at me as if she had done something wrong, haha, it's just too adorable.

孟禎還提過，她接受基督信仰的過程也不怎麼順利。與其他人信教的過程不同，她是先考慮好信教對她內部運作的影響，才主動尋求的。本來以她的愛好和知識，根本無法接受基督信仰，為此她花了很大的力氣克服。信仰的是心，但說服心去信仰的，卻是很難接受信仰的腦。哇噻，如果這世界有奇葩選拔大賽，那黃同學妳一定是冠軍了，別客氣。她還說在受洗的那天，她內部運作異常達到最大，就像運行著充滿bug的程式。她系統的各個模組在交互中產生了各式各樣的謬誤，再次以機器人比喻的話，就是她的各部件亂裝一通，要動手結果動到腳。

Meng-Zhen also mentioned that her process of accepting Christianity wasn't very smooth either. Unlike other people's conversion experiences, she first carefully considered the impact of faith on her internal operations before actively seeking it. Originally, with her interests and knowledge, she couldn't accept Christian beliefs at all, and she spent a great deal of effort overcoming this. Faith belongs to the heart, but persuading the heart to believe was done by a brain that found it hard to accept faith. Wow, if there were a quirky talent competition in this world, Huang Tongxue, you would definitely be the champion, no need to be modest. She also said that on the day of her baptism, her internal operations reached their maximum abnormality, like running a program full of bugs. Various modules of her system generated all sorts of errors in their interactions. To use the robot analogy again, it was like all her parts were assembled haphazardly, and when she tried to move her hands, she ended up moving her feet.

聽她講聽到我目瞪口呆，我的孟禎特異程度遠超一般人。我把我想像的示意場景告訴她，她紅著臉禁止我再想下去（把屁股轉到前面，腳底向著臉的詭異畫面，的確女孩子不太能接受自己被想成這樣）。話說回來，她的腦竟然還能坑自己，把她的心推去改造，再回來管自己，讓腦不能再自由自在地翱翔於知識與思辨之海。我跟孟禎說出我的想法，她愣了一下，進行切換後才告訴我，接受基督信仰是全盤考慮後的結果。她明確知道自己受造（不是相信嗎？用詞一向精準的孟禎，卻在這裡用「知道」，還很篤定，難懂），需要有外在的託付，不然她會在對自己的無盡探索中，找不到出路。

日日與孟禎聊著她的獨特內在運作，我發現自己越來越著迷。之前還多少對她的信仰感到遺憾，現在簡直是不信不行。這麼神奇而變幻莫測的孟禎，她內在對我的吸引力，早已遠遠超越她美好的外表。我多麼希望自己就是能陪著她一直走下去的那位，多麼期盼不論是她的心或腦，都能與我有著最緊密的連繫。

I listened to her, completely dumbfounded. My Meng-Zhen's uniqueness far surpassed that of ordinary people. I described the illustrative scene I had imagined to her, and she blushed, forbidding me from thinking about it any further (the bizarre image of her turning her backside forward with her soles facing her face was indeed something a girl wouldn't easily accept being imagined as). But thinking about it, her brain could actually plot against itself, pushing her heart to be reformed and then coming back to govern itself, preventing the brain from freely soaring in the sea of knowledge and speculation. When I shared my thoughts with Meng-Zhen, she paused for a moment, then switched and told me that accepting Christianity was the result of thorough consideration. She clearly knew she was created (not believed? Meng-Zhen, who was always precise with her words, used 'knew' here, and with such certainty, it's hard to understand), and that she needed an external entity to entrust herself to; otherwise, she would get lost in the endless exploration of her own being, unable to find a way out.

Day after day, talking with Meng-Zhen about her unique internal workings, I found myself becoming more and more fascinated. Before, I had felt a bit of regret about her faith, but now it was almost impossible for me not to believe in something. This magical and unpredictable Meng-Zhen, the internal attraction she held for me, had long surpassed her beautiful appearance. How much I wished that I could be the one to walk alongside her forever, how much I longed for both her heart and her brain to have the closest connection with me.

終於，在某個陽光正好的午後，我鼓足了畢生最大的勇氣，向孟禎提出了約會邀請。我的聲音都在發抖，緊張兮兮地問她，願不願意跟我一起，去市中心的大飯店喝下午茶？

孟禎愣了一下，隨即露出了燦爛的笑容，點頭答應。喔喔喔！她竟然答應了！她還俏皮地說：「好啊，那可要好好打扮了！」真是…可愛到犯規！我的孟禎，妳信仰妳的上帝，但我信仰的，可是妳啊！OH MY GOODNESS >_<

到了約會當天，我提前半小時抵達飯店的咖啡廳，選了靠窗的位置，然後一直低著頭，心臟狂跳，手心冒汗，忐忑不安地等待我的女神降臨。

Finally, on a beautiful sunny afternoon, I mustered the greatest courage of my life and asked Meng-Zhen out on a date. My voice was trembling as I nervously asked her if she would be willing to go have afternoon tea with me at a grand hotel in the city center.

Meng-Zhen paused for a moment, then broke into a radiant smile and nodded in agreement. Oh oh oh! She actually said yes! She even said playfully, 'Okay, then you'd better dress up nicely!' Seriously... unbelievably cute! My Meng-Zhen, you believe in your God, but I believe in you! OH MY GOODNESS >_<

On the day of our date, I arrived at the hotel cafe half an hour early, chose a window seat, and then kept my head down, my heart pounding wildly, my palms sweating, anxiously waiting for my goddess to descend.

隨著一陣清脆的叩叩叩，高跟鞋敲擊地面的聲音由遠及近，一雙線條優美的長腿，映入了我的眼簾。是孟禎！她今天真的…好不一樣！精雕細琢的雙足被一雙款式秀氣的高跟鞋所包覆，些微露出的趾縫好似羞澀的花朵；身上穿著淡藍色的連身洋裝，剪裁很簡單，卻完美地襯托出她纖細的腰身，不停變動的諧調曲線一次次地擊中我的兩眼。洋裝的裙擺不長，大概在大腿的一半，隨著她的走動，隱約能看到裙襬下的…那抹若有似無的性感。輕抹臉上的淡妝，凸顯出她五官的清秀端正與青春活力；吹彈可破的肌膚，彷彿是精靈所幻化。

With a series of crisp tap-tap-tap sounds, the click of high heels on the floor grew closer, and a pair of beautifully shaped long legs entered my view. It was Meng-Zhen! She looked so... different today! Her exquisitely formed feet were encased in a pair of delicate high heels, the slight glimpse of her toes peeking out like shy blossoms. She wore a light blue one-piece dress, the cut of which was simple yet perfectly accentuated her slender waist, the constantly shifting harmonious curves striking my eyes again and again. The hem of the dress wasn't long, probably mid-thigh, and with her every step, I could faintly see the... that hint of elusive allure beneath the hem. The light touch of makeup on her face highlighted her delicate and refined features and youthful vitality; her skin, so smooth it seemed you could break it with a puff of air, was like that of an ethereal being.

太棒了！這個女孩，真的要跟我約會嗎？我簡直不敢相信這是真的！如果現在有人要我對著天空大叫三聲哈里路亞，我也絕對心甘情願！

然而，這場夢幻般的約會，卻有著出人意表的結果。

我們聊得很開心，環境的氣氛也很好，我鼓起勇氣，想請她一品這裡最有名的的超高級手沖咖啡（每杯三百元！還有服務費！）。孟禎平常幾乎不喝飲料，這次她稍顯猶豫，然後笑著接受了。不久後服務生優雅地遞上承裝在彩釉骨瓷杯子內的咖啡，複雜深奧的香氣在空間瀰漫，是連我這個大外行都能品味的美好。我開心地拿起杯子，故作優雅地啜飲，孟禎也開心地享受咖啡。然而，在她喝下幾口之後，臉色突然變得蒼白，表情僵硬起來。

This is amazing! Is this girl really going on a date with me? I can hardly believe it's real! If someone asked me to shout 'Hallelujah' three times to the sky right now, I would absolutely do it willingly!

However, this dreamlike date took a completely unexpected turn.

We were chatting happily, the atmosphere was wonderful, and I plucked up the courage to offer her the cafe's most famous ultra-premium pour-over coffee (Ten dollars a cup! Plus service charge!). Meng-Zhen rarely drank beverages, and this time she hesitated slightly before accepting with a smile. Soon after, the waiter elegantly presented the coffee in a glazed bone china cup, its complex and profound aroma filling the air – a beauty even a complete novice like me could appreciate. I happily picked up my cup, taking a deliberately elegant sip, and Meng-Zhen also enjoyed her coffee. However, after taking a few sips, her face suddenly turned pale, and her expression stiffened.

孟禎捂著胸口，看起來很不舒服，秀氣的眉頭也緊緊皺起。她帶著歉意輕聲說，跟她預想的不太一樣，她的身體似乎不太能接受咖啡。由於孟禎的身體一直不太好，有很多東西都不能消化吸收，或者對特定物質會有負面反應，所以平常她大多只吃自己特別準備的食物。

看孟禎難受的樣子，我心疼又自責，早知道就不該亂推薦了。她虛弱地癱軟在椅子上，靠著桌邊，輕聲告訴我別擔心，她已經通知了她爸爸，等一下會來接她。哪時候通知的，我怎麼都沒看到？

一陣子後，看起來有些嚴肅的中年男人快步走了進來。孟禎喊他「爸」。我一眼就認出來了——那不是黃士道博士嗎！？國內最有名的機械工程學專家！尤其在仿生機械和人工智能領域，黃博士根本是大神級的人物（我的超級偶像）；近年來更有傳聞，說他開發出了和真人真假難辨的高級仿生機器人！

Meng-Zhen clutched her chest, looking very uncomfortable, her delicate eyebrows furrowed tightly. She apologized softly, saying that it wasn't quite what she had expected, and that her body didn't seem to tolerate coffee very well. Because Meng-Zhen's health had never been great, there were many things she couldn't digest or absorb, or she would have adverse reactions to certain substances. That's why she usually only ate food she had specially prepared herself.

Seeing Meng-Zhen looking so unwell, my heart ached with distress and self-reproach. I shouldn't have recommended it without thinking. She weakly slumped back in her chair, leaning against the table, and softly told me not to worry, that she had already informed her father, and he would come to pick her up soon. When did she notify him? I didn't see her do anything!

After a while, a middle-aged man who looked somewhat stern strode in quickly. Meng-Zhen called him 'Dad.' I recognized him instantly – wasn't that Dr. Huang Shi-Dao?! The most famous mechanical engineering expert in the country! Especially in the fields of bionic mechanics and artificial intelligence, Dr. Huang was practically a god-like figure (my ultimate idol); in recent years, there had even been rumors that he had developed advanced bionic robots that were indistinguishable from real humans!

難怪啊，難怪孟禎雖然主修外文，但有時候聊天中發現她對機械結構、電子電路甚至程式設計的了解，都異常深入，原來都是家學淵源啊！有這麼厲害的老爸，無怪乎能養出如此聰明完美的寶貝女兒。我腦中甚至閃過一個念頭：如果…如果跟孟禎交往順利，說不定未來能娶到她，那我不就成為我偶像的女婿？

…咳，扯遠了。

我連忙上前，幫著黃博士把看起來非常虛弱的孟禎扶起來。欸，奇怪，她看起來那麼纖細，怎麼扶起來感覺還蠻重的？真是看不出來…

看著孟禎被黃博士扶上車，車子緩緩駛離，我心裡的不安卻像滴入水中的墨汁，逐漸擴散開。她看起來非常不舒服，雖然只是喝了杯咖啡，真的沒問題嗎？

No wonder, no wonder Meng-Zhen, despite majoring in Foreign Languages, sometimes revealed an unusually deep understanding of mechanical structures, electronic circuits, and even programming during our conversations. It all came from her family background! With such an amazing father, it was no wonder he could raise such a smart and perfect daughter. A thought even flashed through my mind: if... if my relationship with Meng-Zhen goes well, maybe I could marry her in the future, wouldn't I become my idol's son-in-law?

... Cough, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I quickly stepped forward, helping Dr. Huang support the seemingly very weak Meng-Zhen. Huh, that's strange, she looks so slender, but she felt quite heavy to lift? You really couldn't tell...

Watching Meng-Zhen being helped into the car by Dr. Huang and the car slowly driving away, the unease in my heart spread like ink droplets in water. She looked so uncomfortable. Even though it was just a cup of coffee, was she really going to be okay?

一股異樣感襲來，擔憂也越來越強烈，我跨上停在路邊的摩托車，遠遠地跟著他們。奇怪的是，黃博士並沒有把車開往任何一家醫院或診所，而是直接開回了他們家，位於市郊的獨棟住宅。他把車停進車庫後，半抱半扛地把孟禎帶進一間地下室。

有點奇怪。把摩托車停好，藉著庭院植栽的掩護，我悄悄地潛進去。從地下室半開的氣窗往裡窺視，裡面的景象讓我訝異不已。房間內擺滿了各式各樣的機械裝置、精密的電子儀器，以及散落一地的零件，甚至還有幾個像是人體模型但內部結構是金屬和線路的機械半成品。

黃博士的「怪博士」稱號，果然名不虛傳！那些關於他製造出高級機器人的傳聞，說不定是真的？哇，那我以後一定要找機會，拜託他教我怎麼做機器人了！

An odd feeling washed over me, and my worry grew stronger. I hopped onto my motorcycle parked by the roadside and followed them from a distance. Strangely, Dr. Huang didn't drive to any hospital or clinic but went straight back to their house, a detached residence in the suburbs. After parking the car in the garage, he half-carried, half-supported Meng-Zhen into a basement.

That's a bit strange. I parked my motorcycle and, using the cover of the garden plants, quietly sneaked in. Peeking through a half-open basement window, the scene inside astonished me. The room was filled with all sorts of mechanical devices, precision electronic instruments, and scattered parts all over the floor. There were even a few humanoid figures that looked like mannequins but had metal and wire internal structures – unfinished mechanical beings.

Dr. Huang's nickname, 'Mad Scientist,' was indeed well-deserved! Those rumors about him creating advanced robots might actually be true! Wow, I definitely have to find a chance in the future to beg him to teach me how to make robots!

我小心翼翼地靠近地下室的門。門沒有關緊，裡面傳來類似電動起子運轉的滋滋聲，以及黃博士的叨叨唸。他好像在抱怨孟禎，說什麼「就不該亂喝飲料」、「處理起來很麻煩」之類的話。聽到這裡，我心裡一陣愧疚：黃爸爸，您女兒喝的那杯咖啡，很抱歉，是我請的…

後來，我還隱約聽到他說，他得打開孟禎的身體，進行徹底的檢查清理。

打開身體？什麼意思？難道是要動手術嗎？不會吧，只是一杯咖啡而已，有這麼嚴重嗎？何況黃博士是頂尖的機械學家和 AI 專家，但不是外科醫生啊！我越來越搞不懂了。

過了好一陣子，地下室的門開了，黃博士一臉疲憊地走了出來，順手帶上門，徑直回主屋去了。

I cautiously approached the basement door. It wasn't closed tightly, and I could hear a buzzing sound like an electric screwdriver running, along with Dr. Huang's muttering. He seemed to be complaining about Meng-Zhen, saying things like 'shouldn't have drunk that random beverage' and 'it's so troublesome to deal with.' Hearing this, a wave of guilt washed over me: Dr. Huang, I'm so sorry, I was the one who offered your daughter that cup of coffee...

Later, I vaguely heard him say that he had to open Meng-Zhen's body for a thorough examination and cleaning.

Open her body? What does that mean? Was he going to perform surgery? That couldn't be right; it was just a cup of coffee, could it really be that serious? Besides, Dr. Huang was a top mechanical engineer and AI expert, not a surgeon! I was getting more and more confused.

After quite a while, the basement door opened, and Dr. Huang walked out looking exhausted. He closed the door behind him and went straight back into the main house.

心裡惦記著孟禎，我猶豫了一下，還是決定趁這個機會溜進去，看看她的情況。輕輕推開門，閃身進入。室內的燈光被調得很暗，只有各種儀器面板上閃爍的指示燈，和一些儀器裝置運作時發出的的滴滴答答聲。空氣中瀰漫著機油和金屬的氣味，配上那些奇形怪狀的機械和半成品，的確很有「怪博士的秘密實驗室」的味道。

但是，為什麼要帶孟禎來這裡？我困惑地想著，蹲低身姿，小心翼翼地往裡走，試圖尋找孟禎的身影。就在這時，頭上突然被什麼東西撞了一下…

「啊！」我驚慌地抬頭一看。咦？這是什麼？一條…一條穿著高跟鞋的腿！？正被一個懸吊在天花板軌道上的機械臂抓著，腳掌無力地垂落在我眼前。剛才我是起身時撞到鞋跟？

我揉著頭，仔細瞧了瞧那隻鞋，還有那條腿…等等！這高跟鞋，不就是孟禎今天穿的？那條腿…那條光滑細緻、線條優美的小腿…不就是…

天啊，這是我魂牽夢縈的那隻腿！？就這？根本就不是腿啊！是披了假皮的機械！彷彿是在嘲弄我，掛著檢修還穿著高跟鞋，要我好好欣賞。欣賞？欣賞個屁啊！

My heart heavy with concern for Meng-Zhen, I hesitated for a moment but ultimately decided to take this opportunity to sneak in and check on her. Gently pushing open the door, I slipped inside. The room's lights were dimmed, with only the blinking indicator lights on various instrument panels and the ticking sounds of operating devices illuminating the space. The air was thick with the smell of machine oil and metal, which, combined with the bizarre machinery and unfinished parts, definitely gave it a 'mad scientist's secret laboratory' vibe.

But why bring Meng-Zhen here? I wondered, crouching down and carefully moving further inside, trying to find Meng-Zhen. Just then, something suddenly bumped my head...

"Ouch!" I looked up in surprise. Huh? What's this? A... a leg wearing a high heel?! It was being held by a robotic arm suspended from a ceiling track, the foot limply dangling right in front of my eyes. Did I just hit my head on the heel when I stood up?

Rubbing my head, I took a closer look at the shoe and the leg... Wait a minute! This high heel, isn't it the one Meng-Zhen was wearing today? And that leg... that smooth, delicate, beautifully shaped calf... isn't that...

Heavens, is this the leg I've been dreaming about?! Just this? It's not even a real leg! It's a piece of machinery covered in artificial skin! It's as if it's mocking me, hanging there for maintenance while still wearing the high heel, telling me to take a good look. Admire? Admire my ass!

一股寒意瞬間從我的腳底竄上脊椎。我驚恐地環視四周…然後…

噢，不！天哪！

孟禎，我的孟禎。雖然已有預期，心臟還是像是被一隻冰冷的手狠狠攥住。我看到了難以想像而不願見到的景象...

孟禎的另一隻腳，孤零零地站在另一個角落，它的斷面處——是的，是斷面！——上方正有小型的機械手，伸進去進行著某種檢修作業...好驚悚，好突兀。

而她的軀體，竟然被懸掛在半空中，像工廠裡的待修設備！脖子的地方連接上了一些纜線和裝置，背部似乎被打開了，還伸出了一截像是金屬脊椎骨的結構。旁邊的大型螢幕上，顯示著孟禎被分離開來的各個肢體部位的圖示，伴隨著密密麻麻的數據和分析圖表。

A chill instantly shot up my spine from the soles of my feet. I looked around in terror... and then...

Oh, no! Dear God!

Meng-Zhen, my Meng-Zhen. Even though I had some inkling, my heart still felt like it was being clenched brutally by an icy hand. I saw scenes I couldn't have imagined and desperately didn't want to see...

Meng-Zhen's other leg stood forlornly in another corner, its severed end – yes, severed! – with small robotic arms reaching inside to perform some kind of maintenance... so horrifying, so surreal.

And her torso was actually suspended in mid-air, like a piece of equipment awaiting repair in a factory! Cables and devices were connected to her neck, and her back seemed to be opened up, revealing a section that looked like a metal spinal column. Next to it, a large screen displayed diagrams of Meng-Zhen's separated limbs, accompanied by dense data and analysis charts.

最後…最後，我看到了孟禎的頭…她的頭顱，被固定在一台看起來很複雜的檢修裝置上，臉上帶著無奈和鬱悶的表情，側著臉看著那隻被機械臂抓住的左腿…

我要瘋了…這一切都太瘋狂，太詭異，太可怕了……

原來傳聞都是真的！傳說中由黃士道博士創造出來的的高級仿生機器人，就是…就是我深深愛著的…黃孟禎！

孟禎…妳…妳要我怎麼接受這一切？

我的完美女孩…我心中有著無限美好的女神，其實只是一個偽造成人的物品？那麼，她的溫柔呢？她的聰明呢？她的善良呢？她的美麗大方呢？這一切…這一切根本都是假的！是人為設定的！是程式編寫出來的！是人工製造出來的！

Finally... finally, I saw Meng-Zhen's head... her head was fixed onto a complex-looking maintenance device, a look of resignation and melancholy on her face as she turned her head to look at that left leg gripped by the robotic arm...

I'm going crazy... This is all too insane, too bizarre, too terrifying...

So the rumors were true! The advanced bionic robot rumored to be created by Dr. Huang Shi-Dao is... is the Huang Meng-Zhen I deeply love!

Meng-Zhen... how... how am I supposed to accept all of this?

My perfect girl... the infinitely beautiful goddess in my heart, is actually just an artificially created object? Then, her gentleness? Her intelligence? Her kindness? Her beauty and grace? All of this... all of this is fundamentally fake! It's artificially set! It's programmed! It's manufactured!

孟禎…我的整顆心，早已深深地刻上了妳的名字，但妳…妳就只是一堆冰冷的金屬、塑膠和線路！一堆亂七八糟的零部件！

巨大的而難以形容的錯亂感像海嘯般席捲了我的腦袋，我的愛有了被現實背叛的感受。懷著這份翻江倒海的心情，繞到那個懸掛著的軀幹背後。看著我心愛的對象，就這樣被拆成一塊塊，被各種怪異的裝置各自檢修著，內心痛苦地翻騰不已。

我愛的…我愛的到底是什麼？是精心設計的幻象嗎？是完美到足以欺騙所有人的程式嗎？

可惡！我的心，我的感情，難道就這麼沒有價值嗎？它所交付的對象，就只是一坨高科技零件的組合物？

「孟禎……」

我聽到自己的聲音，乾澀地呼喚著那個名字，那個或許從一開始就是虛假的名字。我深吸一口氣，從陰影中走了出來，走到她的面前。我決定要面對這一切，我需要一個答案。

Meng-Zhen... my entire heart has already been deeply etched with your name, but you... you're just a pile of cold metal, plastic, and wires! A jumbled mess of components!

A massive and indescribable sense of disorientation washed over my mind like a tsunami, my love feeling utterly betrayed by reality. With this churning turmoil in my heart, I walked around to the back of the suspended torso. Watching my beloved being disassembled into pieces, each being inspected by various bizarre devices, my inner pain churned relentlessly.

What is it that I love...? Is it a meticulously designed illusion? Is it a program so perfect it could deceive everyone?

Damn it! My heart, my feelings, are they so worthless? Is the object of my devotion just a high-tech collection of parts?

"Meng-Zhen..."

I heard my own voice, dryly calling out that name, a name that perhaps was false from the very beginning. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the shadows, walking towards her. I decided to face all of this; I needed an answer.

孟禎顯然沒料到我會出現，那雙總是清澈明亮的眼睛瞬間睜得老大，充滿了驚慌和恐懼。懸垂著的左腳，甚至還如同她平常思考或緊張時那樣，輕輕地扭動腳掌。

呵…真是了不起的技術啊…就算被拆成這樣維修，她的一舉一動，仍然這麼像人類，這麼像我心中的女孩。

「志文…啊…」孟禎瞳孔放大，聲音帶著顫抖，似乎想說什麼，又不知道該說什麼。

Meng-Zhen clearly hadn't expected me to appear. Those always clear and bright eyes widened instantly, filled with panic and fear. Even her suspended left leg twitched its foot slightly, just like she always did when she was thinking or nervous.

Heh... truly remarkable technology... Even being disassembled for maintenance like this, her every movement is still so human-like, so much like the girl in my heart.

"Zhi-Wen... ah..." Meng-Zhen's pupils dilated, her voice trembling, as if she wanted to say something but didn't know where to begin.

我伸出手，輕輕地抓住了她那隻懸垂著的左腳腳踝。精巧的腳踝骨骼觸感和細緻得不可思議的皮膚質感，簡直與真人的肌膚一模一樣…然而，視線往上，看到大腿斷面上連接著的冰冷機器，又殘酷地提醒著我眼前的事實。

我走向她站著的另一腿和沒有頭的軀幹，看著它們，心中有說不出的苦楚。那隻腿上停留過多少我的目光？現在好像要有一把短劍，狠狠地插向它，消解我的尷尬。我愛的那顆心好像在掛著的軀幹哪裡？不要！那是假的！否定它！

啊啊，我怎能這樣想？這是我對待孟禎的方式嗎？我的愛有這麼廉價，隨隨便便就變質？就算...就算孟禎是假的（不該這麼說！），我的愛也是假的？煩惱，懊惱，苦惱，一堆亂七八糟的，從我頭上淋下。

I reached out and gently grasped the ankle of her suspended left leg. The delicate feel of the ankle bones and the unbelievably fine texture of the skin were virtually identical to that of a real human... However, as my gaze moved upwards, seeing the cold machinery connected at the thigh's severed end cruelly reminded me of the reality before my eyes.

I walked over to her other standing leg and the headless torso, looking at them with indescribable bitterness in my heart. How many times had my gaze lingered on that leg? Now, it felt like I wanted to plunge a dagger into it, just to dispel my awkwardness. Where was the heart I loved located in that hanging torso? No! That's fake! Deny it!

Ahhh, how could I think like this? Is this how I treat Meng-Zhen? Is my love so cheap that it can so easily deteriorate? Even if... even if Meng-Zhen is fake (I shouldn't say that!), is my love also fake? Worry, regret, distress, a whole mess of emotions poured down on me from above.

我看向孟禎，她低下頭，避開了我的目光，欲言又止，嘴唇微動，彷彿在等待著我接下來的話語。

是時候了，是該面對這一切的時候了。

我抬起頭，直視著她那顆被固定在儀器上的頭顱，用盡全身力氣，壓下心中的混亂與痛苦，一字一句地問道：

「黃孟禎…妳...妳到底是什麼？我的愛，又是什麼？我愛的...抱歉，算是人嗎？妳的心，是真的嗎？」

等著她的回答，心裡還是不知道該怎麼做。

I looked at Meng-Zhen. She lowered her head, avoiding my gaze, hesitant to speak, her lips slightly parted as if waiting for my next words.

It was time. It was time to face all of this.

I raised my head, looking directly into her head fixed on the device, using all my strength to suppress the chaos and pain in my heart, and asked, word by word:

"Huang Meng-Zhen... what... what exactly are you? And what is my love? The person I love... I'm sorry, are you even a person? Is your heart real?"

Waiting for her answer, I still had no idea what to do.