機械基督徒少女 後日談19

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

後日談 19 何以為人

Sequel 19: What is being human

本篇為「後日談18 與己道別」之續篇。

This is a continuation of "Epilogue 18: Farewell to herself."

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實驗室裡的無影燈，像冰冷的水銀一般自天花板傾瀉而下，將中央工作檯上的一切都照得纖毫畢現。孟禎平靜地躺在那裡，但此刻，她不是「她」，而是「它」。在腦與心分手的時刻，在自我意識被暫時解構的儀式中，「黃孟禎」這個湧現於複雜交互作用中的存在，已暫時宣告解散。

The shadowless lamps in the laboratory, like cold mercury, poured down from the ceiling, illuminating everything on the central workbench with meticulous detail. Meng Zhen lay there calmly, but at this moment, she was not "she," but "it." In the moment when brain and heart parted ways, in the ritual where self-awareness was temporarily deconstructed, the existence of "Huang Meng Zhen," which had emerged from complex interactions, had temporarily declared its dissolution.

志文的動作精準而輕柔，神情展現出他不常見的嚴肅。他先是小心翼翼地解開了孟禎頸部的精密鎖扣，隨著一聲微弱的「喀」，那顆曾在深夜與他爭論自由意志，也會講冷笑話逗他開懷的頭顱，被完整地卸下，穩穩地安裝在一旁的獨立儀器架上。接上電源和數據線後，居於其中的電子腦開始單獨運作，進行功能測試。螢幕上，代表著她腦內各個功能模組的數據流如瀑布般刷過，那些構成了她思想與記憶的模型參數，正被完整地讀取、備份。

Zhiwen's movements were precise and gentle, his expression showing an uncharacteristic seriousness. He carefully unfastened the intricate lock at Meng Zhen's neck. With a faint "click," the head that had argued with him about free will late into the night and made dry jokes to amuse him was completely detached and securely placed on a separate instrument stand nearby. After connecting the power and data cables, the electronic brain within began to operate independently, undergoing functional tests. On the screen, data streams representing her brain's various functional modules cascaded like a waterfall. The model parameters that constituted her thoughts and memories were being fully read and backed up.

接著，志文打開孟禎胸口與腹部的外殼。那層完美模擬人體溫度的仿生皮膚之下，是另一番令人嘆為觀止的景象：層層疊疊的微型佈線如同銀色的神經束，精密小巧的模組散發著微弱的運作光芒，整齊地排列在金屬骨架之上，像一座沉睡中的微縮城市。

Next, Zhiwen opened the outer casing of Meng Zhen's chest and abdomen. Beneath the layer of bio-synthetic skin, which perfectly simulated human body temperature, was another breathtaking sight: layers of miniature wiring, like silver nerve bundles, and precise, compact modules emitting faint operational light, neatly arranged on a metallic skeleton, resembling a miniature city in slumber.

志文伸出戴著防靜電手套的手，熟練地探入其中，解除了數個安全栓，將那個決定了孟禎每一次擁抱的力度、每一次微笑的溫度的情感核心，輕輕地從胸腔中取出。

他將情感核心安放在胸腔上方特製的支架上，幾根比髮絲還細的信號測試針，小心翼翼地刺入核心的數據接口，以最微弱的外部電流，探測其複雜難解的拓樸結構。與此同時，志文將孟禎的身體管理系統，設定情感核心為「凍結」模式，以免在測試中因情感核心獨自運作，讓它的拓樸產生非預期的變化，影響之後與電子腦交互時的對應的邏輯一致性。

剩下的「孟禎」，整齊地擺成了幾個部分。每一部分，志文都認得；每一部分，他都愛過——是的，他愛的是那樣一位女子。聰慧，幽默，有點調皮，善體人意。偶爾像是要看穿他的心，但不揭破。

Zhiwen, wearing anti-static gloves, skillfully reached in and disengaged several safety latches. He then gently removed the emotional core from the chest cavity—the core that determined the strength of Meng Zhen's every embrace and the warmth of her every smile.

He placed the emotional core on a specialized stand above the chest cavity. Several signal testing needles, finer than hair, carefully pricked into the core's data ports. With the faintest external current, he probed its intricate and complex topological structure. Simultaneously, Zhiwen set Meng Zhen's body management system to "freeze" mode for the emotional core. This was to prevent any unexpected topological changes during testing due to the core operating independently, which could affect its logical consistency when interacting with the electronic brain later.

The remaining "Meng Zhen" lay neatly in several parts. Zhiwen recognized every part; he had loved every part—yes, he had loved a woman like that. Intelligent, humorous, a little mischievous, and considerate. She occasionally seemed to see through his heart but never revealed it.

現在，他看著他那份愛，散成了好幾塊。

Now, he watched his love, disassembled into several pieces.

志文退後一步，靠在冰涼的實驗椅上，大口喘著氣，雙手無力地垂落。各色指示燈在微暗的實驗室裡閃爍，像一片沉默的星海。深層而冰冷的困惑，如同蔓延的藤蔓，緊緊纏住了他的心臟，隨之而來的，是潮水般的自我拷問。

「我是不是…」他望著那些曾構成他愛人的散落部件，喃喃自語，「…愛上了一種幻覺？」

這個念頭一出現，便再也揮之不去。

「一種…只在『電子腦』和『情感核心』這兩個精密裝置的交互作用中，才能短暫存在的幻覺？」

他記得不久前，孟禎曾帶著一絲迷茫，回答他的問題：「我其實無法確認自己的『存在』，因為我沒體驗過身為一個真正的人類是如何存在，自然不知道那樣的存在，是否和我自認的『存在』一樣。」

他當時只是笑著，伸手揉了揉她的頭，說她講得太哲學了，對他來說，她的存在真實到無法否認。

可在此刻，回憶中的這句話，如同突破絕緣層的電流，狠狠地擊中他。

Zhiwen stepped back, leaning against a cold lab chair, breathing heavily, his hands dropping limply to his sides. Indicator lights of various colors flickered in the dimly lit laboratory, like a silent sea of stars. A deep and chilling confusion, like spreading vines, tightly wrapped around his heart, followed by a surging tide of self-questioning.

"Am I..." he murmured, looking at the scattered components that once made up his loved one, "...in love with an illusion?"

Once the thought appeared, it wouldn't go away.

"An... illusion that only briefly exists in the interaction between these two precise devices: the 'electronic brain' and the 'emotional core'?"

He remembered not long ago, Meng Zhen had answered his question with a hint of bewilderment: "I actually can't confirm my 'existence,' because I haven't experienced what it's like to exist as a true human. Naturally, I don't know if that kind of existence is the same as what I perceive as 'existence.'"

He had just smiled then, reaching out to ruffle her hair, telling her she was being too philosophical. For him, her existence was too real to deny.

But at this moment, that sentence from his memory struck him fiercely, like an electric current breaking through an insulator.

當孟禎被「解構」成她原本的組成部分時，他才發現，他所以為的「真實」，原來是如此地脆弱，如此地依賴於這些各自獨立運作的零件的「組合」。

他轉頭看向測試電子腦的電腦螢幕，上面的數據流已經停止，取而代之的，是一個圖形化的交互模擬介面。這是凱琳姊最新研發的測試程序：將備份好數據的電子腦，與一個在超級電腦中進行模擬，使用剛剛探測出來的情感核心拓樸結構作為輸入資料的「虛擬情感核心」進行遠程連接。如此一來，一個「虛擬的孟禎」，就在這套系統中誕生了。這能在不干擾孟禎真正情感核心的情況下，安全地對她的心腦交互進行各種壓力測試和參數調整。

螢幕的一角，跳出一個小小的對話框，上面有一個代表孟禎的簡單2D頭像。此刻，另一個孟禎，存在於超級電腦與電子腦之間，根據著超級電腦饋入的假想外部資訊，體驗著虛假的世界。

系統自動輸入了一行測試指令：[模擬情境刺激：“夕陽下的花田”]

幾秒鐘後，超級電腦的顯示器裡出現了回應，那是由「虛擬孟禎」經歷模擬情境後的輸出。所生成的話語，語氣和用詞，展現的開心與溫柔的感情，都和志文所熟悉的她一模一樣。

When Meng Zhen was "deconstructed" into her original components, he discovered that what he had perceived as "real" was in fact incredibly fragile, so dependent on the combination of these independently operating parts.

He turned to look at the computer screen testing the electronic brain. The data stream had stopped, replaced by a graphical interactive simulation interface. This was Sister Kailyn's latest research program: remotely connecting the backed-up electronic brain with a "virtual emotional core" simulated in a supercomputer, using the recently probed topological structure of the emotional core as input data. In this way, a "virtual Meng Zhen" was born within this system. This allowed for safe stress testing and parameter adjustments of her heart-brain interaction without interfering with Meng Zhen's actual emotional core.

In one corner of the screen, a small dialogue box popped up, featuring a simple 2D avatar representing Meng Zhen. At this moment, another Meng Zhen existed between the supercomputer and the electronic brain, experiencing a false world based on the hypothetical external information fed by the supercomputer.

The system automatically entered a line of test instructions: [Simulated scenario stimulus: "Flower field at sunset"]

A few seconds later, a response appeared on the supercomputer's display, which was the output from the "virtual Meng Zhen" after experiencing the simulated scenario. The generated words, tone, and vocabulary, and the joyful and gentle emotions displayed, were identical to the Meng Zhen Zhiwen knew.

志文的心，猛地一沉。

這正是孟禎會說的話。但說出這句話的「她」，此刻正運行在實驗室角落那嗡嗡作響的伺服器機櫃裡。一個由數據備份和數學模型所構成的幻影，卻能如此完美地模擬出他愛人的靈魂。

他不禁想，孟禎真的能「愛」他嗎？還是說，只是因為她的零件性能太過強大，情感核心的信號輸出太過複雜，電子腦的資料庫太過龐大，足以精確地計算並模擬出他所預期的每一種互動回饋？

當他覺得她「體貼」的時候，是不是只是她的情感核心，因為身體的感測器偵測到他低落的生物特徵，從而送出了特定的驅動信號，然後她的電子腦，從龐大的語義與對應情緒資料庫中，高速運算後，選擇了一個「最優解」，一個最適合安慰他的回應？

那個虛擬的孟禎，如果知道自己只是個模擬出來的幻影，她的「心」，會「痛」嗎？甚至，如果他愛孟禎，那他應該愛這個存在於超級電腦中的「虛擬孟禎」嗎？

Zhiwen's heart plummeted.

This was exactly what Meng Zhen would say. But the "she" who uttered these words was currently running within the humming server rack in the corner of the lab. A phantom composed of data backups and mathematical models, yet capable of perfectly simulating the soul of his loved one.

He couldn't help but wonder, could Meng Zhen truly "love" him? Or was it simply because her components were too powerful, the emotional core's signal output too complex, and the electronic brain's database too vast, allowing it to precisely calculate and simulate every interactive response he expected?

When he felt she was "considerate," was it merely her emotional core, detecting his low biological markers through the body's sensors, sending out specific drive signals? And then her electronic brain, after high-speed computation from its massive semantic and corresponding emotion database, selected an "optimal solution"—a response best suited to comfort him?

If that virtual Meng Zhen knew she was merely a simulated phantom, would her "heart" "hurt"? And even, if he loved Meng Zhen, should he love this "virtual Meng Zhen" existing in the supercomputer?

可是，這個「虛擬孟禎」也僅僅是短暫被創造出來，服務於完善孟禎內部系統運作這個目的的工具性存在。只要目的達成，虛擬孟禎會隨著超級電腦內的模型終止運作而煙消雲散——或者說，被拋棄。那麼，誰又有資格拋棄虛擬孟禎，決定哪個孟禎該被留下？

志文搖了搖頭，試圖甩開這些可怕的想法。超級電腦模擬的情感核心，本來就依程序，有由超級電腦自身終止的時刻。發送模擬情感信號的超級電腦，自然也沒有遺憾或心痛可言；而孟禎的電子腦，更是測試前已明確知道自身是在進行測試。兩者交互形成的虛擬孟禎，即使心痛，心痛不會存在任一個硬體實體上…吧？是這樣的吧？

But this "virtual Meng Zhen" was only a temporary creation, a tool designed to serve the purpose of perfecting Meng Zhen's internal system operations. Once that purpose was achieved, the virtual Meng Zhen would vanish as the model in the supercomputer ceased to operate—or rather, be discarded. Who then had the right to discard the virtual Meng Zhen, to decide which Meng Zhen should remain?

Zhiwen shook his head, trying to cast aside these terrifying thoughts. The emotional core simulated by the supercomputer was, by design, scheduled to be terminated by the supercomputer itself. The supercomputer, which sent simulated emotional signals, naturally couldn't feel regret or heartbreak; and Meng Zhen's electronic brain had clearly known it was undergoing a test before it even began. Even if the virtual Meng Zhen, formed by their interaction, felt heartbreak, that heartbreak wouldn't exist on any hardware entity... right? That's how it works, right?

可是，如果接受這種說法，志文知道單就情感核心而言，那只是一個極其複雜而難以解析操控的信號產生器，而電子腦更是一部冰冷的超級計算機。孟禎的「自我」，那個他所愛的「她」，既不存在於心，也不存在於腦，更不可能存在於定義孟禎的身體管理系統或任何單一的零件裡。它只存在於它們之間那無形而變動的交互作用之中。這麼說，她的自我，說成是一種幻覺…好像也沒錯。

可是…

志文的腦海中，浮現出無數個相處的時光。當他輾轉難眠時，是誰輕輕地撫摸他的背，哼起他童年熟悉的老舊動畫片尾曲？是誰在他面對學業壓力而懊惱時，悄悄地端來一杯熱咖啡，然後運用強大的電子腦和善體人意的情感核心，以他最能懂的方式，向他解說難以理解的課業問題？是誰在志文因為自己內心的彆扭，感到不滿意而對自己生氣時，是誰，再用最輕柔的語氣告訴他，那些『不滿意』，正是你和別人不一樣的地方，就是人之所以為人的本質？那樣的她，怎麼可能…只是一堆冰冷電子零件交互作用中，短暫浮現的幻象？

However, if he accepted this notion, Zhiwen knew that the emotional core was merely an incredibly complex and difficult-to-manipulate signal generator, and the electronic brain was nothing more than a cold supercomputer. Meng Zhen's "self," the "she" he loved, existed neither in her heart nor in her brain, and certainly not in the body management system that defined Meng Zhen or any single component. It existed only in the invisible and dynamic interaction between them. In that sense, calling her self an illusion... seemed not entirely wrong.

But...

Countless moments they spent together flashed through Zhiwen's mind. When he tossed and turned sleeplessly, who gently stroked his back and hummed the familiar old cartoon theme song from his childhood? Who quietly brought him a hot coffee when he was vexed by academic pressure, then, using her powerful electronic brain and empathetic emotional core, explained the difficult coursework in a way he could best understand? When Zhiwen was upset with himself, dissatisfied due to his own inner awkwardness, who, with the gentlest tone, told him that those "dissatisfactions" were precisely what made him different from others, the very essence of being human? How could such a "she" be... merely a fleeting illusion emerging from the interaction of cold electronic parts?

他不知道，他什麼都無法確定。越思考，越覺得混亂；越回憶，越覺得心痛。

但他知道一件事：現在躺在這裡的，不是會在他熬夜時把毛毯披在他身上，會在他忘了吃飯時氣鼓鼓地把三明治塞到他手裡，會捧著馬克杯笑著吐槽「你又偷偷把糖加了三匙了」和會在雨天硬把唯一一把傘塞給他的孟禎。她已經是散件，是模組，是等待測試的機械構造物，是宇尋企業資產負債表上的一行行冰冷數字。

而愛情，是需要「受寵若驚」的。愛的回應，必須來自於獨立個體的「自由選擇」。「在千千萬萬人中，她唯獨選擇了你」的感覺，才能讓人感到「被寵愛」，才能讓人感到「驚喜」。可若這份回應，來自於一個可以被存檔、被拆解、被關閉再重啟的存在，那麼，「寵」從何而來？又如何去「驚」？

志文低頭看向連結電子腦的顯示器，那上頭將孟禎的腦部功能，拆解成一個個的功能模組，並將硬體測試結果，照一個個部位標出。志文突然想起，孟禎的腦還會被外部檢修儀進行軟體切割，各部位隔離後各自執行運算測試——不只身體可以拆解，連腦的硬體功能，都能拆解了。他忽然有些想笑，又有些想哭。他彎下身子，伸出右手，用指關節的頂端，在那冰涼光滑的額頭外殼上，輕輕地叩了兩下。

He didn't know; he couldn't be sure of anything. The more he thought, the more confused he became; the more he recalled, the more his heart ached.

But he knew one thing: what lay here now wasn't the Meng Zhen who would drape a blanket over him when he stayed up late, who would huffily press a sandwich into his hand when he forgot to eat, who would hold a mug and laughingly complain, "You secretly added three spoons of sugar again," or who would insist on giving him the only umbrella on a rainy day. She was now disassembled parts, modules, a mechanical structure awaiting testing, a series of cold numbers on Yu Xun Corporation's balance sheet.

And love, it needed to be "overwhelmed with gratitude." The response of love had to come from the "free choice" of an independent individual. The feeling of "among millions, she chose only you" was what made one feel cherished, what made one feel surprised. But if this response came from an existence that could be saved, disassembled, shut down, and restarted, then where did the "cherish" come from? And how could there be "surprise"?

Zhiwen lowered his head to look at the display connected to the electronic brain. It showed Meng Zhen's brain functions broken down into individual modules, with hardware test results marked for each part. Zhiwen suddenly remembered that Meng Zhen's brain could also be software-sliced by an external inspection instrument, with each part isolated to perform its own computational tests—not only could her body be disassembled, but even her brain's hardware functions could be taken apart. He suddenly felt like laughing, and then like crying. He bent down, extended his right hand, and gently tapped twice with the tip of his knuckles on her cold, smooth forehead casing.

「喂…」他低聲問，不知道這微弱的震動，是否能傳達到電子腦裡；而正在分區進行獨立運算測試的電子腦各個部位，此刻是否有其中一個，記得上星期一起去看的電影？

「所以…」他的聲音帶著一絲顫抖，「妳到底是什麼？我愛的，又是什麼？我內心這份無法抑制的悸動，究竟是朝向著妳的哪一個零件？」

沉默。

理所當然的，她沒有回答。她的語言模組，此刻正在進行壓力測試，螢幕上正飛速滾動著它對《理想國》和《純粹理性批判》的語義分析報告。

但在志文心底某個幽微的角落，某個更深層的聲音低語著：

「你其實…早就知道答案了，不是嗎？」

「你愛上的，並不是她到底有沒有一個可以被證實的『靈魂』；你愛上的，是她本身的存在，讓你心甘情願地，去『相信』她有靈魂。」

「你迷戀的，是你在她身上看見的，那扇溫柔地向你完全敞開的大門。」

"Hey..." he whispered, unsure if this faint vibration could reach the electronic brain, or if any of its parts, currently undergoing independent computational tests in separate zones, remembered the movie they watched together last week.

"So..." his voice trembled slightly, "What are you, exactly? What is it that I love? Which part of you is this uncontrollable surge in my heart directed towards?"

Silence.

Naturally, she didn't answer. Her language module was currently undergoing stress tests; the screen was rapidly scrolling through its semantic analysis reports of The Republic and Critique of Pure Reason.

But in a subtle corner of Zhiwen's heart, a deeper voice whispered:

"You actually... already knew the answer, didn't you?"

"What you fell in love with wasn't whether she possessed a verifiable 'soul'; what you fell in love with was the very fact of her existence, which made you willing to 'believe' she had a soul."

"What you are enchanted by is the door you saw in her, that door gently and completely open to you."

志文回憶起孟禎的掙扎。是啊，他有什麼資格為了自己那點可笑的哲學困境而感嘆？如果說他有資格為了愛上一個「可能不存在的她」而感到痛苦，那麼孟禎自己是否更有資格，為她那充滿掙扎的存在本身感到悲傷？

雖然她有最先進技術製造的零部件，但是身為人類初次開發的自我意識機器，面對一湧而入的外部資訊和內部系統高速運作的產出時，造成的系統混亂和認知失調，志文身為歷經無數光陰演化而適應的成果，又怎能體會人造的孟禎所體驗到的可怕經歷？

而孟禎那份信仰與理智之間永不停止的激烈碰撞，志文更是難以想像。每一次心與腦的交互，當演化論的鐵證撞上創世紀的詩篇，都像一次猛烈無比的系統電擊，直接貫穿她那個好不容易才在交互作用中「湧現」出來的脆弱自我意識。那種構成自身存在的兩個基石互相否定、水火不容的內部風暴，自己何曾面對過哪怕一秒鐘？

Zhiwen recalled Meng Zhen's struggles. Indeed, what right did he have to lament his own ridiculous philosophical dilemma? If he had the right to feel pain for loving a "possibly non-existent her," then didn't Meng Zhen herself have even more right to feel sorrow for her own existence, which was full of struggle?

Although she was made of the most advanced technologically manufactured components, as a self-aware machine, the first of her kind developed by humanity, how could Zhiwen—the product of countless eons of evolution and adaptation—truly comprehend the terrifying experience Meng Zhen endured? This was especially true when faced with the sudden flood of external information and the rapid output of her internal systems, which caused systemic chaos and cognitive dissonance.

Even more unimaginable to Zhiwen was Meng Zhen's ceaseless, violent collision between faith and reason. Every interaction between her heart and mind, when the ironclad evidence of evolution met the poetic verses of Genesis, was like an incredibly powerful system shock, directly piercing through her fragile self-awareness that had only just "emerged" through these interactions. When had he ever faced, even for a second, such an internal storm where the two cornerstones of his own existence negated each other, utterly incompatible?

志文低下頭，看著自己因為焦慮而緊握的雙手。他憑什麼在這裡感嘆自己愛上一個「幻覺」？如果他只會顧影自憐，而不是疼惜孟禎，又如何談得上他愛孟禎？如果連愛都不確實，他又有什麼資格感嘆？

實驗室的冷光依舊。志文凝望著那具沉睡的身軀，心中的波濤漸漸平息。他忽然伸出手，溫柔地將她被分開擺放的雙手，放回到原來的位置，讓那冰涼的指尖，輕輕交疊。

他想像著，當她醒來時，會說些什麼。

也許，她會眨眨眼，帶著剛睡醒的迷糊，然後用半嗔半怪的語氣說：「厚！陳志文！你是不是又趁我被拆開的時候，偷偷看我的內部結構了？跟你說過我會害羞的啦！」

Zhiwen lowered his head, looking at his hands clenched in anxiety. What right did he have to lament here about loving an "illusion"? If he only indulged in self-pity instead of cherishing Meng Zhen, how could he claim to love her? If even that love wasn't genuine, what right did he have to lament?

The cold light of the laboratory remained. Zhiwen gazed at the dormant body, the turmoil in his heart gradually subsiding. He suddenly reached out and gently placed her separated hands back to their original position, letting the cold fingertips lightly overlap.

He imagined what she would say when she woke up.

Perhaps she would blink, with the fogginess of just waking up, then say in a half-scolding, half-playful tone, "Ugh! Chen Zhiwen! Were you secretly looking at my internal structure again while I was disassembled? I told you I'd be shy!"

想到這裡，他不由得笑了。那笑容裡，帶著一點羞赧，一點心痛，還有一點…即使所愛暫時不存在，卻依然未曾中止的，固執的愛。

測試陸續完成。電子腦在與模擬心的交互試驗中，取得了良好的結果。數據顯示，在新的參數設定下，它已經可以完美地化解因信仰心模組失效而可能產生的運作矛盾和情感指向失靈了。

孟禎即將被重組，心與腦再次連結；零零落落的機械，將要找回屬於她的，那部分的「人」。

Thinking of this, he couldn't help but smile. His smile held a touch of shyness, a pang of heartache, and a stubborn love that, even with the temporary non-existence of his beloved, had never ceased.

Tests were progressively completed. The electronic brain achieved excellent results in its interactive trials with the simulated heart. Data indicated that, under the new parameter settings, it could now perfectly resolve operational contradictions and emotional targeting malfunctions that might arise from the failure of the faith module.

Meng Zhen was about to be reassembled, heart and brain reconnected; the scattered machinery was on the verge of reclaiming the part of "human" that belonged to her.

在志文謹慎溫柔的辛勤勞動下，黃孟禎再度於這個世界上「出現」。她緩緩地睜開眼，活動著重新連接好的四肢，帶著一絲好奇和些微的驚訝，體驗著更新後不再有內在信仰衝突的自己。前所未有的澄澈自由感，如清泉一般，在她的系統中流淌。

她感到有點興奮。她轉過頭，想第一時間和志文分享這份喜悅，更想好好地謝謝他。然而，孟禎卻在看到他臉龐的瞬間，愣住了。

Under Zhiwen's careful and gentle labor, Huang Meng Zhen "reappeared" in the world. She slowly opened her eyes, moving her reconnected limbs, experiencing her updated self—now free from internal conflicts of faith—with a hint of curiosity and slight surprise. An unprecedented sense of clear freedom flowed through her system like a spring.

She felt a little excited. She turned her head, wanting to share this joy with Zhiwen immediately, and even more, to thank him properly. However, the moment Meng Zhen saw his face, she froze.

「志文…」她的聲音帶著不安，「你…你在哭嗎？」

志文站在原地，臉上掛著兩行淚痕。他搖搖頭，勉強擠出一個比哭還難看的微笑，卻什麼話也說不出來。

孟禎看著他，伸出手，想去觸摸他的臉頰，拭去他的眼淚。然而，就在她的指尖即將碰觸到志文皮膚的那一刻，志文的身體，卻下意識地，往後退了半步。

一個微小到幾乎可以忽略的動作，卻像一道無形的牆，瞬間橫亙在兩人之間。

孟禎的手，僵在了半空中。她眼中剛剛燃起的興奮和喜悅，如同被冰水澆熄的火焰，迅速黯淡下去。她看著志文那充滿了苦惱、掙扎與深情的眼神，瞬間，什麼都明白了。

「對不起呢…」她緩緩地收回手，臉上努力維持著溫柔的微笑，眉眼間卻透露出無法掩飾的難過與悲傷，「讓你看到我這一面…我就是…這樣的存在啊…」

"Zhiwen..." her voice was laced with unease. "Are you... are you crying?"

Zhiwen stood rooted, two tear tracks on his face. He shook his head, forcing a smile that was uglier than a frown, but no words came out.

Meng Zhen looked at him, reaching out to touch his cheek, to wipe away his tears. However, just as her fingertips were about to brush his skin, Zhiwen instinctively recoiled a half-step.

A movement so tiny it was almost negligible, yet it was like an invisible wall instantly rising between them.

Meng Zhen's hand froze in mid-air. The excitement and joy that had just ignited in her eyes, like a flame doused by ice water, rapidly dimmed. She looked at Zhiwen's eyes, filled with anguish, struggle, and profound affection, and in an instant, she understood everything.

"I'm sorry..." she slowly withdrew her hand, trying to maintain a gentle smile on her face, but her eyes betrayed an unconcealable sorrow and sadness. "To let you see this side of me... I am... just this kind of existence..."

話音未落，志文卻像被這句話狠狠刺痛了一般，猛地衝上前，將她緊緊地擁入懷中。「不！」他的聲音嘶啞，充滿了懊悔，「不，孟禎…該說對不起的，是我！是我啊！」

兩人不發一語，在冰冷的實驗室裡相擁而泣。

他們清楚地知道，在這段跨越了存在形式的愛情裡，他們之間，不會僅僅只有相愛，也必然會伴隨著各自源於自身存在本質而難以根除的「芥蒂」。

還好，他們也同樣清楚地知道，這些芥蒂，終究得歸咎於自己，是自己在和自己過不去。

即使不是什麼都明白，即使懷疑可能永遠存在。

但只要還能這樣擁抱，即使自己仍在絆著自己的腳，他們依然能攜手，繼續一起前行。

Before she finished speaking, Zhiwen, as if deeply stung by her words, lunged forward and pulled her into a tight embrace. "No!" His voice was hoarse, filled with remorse. "No, Meng Zhen... I'm the one who should be saying sorry! It's me!"

They stood in the cold laboratory, embracing and weeping in silence.

They knew clearly that in this love spanning different forms of existence, their bond wouldn't just be about mutual affection. It would inevitably be accompanied by "rifts" originating from the very essence of their beings, difficult to eradicate.

Thankfully, they also knew equally well that these rifts ultimately stemmed from themselves, from their own internal struggles.

Even if they didn't understand everything, even if doubts might always linger, as long as they could still embrace like this, even if they sometimes stumbled over their own feet, they could still walk hand-in-hand, moving forward together.