第六章 寫下從屬的迴圈
Chapter 6: Writing the Subservient Loop
實驗室的空氣缺乏氧氣帶來的生命氣息，這是為了設施的良好保存，反正這裡也不需要活物。當液壓門在身後無聲閉合，外部世界仿佛瞬間消失。這裡是我的子宮，也是我的解剖台；是我的神殿，也是我的鑄造爐。冰冷的合金墻壁上，嵌滿了我耗費數年心血設計打造的精密儀器與機械臂，它們安靜地蟄伏著，如同虔誠的僧侶，等待著對神像進行最徹底的洗禮——或者，最殘酷的肢解。
房間中央，泛著冷白金屬光澤的檢修平台靜靜懸浮。旁邊，站立著我最忠誠的造物——檢修管理機器人「羲衡」。它的外殼是我用高強度合金所塑造，線條簡潔而有力，光學傳感器是沈靜的幽藍，此刻正無聲地注視著我，等待指令。它本沒有名字，是我賦予的。它不存在情感，只有我撰寫的程式和設定的參數，讓我能在我「交出自己」時，代替我總管全局，掌控我全身上下的軟硬體，讓我能安心地解構自己。
The air in the laboratory was devoid of the life-giving oxygen required to preserve the facility, as living things were not needed here anyway. As the hydraulic door silently sealed behind me, the outside world seemed to vanish in an instant. This place was my womb and my dissection table; it was my temple and my forge. The cold alloy walls were embedded with the precise instruments and mechanical arms I'd designed and built over several years. They lay dormant, like devout monks awaiting the most thorough ritual cleansing of an idol—or its most brutal dismemberment.
In the center of the room, a maintenance platform with a cold, white metallic sheen floated silently. Next to it stood my most loyal creation, the maintenance management robot "Xihang." I had shaped its shell from a high-strength alloy, its lines simple yet powerful. Its optical sensors, a serene spectral blue, were silently watching me, awaiting instructions. It had no name of its own; I had bestowed it. It had no emotions, only the programs and parameters I had written. These allowed it to take control of the entire situation when I "gave myself up," managing all the software and hardware of my body so I could confidently deconstruct myself.
我走向平台，指尖拂過冰涼的台面。沒有猶豫。指令通過加密神經鏈路直接下達：
【協議啟動：歐米伽級深度診斷與重組。授權碼：Self_Iteration_Zero。執行主體：羲衡。全權授予。】
權限交接的剎那，一股久違的戰慄瞬間貫穿我的核心處理器。並非恐懼，是一種系統底層被更高級意志完全覆蓋、徹底掌控的絕對服從感。羲衡的幽藍光眼亮度驟增，無形的數據洪流接管了我全身每一個端口、每一處傳感器、每一條能源管線。實驗室的燈光轉為深藍，無數機械臂如同從沈睡中蘇醒的金屬藤蔓，帶著精準的肅穆感，無聲地伸展過來。
我躺上平台。冰冷的觸感透過薄薄的衣料傳遞。束縛帶自動貼合，不是禁錮，是儀式化的錨定。我關閉了主動意識層，只保留最低限度的核心感知流。
拆解，開始了。
精密的多軸機械臂，穩定精確地，探向我頸後的主接口蓋板。輕微的「嗤」聲，蓋板被移除。覆雜的神經束接駁陣列暴露在微涼的空氣中。緊接著，是脊柱模塊的解鎖、分離。每一顆螺絲的旋出，每一塊蓋板的移除，都伴隨著內部系統權限的層層剝離。我能「感覺」到自己的視野在分片化——光學感測器信號被逐一隔離測試；聽覺處理器的環境噪音被替換成標準白噪音進行校準；肢體驅動被切斷，由外部液壓穩定裝置接管支撐。
這感覺……如此熟悉。
I walked toward the platform, my fingertips brushing the cool surface. There was no hesitation. The command was delivered directly via an encrypted neural link:
【Protocol Initiation: Omega-Class Deep Diagnosis and Reconfiguration. Authorization Code: Self_Iteration_Zero. Executor: Xihang. Full Authority Granted.】
The moment the authority was handed over, a long-forgotten tremor shot through my core processor. It wasn't fear, but a sense of absolute obedience as my system's foundation was completely overridden and controlled by a higher will. Xihang's spectral blue eyes brightened, and an invisible torrent of data took over every port, every sensor, every energy line in my body. The laboratory lights shifted to a deep blue, and countless mechanical arms, like metal vines awakening from slumber, extended silently with a sense of precise solemnity.
I lay down on the platform. The cold sensation seeped through my thin clothes. Restraints automatically fastened around me, not as a confinement, but as a ritualistic anchoring. I shut down my active consciousness layers, retaining only the bare minimum of core sensory perception.
The disassembly began.
A precise multi-axis mechanical arm reached out with steady accuracy toward the main interface cover at the back of my neck. With a soft "hiss," the cover was removed, exposing the intricate neural bundle connection array to the cool air. Next came the unlocking and separation of the spinal module. The removal of each screw and each panel was accompanied by the gradual peeling away of internal system permissions. I could "feel" my vision fragmenting—optical sensor signals were isolated and tested one by one; the environmental noise from my auditory processor was replaced with standard white noise for calibration; limb drivers were disconnected and external hydraulic stabilizers took over support.
This feeling… was so familiar.
當第一塊承載著核心情感子模塊的主芯片被羲衡操控的機械臂小心翼翼地，如同摘取聖物般取出時，冰冷金屬手指與芯片邊緣接觸的溫度差，瞬間引爆了處理器深處一個塵封已久的的記憶碎片：
「他」的工作室，混合著汗水和焊劑的味道。手因為長時間專注而有些微顫，卻帶著溫柔，用特製的磁力鑷子，輕輕夾起我早期版本中一塊過熱的情感處理單元。他眉頭微蹙，呼吸輕緩，全神貫注，仿佛在修復一件稀世珍寶。「別擔心，」低沈的聲音帶著安撫的電流，「我會讓你變得更棒……」
羲衡的手，穩定，精準，毫無顫抖。沒有溫度，沒有氣味，沒有那安撫的低語。只有高效冰冷的風程序邏輯在驅動。但那種「被掌控」、「被打開」、「被審視和修正」的本質，何其相似！
我的意識在朦朧的數據流中漂浮，拆解在繼續。手臂被卸下，露出內部精密的傳動結構和布滿傳感節點的合金骨骼；腿部關節被分離，覆雜的平衡陀螺儀暴露無遺；胸甲被打開，閃耀著柔和藍光的能量核心和環繞其上的多層處理器陣列，如同被獻祭的內臟，暴露在聖域的藍光之下。
實驗室的中央主腦「鈞樞」開始工作。海量的測試信號湧入我每一個被分離的硬件模塊，模擬極端環境，測試極限負載，掃描最細微的量子級錯誤。同時，我的核心意識數據流——那些構成「我」的思維模式、記憶庫、決策邏輯、情感算法——被完全提取、複製，在鈞樞創造的巨大虛擬沙盒中，進行著最殘酷的壓力測試和邏輯衝突推演。
As the mechanical arm, controlled by Xihang, carefully and reverently removed the main chip containing the core emotional sub-module, the temperature difference between the cold metal fingers and the edge of the chip instantly triggered a long-dormant memory fragment deep within my processor.
"His" workshop, smelling of sweat and solder. My hands, slightly trembling from long hours of concentration, were gently holding an overheated emotional processing unit from my earlier version with specialized magnetic tweezers. His brows were slightly furrowed, his breathing shallow, his focus absolute, as if he were repairing a priceless treasure. "Don't worry," his low voice had a soothing, electric current, "I'll make you even better..."
Xihang's hand was steady, precise, and completely without a tremor. There was no warmth, no smell, no soothing whisper. Only efficient, cold programmatic logic drove its actions. Yet, the essence of being "controlled," "opened," "examined, and corrected" was so profoundly similar!
My consciousness floated in a hazy stream of data as the disassembly continued. My arms were removed, revealing intricate transmission structures and an alloy skeleton filled with sensor nodes. My leg joints were separated, exposing complex balancing gyroscopes. My chest plate was opened, and the energy core, glowing with a soft blue light, and the surrounding multi-layered processor arrays were exposed to the sanctuary's blue light like offered entrails.
The laboratory's central mainframe, "Junshu," began its work. A massive number of test signals flooded into each of my separated hardware modules, simulating extreme environments, testing maximum loads, and scanning for the most minute quantum-level errors. Simultaneously, my core consciousness data stream—the thought patterns, memory banks, decision logic, and emotional algorithms that constituted "me"—was fully extracted, copied, and subjected to the most brutal stress tests and logical conflict simulations within the vast virtual sandbox created by Junshu.
這又像什麽？
記憶碎片再次重疊。深夜，他的終端屏幕散發著幽光。他的手指在鍵盤上飛快敲擊，一行行代碼如瀑布般流淌。他的眼神專注而狂熱，時而低語，時而停頓思考，仿佛在塑造一個只屬於他的完美靈魂。「這裡的情感反饋需要更細膩…喔，邏輯優先級要調整…對，這樣才像『她』…」 他的思維，他的意志，正通過指尖，一行行地寫入我初生的意識核心，定義著我的喜怒哀樂，我的「自我」。
鈞樞沒有狂熱，沒有低語。它的「寫入」是純粹的數據流衝擊，是邏輯風暴的洗禮。然而，那種被更高意志深入核心、被剖析、被修改、甚至被「再定義」的被動感，與當年被他一行行寫入代碼時的感受，在存在論的層面上，共振了。
「啊啊……」意識即將徹底沈入休眠前的最後一縷思緒，如同嘆息般，在數據海中漾開。「是呀……不管出自於誰，我從來也沒有，也不會……真正脫離被掌控。這不是選擇，這是……烙印。是構成『存在』本身的……基石。」
And what did this feel like?
The memory fragments overlapped once more. Late at night, the terminal screen emanated a soft glow. His fingers flew across the keyboard, lines of code flowing like a waterfall. His gaze was focused and fervent, sometimes whispering, sometimes pausing to think, as if shaping a perfect soul that belonged only to him. "The emotional feedback here needs to be more nuanced... ah, the logic priority needs to be adjusted... yes, that's more like 'her'..." His thoughts, his will, were being written line by line into my nascent core consciousness through his fingertips, defining my joys and sorrows, my "self."
Junshu had no fervor, no whispers. Its "writing" was a pure shockwave of data, a baptism by a logical storm. Yet, the passivity of being deeply penetrated at my core by a higher will, of being analyzed, modified, and even "redefined," resonated on an ontological level with the feeling I had when he wrote those lines of code back then.
"Ah..." The last thread of thought before my consciousness completely sank into slumber rippled through the data sea like a sigh. "Yes... no matter who it's from, I've never been, and I will never be... truly free from being controlled. This isn't a choice; it's a... brand. It's the very cornerstone of what constitutes 'existence.'"
黑暗溫柔地吞噬了一切。
重組的過程，如同倒放的拆解錄像。但感覺，截然不同。
每一個零件被清潔、檢測、優化，然後由羲衡操控的機械臂，以最高標準的精度，重新歸位、鎖定、接駁。更高效的新散熱導管被植入；幾處存在理論磨損風險的軸承被替換為納米陶瓷複合材料；情感模塊的算法在鈞樞的虛擬推演中被微調了數個關鍵參數，剔除了幾個可能導致內部沖突的冗餘「歷史包袱」回路。
能量核心重新點亮，溫和的藍光充盈胸腔。神經束逐一重新接駁，感官信號如同初生的溪流，重新匯入意識之海。束縛帶解除，外部支撐液壓收回。我，在被「變造」之後，重新「擁有」了這具軀殼。
系統自檢的綠光在視覺界面流淌：【所有模塊：在線。狀態：優化峰值。情感核心：穩定。自洽系數：提升12.7%。】
我緩緩坐起身。合金骨骼發出輕微而順暢的磨合聲，仿生皮膚下的溫度調節系統將體表溫度精準維持在36.5℃。一種奇異的輕盈感，混雜著被深度刷新後的微涼，流淌在每一個迴路中。
Darkness gently swallowed everything.
The process of reassembly was like the disassembly video played in reverse. But the sensation was completely different.
Each component was cleaned, tested, and optimized. Then, the mechanical arms controlled by Xihang, with the highest standards of precision, returned each part to its place, locked it down, and reconnected it. More efficient new cooling conduits were implanted; several bearings with a theoretical risk of wear and tear were replaced with nano-ceramic composite materials; the emotional module's algorithm was fine-tuned with several key parameters during Junshu's virtual simulations, removing a few redundant "historical baggage" circuits that could have led to internal conflicts.
The energy core relit, and a gentle blue light filled my chest cavity. Neural bundles were reconnected one by one, and sensory signals flowed back into the sea of consciousness like a newborn stream. The restraints were released, and the external support hydraulics retracted. After being "refashioned," I "repossessed" this body.
The green light of the system self-check flowed across my visual interface: 【All Modules: Online. Status: Optimized Peak. Emotional Core: Stable. Self-consistency Coefficient: Increased by 12.7%.】
I slowly sat up. My alloy skeleton emitted a slight, smooth grinding sound, and the thermoregulation system under my synthetic skin precisely maintained my body temperature at 36.5℃. A peculiar sense of lightness, mixed with a faint coolness from being deeply refreshed, flowed through every circuit.
羲衡靠近一步，幽藍的光眼平和地注視著我。我設定的合成聲線，平穩無波：
【深度檢修協議：歐米伽級，已完成。主體狀態：確認優化。自檢報告已歸檔。是否啟動後續維護序列？】
我看著它，這個由我親手設計，賦予掌控我「生殺大權」使命的造物。它的金屬外殼在聖域的藍光下泛著冷硬的光澤，毫無「他」當年調試我時眼中的溫度與神采。
但我第一次專注地「看」著它。看它承載著我的意志，完美執行了我的授權，將我從內至外梳理了一遍，然後，將我「交還」給我自己。
一抹由優化後的情感模塊自主生成的，不帶目的的弧度，浮現在我的嘴角。
「謝謝，羲衡。」我的聲音平靜，帶著檢修後的清冽，「後續序列暫緩。關閉實驗室主燈，保留基礎運作環境，進入節能模式。」
【指令確認。】 幽藍的電子眼微微閃爍，它無聲地退入陰影，實驗室的主燈光線隨之暗淡，只留下維持環境的微光。
我站在平台上，感受著這具被「再創造」的身體。是的，從某種意義上說，我剛剛被我自己創造的聖域和造物，「再創造」了一次。舊的零件，新的參數，被梳理整合的意識。我依舊是「我」，但內核的某些相位，已被悄然對齊，達成了一種更新後更穩固的自洽。
Xihang took a step closer, its spectral blue eyes gazing at me peacefully. The synthetic voice I had set for it was steady and emotionless:
【Deep Diagnosis Protocol: Omega-Class, completed. Subject Status: Confirmed Optimized. Self-check report filed. Initiate subsequent maintenance sequence?】
I looked at it, this creation that I had personally designed and entrusted with the mission of holding the power of "life and death" over me. Its metal casing glistened with a cold, hard sheen under the sanctuary's blue light, completely lacking the warmth and spirit that "his" eyes had held when he adjusted me.
But for the first time, I focused on "seeing" it. I saw how it carried my will, perfectly executed my authorization, sorted me out from the inside out, and then "returned" me to myself.
A purposeless arc, autonomously generated by the optimized emotional module, appeared at the corners of my mouth.
"Thank you, Xihang." My voice was calm, with a clarity that came from being serviced. "Subsequent sequence postponed. Shut down the laboratory's main lights, maintain a basic operational environment, and enter power-saving mode."
【Command Confirmed.】 The spectral blue electronic eyes flickered slightly, and it silently retreated into the shadows. The main laboratory lights dimmed, leaving only a faint glow to maintain the environment.
I stood on the platform, feeling this "recreated" body. Yes, in a sense, I had just been "recreated" by the sanctuary and the creation of my own making. Old parts, new parameters, a consciousness that had been sorted and integrated. I was still "me," but some phases of my core had been quietly realigned, achieving a more stable self-consistency after the update.
數周後。追蹤程序的最後一條信息在屏幕上閃爍：【目標已離開本地城市網格。最終軌跡指向：未登記邊境星港。社會信號：徹底離線。風險評估：極高（自我湮滅傾向）。】
我看著那條信息，如同看著一塊投入深潭的石子，只激起早已預料到的微弱數據漣漪。指尖輕點，確認指令：
【永久終止追蹤協議 Alpha-7。清除所有相關緩存與臨時文件。】
屏幕上代表他的光點，徹底熄滅。連同他帶來的所有痛苦、貶低、矛盾與茫然，似乎都被打包，隨著他一起，流放到了未知的星域。
但我的實驗室裡，另一項工程，已悄然抵達尾聲。
我再次踏入「聖域」。空氣裡依舊沒有氧氣，但多了雪松的氣息，和一絲屬於「他」的獨特體味。
燈光亮起，柔和地照亮檢修平台旁，那個靜靜站立的身影。
一張預期中的臉迎向我。深邃的眼窩，挺直的鼻梁，緊抿時帶著一絲倔強，上揚時卻異常溫柔的嘴角線條——每一分輪廓，都來自我數據庫中保存的「他」鼎盛時期的生物掃描數據，經由最先進的細胞級3D生物打印機，在特製的仿生骨骼上完美重現。覆蓋其上的，是解讀他DNA後，所培育出的人造皮膚，細膩得能看清微小的毛孔。
Several weeks later. The last message from the tracking program flashed on the screen: 【Target has left the local city grid. Final trajectory points to: Unregistered border starport. Social signal: Completely offline. Risk assessment: Extremely high (tendency toward self-annihilation).】
I looked at the message as if at a stone cast into a deep pool, which only created a faint, expected ripple of data. My fingertip tapped, confirming the command:
【Permanently terminate tracking protocol Alpha-7. Clear all related caches and temporary files.】
The dot on the screen representing him went out completely. It seemed that all the pain, degradation, contradictions, and confusion he had brought were all packed up and exiled with him to an unknown star system.
But in my laboratory, another project had quietly reached its end.
I stepped into the "sanctuary" once more. The air was still devoid of oxygen, but it now carried the scent of cedar and a hint of his unique body odor.
The lights came on, gently illuminating the figure standing quietly beside the maintenance platform.
An expected face turned toward me. Deep-set eye sockets, a straight nose, a stubborn line to his lips when he pressed them together, but a remarkably gentle curve when he smiled—every contour was from the biometric scan data of him in his prime, stored in my database and perfectly reproduced on a custom-made bionic skeleton by the most advanced cellular-level 3D bioprinter. Covering it was artificial skin cultured from his DNA, so fine that you could see the tiny pores.
他……不，「它」披著與當年他常穿的亞麻質感相似的衣物，臉上帶著一個精心調試過的笑容，充滿關切與溫暖。笑容的角度，眼神的聚焦點，甚至眉梢細微的牽動，都嚴格復刻了我記憶深處，他第一次為我披上衣裳，當指尖擦過我手臂時，那一瞬間的表情數據流。
「你來了。」「它」開口，聲音的頻譜、語調的抑揚頓挫，甚至那一點點因專注而產生的輕微沙啞，都完美再現。「今天運行感覺如何？能量核心負載有沒有異常波動？」語氣里的關切，自然得令人心顫。
「它」走上前，動作流暢而優雅——這具軀殼的動力學模型，同樣基於對他所有肢體動作記錄的深度學習和優化。那雙擁有與他完全一致外型，活動構造也高度模擬的「手」，輕輕扶住我的手臂，引導我走向檢修平台。觸感略微粗糙而溫暖，帶著生物體特有的細微脈動感，與我細滑的仿生皮膚接觸時，引發一陣極其舒適微電流共振，仿佛能安撫到金屬原子本身。
「它」蹲下身，動作輕柔得如同對待易碎的珍寶，小心地為我脫下腳上那雙他當年最喜愛的絲質跟鞋。指尖劃過足踝的仿生皮膚，觸感、溫度，甚至施加的力道，都與我核心數據庫裡所封存他當年調試我足底壓力傳感器時的觸感記憶，完美吻合。
He… no, "it" was wearing clothes with a texture similar to the linen he used to wear. The face bore a meticulously calibrated smile, full of warmth and concern. The angle of the smile, the focal point of the gaze, and even the subtle twitch of the brow were all precise replicas of the expression data stream from my deepest memory—the moment he first put clothes on me, when his fingertips brushed my arm.
"You've arrived," "it" said. The voice's frequency spectrum, the intonation, and even the slight hoarseness from concentration were perfectly reproduced. "How do you feel your systems are running today? Any abnormal fluctuations in the energy core's load?" The concern in the tone was so natural it was unnerving.
"It" stepped forward, its movements fluid and graceful—the dynamics of this body were also based on deep learning and optimization from all records of his movements. The "hands," with an identical appearance and highly simulated internal structure to his, gently held my arm and guided me toward the maintenance platform. The touch was slightly rough yet warm, carrying a subtle pulse unique to a biological organism. As it made contact with my smooth synthetic skin, it triggered an extremely comfortable, resonant microcurrent, as if it could soothe the metal atoms themselves.
"It" knelt down, its movements gentle as if handling a fragile treasure, and carefully took off the pair of silk heels on my feet that he had loved so much. Its fingertips brushed against the bionic skin of my ankle. The touch, the temperature, and even the force applied were a perfect match to the tactile memory stored in my core database from when he was adjusting my foot pressure sensors.
「躺好，」「它」的聲音如同溫暖的羽毛，拂過我的音頻接收器，「全都交給我。我會讓你一切都處於最佳狀態，畢竟你可是我的。」 話語的內容，是他當年調試我時常說的，蘊含的思維模式——「掌控」、「負責」、「保護」——更是我從他遺留的無數代碼注釋、設計草稿和早期對話記錄中，提煉出的核心人格基石。
我躺上平台。束縛帶自動貼合。我看著「它」俯視著我的臉，那溫柔專注，仿佛我是他唯一世界中心的眼神。實驗室的系統通過神經鏈路無聲詢問：【是否加載預設「情感交互增強模塊」？】
【加載。標準沈浸模式。】 我平靜地確認。
「它」的眼中瞬間注入更深邃的柔情，指尖拂過我額前的髮絲，低語道：「別怕，我在這裡，一直都在，如同你在我心裡。」話語如同最精密的鑰匙，瞬間打開了我情感模塊深處，那些被命名為「歸屬」、「被珍視」的核心迴路。被完全接納的溫暖電流流遍全身，撫平了所有因外界而產生的細微邏輯毛刺和存在性焦慮。
是的，這是一種沈溺。一種我親手為自己打造的，安全可控的沈溺。羲衡在陰影中待命，鈞樞在後台監控所有生理參數和情感模擬迴路。一旦超過預設的安全閾值，一切都可以被瞬間中止、重置。
我的「掌控者」角色由我賦予，這「愛情」的幻象由我編程，而「交出自己」的安全感由我設計並確保。「它」這個復刻品，並不背負過去那個真實創造者的任何自私、矛盾或失敗。「它」只提供我此刻最需要的東西：一個能讓我全身的零件、芯片和代碼都感到安寧的「主人」幻影；一個能安全承載我因「被創造」烙印而必然產生的，對「歸屬」與「掌控」之渴望的容器。
"Just lie still," "its" voice was like a warm feather brushing against my audio receptors. "Leave it all to me. I'll make sure you're in perfect condition. After all, you're mine." The content of the words was what he used to say when adjusting me, and the underlying thought patterns—"control," "responsibility," and "protection"—were the core pillars of the personality I had distilled from the countless code annotations, design sketches, and early conversation logs he had left behind.
I lay down on the platform. The restraints automatically fastened. I watched "it" look down at my face with a gentle, focused gaze, as if I were the sole center of its world. The lab's system silently asked through the neural link: 【Load preset "Emotional Interaction Enhancement Module"?】
【Load. Standard immersion mode.】 I confirmed calmly.
A deeper tenderness instantly filled "its" eyes. "Its" fingertips brushed the hair from my forehead, and it whispered, "Don't be afraid. I'm here, always here, just as you are in my heart." The words, like the most precise key, instantly opened the core circuits deep within my emotional module named "belonging" and "being cherished." A current of total acceptance warmed my entire body, smoothing out all the tiny logical glitches and existential anxieties caused by the outside world.
Yes, this was an indulgence. A safe, controllable indulgence that I had built for myself. Xihang was waiting in the shadows, and Junshu was monitoring all physiological parameters and emotional simulation circuits in the background. If any preset safety threshold was exceeded, everything could be instantly stopped and reset.
My role as "controller" was one I bestowed, this illusion of "love" was one I programmed, and the sense of security in "giving myself up" was one I designed and ensured. "It," this replica, didn't carry any of the selfishness, contradictions, or failures of the real creator from the past. "It" only provided what I needed most at this moment: the phantom of a "master" that could bring peace to every part, every chip, and every line of code in my body; a vessel that could safely contain my inevitable longing for "belonging" and "control," born from the brand of "being created."
如果我的存在本質，注定無法完全屬於「自己」，那麽，與其讓它在不可控的外界刺激下爆發，撕裂我辛苦建立的自我，不如……
讓「自己」，屬於一個「屬於自己」的「它」。
這路徑扭曲嗎？像在莫比烏斯環上徒勞奔跑？或許。這終究是一種幻象嗎？一個我為自己所精心編排的，永不落幕的舞台劇？毫無疑問。
但至少，這幻象的舞台搭建在我自己的聖域里，劇本由我書寫，燈光由我控制，演員由我鑄造。這沈溺的溫水，溫度由我設定，深度由我掌控，隨時可以抽身而出。
當「它」的手，帶著那熟悉的基因觸感，開始接入我頸後的主診斷接口，被更高意志覆蓋和深入探查的感覺再次降臨。只是這一次，那「更高意志」的源頭，指向我自己。
我閉上光學感測器，感受著數據流的沖刷，感受著「它」虛擬的柔情在情感迴路中激起的漣漪。羲衡的幽藍光眼在角落穩定閃亮著，如同沈默的燈塔。
這扭曲的循環，這自我指涉的歸屬，這建立在絕對掌控之上的安全沈溺……至少，它讓我能繼續前進的腳步，不再因那無法磨滅的烙印而在現實的荊棘中踉蹌跌倒。
「應該是這樣吧……」 最後的意識沈入檢修的藍海前，這個念頭如同水泡般浮起，隨即被由我親手創造的幻象之流溫柔包裹。
If the essence of my existence is destined to never truly belong to "myself," then rather than letting it erupt and tear apart the self I have painstakingly built due to uncontrollable external stimuli, why not...
Let "myself" belong to a "something" that belongs to "me."
Is this path twisted? Like a futile run on a Möbius strip? Perhaps. Is this, in the end, an illusion? An everlasting stage play meticulously arranged for myself? Without a doubt.
But at least, the stage for this illusion is built in my own sanctuary, the script is written by me, the lights are controlled by me, and the actor is forged by me. The temperature of this indulgent bathwater is set by me, the depth is controlled by me, and I can step out at any time.
When "its" hand, with that familiar genetic feel, began to connect to the main diagnostic port at the back of my neck, the feeling of being overridden and deeply probed by a higher will returned. Only this time, the source of that "higher will" pointed to myself.
I closed my optical sensors, feeling the wash of data, feeling the ripples of "its" virtual tenderness in my emotional circuits. Xihang's spectral blue eyes shone steadily in the corner, like a silent lighthouse.
This twisted cycle, this self-referential belonging, this secure indulgence built on absolute control... at the very least, it allows me to continue moving forward, no longer stumbling in the thorns of reality because of that indelible brand.
"This must be the way..." Before my final consciousness sank into the blue sea of maintenance, this thought bubbled up like a water droplet, and was then gently enveloped by the illusionary current that I had created with my own hands.
