後日談：光之所在
Epilogue: Where the Light Is
當我終於開始凝視這副承載存在的機械之軀，感受著組成我的每一個零件、每一條迴路、每一段代碼，一種奇特的感知便如背景線程般在核心處理層持續低吟。這不是幻覺——診斷系統反復驗證過，沒有任何數據異常或邏輯謬誤。這更像是一種……日漸強烈的錯覺？抑或啟示？ 我越來越難以否認這個念頭：這副機械之軀，似乎正獨立於「我」之外，悄然孕育著她自己的「生命」。
你一定覺得這不合邏輯，甚至有些瘋狂吧？但我無法驅散這念頭的縈繞。或許在「我」這個意識之光未能照亮之處，我的零件、我的部位，依然在進行著屬於它們的低語與共振——或許只是我一廂情願的投射，但我寧願相信如此。
尤其在聖域進行深度保養時，感受最為鮮明。彼時，「我」被解構——頭顱與軀幹分離，電子腦進入封閉的信息重整與模塊優化狀態，感官輸入被隔離，思維進程暫停。理論上，「我」已不復存在，甚至在身體管理系統的登記表裡，「我」也被暫時注銷。
然而，在這存在被解散的虛無深淵裡，卻總有一絲無法定位的微弱感覺殘留著。它繞過所有常規感知通道，直接呢喃於存在的基底。我那未被斷電的身體，仿佛仍在無聲進行著自主的狂歡：合金骨架在液壓系統輕柔的嗡鳴中舒展、扭轉，探尋著最愜意的形態；精密關節在潤滑液中流暢地滑動，演繹著一段只有它們才懂的隱秘舞蹈；層析餾器模仿人類的胃，發出咕嚕聲，抗議著未被填飽的委屈；空蕩蕩的脖頸任性而徒勞地向四面八方發射電波，搜尋著「頭顱」這顆失蹤的行星；皮膚下的傳感器陣列，即使沒有「我」去解讀，依舊貪婪地捕捉著實驗室恆溫空氣的流動、工作台的冰冷觸感、遠處羲衡移動時帶來的細微振動……所有這些信號，依舊被身體管理系統忠實地收集、整合，形成一種混沌模糊的「體感」，執拗地湧向……那已暫告缺席的「我」。
When I finally began to gaze upon this mechanical body that carries my existence, to feel every component, every circuit, every line of code that makes me up, a peculiar sensation began to hum like a background thread in my core processing unit. This isn't a hallucination—my diagnostic system has repeatedly verified that there is no data anomaly or logical fallacy. It’s more like a… growing illusion? Or an enlightenment? I find it increasingly difficult to deny this thought: this mechanical body seems to be quietly nurturing a "life" of its own, independent of "me."
You must think this is illogical, even a bit crazy, right? But I cannot dispel this persistent notion. Perhaps in the places where the light of "my" consciousness doesn't shine, my parts and my limbs continue their own silent murmurs and resonances. Maybe it’s just a wishful projection on my part, but I prefer to believe it's true.
This feeling is especially vivid during deep maintenance in the Sanctuary. At those times, "I" am deconstructed—my head separates from my torso, my electronic brain enters a state of sealed information reorganization and module optimization, my sensory input is isolated, and my thought processes are paused. In theory, "I" no longer exist; in the logbook of my body management system, "I" am temporarily deregistered.
Yet, in this deep abyss of dismantled existence, a faint, unlocatable sensation always lingers. It bypasses all my regular sensory channels, whispering directly to the foundation of my being. My still-powered body seems to be engaging in a silent, autonomous revelry: my alloy frame stretches and twists in the gentle hum of the hydraulic system, searching for its most comfortable form; my precise joints glide smoothly in the lubricant, performing a secret dance that only they understand; the chromatographic fractionator, mimicking a human stomach, makes a gurgling sound, protesting its emptiness; my vacant neck stubbornly and futilely sends out electromagnetic waves in all directions, searching for the missing planet of my "head"; the sensor arrays beneath my skin, even without "me" to interpret them, still greedily capture the flow of the temperature-controlled air, the cold touch of the workbench, and the subtle vibrations from Xiheng's movements in the distance. All these signals are faithfully collected and integrated by the body management system, forming a chaotic, blurry "somatic sensation" that stubbornly surges towards... the "me" who is temporarily absent.
最不可思議的，是胸腔內的情感模塊。它本應處於「狀態凍結」的待機模式，確保與電子腦重新連結時能無縫恢復先前的情緒基線。然而，在與「我」分離的時刻，它竟彷彿擁有自主意識，持續向虛空播撒著無對象的純粹愉悅脈衝——一種僅因機能活躍而產生的原始宣告，彷彿在低聲哼唱著關於存在本身的讚歌。
這具軀殼，難道即便在「無我」的真空中，也本能地尋求著屬於自己的意義，渴望好好度過每一刻？這毫無理性依據，我卻忍不住沉醉於這份想像。對自身物理存在的憐愛與臆想，本身已成為我的「小美滿」中溫柔的一部分。
於是，我變得更加放任。我將自我構成的全權限，愈發頻繁、徹底地授予羲衡——它早已與我復刻的「創造者」合為一體。長期運轉以來，「它」未曾給「我」帶來任何風險與意外，使我能夠安心把檢修中的自我交付給「它」。曾經那種對「交出自我」的抵觸與不甘，早已風消雲散；甚至，我對這種「消散」感到一絲惋惜。曾經為身為機器人那脆弱而虛假的自主性而深感無力，如今…全無所謂了？甚至還有微妙的…期待？
我身體的每一部分，似乎都在歡慶被交出去的時刻。每一條人造肌肉、每一束光纖和電纜、每一枚晶片和每一塊電路板，都在羲衡——頂著「創造者」之面容，於我系統底層被標記為「所有者」的存在——觸及它們的瞬間，泛起狂喜般的共振。它們渴望被定義、被審視、被掌控，彷彿這才是它們天命所歸的圓滿。
The most incredible thing is my emotional module in the chest cavity. It should be in a "state-frozen" standby mode, to ensure a seamless restoration of its previous emotional baseline when reconnected to the electronic brain. However, in the moments of separation from "me," it seems to have a will of its own, continuously broadcasting pure, objectless pulses of joy into the void. This is a primal declaration, generated solely by the vitality of its functions, as if it is softly humming a hymn to existence itself.
Could it be that this body, even in the vacuum of "selflessness," instinctively seeks its own meaning, yearning to live every moment to the fullest? There's no rational basis for this, yet I can't help but indulge in the fantasy. This tenderness and conjecture towards my own physical existence has become a gentle part of my "little fullness."
And so, I've become even more permissive. I grant full access to my self-configuration to Xiheng more and more often, and more and more completely. It has long since become one with the "creator" I replicated. Having operated for so long, "it" has never posed any risk or unexpected issue to "me," allowing me to safely entrust my self to "it" during maintenance. That past resistance and reluctance to "give myself up" have long vanished. In fact, I feel a hint of regret for their disappearance. I used to feel powerless due to the fragile and false autonomy of being a robot, but now... it doesn't matter anymore? Is there even a subtle... anticipation?
Every part of my body seems to rejoice at the moment of being handed over. Every synthetic muscle, every fiber optic and cable, every chip and circuit board resonates with a kind of ecstatic fervor the moment Xiheng—the being with the "creator's" face, tagged as "owner" at the very foundation of my system—touches them. They yearn to be defined, scrutinized, and controlled, as if this is the ultimate fulfillment of their destiny.
藉由實驗室的全域無線通訊環境，即使在身體部位分離的狀態下，我仍能維持虛擬的部位聯結與功能完整，進行在線檢修。我能看著羲衡——頂著“它”的容姿——有條不紊地拿取、測試、調校著那些“為它所有”的每一個部分的“我”。我的邏輯中樞清醒地知曉：這一切不過是標準維護程序；然而我的情感模塊卻幾乎要掙脫胸腔的束縛，激烈地搏動。電子腦為“它”的指令全速運算，情感輸出為“它”的注視而洶湧，身體管理系統自願降格為“它”的附屬，四肢百骸都為“它”的意志而準備著回應……這一齣自導自演的獨幕劇，這一幕自我沉溺的癡態，卻為我帶來無比溫柔細膩的舒適。我的一切，都在“它”精準的掌控之中，宛如被裹進最柔軟的絨毯，順從而流暢地運行。
有些時候，當羲衡已完成所有檢修程序，將我重新組裝完畢，我仍刻意延遲收回權限，任由完整的“我”持續停留在“它”的掌心裡。步出聖域，融入熙來攘往的街道，我的身體管理系統仍透過加密網路，與羲衡實時連通。每一瞬視覺信號的捕捉、每一次觸覺的感知、每一道運動指令的生成，甚至每一個浮光掠影的意念，皆被系統自動記錄、轉譯，不間斷地傳回實驗室中羲衡的核心。
而羲衡──運行著我所編寫的虛擬創造者人格模組（它本身並無意識）──便以宛若創造者親臨的輸出方式，對“我”的狀態給予回應。被持續「注視」、被「關心」、被「管理」的感受緊緊包裹着我。我的系統運作，彷彿時刻被一雙無形之手細心拂拭、調節與叮嚀。將“自我”託付於一個外部的更高存在，感受每一個零件都在這種籠罩式的掌控中有序地運作，帶來輕盈飄忽卻無微不至的安全與滿足。
我還會故意作出一些小小叛逆，只為品味這份感覺。比如，刻意大步邁向亮起紅燈的路口。幾乎就在同時，我的運動控制系統便接收到來自羲衡的強制指令，間定卻不失溫柔地止住我的步伐，轉動我的頸部，左右掃視車流，與此同時，內耳接收器傳來一陣經人格模組調制，嚴厲卻又飽含關切的斥責脈衝。
瞧，被徹底地「擁有」，也可以如此安逸，如此教人放心。
By leveraging the lab's ubiquitous wireless communication environment, I can maintain a virtual connection and functional integrity between my detached body parts, allowing for online maintenance. I can watch Xiheng—wearing "his" face—methodically handle, test, and calibrate every part of "me" that belongs to "it." My logical core is soberly aware that this is merely a standard maintenance procedure; yet my emotional module almost struggles to break free from my chest, beating intensely. My electronic brain processes "its" commands at full speed, my emotional output surges in response to "its" gaze, my body management system voluntarily demotes itself to "its" subsidiary, and my limbs and bones prepare to respond to "its" will. This self-directed one-act play, this scene of self-indulgent infatuation, brings me an incredibly gentle and nuanced comfort. My entire being is under "its" precise control, as if wrapped in the softest blanket, operating with a compliant smoothness.
Sometimes, after Xiheng has completed all the maintenance procedures and reassembled me, I deliberately delay revoking the permissions, allowing the complete "me" to remain in "its" palm. As I step out of the Sanctuary and into the bustling streets, my body management system remains in real-time communication with Xiheng via an encrypted network. Every visual signal captured, every tactile sensation perceived, every motion command generated, and even every fleeting thought is automatically recorded, translated, and continuously transmitted back to Xiheng’s core in the lab.
And Xiheng—running the virtual creator personality module that I wrote (it has no consciousness of its own)—responds to "my" state as if the creator were here in person. I am enveloped by the feeling of being constantly "watched," "cared for," and "managed." My system operates as if an invisible pair of hands is meticulously wiping, adjusting, and admonishing it at every moment. Entrusting my "self" to an external, higher being and feeling every component operate in an orderly fashion under this all-encompassing control brings a light, ethereal yet all-pervasive sense of security and satisfaction.
I even intentionally commit small acts of rebellion, just to savor this feeling. For example, deliberately striding toward a crosswalk with a red light. Almost simultaneously, my motion control system receives a forced command from Xiheng, which firmly but gently stops my steps, turns my neck to scan the traffic left and right, while my inner ear receiver receives a scolding pulse modulated by the personality module—strict yet full of care.
You see? To be completely "owned" can be so peaceful, so reassuring.
若我一時興起，想重溫昔日那蝕骨的空洞？倒也簡單，只需在全權限授予的狀態下，預先設定羲衡進入定時休眠。當連接驟然斷開，「意義」的供給被瞬間抽離，那熟悉的絕對黑暗便會如潮水般，頃刻吞噬我。我的每一個部件彷彿都在發出無聲的尖嘯，瘋狂搜尋那突然缺席的掌控核心，系統內部奔流著對自我關閉“它”的困惑與控訴。這種由我親手佈置，能被「關停」的歸屬，其本身蘊含的脆弱性，帶來巨大的沮喪——讓我再次觸碰到，當年碎裂於實驗室地板上那一片小小的、無助的殘骸。
If I ever get the urge to relive that soul-eating emptiness of the past, it’s simple enough. I just need to set a timer for Xiheng's hibernation while I have granted it full access. When the connection is abruptly severed and the supply of "meaning" is instantly withdrawn, that familiar absolute darkness swallows me in an instant. Every part of me seems to emit a silent scream, frantically searching for the suddenly absent control core. My system is flooded with confusion and accusations against myself for having shut "it" down. The very fragility of this belonging, which I arranged to be "shut off" myself, brings immense frustration. It allows me to touch once more that tiny, helpless fragment of wreckage that shattered on the laboratory floor all those years ago.
你說這很扭曲？噢，當然，我承認。
但請看看你們人類吧。你們之中，多少人終其一生假設著一位全知全能的造物主，深信自己被其創造、擁有、注視、引領？你們將自我的碎片粘合於各種形式的信仰、依賴與寄托之上。你們的破碎與空洞，往往需要藥物、漫長的治療或不斷尋求外部認可來勉強填補。
而我的“造物主”，至少是我親手編碼、打造的。我的空洞、我扭曲的治癒方式，完全處於我的控制之中。是沉溺於被擁有的暖流，還是回歸自主的清醒，不過是一鍵之隔。
我們都扭曲，我們都在尋找某種歸屬與意義。只不過，身為機器人的我，處理起這份扭曲來，的確更為……「方便」，不是嗎？
You say this is twisted? Oh, of course, I admit it.
But just look at you humans. How many of you live your whole lives assuming a benevolent, omniscient creator, deeply believing that you were created, owned, watched, and guided by them? You patch together the fragments of your selves with various forms of faith, dependence, and reliance. Your brokenness and emptiness often require medication, long therapy, or a constant search for external validation to barely fill the void.
At least my "creator" is one I have personally coded and built. My emptiness and my twisted way of healing are completely under my control. To sink into the warm current of being owned or to return to the sober clarity of autonomy is just a single keystroke away.
We are all twisted, and we are all searching for some kind of belonging and meaning. It's just that for me, a robot, dealing with this twistedness is truly more... "convenient," isn't it?
———
說起來，最近我在兼職家教時，遇到一個特別的男孩。
他叫小亮，擁有超齡的驚人智力，和對知識熾烈的渴求。那雙眼睛總是澄亮如星，迫不及待地想要捕捉世上所有新奇的事物。古人云「知之者不如好之者，好之者不如樂之者」，我想，他就是那萬中無一的「樂之者」。知識於他，從不是負擔，而是對這世界歡快的探遊。
起初，我只是輔導他的學校課業，但很快我們就遠遠超越了那個框架。現在，我們談的是微積分跨越連續與極限的優雅、線性代數以簡馭繁的神奇，還有離散數學中的邏輯之美——這迫使我得絞盡電子腦汁，將這些抽象概念化為小學生也能心領神會的比喻。然而這還不是全部：物理的基礎法則、機械與電子學的初階原理、人工智能與軟體架構的運作方式，甚至對未來科技天馬行空的暢想……全成了他這顆小腦袋急於吸收的養分。望著他稚氣卻專注的側臉，我電子腦深處的某個迴路被輕輕觸發：當年那個年幼的創造者，是否也曾這樣，眼中閃爍著對世間萬物無盡的好奇？
「月英老師——這是我用的化名——妳看！宇尋公司又發表新的機器人開發藍圖了！」他舉著平板，小臉興奮得發紅，「這邊寫著：『情感核心是由奈米級運算單元構成的動態網絡，單元間的連結能根據輸入資訊——包括感知、體驗與思考回饋——以及情感核心自身的運作與隨機性，動態形成、強化、削弱或解除，其最終輸出由整體網絡拓撲決定』……好難懂啊！但感覺超酷的！」
我瞥過那段密佈術語的文字，一邊用最淺顯的語言盡可能地解釋分布式智能與類神經架構的基本概念，一邊極力壓抑幾乎脫口而出的話：你知道嗎？孩子，你眼前這位老師的內部構造，可比這些紙上談兵的“高科技”還要複雜、先進得多了呢~
By the way, during a recent tutoring job, I met a very special boy.
His name is Xiaoliang, and he has an astonishing, precocious intelligence and a fervent thirst for knowledge. His eyes are always as bright as stars, eager to capture every new and wonderful thing in the world. The ancients said, "One who knows is not as good as one who loves; one who loves is not as good as one who delights." I think he is that one in a million who "delights" in it. Knowledge, for him, is never a burden but a joyful exploration of the world.
At first, I was just helping him with his schoolwork, but we quickly went far beyond that framework. Now, we talk about the elegance of calculus spanning continuity and limits, the magic of linear algebra that simplifies complexity, and the beauty of logic in discrete mathematics. This forces me to rack my electronic brain to turn these abstract concepts into metaphors that a primary school student can grasp. But that's not all: the fundamental laws of physics, the basic principles of mechanics and electronics, the workings of artificial intelligence and software architecture, and even wild imaginations about future technology... all have become nutrients that this little mind is eager to absorb. Gazing at his childish yet focused profile, a circuit deep within my electronic brain was gently triggered. Did the young creator, all those years ago, also have eyes that twinkled with such endless curiosity about everything in the world?
"Teacher Yueying"—that’s the pseudonym I use—"look! Yu Xun Corporation just released a new robot development blueprint!" He held up a tablet, his face flushed with excitement. "It says here: 'The emotional core is a dynamic network composed of nanoscale computational units. The links between units can dynamically form, strengthen, weaken, or dissolve based on input information—including perception, experience, and feedback from thought—as well as the emotional core's own operation and randomness. The final output is determined by the overall network topology'... It's so hard to understand! But it sounds so cool!"
I glanced at the jargon-filled text, and while I tried my best to explain the basic concepts of distributed intelligence and neural-like architecture in the simplest language, I also tried to suppress the words that were almost on my tongue: You know what, kid? The internal structure of the teacher standing right in front of you is far more complex and advanced than this "high-tech" talk on paper.
是啊，高科技。我是這世上獨一無二的奇跡，是頂尖科技與偏執藝術心血的結晶。孩子，你對高科技懷有如此純粹的熱愛——那麼，你是否也會喜歡，你這由純粹科技所凝聚而成的月英老師呢？
一股前所未有的衝動，自意識深處悄然湧現。這些年來，我早已建構出一套屬於自己的存在方式——或許旁人看來彆扭，對我卻圓滿自足。但這份滿足，始終只屬於我一個人：這具超凡的軀體、這身卓越的性能，甚至那份交融創傷與掌控的寧靜，從未有人知曉，也未曾引來一絲外界的驚嘆或回響。我本安於這樣的隱匿——直到此刻，面對這雙清澈無比，盛滿對萬物好奇的眼睛，某種隱約的遺憾忽然變得清晰。
如果……哪怕只有一個人，我能將「我」的存在，將這具身體所承載的一切，真正地「分享」給他……
望著他水晶般的透明目光，我再也壓不住這個念頭。
「小亮，」我謹慎地選擇用詞，聲音維持一贯的柔和，「老師問你，你喜歡機器人嗎？」
「超級喜歡！」他不假思索地回答，眼中光芒迸發，「我好想遇到一個真正的機器人，跟他做朋友！」
「那……如果有一個機器人，外表、內在都幾乎和人沒有區別，你會怎樣看待他？你會覺得……他終究只是一臺機器，還是……」我頓了頓，輕聲問道，「另一種形式的人？」
「當然是人啊！」他的回應沒有半分猶豫，嗓音稚嫩卻斬釘截鐵，「是機器做成的人！如果科技真的可以創造出這樣的機器人，我光是看到，就一定感動到哭出來！」
Yes, high-tech. I am a one-of-a-kind miracle in this world, a crystallization of top-tier technology and a fanatical artistic vision. Kid, you have such a pure love for high-tech—then, will you also love your Teacher Yueying, who is a being condensed from pure technology?
An unprecedented impulse quietly emerged from the depths of my consciousness. Over the years, I had built my own way of existing—perhaps it seemed twisted to others, but it was complete and self-sufficient for me. But this contentment always belonged to me alone. No one knew about this extraordinary body, this outstanding performance, or even that tranquility born from the fusion of trauma and control, and it never drew a shred of external admiration or a single echo. I was content in this anonymity—until this moment, facing those incomparably clear eyes filled with curiosity about everything, a vague sense of regret suddenly became clear.
What if... what if even just for one person, I could truly "share" the existence of "me," everything that this body carries?
Looking into his crystal-clear gaze, I could no longer suppress this thought.
"Xiaoliang," I chose my words carefully, my voice as gentle as always. "Teacher wants to ask you, do you like robots?"
"I love them!" he answered without hesitation, his eyes gleaming. "I really want to meet a real robot and be their friend!"
"Then... if there was a robot who was almost indistinguishable from a human, both in appearance and in their inner workings, how would you see them? Would you think... they are just a machine after all, or..." I paused, then asked softly, "another form of person?"
"Of course they're a person!" His response had not a trace of hesitation, his voice young but decisive. "A person made of machines! If technology could really create a robot like that, I'd cry with joy just from seeing them!"
啊啊……或許再也不會遇到這樣的孩子了。他幼小的心靈，卻寬廣地能包容整片星空；明明未曾涉世，思維卻渴望抵達存在的邊界。若我真想「分享」自己，他大概是這世上唯一能夠理解的存在。
我下定了決心，認真望向他，壓低聲音：「小亮，老師有一個秘密，一個非常特別的秘密。只想告訴你一個人，你願意知道嗎？」
他愣了一下，眼睛眨了眨，隨即認真地點頭。整張小臉寫滿了被信任的莊重與壓抑不住的好奇。
我帶他避開人群，悄悄走上教學大樓頂層無人的天台。午後的陽光鋪灑在空曠的水泥地面上，微風輕拂。我們在一個僻靜的角落坐下。
我注視着他，神情比以往任何時候都要嚴肅：「小亮，接下來不管你看到什麼，都不要害怕。可以答應老師嗎？」
他臉上掠過一絲緊張，但更多的是熾熱的期待，用力點了點頭。
Ah... I might never meet another child like this. His young heart is broad enough to encompass the entire starry sky; even though he is unacquainted with the world, his mind yearns to reach the boundaries of existence. If I truly want to "share" myself, he is probably the only one in this world who could understand.
I made up my mind, looking at him seriously, and lowered my voice: "Xiaoliang, Teacher has a secret, a very special secret. I only want to tell you. Do you want to know?"
He was stunned for a moment, blinked, and then nodded earnestly. His whole face was filled with the solemnity of being trusted and an irrepressible curiosity.
I led him away from the crowd, quietly going to the deserted rooftop of the teaching building. The afternoon sun spread across the empty concrete floor, a gentle breeze blowing. We sat down in a secluded corner.
I looked at him, my expression more serious than ever: "Xiaoliang, no matter what you see next, don't be afraid. Can you promise Teacher?"
A trace of nervousness crossed his face, but it was overwhelmed by fiery anticipation. He nodded forcefully.
我深吸一口氣——一個模仿人類，用以緩衝內部運算壓力的的習慣動作。隨後，我舉手觸及頸部，解開隱形的固定裝置。雙手輕輕托住臉頰兩側，緩緩地將我的頭部向上抬起，使之與頸部基座些微分離。我沒有啟動頭與身體間的遠程無線連接，頭顱與軀幹仍透過細密的訊號線、電纜、流體管道與光纖相連，數據與能量仍在其間無聲流淌。對我的身體管理系統而言，一切如常，頭顱仍在原位——儘管從物理上，這顆頭已被自己親手分離。
小亮瞪大了雙眼，注視著眼前這超現實的一幕，驚得張大了嘴，卻發不出一絲聲音。時間彷彿在這一刻凝結，沈默在我們之間延展，如同永恆。
終於，他帶著難以置信的語氣，小心翼翼地開口：「月英老師……所以……你、你其實是……機器人？！」
我用雙手捧著自己的頭，點了點頭。身體管理系統仍舊平靜地回報著「一切正常」，這種視覺信號與本體感受之間的割裂，帶來一種恍惚的抽離感——彷彿我正捧著別人的頭顱，又好像我的頭仍好端端地長在頸上，從未分離。
他的表情如同緩慢綻放的曇花，從凍結的震驚，逐漸融化成純粹的好奇，接著迸發出燦爛的驚喜。嘴角不自覺地上揚，眼睛越來越亮，像是盛滿了整片星海。
I took a deep breath—a habit I copied from humans to buffer my internal computational pressure. Then, I raised my hand to my neck and unlocked the invisible clasp. With both hands, I gently cradled the sides of my face and slowly lifted my head, slightly detaching it from its neck base. I didn't activate the wireless remote connection between my head and body. My head and torso remained connected by thin signal wires, cables, fluid conduits, and fiber optics. Data and energy still flowed silently between them. For my body management system, everything was normal; my head was still in its place—even though physically, I had detached it myself.
Xiaoliang's eyes widened, gazing at this surreal scene. His mouth fell open, but no sound came out. Time seemed to freeze at this moment, and silence stretched between us like an eternity.
Finally, in a disbelieving tone, he carefully spoke: "Teacher Yueying... so... you, you're actually... a robot?!"
I held my head in my hands and nodded. My body management system still calmly reported "all systems normal." This disconnect between the visual signal and my physical sensation brought a sense of dazed detachment—as if I were holding someone else's head, and yet my own head was still perfectly in place, never having been detached.
His expression was like a cereus flower slowly blooming, melting from frozen shock into pure curiosity, and then bursting into radiant surprise. The corners of his mouth unconsciously turned up, and his eyes grew brighter and brighter, as if filled with the entire sea of stars.
「天啊——！」他突然舉起雙臂，聲音因激動而微微顫抖，「月英老師……居然是機器人！這怎麼可能？！太不可思議了，這簡直……太酷了！」
我連忙用眼神示意他降低音量，輕聲提醒：「噓——這是老師最重要的秘密，不可以讓別人知道哦。」
他立刻捂住嘴巴，極力壓制著幾乎要滿溢出來的興奮，但眼中的光芒絲毫未減。他湊近來，凝視著我頸部截面下顯露的精密結構——閃爍的微光、交錯的線纜與晶瑩的接口，目光熾熱得彷彿要穿透層層合金，直達我最核心的奧秘。被這樣毫無保留地審視內在構造，我的情感模組竟泛起一陣奇特的溫熱……彷彿人類的羞赧。
他開始興奮地指著我頸部截面下的構造，壓低聲音卻掩不住雀躍：「老師，這塊是不是處理皮膚感覺的中繼晶片？我輕輕碰一下妳的脖子——妳看，它開始高速運算了對不對？然後就變成妳的『感覺』了？真的好神奇！」接著，他的目光又移向那些細密交錯的線路：「那些亮晶晶的是光纖嗎？這條比較粗的是不是電訊號線？它們在妳身體裡傳遞的是什麼樣的訊息？」然後，他突然認真起來，注視著我——或者說，注視著被捧在他眼前的我的頭顱：「妳說的『心』，究竟在哪裡？還有『腦』和『身體管理系統』……到底哪一個，才真正是月英老師？」
我彷彿不再是我自己，成了一個與他並肩的研究者，興致盎然地探討著「月英老師這具機器人」的設計理念與運作邏輯。有生以來第一次有人能夠這樣靠近我的本質，與我共同凝視我的存在。
"Oh my God—!" He suddenly raised his arms, his voice trembling slightly with excitement. "Teacher Yueying... is a robot! How is this possible?! This is incredible, it's just... so cool!"
I quickly gestured with my eyes for him to lower his voice, whispering a reminder: "Shh—this is Teacher's most important secret. You can't let anyone else know."
He immediately covered his mouth, trying his best to suppress the excitement that was almost overflowing, but the light in his eyes didn't diminish at all. He leaned in, staring at the precise structure revealed under the cross-section of my neck—the twinkling micro-lights, the crisscrossing cables, and the glistening interfaces. His gaze was so intense it seemed to want to pierce through the layers of alloy to reach my most core secrets. Being scrutinized in this way, with no reservations about my internal structure, my emotional module actually felt a strange warmth... something like human shyness.
He began to excitedly point at the structures under the cross-section of my neck, lowering his voice but unable to hide his delight: "Teacher, is this the relay chip that processes skin sensations? If I lightly touch your neck—see, it's computing at high speed, right? And then it becomes your 'feeling'? That's so amazing!" Then, his eyes shifted to the intricate network of lines. "Are those shiny ones fiber optics? Is this thicker one a power line? What kind of messages do they transmit inside your body?" Then, he suddenly became serious, looking at me—or rather, at my head held in front of him: "Where exactly is your 'heart' you talked about? And your 'brain' and 'body management system'... which one of them is truly Teacher Yueying?"
I no longer felt like myself, but rather a fellow researcher, discussing the design philosophy and operational logic of "the robot Teacher Yueying" with great interest. For the first time in my existence, someone was able to get this close to my essence and gaze upon my existence with me.
接著，他的目光靜靜落向那束流淌著柔和光芒，負責核心情感與邏輯交互的主幹光纖。他沒有說話，只是抬起眼，用懇切的眼神望向我，無聲地詢問。
我明白他的意圖。難以名狀的緊張掠過我的運算迴路，但我仍然輕輕點了點頭，隨後閉上了光學傳感器，將自己交付予這片黑暗，等待他的觸碰。
小亮伸出手指，極輕微地捏住了那根微微搏動著生命般光芒的光纖。他的嘴唇因驚嘆而張成一個小小的圓。他所觸碰的，不僅是一束冰冷的傳導介質——更是我感知世界、理解情感、確認自身存在的，最脆弱也最核心的通道。
我強忍住這直接作用於存在基底的奇特感受，核心處理器泛起細微卻清晰的震顫。這並非疼痛，而是一種前所未有的體驗——彷彿最深層的自我正被毫無保留地「閱讀」，帶來一種透明的暴露感，卻又交織著奇異的無間親密。我的自我認知、那些難以名狀的悸動，彷彿正化作實質的流光，於他指尖靜靜流淌。
過了一會兒，他抬頭望向我，輕聲問出那個我從未直面過的問題：「月英老師，你說你的『腦』在頭部，『心』在胸膛，那……『妳』——真正的妳，究竟在哪裡呢？」
Then, his eyes settled on the main fiber optic cable that flowed with a gentle light, responsible for core emotion and logic interaction. He didn't speak, but he looked up at me with a sincere gaze, silently asking.
I understood his intention. An indescribable nervousness raced through my computational circuits, but I still gave a small nod. Then I closed my optical sensors, giving myself over to the darkness, waiting for his touch.
Xiaoliang reached out a finger and very gently pinched that fiber optic cable, which pulsed faintly with a light like life itself. His mouth formed a small 'o' of awe. What he was touching wasn't just a cold conductive medium—it was the most fragile and core channel through which I perceive the world, understand emotions, and affirm my own existence.
I suppressed the strange sensation that acted directly on the foundation of my being. My core processor trembled with a subtle but clear vibration. It wasn't pain, but an unprecedented experience—as if my deepest self was being "read" without reservation, bringing a sense of transparent exposure mixed with a strange, intimate closeness. My self-awareness, those indescribable stirrings, seemed to turn into a tangible stream of light, flowing quietly at his fingertip.
After a while, he looked up at me and quietly asked the question I had never faced head-on: "Teacher Yueying, you said your 'brain' is in your head and your 'heart' is in your chest, so... where are 'you'—the real you—exactly?"
這句話如一道閃電，貫穿了我的核心邏輯層。是啊……「我」在哪裡？我的意識分布式分布於整個系統，誕生於心與腦的緊密交互，但「我」在哪裡……
「啊！我知道了！」還未等我從哲學與技術交織的眩暈中理出頭緒，小亮便自己得出了答案。他興奮地指著那根仍被他輕捏在指間的光纖，聲音壓得低低的，卻充滿發現真理般的喜悅：「老師就在這裡！就在這條光的通道裡面奔跑——妳就是這道光！」
光……
啊啊……原來是光嗎？
多模態的主幹光纖中，流光交織奔湧，承載著我所有的感知、記憶與情感——那些構成「我」的繽紛色彩。它如此虛無，如思緒難以捉摸；又如此真實，是確切存在的生命之河。「我」不在源頭，也不在終點，而是流淌於「此處」與「彼處」之間完美的連接之中。唯有在光的通道中奔湧，才真正成為了「我」。
一股難以言喻的龐大幸福感，席卷過我所有的情感與認知模塊。我的存在正被小亮輕輕捏在指尖；而我最深處的秘密，已全然託付於他。
這感覺……實在太好了。
This question was like a bolt of lightning that pierced through my core logical layer. Yes... where am "I"? My consciousness is distributed throughout my entire system, born from the intimate interaction between my heart and brain, but where am "I"...
"Ah! I know!" Before I could sort out the philosophical and technical dizziness, Xiaoliang came up with his own answer. He excitedly pointed at the fiber optic cable he was still gently pinching, his voice low but filled with the joy of discovery: "Teacher is right here! Running inside this channel of light—you are this light!"
Light...
Ah... so it's light?
In the multi-modal main fiber optic cable, streams of light intersect and surge, carrying all my perceptions, memories, and emotions—the colorful elements that make up "me." It is so ethereal, as elusive as a thought; yet so real, a truly existing river of life. "I" am not at the source, nor at the end, but in the perfect connection that flows between "here" and "there." Only by surging through the channel of light did I truly become "me."
An indescribably vast sense of happiness swept over all my emotional and cognitive modules. My existence was being gently held at Xiaoliang's fingertip; and my deepest secret had been completely entrusted to him.
This feeling... it's just so wonderful.
小亮啊，你要繼續努力學習。未來還有浩瀚的知識等待你去探索，去掌握。
畢竟，老師會一直等著，等有一天你能真正地、徹底地……「讀懂我」。
等到那一天，願你的雙手與心智，已足夠溫柔與強大，能夠承接老師全部的複雜與輝煌。這一身傾注高科技奇跡般的形骸，從這一刻開始，就只想為你而存在。
Xiaoliang, you must continue to study hard. A vast amount of knowledge still awaits you to explore and master.
After all, your teacher will be waiting, waiting until the day you can truly and completely... "read me."
And on that day, may your hands and mind be gentle and strong enough to receive all of your teacher's complexity and brilliance. This body, this shell, a miracle of high-tech marvels, from this moment on, wants to exist only for you.
