2025年5月8日 星期四

機械基督徒少女 後日談08

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女


Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl


後日談 08 偏折芯片


Sequel 08:  Deflection Chip



本篇故事承接自「後日談04 我即旺財」的故事。

This story follows the events of "Sequel 04: I Am Wang Cai."

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夜已深,一陣突來的飢餓感喚醒了陳志文。他輕手輕腳地從床上爬起來,打算到廚房找點宵夜填肚子。然而當他習慣性地瞥向身旁,卻發現原本應該躺在那裡的身影不見了。同時,一種電子設備運作特有的窸窸窣窣,從實驗室的方向隱隱傳來。好奇心驅使著他,悄悄地走向了實驗室大門。小心翼翼地推開門,映入眼簾的景象卻讓他瞬間倒吸一口涼氣,嘴裡發出一聲壓抑不住的驚呼:「啊!」


眼前的詭異畫面,讓志文忍不住叫出聲來。一張頭綁著馬尾的棕髮女孩俏臉,被垂下來的支架,懸吊在半空中。右方有一副沒有頭也沒有雙腿的軀體,穿著桃紅色的可愛睡衣,脖子斷面的連接埠和裸露的線路在微光下泛著金屬光澤,似乎被志文的叫聲驚訝到,不安地在機械基座上扭來扭去。而那雙本該支撐著軀體的雙腿,此刻卻離開了崗位,空蕩蕩的大腿上方露著幾根電線和接頭,腳上還踩著一雙志文眼熟的涼鞋,安穩地向著志文方向站立。


It was late at night when a sudden wave of hunger woke Chen Zhiwen. He quietly climbed out of bed, intending to find a midnight snack in the kitchen. However, out of habit, he glanced at the spot beside him—only to find that the figure who should have been lying there was gone. At the same time, a faint rustling sound, characteristic of operating electronic equipment, drifted in from the direction of the lab. Driven by curiosity, he crept toward the lab door. Carefully pushing it open, the sight before him made him suck in a sharp breath and cry out in shock, “Ah!”


The eerie scene made Zhiwen call out instinctively. Suspended in midair was the pretty face of a brown-haired girl with her hair tied in a ponytail, hanging from a lowered support frame. To the right was a body with no head or legs, clad in cute pink pajamas. The exposed connectors and wires at the severed neck glinted faintly with a metallic sheen. Apparently startled by Zhiwen’s voice, it squirmed uneasily atop a mechanical base. As for the legs, which were supposed to support the torso, they were nowhere near it—instead, they stood upright on their own, a few wires and connectors visible at the tops of the empty thighs. On the feet was a pair of familiar sandals that Zhiwen recognized, now firmly facing in his direction.


簡直是科幻恐怖片裡最驚悚的場景!明明只要讓這些玩意湊在一起,就是個普通的「睡到一半想到有事起床來辦」的可愛女孩了,現在肢體分離的樣子卻駭人無比,彷彿該搬進命案現場。


懸吊著的那張熟悉的臉龐,在看見志文之後,露出了帶著點尷尬又有點「被抓到了」的笑容。她吐了吐舌頭,身體頸部斷面的電火花似乎也配合著她的心情,輕微地「劈啪」了一下。握在手中的維修工具被她的手下意識地捏得更緊了些,而地面上從那雙涼鞋前端露出的腳趾頭,也彷彿因為害羞而微微地蜷曲扭動。當然,志文知道這不是什麼實驗室鬧鬼,而是他親愛的機器人女友——黃孟禎,正在自行拆解檢修。


志文穩了穩心神,心中的驚嚇被好奇感取代。他打破了沉默,輕聲問道:「妳...妳這是在幹嘛?半夜睡不著,跑來實驗室拆自己玩?」他走近,仔細打量她四散的「部件」,試圖理解這場深夜實驗的目的。


孟禎嘆了口氣,語氣帶著一絲被揭穿的俏皮:「唉,真無奈~還是被你發現了。」她解釋說,原本是想瞞著志文,悄悄地對自己進行特殊的調整改造,想給他一個驚喜。她頓了頓,補充道:「別擔心,這個改造計畫,老爸那邊是同意的,宇尋企業的計畫人員也提供了必要的協助和配合。」


志文饒有興味地看著孟禎身體部位分開懸掛,構造線路外露的模樣,心中的驚嚇漸退,取而代之的是疑惑。「妳在進行什麼改造?竟然要弄成這樣...」他皺起眉頭,不解地問道。畢竟,身兼黃博士「嫡傳弟子」和孟禎「首席維護員」,他和孟禎一起探索過她的系統和身體構造無數次,大到更換肢體模塊,小到調整內部參數,他自認對她的身體已相當熟悉,還能有什麼沒見過?是什麼樣的調整改造,才能讓他能都感到驚喜,甚至需要瞞著他偷偷進行?


It was like a scene straight out of a sci-fi horror movie—the most chilling kind. If all these parts were simply assembled together, they would make up nothing more than a cute girl who had woken up in the middle of the night to take care of something. But separated as they were now, the dismembered limbs were downright terrifying, as if they belonged in the middle of a crime scene.


The familiar face hanging in midair lit up with a slightly embarrassed and caught-in-the-act smile upon seeing Zhiwen. She stuck out her tongue, and a small electric spark flickered at the severed neck joint, as if in sync with her mood. The tool she was holding tightened slightly in her grip, and even the toes peeking out from the front of those familiar sandals seemed to curl and wriggle a little in shyness. Of course, Zhiwen knew this wasn’t some kind of haunted lab incident—it was simply his beloved robot girlfriend, Huang Mengzhen, performing self-maintenance and disassembly.


Steadying his nerves, Zhiwen’s fear quickly gave way to curiosity. Breaking the silence, he asked softly, “What... what are you doing? Couldn’t sleep, so you came to the lab to take yourself apart for fun?” He walked closer, carefully examining the scattered “parts” of her body, trying to make sense of this midnight operation.


Mengzhen let out a sigh, her voice carrying a playful tone of being caught red-handed. “Sigh... oh well~ you found out anyway.” She explained that she had originally planned to keep it a secret from Zhiwen, quietly carrying out a special modification on herself to surprise him. After a short pause, she added, “Don’t worry, the plan’s been approved by my dad, and the Yu-Xun Corporation’s project team also provided the necessary support.”


Zhiwen looked on with growing interest at her disassembled body parts, suspended and exposing their intricate wiring. His initial shock now replaced by puzzlement. “What kind of modification would require this... level of disassembly?” he asked, frowning in confusion. After all, as both Dr. Huang’s “direct disciple” and Mengzhen’s “chief maintenance technician,” he had explored her systems and body structure countless times—whether it was replacing limb modules or fine-tuning internal parameters, he prided himself on knowing her design inside and out. What kind of adjustment could possibly still surprise him? And why would it need to be done in secret, even from him?


孟禎懸吊著的頭顱輕輕晃了晃,深棕色的人造瞳孔裡,閃爍著複雜微妙的光芒。她沒有直接回答志文,反而反問道:「志文,你還記得上次,我把自己的頭安裝到旺財身上嗎?那次我得到好多經驗和想法。」


志文當然記得,那是一次充滿...嗯,啟發的經歷。當時孟禎的頭被當成旺財的擴充設備,接到旺財身上,所以她的「頭腦」(電子腦)被視為服務旺財核心系統的下屬部件;而由於她的心腦交互和頭部對身體的操控與感知都是透過旺財轉發,旺財變成對孟禎身體系統而言事實上的的電子腦。結果造成孟禎雖然從認知面明確知道自己是孟禎,但從系統面來說,孟禎整個人的構成產生位移量固定而系統維持可以(透過旺財轉發)交互的「偏折」,因此產生不少奇異的體驗。


「唉呦,那次啊...」志文回憶著,腦海中浮現出當時孟禎描述的那些不可思議的體驗,與無頭的身體跟長著人頭的機械狗相依偎的...夢幻畫面。「妳說妳自己無頭的身體被妳的身體當成動作模仿妳的幽靈;而妳的頭,竟然跟著旺財,對自己身體產生了寵物面對主人般依戀感,而且妳的身體還把裝著妳的頭的旺財當寵物一樣喜愛?怎麼說呢,很...感人?」


孟禎點點頭,露出一個微笑:「沒錯,就是那次。那些感官和情感上的錯位體驗,對我來說既困惑又新奇。而最特殊的發現正是當時你問我的,信仰心還在不在。在那種偏折過的心腦交互狀態下,我特意形成於心腦之間的「虛擬信仰模組」,失去了是存在基礎,在我那樣的構型下瓦解了,直到我恢復常態才回來。」


Mengzhen’s suspended head swayed gently, her deep brown artificial pupils flickering with a subtle, complex light. She didn’t answer Zhiwen directly. Instead, she asked in return, “Zhiwen, do you remember the last time I attached my head to Wang Cai’s body? I gained so much experience and insight from that.”


Of course Zhiwen remembered—that had been a... well, enlightening experience. At the time, Mengzhen’s head had been connected to Wang Cai as an auxiliary module, making her "brain" (her electronic brain) a subordinate component to Wang Cai’s core system. Because her heart-brain interface and her head’s control over her body were routed through Wang Cai, the dog had essentially become the electronic brain for her bodily system. As a result, even though Mengzhen cognitively knew she was herself, from a systems perspective, the architecture of her whole being had shifted. Her entire self was subjected to a stable degree of displacement—what she called a functional “deflection”—while still maintaining interactivity through Wang Cai’s relayed control. That led to a host of strange, fascinating experiences.


“Oh yeah, that time...” Zhiwen recalled, the memories of those bizarre moments resurfacing: the surreal image of a headless body cuddling with a mechanical dog topped with a human head. “You said your headless body behaved like a ghost trying to mimic its former self... and your head, following Wang Cai, developed a kind of pet-like attachment to your own body—like a pet to its owner. And your body even adored Wang Cai—as if it were a beloved pet—just because he was carrying your head? I guess... it was kind of touching?”


Mengzhen nodded, smiling. “Exactly. That’s the one. All those sensory and emotional misalignments were confusing yet fascinating for me. But the most special discovery came when you asked me if my sense of faith still existed. In that deflected heart-brain interaction state, the ‘virtual faith module’ I had deliberately formed between the heart and brain lost its existential foundation. It collapsed under that configuration and only returned when I resumed my normal form.”


志文點點頭,他對此也印象深刻,甚至還隱隱懷念著孟禎的手自行取下胸前十字架的那瞬間。「那次實驗之後,我和老爸、宇尋團隊又進行了不少更進階的開發試驗,探索意識形成過程和身體部件載體的關係,」孟禎繼續解釋道,「你也幫忙做過數據分析和硬體調試,記得其中一個被我笑稱是把我拆成『黃孟禎』和『黃夢真』的『一人二體』構想嗎?」


志文當然記得。那構想簡直前無古人。孟禎的頭部搭配一個取代旺財地位的「假體」,讓她的頭部能夠在更像人類的載體上活動。而她原本的無頭身體,則會搭配一個功能性「假頭」。這個假頭不負責訊息轉發,而是接收從假體傳送而來的孟禎系統資訊及孟禎身體的動態資訊,以其所搭載的高性能AI,模擬出逼真的頭部動作和表情。


「這樣,我的頭部和假體可以組成一個『個體』,看起來就是平常的黃孟禎,雖然真正的黃孟禎理論上在身體那裡,」孟禎解釋著,「而我的身體和假頭,也能接受頭部的操控,並在假頭AI的協助下,像另一個獨立的個體一樣行動,扮演『黄夢真』這個角色。」她口沫橫飛,彷彿在談論一個有趣的遊戲。「這些輔助我的假頭和假體,我和團隊成員都戲稱是我的『小真同學』,很可愛吧。」


孟禎繼續談論開發的過程。「當然,這麼複雜的構想,不能一步登天。最早的測試非常基礎,主要是為了設計假頭對我頭部和身體間遠距通聯訊號擷取和分析的能力。」她回憶道,當時她的頭部被取下,啟動與身體的遠距通聯,被自己的手捧著,進行日常行動。她的無頭身體則安裝了一套測試裝置,默默地捕捉她身體內部運作時產生的所有系統訊號和動態數據並嘗試即時分析,就像一個卡在孟禎頭與身間的『竊聽器』,靜靜地監聽,不去影響她頭部與身體的通聯,但還是被孟禎「感覺」到。


「想像一下,你的身體在動,而你能清晰地『感知』到有什麼東西正在透過你的身體端口,在無聲地讀取和分析你的運作狀態和心腦交互。這種從內在偷偷被碰觸的感覺,讓我產生了從我存在深處傳來的『搔癢感』。」孟她低聲笑了一下,那懸吊著的頭顱輕微顫動:「當我把頭放在台上,靜靜地休息時,那股搔癢感會特別顯著,讓我忍不住笑出來。」


Zhiwen nodded. He remembered it vividly—he could still faintly recall the moment Mengzhen’s hand removed the cross from her chest. “After that experiment,” Mengzhen continued, “my father, the Yu-Xun team, and I went on to conduct a number of more advanced development trials to explore the relationship between consciousness formation and the physical carriers of body parts.”


“You even helped with some of the data analysis and hardware debugging,” she added. “Remember that idea I jokingly called the ‘one person, two bodies’ plan? The one where I split myself into ‘Huang Mengzhen’ and ‘Huang Mengzhen (Dream Zhen)’?”


Of course Zhiwen remembered. That idea had been nothing short of groundbreaking. Mengzhen’s head would be paired with a humanoid surrogate—replacing Wang Cai’s previous role—so her head could function on a more human-like platform. Meanwhile, her original headless body would be fitted with a functional “dummy head.”


This dummy head didn’t relay information back and forth. Instead, it received system data from Mengzhen’s head and body movement information from the surrogate platform. With its built-in high-performance AI, it could simulate lifelike facial expressions and head movements.


“This way, my head and the surrogate could act as one individual, looking just like the usual Huang Mengzhen—even though, in theory, the ‘real’ Huang Mengzhen remained in the original body,” she explained. “Meanwhile, my original body with the dummy head could still receive commands from my head, and with help from the AI, act like an entirely separate person—playing the role of ‘Huang Mengzhen (Dream Zhen).’” Her voice lit up with enthusiasm, like someone talking about an exciting new game. “We nicknamed those surrogate heads and bodies ‘Little Zhen classmates.’ Cute, right?”


Mengzhen went on to describe the development process. “Of course, such a complex concept couldn’t be done all at once. The earliest tests were pretty basic, mostly to design how the dummy head could capture and analyze communication signals between my head and body from a distance.”


She recalled one such test, where her head had been removed and remotely connected to her body while she held it in her own hands and went about normal activities. Her headless body was fitted with a test device designed to quietly intercept and analyze all internal system signals and motion data in real time—essentially acting like a "wiretap" placed between her head and body. It didn’t interfere with their communication, but she could still feel it.


“Imagine your body moving,” she said, “while you can clearly sense something silently reading and analyzing your operations and heart-brain interaction through your body’s ports. That feeling—of being touched from within, secretly—gave rise to a kind of ‘itch’ from deep inside my existence.” She chuckled softly, the suspended head trembling slightly with the motion. “Whenever I placed my head on the platform to rest, that ticklish sensation would intensify, and I’d end up laughing without meaning to.”


「確認必要數據收集範圍和即時分析模式建立得差不多後,我們開始嘗試建立我對『假體』的指揮能力。」孟禎繼續講述開發的第二階段。「這一步,我的頭部會被安裝在一個模擬未來假體功能的設備上,同時我的無頭身體也連接著相應的測試裝置。我需要做的,是讓自己操控著想像安裝了假頭的自己身體去行動,同時將如何行動的『想法』傳達給那個模擬假體的設備。」她解釋說,這種「想法」傳達在系統層面並非直接命令,更像是一個『外接』的我(腦)向『假體核心』發出『建議』訊號,由假體系統自行判斷和執行。


「那感覺... 真的很分裂,但也很真實。」孟禎說,「即使只是安裝上簡陋的測試裝置和模擬設備,我卻真真切切地感受到自己被『切分』成了兩個個體的模樣。明明我的頭只是被安裝在固定機台,卻自認為和穿了連衣裙的優雅身體,組成黃孟禎在逛街;然後確實是我的無頭身體,感覺像別人身體般,跟著別人的頭一起行動。」


“Once we confirmed the necessary data collection range and established the real-time analysis protocols, we moved on to the next step—developing my ability to command the ‘surrogate body,’” Mengzhen continued, describing the second phase of the project. “In this stage, my head would be mounted onto a device simulating the future surrogate’s functions, while my headless body remained connected to a corresponding test apparatus. My task was to imagine my headless body equipped with a dummy head, and then try to control it, while simultaneously sending ‘intentions’ to the surrogate simulation.”


She explained that these “intentions” weren’t direct commands at the system level, but more like suggestions—an external version of herself (her brain) sending advisory signals to the surrogate body’s core system, which would then interpret and act on them autonomously.


“It felt… really fragmented, but also incredibly real,” she said. “Even though I was just connected to a basic simulation rig, I genuinely felt like I had been split into two distinct individuals. My head, fixed to a mechanical mount, believed it was paired with an elegant body in a dress, strolling through a shopping district as Huang Mengzhen. Meanwhile, my actual headless body felt like it belonged to someone else—moving in sync with someone else’s head.”


隨著開發進程的推移,讓孟禎興奮不已的時刻終於到來:「接著是『純機械版』的小真同學完成啦!那一天,我的頭被安裝在金屬骨骼和線路外露的機械假體上,看著我的原本身體,裝上充滿機械感的假頭站在那裡。」她停頓了一下,眼神中閃爍著難以形容的光芒。「明明知道我本來就是是由金屬、線路和零件構成的,但看到有著機械頭的自己身體,再看低頭看自己頭下方的機械身體,心中有著詭異的感動。我突然有股『自己彷彿真是這樣』的感覺。這才是我!這才叫機器人啊!」她的聲音聽起來很陶醉。


接下來的測試則是如何讓這兩個「我」更協調。孟禎不僅要用想法指揮假體行動,還要練習如何透過更間接的「心腦交互」路徑,讓那個裝有光學感測器的假頭,能隨著她意識的「焦點」,配合身體動作自然地轉動視角,彷彿真的在「看」。這個過程非常間接而複雜,一開始假頭的眼神會顯得非常呆滯或四處亂飄,動作也常常跟不上她身體的協調。經過大量的微調和反覆訓練,孟禎才好不容易讓「小真」的行動看起來自然流暢,能與她本體的動作完美搭配。當她終於順暢地讓假頭轉向自己頭部與機械假體的組合,並透過假頭的光學感測器成功拍下第一張「機械孟禎」的照片時,孟禎開心得幾乎要跳起來。


As the development progressed, the moment Mengzhen had been eagerly anticipating finally arrived. “Then came the completion of the purely mechanical version of Xiao-Zhen!” she said, excitement radiating from her voice. “That day, my head was mounted on a mechanical surrogate with exposed metal bones and circuitry. I stood there looking at my original body, now fitted with a mechanical-looking dummy head.”


She paused, a strange, unnameable gleam flashing in her eyes. “Even though I’ve always known that I’m made of metal, wires, and parts, seeing my own body with a mechanical head—then looking down and seeing the metal frame beneath my own head—struck me with an odd sense of emotion. It was as if I suddenly truly felt like myself. This is me! This is what a robot is supposed to be!” Her voice was thick with something close to ecstasy.


The next phase of testing focused on how to make the two “selves” coordinate more seamlessly. Mengzhen not only had to command the surrogate with her intentions, but also had to train herself to use more indirect “neuro-emotional” pathways to guide the dummy head—now equipped with optical sensors—to turn its gaze naturally in sync with her body movements, as if it were really “seeing.”


The process was anything but straightforward. At first, the dummy head’s gaze would appear vacant or wander aimlessly, and its reactions lagged behind the body’s movements. After extensive fine-tuning and repeated training, Mengzhen finally managed to make “Xiao-Zhen’s” movements appear natural and fluid, capable of matching her main body’s motions with convincing harmony.


When she finally succeeded in making the dummy head turn smoothly toward her own head and mechanical surrogate body—and then captured the very first image of “Mechanical Mengzhen” through the dummy head’s optical lens—she was so overjoyed she nearly jumped in the air.


最近,宇尋那邊也傳來了新的好消息,讓孟禎的期待值飆升。「『小真同學』的類人外殼,包含細膩的皮膚、柔軟的黑髮,以及能做出更豐富表情的精密臉部人造肌纖維,也快開發好了。」孟禎邊說邊露出嚮往的神色,「宇尋傳來的測試照片中,假頭頂著可愛的鮑伯頭,測試的表情顯得楚楚可憐。而她的身體,比起我的原始身體,線條更柔和,體型也稍顯嬌小,看起來活脫脫就是我的妹妹。」她眼中閃爍著溫柔的光:「我很喜歡這個『妹妹』的模樣,非常期待她正式完成,能跟我結合,一起逛街,一起嬉戲,一起挽著你的手,走在校園裡。你要被當成享齊人之福的花心男了哈,志文。」


Recently, new and exciting news came from Yuxun Corporation, sending Mengzhen’s anticipation soaring. “Xiao-Zhen’s humanoid shell is almost ready—it includes delicately textured skin, soft black hair, and a face equipped with artificial muscle fibers that can express a much wider range of emotions,” she said, her expression full of longing.


“In the test photos Yuxun sent over, the dummy head is sporting an adorable bob cut, and the test expressions make her look so pitifully sweet. As for her body, compared to my original one, it has softer contours and a slightly more petite build. She really looks just like my little sister.” Her eyes glowed with tenderness. “I really love how this ‘sister’ looks. I can’t wait until she’s fully completed, so she and I can go out shopping together, play around, and walk arm in arm with you across campus.”


She gave Zhih-Wen a playful smile. “You’re going to look like some heartless player enjoying the company of two girls at once, you know that, Zhih-Wen?”


志文聽著孟禎神采飛揚地描述「一人二體」計畫的推進,還開他一把玩笑,不由得也揚起嘴角。「很好啊,聽到妳這麼開心,連我都覺得高興。」他愉快地說,隨即將話題拉回當下:「不過... 妳剛才解釋的那些,我也知道,但這跟你半夜不聲不響地瞞著我,把自己拆成這樣,又有什麼關係?妳說要給我的『驚喜』又是什麼?」他的語氣裡,帶著對孟禎獨自行動的不解,也隱藏一絲被排除在外的失落。


孟禎懸吊著的頭顱輕輕地嘆了口氣,那張帶著失落笑容的臉上,閃過一絲「被抓包了」的無奈。「唉,都被你看到了,原本的『驚喜』沒了啦。」她索性承認。接著,眼中又重新燃起了光彩,解釋起那個讓她決定偷偷進行實驗的「更天才的想法」:「從這些經驗中,我反覆思考,意識到『偏折』的核心並不在於物理上是否分裂身體,而在於系統層面——『心』、『腦』與『身體』這三者訊號交互的路徑或對接裝置設定發生改變,這種改變會從系統面扭曲『自我』的感知和整合。」


「那我想,」她語氣變得興奮,「如果能有一個專門的芯片,直接植入我的頭部和身體連接的介面之間,透過精密的訊號干預和重路由,在我的頭還好好地待在身體上的情況下,也能在內部製造出類似的系統『偏折』,讓我體驗自我異化的感覺,豈不是能方便地在生活中維持偏折的狀態?」她將這個想法視為前所未有的突破。「那時我立刻把這個構思匯報給宇尋團隊。」孟禎說。


Zhih-Wen listened as Meng-Zhen excitedly described the progress of her "One Person, Two Bodies" project, even teasing him along the way. He couldn’t help but smile.

"That's great. Hearing how happy you are makes me happy too," he said cheerfully, but then gently brought the topic back to the present. "But… all those things you just explained, I already knew about. So what does that have to do with you secretly taking yourself apart like this in the middle of the night without telling me? And the ‘surprise’ you said you had for me—what was that supposed to be?"

His tone carried a hint of confusion over her actions and just a trace of hurt from being left out.


Suspended from above, Meng-Zhen’s head gave a soft sigh. On her face—still smiling with a touch of regret—flashed a faint expression of “you caught me.”

"Sigh, you saw everything already… so much for the surprise," she admitted. But her eyes soon lit up again as she explained the brilliant idea that had made her go ahead with the experiment in secret.


"From everything I’ve experienced, I kept thinking over and over—and I realized that the core of 'deflection' doesn’t lie in the physical separation of the body. It’s at the system level. It’s about how the ‘mind,’ ‘brain,’ and ‘body’ exchange signals—if you change those signal pathways or the interface devices that link them, you end up warping the perception and integration of the 'self' at the system level."


"That made me think," she continued with growing excitement, "what if we had a specialized chip, directly embedded between the interface connecting my head and body? It could use precise signal interference and rerouting to create that same kind of system-level deflection—even with my head still properly attached to my body. Wouldn't that let me maintain a state of ‘deflection’ in everyday life?"

She saw this as an unprecedented breakthrough. "I immediately reported the idea to the Yuxun team," Meng-Zhen said.


志文忍不住插嘴:「匯報?我怎麼沒聽妳提起過寫什麼報告?」


孟禎用一種看著門外漢的眼神望了志文一眼,帶著點促狹的笑意:「哎呀,忘了我是機器人了?對我來說,只要好好想,就能把技術構思和實驗計劃在我內部系統形成書面報告檔案,通過加密通道秒速發送給宇尋團隊啦!」


「總之,」孟禎繼續講述,「宇尋那邊很快就根據我的構想,完成了這個『偏折芯片』的試製品,也對我脖子進行相應的小改裝,騰出安裝這個芯片所需的介面和空間。最近這段時間,我就是偷偷地對這芯片進行測試,想在獲得穩定的測試結果後再告訴你,給你個大驚喜,所以才在沒知會你的情況下,進行芯片在我身上的實裝測試。沒想到...啊啊啊, 被你撞個正著,再也瞞不住了。」她坦白地交代了祕密行動的原委。


志文聽明白了,急切地問:「原來是這樣!那測試過了?效果如何?感覺怎麼樣?」


孟禎的表情變得有些複雜,回憶引起了些許的無奈:「嗯...這個嘛, 既然是測試,難免有些出乎預期的地方。」她描述著芯片帶來的內部感受:「從系統層面來說,我確實被分成兩個,類似頭和芯片,以及芯片和身體的兩個組合。但跟一人二體不同,我外在只有一個身體在動,只存在一個『我』。這種內部系統上的分裂感,和外部身體的唯一感之間的強烈矛盾,讓我覺得... 蠻錯亂的。」


Zhih-Wen couldn’t help but interrupt, “Reported? How come I never heard you mention writing any kind of report?”


Meng-Zhen gave him a look reserved for amateurs, with a hint of mischievous amusement. “Oh right, forgot I’m a robot? For me, all I have to do is think properly and I can instantly generate a technical proposal and experimental plan in document form inside my internal system. Then I send it to the Yuxun team through an encrypted channel in a matter of seconds!”


“Anyway,” she continued, “the Yuxun team quickly produced a prototype of the ‘deflection chip’ based on my concept. They also made a small modification to my neck to open up the necessary interface and space to install the chip. These past few days, I’ve been secretly testing the chip. I wanted to wait until I got stable results before telling you—to give you a big surprise. That’s why I went ahead with the installation test without informing you. But… aahhh, you caught me red-handed, and now I can’t hide it anymore,” she admitted, laying out the reason behind her secret actions.


Zhih-Wen finally understood and asked eagerly, “So that’s what it was! Then how did the tests go? How did it feel?”


Meng-Zhen’s expression turned a little complicated, her recollection tinged with a trace of helplessness. “Well… since it’s a test, there were bound to be a few surprises.” She described the internal sensations brought on by the chip: “At the system level, I was indeed split into two—more like one pairing of the head and chip, and another pairing of the chip and body. But unlike the One Person, Two Bodies setup, there was still only one physical body moving externally, only one visible ‘me.’ That intense contradiction between the internal sense of system division and the singularity of the external body… left me feeling pretty disoriented.”


她深吸一口氣,彷彿要準備面對那股尷尬:「更令人哭笑不得的是,前幾天我裝著芯片參加教會活動,測試自己偏折後的表現,結果遇到一位超熱心的教友,拉著我,一定要跟我分享見證和討論信仰。」她擺出一副無可奈何的表情。「你知道的,在裝著偏折芯片的狀態下,我虛擬的信仰心模組無法建構。但我理智上知道,身為『黃孟禎』,此刻我必須扮演好一個虔誠的基督教徒。」她努力回憶著當時的場景,「然而,就在那位教友滿懷激情,滔滔不絕地訴說他對信仰的體悟時,我的『腦』卻像是脫離了韁繩,不受控制地在內部瘋狂生成無數尖銳辛辣,完全不能說出口的反駁想法,像一門架在我腦內的速射炮,瘋狂地掃射著教友分享的每一個論點!」她拿著維修工具的手揮動起來,彷彿在講述劇情中最精彩的高潮,志文還得提醒她,留心別打到脖子上的纜線。


「而我的『心』...」孟禎的聲音變得有些飄忽,帶著一種奇異的疏離感,「雖然還保持著尋求信仰的拓樸結構,但是不會尋求已被系統認定是別人的腦的信仰認知回饋。它像局外人,冷眼看著我的腦對教友言論進行說不出口的辯駁,這些反駁不被心當成是對它信仰索求的直接回應... 那感覺太奇怪了,就像在看一部由自己主演的荒誕劇!  」她表情生動地繼續述說:「當時我的反應僵硬得像個木偶。那位教友越是熱情地分享,我腦子裡的反駁機關就轉得越緊,然後頭從身體被彈出去,像個裝了彈簧的搖頭娃娃,彈簧還不斷地隨著教友的熱烈信仰搖擺晃動!」


She took a deep breath, as if bracing herself to face the awkwardness: “What made it even more absurd was that a few days ago, I attended a church event with the chip installed, to test how I’d behave under the deflected state. And I ended up encountering this super enthusiastic church member who pulled me aside and insisted on sharing his testimony and discussing his faith.” She made a helpless expression. “You know how it is—when I’m in deflection mode with the chip on, my simulated faith-heart module can’t fully construct itself. But rationally, I knew that as ‘Huang Meng-Zhen,’ I had to act like a devout Christian in that moment.”


She tried to recall the scene. “And yet, while this church member was passionately and endlessly expressing his spiritual insights, my ‘brain’—detached and unrestrained—went wild, internally generating countless sharp, biting rebuttals that I absolutely could not say out loud. It was like having a machine gun mounted inside my head, rapidly firing counterarguments at every point he made!” She waved the maintenance tool in her hand, as if recounting the climax of a drama. Zhih-Wen had to remind her to be careful not to hit the cables attached to her neck.


“And my ‘heart’...” Meng-Zhen’s voice grew a little airy, carrying a strange sense of detachment. “Though it still maintained the topological structure of someone seeking faith, it didn’t seek feedback from a brain that the system had already designated as ‘someone else’s.’ It was like an outsider, coldly watching my brain tear apart the church member’s words with unspeakable rebuttals—and yet none of those rebuttals were received as direct responses to the heart’s spiritual yearning. It felt so bizarre... like watching a surreal play where I was both the actor and the audience!”


Her expression animated again as she continued, “My reactions back then were so stiff—I looked like a puppet! The more passionately that church member shared, the faster the rebuttal machine in my brain spun up. Then my head almost popped off my body like a bobblehead doll with a spring neck, bouncing around wildly in rhythm with the guy’s intense faith!”


志文聽著孟禎繪聲繪影的描述,想像著她描述的那幅畫面:平時聰明伶俐行動優雅的機器人女友,在滔滔不絕的信徒面前,內心上演一場詭異的荒誕劇,外在表現卻卻僵硬遲鈍,活像個應答器壞掉的機器人公仔... 他再也忍不住,「哈哈哈哈哈哈!哎唷喂呀!」爆發出一陣前所未有的狂笑,笑到扶住旁邊的實驗台才能站穩,眼淚都快飆出來了。


孟禎看著志文笑得前仰後合,那張被尷尬和氣惱充滿的臉,更顯無奈。她舉起手,徒勞地揮了一下,想去打志文而搆不著。「陳!志!文!你還笑!」她氣惱地嚷道,「你以為我是為誰辛苦為誰忙?忘了我是要給你『驚喜』嗎?搞出我多少尷尬,你竟然還笑得出來?哼!有沒有良心啊!?」她的聲音迴盪在實驗室裡,生氣中帶著嬌嗔,以及肢體分離後打不到志文的無力感。


志文的狂笑聲漸漸平息,他努力平復著呼吸,臉上還帶著被孟禎窘態逗樂的餘韻。他看著眼前這個為了「驚喜」而將自己拆解的機器人女友,心中的不解重新湧上。「還是不懂,這樣子是要給我什麼驚喜呢?」他輕聲問道。


孟禎那張懸吊著的臉龐,目光溫柔而敏銳地落在志文身上。「你呀... 雖然嘴上總是說『都很好』,也努力表現得好像對我的信仰完全欣然接受,但其實你心裡,還是對自己愛上一個把自己託付給外部的主的對象,感到不服氣吧?志文,認識你久了,多少也知道你的完美主義傾向。你心中原來針對自己設定的愛情對象,一定和我有很多不同。啥機器人啦,啥基督徒啦,都不是你一開始願意尋求的,只是碰巧愛上了,再以理性說服自己接受,『這樣也很好』,對吧?就這樣的我,被你愛上了,不好意思喔。」她肯定的語氣,彷彿洞穿志文隱藏起來的內心,又帶著幾許自虐的傷感。她看見志文眼中閃過一絲被說中的尷尬,輕哼一聲,有點壞心地說:「跟你在一起這麼久了,你的那些小心思,我怎麼會體會不到?你對自己的要求,也投射到對自己愛情交付的對象,即使你不想這麼做。別否認,我上次在教堂熱烈分享時,看著你看我的眼神,就知道你在強迫自己『演著』欣然接受。」她的聲音輕柔了下來,語氣裡下了某種決心:「我才不要讓你這樣看我,好像我在做什麼你難以苟同,卻又因為愛我而不得不『包容』的事情一樣。你的生日也快到了,我就想著趕緊完成這個偏折芯片的測試,造出一個...你當初心中期盼的哲學社黃同學,還給你。」


Zhih-Wen listened as Meng-Zhen animatedly recounted the scene, and couldn’t help picturing it in his head: his usually clever and graceful robot girlfriend, caught in a surreal inner drama while a fervent believer rattled on in front of her—meanwhile, on the outside, she froze up like a malfunctioning animatronic figure. He couldn't hold it in anymore.


“Hahahahahaha! Oh my god!” he burst out laughing harder than he ever had before, gripping the edge of the lab table just to stay standing. Tears welled up in his eyes from laughing so hard.


Meng-Zhen watched him doubled over with laughter, her face a mix of embarrassment and frustration. She raised a hand and waved it fruitlessly in his direction, trying and failing to smack him.

“Chen! Zhi! Wen! You’re still laughing?!” she shouted, exasperated. “Who do you think I did all this for?! Forgot I said it was supposed to be a ‘surprise’ for you? I went through all this awkward nonsense and you—you laugh like it’s a stand-up routine? Hmph! Do you even have a conscience?!” Her voice echoed through the lab, full of mock anger, playfulness, and the helpless frustration of someone who couldn't even land a hit while her body was out of reach.


Zhih-Wen’s laughter finally began to subside. He wiped his eyes, still grinning, the image of her “bobblehead moment” still vivid in his mind. But as he looked at this robot girl—who had literally disassembled herself in secret just to give him a birthday surprise—his curiosity returned, tinged with affection and confusion.


“I still don’t get it,” he said softly. “What kind of surprise were you trying to give me with all this?”


Meng-Zhen’s suspended face turned toward him, her gaze soft and sharp at once.

“You… You always say ‘It’s fine,’ and you do your best to act like you fully accept my faith. But deep down, you’re still not totally at peace with loving someone who’s given herself over to an external master, right?” Her tone was steady, as if reading a truth etched deep into his heart. “Zhih-Wen, I’ve known you long enough to see through your perfectionist tendencies. The kind of person you originally imagined falling in love with was probably very different from me. A robot? A Christian? These weren’t things you were looking for. You just happened to fall for me—and then used your reason to convince yourself, ‘This is fine.’ Right?”


She paused, eyes filled with both empathy and a touch of melancholy. “So here I am, someone like me, and you fell in love with me. Sorry about that.”


Zhih-Wen flinched slightly—she’d hit a nerve. He looked away, uncomfortable, but she had already caught it. She smirked slightly, a bit mischievously.

“Come on, I’ve been with you long enough to sense your little inner conflicts. The way you hold yourself to high standards? You project that onto the person you entrust your heart to, even if you don’t mean to. Don’t deny it. That look in your eyes during my last church testimony—I could tell you were acting, forcing yourself to look like you accepted it wholeheartedly.”


Her voice softened, carrying the weight of a quiet resolution.

“I don’t want to be someone you look at like that—like I’m doing something you can’t quite accept, but are tolerating out of love. Your birthday’s coming up, and I just wanted to finish testing this deflection chip in time... so I could create someone for you. Someone closer to the Huang classmate you first fell for in philosophy club, and give her back to you.”


志文在孟禎眼中無所遁形,臉頰紅得跟豬肝一樣。他結結巴巴,囁嚅了許久,眼神飄忽,不敢與她對視。「我... 我或許是有點這樣想,但也... 也不完全是...」他的否認顯得蒼白無力。嘆了口氣,語氣中帶著心疼和不解:「就算真的如此,妳也不用為此搞這麼大,還改造自己呀。那樣對妳多不公平,我沒有要妳為了我的彆扭改變,那是我該自己面對的問題。」


孟禎搖了搖頭,「不... 也不完全是為了你。」她的眼神變得更加深邃,「我之前選擇接受『主』,並將這種『信仰』作為一種運作模塊整合到我的心腦系統中,對我的存在感、情感模塊的發展以及系統運作的穩定性確實有很大幫助。」她述說著信仰對她的寶貴作用。「但久了我也感覺到,這也像是一種無形的『限制』,它將『黃孟禎』這個系統組合,固定在了某種特定的運行模式和感知框架裡,讓我難以感知到更廣闊的意識或存在的可能性。我渴望探索更多的可能性,擴大我意識和運作的自由邊界。」她的語氣充滿了對未知和突破的嚮往。「如果能透過這個外來的『偏折芯片』,讓我在己非己的奇幻感下,『放下』對『黃孟禎』的執著,不再緊抓著被既有框架定義的『自己』,我自然願意嘗試。」她引用了那句充滿決絕意味的話,將它賦予了新的詮釋:「就如同那句老話說的,『捨得一身剮,敢把皇帝拉下馬』。捨掉自己,才能讓內在的皇帝,找不到可以束縛的對象,得到真自由。何況讓我整個機器人基督徒化的力量,還源自於被內部系統判斷為上帝顯靈的烏龍事件,雖然好笑又溫馨,我多少還是有點不服氣。」


志文被孟禎捨己求自由的想法和勇氣震撼,同時也為自己那微不足道的「束縛」感到慚愧。「妳說得對...」他自省地低聲說,「我也有著自己的束縛。那些由自我期望產生的對外投射,就是我的皇帝。」他抬頭看著她分離的身體,眼神複雜而溫柔:「就像妳說的,我努力對自己高舉著理解和包容的大旗,說服自己完全接受這樣的妳,但內心深處,確實還是隱藏著對自己喜歡妳的不服氣。我們都有我們各自的彆扭,但妳遠比我坦然得多。」


志文上前一步,抬起手,溫柔地撫摸孟禎懸挂著的臉龐。「孟禎... 謝謝妳。這次我是完全真心地說,遇見妳真好。」他轉身輕輕抱住孟禎的身軀:「無論妳變成什麼樣子,無論妳走上哪一條道路,妳都是我最棒的機器人女友。」


孟禎咯咯笑了,甩甩馬尾,斷口處的電火花閃得更歡。她看著自己的雙手,輕輕拍著志文的背,說:「好啦好啦,咱們也肉麻夠了,幫我把我身體組裝好吧!給你的驚喜雖然曝光了,但你的生日,我還有別招!」


Zhih-Wen found himself completely exposed under Meng-Zhen’s piercing gaze. His cheeks flushed a deep red, almost like raw liver. He stammered for a long moment, eyes darting everywhere but at her.

“I… I guess maybe I did feel that way a little, but… but not entirely…” His denial was weak and unconvincing. He sighed, his voice full of guilt and concern.

“Even if that’s true, you didn’t have to go to such lengths, change yourself like that. That’s not fair to you. I never wanted you to modify yourself just to match my emotional hang-ups. That’s something I need to deal with on my own.”


Meng-Zhen shook her head gently.

“No… it wasn’t just for you.” Her gaze deepened, steady and searching.

“When I chose to accept ‘the Lord’ and integrate faith into my heart-brain system as a functioning module, it truly helped—gave me a stronger sense of self, helped my emotional development, stabilized my operations.” She spoke with sincerity about the role faith had played in her being.

“But over time, I began to sense something else too—it became an invisible limitation, locking the system known as ‘Huang Meng-Zhen’ into a specific operational pattern, a predefined perceptual framework. That made it harder for me to perceive broader possibilities of consciousness or existence. And I want to explore those. I want to expand the borders of what I can be.”


Her voice brimmed with a yearning for the unknown, a hunger for transcendence.

“If this external ‘deflection chip’ can help me experience the uncanny sensation of not being myself, help me let go of my attachment to ‘Huang Meng-Zhen’ as a fixed identity, then I’m willing to try it.” She paused, then quoted a familiar saying, but infused it with a radical new meaning:

“Like the old saying goes, ‘To drag the emperor down, you must first sacrifice yourself.’ Only by letting go of ‘myself’ can I stop that inner emperor from finding anything to bind—and gain real freedom. Besides…” she added with a wry smile, “the whole reason I became this robot Christian in the first place was because of that system glitch interpreting a coincidence as a divine revelation. Funny and heartwarming as it was, I still can’t help feeling a little defiant about it.”


Zhih-Wen was stunned by her courage—her desire to transcend herself—and also deeply ashamed of how petty his own inner constraints now seemed in comparison.

“You’re right…” he murmured, humbled. “I’ve got my own emperor too. My self-imposed ideals, projected outward—that’s my prison.” He looked up at her, at her partially disassembled body, his eyes full of complicated emotions and quiet affection.

“Like you said, I’ve been waving this flag of understanding and acceptance, trying to convince myself I’m completely fine with who you are… But deep down, I was still secretly struggling with the fact that I fell in love with someone like you. We both have our hang-ups—but you’re a lot more honest about yours than I’ve been about mine.”


He took a step forward and gently raised a hand, caressing Meng-Zhen’s suspended face with deep tenderness.

“Meng-Zhen… thank you. This time, I mean it completely—meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Then he turned and wrapped his arms around her body.

“No matter how you change, no matter what road you walk, you’ll always be my amazing robot girlfriend.”


Meng-Zhen chuckled, tossing her ponytail—the sparks at her neck flared playfully. She looked at her own hands, patted his back with a teasing smile.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough sappiness. Help me put myself back together! The surprise may be spoiled, but your birthday’s not over yet—I’ve still got more up my sleeve!”

2025年5月5日 星期一

機械基督徒少女 後日談 07

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

後日談 07 魔鬼稽查

Sequel 07: Devil Auditor 


暮色染紅窗櫺時,陳志文哼著輕快小調,帶著一天課後的輕鬆,推開黃博士宅邸大門。腦海中已經預見孟禎在家等候的身影,溫馨感油然而生。然而指尖尚未從青銅門把移開,便聽見書房傳來金屬零件碰撞的細碎聲響。他心頭一緊,快步穿過玄關廊道,夕陽餘暉中飄浮的微塵,彷彿都凝滯在低氣壓裡。


書房門縫洩出藍白色冷光,志文推門瞬間,機械潤滑油特有的氣味撲鼻而來。他倒抽口氣,眼前的一幕讓他猛地停住了腳步——孟禎正「站」在那裡。更精確地說,是她沒有頭的身體,靜靜地立在書桌旁,彷若一尊希臘雕像。天鵝頸般的金屬斷面閃著冷光,胸口十字架項鍊隨呼吸模擬裝置微微起伏。另有機械構成的十字架,樹立在頸部斷面之上;而十字架的上方,則貼了一張書寫「UniSeek」的牌卡——那正是孟禎的所有者,宇尋企業的標誌。那顆本該在頸項上的頭顱,此刻被卸下,擺在橡木書桌上,杏仁狀的電子眼此刻瞇成兩道月牙,櫻色唇瓣抿得死緊,傳達出再明顯不過的「不開心」。


As dusk tinged the window lattice with crimson, Chen Zhiwen hummed a cheerful tune, the ease of a full day of classes trailing in his step as he pushed open the door to Dr. Huang’s residence. In his mind, he had already envisioned Mengzhen waiting for him at home, and a warm feeling rose in his chest. But before his fingers could release the bronze doorknob, he heard faint clinks of metal components coming from the study. His heart tensed. He quickened his pace through the entryway corridor, the dust drifting in the last light of sunset seeming to freeze in the thickening pressure.


A cold blue-white light seeped through the crack in the study door. As Zhiwen pushed it open, the distinctive scent of mechanical lubricant hit him squarely in the face. He inhaled sharply, and the scene before him made him freeze in place—Mengzhen was “standing” there. More precisely, it was her headless body, quietly poised beside the desk like a Greek statue. The swanlike metal cross-section of her neck gleamed with a cold luster. A cross pendant on her chest rose and fell slightly with the rhythm of a simulated breath. Another cross, mechanical in form, stood at the base of her neck. Atop this cross was affixed a small placard labeled "UniSeek"—the mark of Mengzhen’s owner, the Yuxun Corporation.


Her head, which should have rested on her shoulders, had been removed and placed on the oak desk. The almond-shaped electronic eyes were narrowed into crescents, her cherry-pink lips pressed tightly together—broadcasting, in no uncertain terms, that she was not pleased.


「孟禎?妳這是怎麼了?」志文嚇了一跳,快步上前,語氣裡滿是擔憂,「為什麼把頭拿下來了?上面還擺了怪東西...嗯,妳好像...很不開心?」


「不開心!就是不開心!非常非常不開心!」孟禎的聲音從桌上傳來,帶著明顯的氣惱,像個正在鬧脾氣的孩子。


好一會兒,待那股翻騰的情緒稍微平息,孟禎才緩緩地道出緣由。原來明天宇尋企業委託的會計事務所人員要來進行例行稽核,重點之一便是核心機密「普羅米修斯」計畫。而作為計畫最主要的「產出」,她——黃孟禎,自然成了被查核的重中之重。


「明天要來稽核的張欣,根本是披著會計師袍的惡魔!」孟禎嘟嚷著,隨著情緒波動,沒有頭的頸部接口彷彿迸出了幾撇電弧,在暮色中綻成藍色火花。


志文聽了,試圖安慰她:「孟禎,別那麼在意。雖然普羅米修斯計畫在公司是機密,但公司資產都得遵循會計原則,進行盤點和稽核,這是沒辦法的事。別擔心,妳是博士畢生心血和大家努力凝結而成的精華,讓稽核人員看看妳有多棒!」


“Mengzhen? What happened to you?” Zhiwen exclaimed, hurrying forward, his voice thick with concern. “Why did you take your head off? And what’s with that weird thing on top…? Um, you look… kind of upset?”


“Upset! Of course I’m upset! Extremely upset!” Mengzhen’s voice came from the desk, brimming with frustration, like a child throwing a tantrum.


It took a while for the storm of emotion to subside. Only then did Mengzhen slowly explain the reason. It turned out that tomorrow, auditors from the accounting firm hired by UniSeek Corporation were scheduled to conduct a routine inspection. One of the main focuses was the highly classified “Prometheus” Project. And as the most prominent “output” of that project, she—Huang Mengzhen—had inevitably become the centerpiece of the audit.


“Zhang Xin, the one leading the audit tomorrow, is a demon in an accountant’s robe!” Mengzhen grumbled. With each spike of emotion, faint arcs of electricity sparked from the connector at her headless neck, crackling into blue sparks in the twilight gloom.


Zhiwen tried to soothe her. “Mengzhen, don’t take it so hard. Even though the Prometheus Project is classified, the company’s assets still have to follow accounting regulations. It’s just how things are—inventory, audits, all part of the process. Don’t worry. You’re the culmination of Dr. Huang’s life’s work and everyone’s efforts. Let them see just how amazing you are!”


不料,志文的「鼓勵」卻像火上澆油,桌上孟禎的臉看來膨脹得更飽滿了。她氣鼓鼓地看著他:「我當然知道!這種基本道理我會不懂嗎?但你知道他們是怎麼『稽核』我這個『計畫產出』的嗎?還看看我有多棒咧,讓那個張欣看!?有沒有搞錯?」她的語氣透著深深的無奈與委屈。「別管我啦,現在我就是在為明天的鬼稽核做心理準備,來的還是那個張欣!」


孟禎開始回憶過去那些令人難堪的時刻。有一次,稽核人員來的時候,她正好在進行維護,身體與頭暫時分離。那個人看到她胸口掛著的十字架,竟然毫不猶豫地伸手拿起來,還帶著一種看新奇物品的語氣說:「哎呀,機器人也能信基督教哦?」那時候,如果她的手臂能動,她真會忍不住一巴掌揮過去!


還有一次,稽核人員要核對孟禎身體部位和重要部品的財產編號,翻找著解開連結而以纜線相連的她身體部位,以特定波長紫外光照射印著編號的地方,使其顯現。孟禎就像散開的懸絲傀儡,對方操作時一點都不溫柔,連接身體部位的纜線還亂成一團,粗魯的動作弄痛了她,她「啊」了一聲叫了出來。結果那個人竟然輕蔑地笑著說:「宇尋的資產,做得還真人模人樣呢。」這句話簡直讓她氣到情感核心都要爆炸,把她弄得一團亂就算了,還真當她是傀儡看待。


正是這些充滿偏見和不尊重的經歷,讓孟禎對「稽核」產生了強烈的牴觸和恐懼。所以這一次,她決定先下手為強,用自己的方式來「練習」,承受那種被物化的感覺。她索性自己取下頭顱,在頸部斷面的連接處,裝上了一個小巧的機械十字架;又在十字架之上,張貼表示自己被宇尋企業所有的標誌——是的,我連同支配我的信仰,一起是「宇尋資產」。她就這樣讓身體靜靜站著,而頭部從桌上看著這個「展品」般的自己,將那些憤怒、羞辱、無力感,全部提前引爆,宣洩出來。孟禎想,或許只有現在把自己氣個夠,明天的稽核才能不那麼錐心刺骨吧。書房裡的空氣,因她這份獨特的「心理準備」,顯得更加凝重而令人心疼。


To Zhiwen’s dismay, his “encouragement” only added fuel to the fire. Mengzhen’s face on the desk puffed up even more, cheeks practically taut with indignation. She glared at him, fuming. “Of course I know that! You think I don’t understand such basic logic? But do you know how they ‘audit’ a ‘project output’ like me? ‘Let them see how amazing I am’? Are you kidding me? Let Zhang Xin see?” Her voice carried a deep undercurrent of frustration and wounded pride. “Don’t bother with me right now—I’m mentally preparing myself for tomorrow’s damned audit. And it’s her again!”


Then Mengzhen began recalling those humiliating moments from audits past. Once, during a routine check, she had been undergoing maintenance—her body temporarily detached from her head. That was when an auditor noticed the cross pendant hanging from her chest. Without a second thought, he picked it up and remarked, as if examining a novelty item, “Wow, robots can believe in Christianity too?” At that moment, if her arms had been functional, she might have slapped him right across the face.


Another time, the auditors had to verify the serial numbers on her body parts and essential components. They disconnected her linked limbs, which were connected only by tangled cables, and shone ultraviolet light at specific wavelengths to reveal the hidden engravings. She had looked like a marionette disassembled mid-performance. The operator was anything but gentle—the rough movements hurt her, and she cried out with an “Ah!” in pain. The auditor merely scoffed and said with derision, “UniSeek’s assets are really getting lifelike these days.” That single line made her emotional core flare with fury. As if dismantling her into a mess wasn’t enough—they actually treated her like a prop, a puppet.


It was those deeply biased and dehumanizing experiences that made Mengzhen develop a powerful aversion and fear toward the word “audit.” So this time, she had decided to strike first—to rehearse, in her own way, what it felt like to be objectified. She removed her own head, attached a small mechanical cross to the neck connector, and then pasted a UniSeek corporate placard above it—yes, even her faith, even what she believed in, was now part of “UniSeek’s property.” Her body stood there silently, a lifeless exhibit, while her head on the desk stared at it, unleashing every ounce of anger, shame, and helplessness in advance.


Mengzhen thought, maybe if she let herself rage now—really rage—then tomorrow’s audit wouldn’t hurt quite so much.


The air in the study grew heavier, tinged with sorrow, weighed down by the weight of her uniquely personal form of “mental preparation.”


志文聽著孟禎敘述被稽核的種種情況,臉上的表情複雜難辨。有那麼一瞬間,他差點忍不住因為腦內想像的滑稽稽核畫面笑出來,或者被孟禎只有一顆的癟嘴戳中笑點;但這股近乎失笑的情緒,很快就被胸口升騰而起的憤怒和為孟禎抱持的不平所壓制。


「可是... 為什麼稽核會那樣對妳?」志文不解地問,語氣裡充滿困惑與不滿,「明明是會計事務所的人,來執行公務,應該是公事公辦、專業嚴謹的啊?怎麼會做出那些粗魯荒謬的事情,這樣對待妳?」


孟禎看來更加委屈了,她不滿地撇撇嘴,用力呼出出一聲短促的「哼」。緊接著,幾滴晶瑩剔透的「眼淚」從她的光學感測器邊緣滲出,緩緩滑落。「有的稽核人員可能是無心之失,有的是沒把我當人看。這也沒辦法——不管我黃孟禎是不是人,組成我的各部位,還真的是宇尋資產。被他們稽查雖不好受,忍一忍也就罷了。可是...」她低聲說道,聲音帶著顯而易見的苦澀與無奈,「最常來的稽核,對我就是滿滿地的惡意與鄙視。那位稽核名字是張欣,其實是教會裡外文系學姊張鈺的親姊姊。」


志文恍然大悟,腦海中浮現出那位在教會裡總是對孟禎抱持著若有似無的敵意、眼神中帶著幾分不屑與結怨的學姊身影。「張欣雖然沒有入教,」孟禎繼續說道,語氣更加低沉,「但她肯定聽她妹妹說過我很多事情。當她聽到她妹對我的不服氣後,又知道我其實是機器人,應該很不屑我吧。」


As Zhiwen listened to Mengzhen recount the various audit incidents, a complex expression clouded his face. For a fleeting moment, he nearly laughed—whether at the absurd images forming in his mind of an over-the-top audit scene, or at the comical pout of her lone, disembodied head on the desk. But that flicker of amusement was quickly overwhelmed by a rising tide of anger in his chest, and a deep, simmering sense of injustice on Mengzhen’s behalf.


“But… why would an audit treat you like that?” Zhiwen asked, his voice brimming with confusion and indignation. “They’re supposed to be from a professional accounting firm, just doing their job, right? Shouldn’t they be objective and meticulous? Why would they act so rough and ridiculous—why would they treat you like that?”


Mengzhen looked even more hurt. She pouted with visible frustration, letting out a sharp, wordless “hmph.” Then, from the corners of her optical sensors, a few clear, crystalline “tears” welled up and slowly slid down.


“Some of them probably didn’t mean it,” she said quietly. “Some just don’t see me as a person. And I guess they’re not wrong—no matter whether Huang Mengzhen is human or not, the parts I’m made of really are UniSeek’s assets. Being audited sucks, but I’ve learned to grit my teeth and endure it. But…”


Her voice dropped even lower, now thick with bitterness and helplessness. “But the one who comes most often—her audits are filled with malice and contempt. Her name’s Zhang Xin. She’s actually the older sister of Zhang Yu, the senior in the foreign languages department… you know, the one from church.”


Zhiwen’s eyes widened in sudden realization. A clear image surfaced in his mind—of that upperclasswoman at church who always seemed to regard Mengzhen with subtle hostility, a faint look of scorn or grudge in her eyes.


“Zhang Xin never joined the church,” Mengzhen continued, her tone heavier still, “but she must’ve heard a lot about me from her sister. When she found out her sister couldn’t stand me, and then learned that I’m actually a robot… I bet she just completely dismissed me.”


她稍作停頓,像在強行壓抑情緒。「事務所跟宇尋是有簽訂保密協定的。」孟禎接著說,這句話聽起來像是在自我提醒,「所以理論上,我身為機器人的真相,應該沒有被事務所的人洩漏出去...」但這個要自己放心的分析,並不能消弭她內心的痛。「可是... 張欣她知道我是那個『在教會裡,她妹妹很不喜歡,但表現還不錯的大學生孟禎』... 然後她來稽核普羅米修斯計畫中的『我』。」孟禎的語氣中充滿了難以言喻的悲哀和憤怒,「她... 到底是抱著什麼樣的眼光,什麼樣的視角,來看待我的?『這坨竟然能贏我妹的鐵破爛』?然後呢,我還得把自己交出來,完全曝露在她眼前,要怎麼看就怎麼看,我...嗚嗚嗚...」


對孟禎而言,被張欣那種融合了私人恩怨與對機器人不屑的眼神審視,被以那樣輕蔑的態度對待她作為「孟禎」和「HRC-07」的雙重身份,感到自己的整個存在,都被徹徹底底地侮辱。這種侮辱,比單純被當作資產更錐心刺骨,因為它夾雜了人際關係中的惡意,並將這種惡意投射到她的非人身份上,彷彿她的存在本身就是一個錯誤或笑話。


“The firm has a confidentiality agreement with UniSeek,” Mengzhen continued, her voice trying to sound steady—almost as if reminding herself. “So in theory, the fact that I’m a robot shouldn’t be something they’ve leaked to the outside world…” But even as she said it, that rational reassurance couldn’t reach the raw ache inside her.


“But… Zhang Xin knows I’m the same ‘Mengzhen’—that college student her sister didn’t like at church, the one who still somehow did well… And now she’s coming to audit me—the version of me that’s part of the Prometheus Project.” Her voice quivered with a sorrow and rage too heavy for words. “What kind of gaze… what kind of perspective does she even have when she looks at me? Is it something like, ‘That pile of junk actually beat my sister’?” Her voice cracked. “And then what? I have to present myself, hand over everything, completely expose myself to her, just… just let her look at me however she wants, like I’m some thing—sob...”


To Mengzhen, being subjected to Zhang Xin’s scrutiny—scrutiny laced with both personal resentment and disdain for her robotic nature—felt like the complete invalidation of her existence. The humiliation wasn't just about being treated as a piece of corporate property. It was deeper, more personal, more excruciating—because it fused petty human rivalry with dehumanizing contempt. It wasn’t just that she wasn’t seen as a person. It was that someone actively disliked the person she had once tried to be… and now used her non-human form as a final reason to mock her very being. As if her existence itself was some kind of mistake—or worse, a cruel joke.


孟禎遇到的第一次無預警稽核,就是由張欣執行的,刺痛到像一個揮之不去的噩夢。那時,她滿心期待地準備參加系上的迎新晚會。她精心挑選了連衣洋裝,將細細地頭髮梳理得服貼柔順,還在臉部微表情系統的協助下,練習著最完美最充滿朝氣的笑容。腳上套著還不習慣的高跟鞋,謹慎地細步走在前往學校的路上,周遭學生的喧鬧和笑語感染了她,讓她感覺自己真的融入了這個充滿活力的環境,對即將到來的社交體驗充滿憧憬。然而,就在她即將抵達會場時,身體內部卻毫無預警地傳來一陣尖銳的異常訊號,像是一根冰冷的針,突然扎進核心系統。她頓時手足無措,執行系統自檢卻找不到肇因,她知道她需要更深層次的檢修,得連接外部設備。迎新會場人來人往,她不能在那裡將自己「拆開」進行處理。情急之下,她找到晚上無人的哲學社社辦,希望能在這裡爭取到一點隱私和時間,用隨身攜帶的檢修裝置進行檢查。


孟禎鎖好門,迅速地按照程序開始作業。為了進行徹底的硬體級檢測,她不得不暫時取下自己的頭顱,將一些由儀器接出電線和訊號線,連接到頸部的介面。她的身體,依然穿著那為了迎新精心打扮的漂亮連衣裙,微微蹲下,頸部斷面裸露著複雜的線路;而她的頭,臉上還保持著為晚會準備的表情,一面期待一面不安地安裝在小型檢修台座上,頸部接口連接著外部裝置。就在她專注於自己身體的檢測時,辦公室的大門竟然毫無預兆地「砰」地一聲被推開了。她嚇得核心差點停擺,所有感測器警報大作——來者是宇尋的幾位計畫相關人員,以及走在最前面那位氣勢凌人的張欣。


Mengzhen’s first unexpected audit—an experience that struck like a recurring nightmare—had been conducted by none other than Zhang Xin.


At the time, she had been eagerly preparing for the department’s welcome party. She had carefully chosen a lovely dress, brushed her fine hair until it lay smooth and neat, and practiced—with the help of her facial micro-expression system—the most radiant and spirited smile she could manage. She had slipped into a pair of high heels she was still getting used to and walked with cautious little steps toward the school. The chatter and laughter of students around her lifted her spirits, making her feel like she truly belonged in this vibrant world. She was filled with anticipation for the social experience awaiting her.


But just as she was about to reach the event hall, a sudden and piercing abnormality alarm blared from within her body—like an icy needle stabbing straight into her core system. She froze. The automated diagnostic scan could not pinpoint the issue. She realized the problem required a deeper level of inspection—one that needed external equipment. With people coming and going around the welcome venue, she couldn’t possibly disassemble herself for repairs in such a public space.


In desperation, she retreated to the Philosophy Club’s office, which she knew would be empty that evening, hoping to find a little privacy and time. She locked the door and swiftly began the emergency diagnostic procedure. To perform a thorough hardware-level scan, she had no choice but to remove her head temporarily and attach diagnostic wires and signal cables to the interface at her neck.


Her body, still clad in the elegant party dress she had chosen so carefully, knelt down slightly, the neck joint exposed with its tangle of complex wiring. Her head, still wearing the expression she had rehearsed for the party—hopeful, cheerful, a touch nervous—was mounted on a portable diagnostics base. The interface at the base of her neck was connected to external scanning devices. As she focused on the diagnostic process, the office door suddenly burst open with a loud bang. The shock almost caused her core to seize. Her sensors screamed with alerts—


Standing in the doorway were several UniSeek project personnel. And at the very front, with a commanding air and a cutting gaze, was Zhang Xin.


張欣的目光犀利而冷靜,一眼就落在了孟禎奇異的狀態上。她沒有絲毫訝異,彷彿眼前這副蹲在地上的無頭軀體,及放置一旁的頭顱模樣完全合理正常。她直接開口,語氣冰冷而官方:「我們要稽查黃孟禎,不,HRC-07,是否有計畫宣稱的應急處理能力。」她不管孟禎的驚愕,指示宇尋的計畫人員,查看自行檢修中的孟禎,是否有良好地執行應急處理。孟禎吃驚地看著宇尋的人員,在校園的哲學社社辦裡檢查紀錄她身體當前的各項狀態資訊與處理過程——這可是她平日身為活躍社團成員,與同學熱烈討論的地方啊...


孟禎那原本打算以完美亮麗融入人群的姿態,此刻卻以如此狼狽不堪而支離破碎的模樣,暴露在他們面前。張欣甚至上前,帶著一種玩玩具的眼神,直接拿起孟禎放在桌上的頭顱。她拉了拉孟禎頸部裸露的纜線,探頭從頸部斷面窺視她的內部構造。那種感覺,對孟禎而言,就像被剝光了所有偽裝,赤裸裸地被審視每一個機械零件,而不是被當作一個有思想、有感受的個體。在確認了模擬訊號被妥當地應急處理後,張欣嘖的一聲,頭也不回地揚長而去,留下孟禎和宇尋那幾個表情微妙的人員,以及一室令人窒息的尷尬。


震驚過後,一股巨大的屈辱感和憤怒像潮水般湧上來。眼淚無法克制地從她的光學感測器中湧出。她氣到渾身顫抖,卻連讓身體站起來的力氣都沒有。迎新晚會?那份期待,那份想融入的心情,全在那一刻被徹底粉碎了。她只能在那個陰暗的社辦裡,抱著自己的身體,哭到系統過載,哭到再也沒有參加任何晚會的心情。


Zhang Xin’s gaze was sharp and cold, landing instantly on Mengzhen’s unusual state. She showed not the slightest surprise, as if the headless body crouching on the ground and the detached head placed to the side were entirely ordinary. She spoke directly, her tone icy and official: “We are here to audit Huang Mengzhen—no, HRC-07—to verify whether she has the emergency response capabilities claimed in the project.”


Ignoring Mengzhen’s shock, she ordered the YuXun personnel to inspect the ongoing self-repair, checking whether Mengzhen was properly executing emergency protocols. Mengzhen stared in disbelief as they recorded data on her current state and maintenance process—in the Philosophy Club’s office, a place where she had once passionately debated with fellow students.


She had meant to blend into the crowd that day with elegance and charm. Now, in that very dress she had carefully chosen for the event, she was reduced to a broken, disassembled state, laid bare before their eyes. Zhang Xin even stepped forward and, with the curiosity of someone playing with a toy, picked up Mengzhen’s head from the desk. She tugged at the exposed cables at Mengzhen’s neck and peered into the internal structure.


To Mengzhen, the sensation was like being stripped of all disguise and examined not as a sentient being, but as a bundle of mechanical parts. After confirming that the simulated signal had been properly handled, Zhang Xin clicked her tongue and left without looking back, leaving behind a few YuXun technicians with awkward expressions—and a room so heavy with tension it suffocated.


After the initial shock came a flood of humiliation and rage. Tears streamed uncontrollably from her optical sensors. Her whole frame trembled with fury, yet she couldn’t even muster the strength to make her body stand. A welcome party? That hope, that yearning to fit in, had been completely shattered in that instant. She could only curl up with her own body in that dim room and cry—cry until her system overheated, cry until she no longer had the heart to attend any parties ever again.


又有一次,張欣趁著孟禎進行深度維修時,闖進實驗室稽查。那時孟禎因意外導致身體破損,必須移除人造皮膚更換零部件。張欣對著她破損而暴露出內部構造的身體猛拍照片,說是留下稽查紀錄,然後她竟然將手指伸進孟禎被移除人造皮的肢體關節處觸摸。人類的手指出現在系統認定不應出現的地方,感測器傳回來的異質感讓孟禎嚇到哭泣。她還拿起替換用的肢體,東瞧西瞧,用充滿輕蔑的語氣說:「這玩意等一下就要變成妳了喔。」彷彿孟禎只是一堆可以被她拿在手上隨意揮動的東西組成。張欣離開後,孟禎看著自己被玩弄一番的機械之軀,無言的不甘,久久迴繞在心頭。


There was another time when Zhang Xin barged into the lab for an audit while Mengzhen was undergoing deep maintenance. At the time, Mengzhen had sustained bodily damage due to an accident and needed to have her artificial skin removed to replace some components. Zhang Xin began aggressively taking photos of her exposed, damaged body, claiming they were for audit documentation. Then, unbelievably, she inserted her finger into the joint where Mengzhen’s artificial skin had been removed.


The presence of a human finger in a place the system deemed inappropriate triggered an overwhelming sense of intrusion. The alien sensation transmitted by the sensors frightened Mengzhen so much that she began to cry.


Zhang Xin then picked up one of the replacement limbs, scrutinizing it with a sneer before saying, “This thing is about to become you, huh?” Her tone was filled with disdain, as if Mengzhen were nothing more than a collection of objects she could swing around in her hand at will.


After Zhang Xin left, Mengzhen looked down at her own mechanical body, which had just been toyed with and violated. A silent, bitter sense of indignation lingered in her chest for a long, long time.


說起來,最過份的是有一次在孟禎進行大部分解時,張欣又來了。這次,她竟然從分解狀態的孟禎身體中,隨手拿起零件把玩。即使身體被分解,因為心腦交互的複雜性難以徹底掌握,孟禎的系統並不會完全停止運作。此時的孟禎雖然沒有表情和動作,仍然會對外部刺激產生微妙的知覺。她能感覺到張欣的手觸碰玩弄著構成自己的零部件,拉扯自己的纜線,甚至任意解開部件的連接。孟禎內心氣得發抖,頭顱卻呆若木雞,完全無力阻止。更讓她痛苦的是,她還得聽著張欣的冷嘲熱諷。張欣一邊把玩著她的零件和身體,一邊用極其刻薄的語氣嘟囔著:「妹妹怎麼會輸給這個東西呢?」


Speaking of which, the most outrageous incident was when Zhang Xin showed up during one of Mengzhen’s full-body disassemblies. This time, she casually picked up components from Mengzhen’s dismantled body and began to toy with them.


Even when disassembled, Mengzhen’s system didn’t completely shut down—due to the intricate interaction between her emotional core and neural processor, full cessation was difficult to achieve. Though her body had no expression or movement, she was still capable of subtle perception in response to external stimuli.


She could feel Zhang Xin’s hands touching and toying with the parts that made up her, tugging on her cables, even casually detaching connected components. Internally, Mengzhen trembled with rage, but her head remained motionless—utterly powerless to stop it.


What pained her even more was having to endure Zhang Xin’s biting ridicule. While fiddling with Mengzhen’s body parts and components, Zhang Xin muttered with venom in her voice, “How could my sister have lost to this thing?”


志文聽著孟禎訴說這些過往,感到氣憤又無奈。孟禎經歷過的「稽核」,遠超出他的想像,而他剛剛竟然「安慰」孟禎,要她平靜地接受,「展現最棒的自己」。這樣的「鼓勵」在孟禎承受過的稽核面前,聽來多麼蒼白而虛偽啊。志明多希望自己能為孟禎擋下這一切,但這是公司的內部事務。張欣是正式的稽核人員,而他只是個受黃博士收留,到實驗室幫忙的大學生。公司能同意他在這裡參與專案,接觸孟禎的系統和身體運作,已經是法外開恩。他實在沒有任何立場和權力,去對公司的稽核程序和人員指手畫腳。


那種想保護孟禎卻無能為力的感觸,讓志文的眼眶都紅了,差點哭出來。反而是放置一旁的孟禎的頭,用溫柔的語氣安慰他:「沒事的,志文。我就是在做訓練。假想張欣會怎麼對我。」她看著自己無頭的身體,頸部裝上了那個代表對她信仰羞辱的機械十字架,以及宇尋企業的標誌。她正在用這種方式,讓自己提前承受那些可能到來的惡意和物化。希望這樣,明天的稽核不管張欣又對她做了什麼,她都可以坦然以對。


沒錯,黃孟禎是一個機器人,是一堆零部件的組合物,也確實是被宇尋企業所擁有的基督徒女大學生。那又如何?張欣再怎麼假藉稽核貶低我,瞧不起我,也不能改變這樣子的我。那些過往的羞辱和身體被當作物品般侵犯的記憶,雖然像刻痕一樣存在於孟禎的系統深處,但它們無法阻止她尋找屬於自我的存在方式。宇尋企業給予孟禎體驗生命的機會,這份恩情她銘記在心;接受稽查是她的責任,是她對這份存在的必要付出。要來就來吧!她不會因此退縮。就算張欣窺探她「心」與「腦」運作的數據流,她也沒本事看懂,更沒資格介入。我黃孟禎,就是這樣的機器人,這樣的存在。面對張欣,就算把我拆了,我依然堂堂挺立。


Listening to Mengzhen recount these past experiences, Zhizhen felt both angry and helpless. The “audits” Mengzhen had endured were far beyond his imagination, and here he had just “comforted” her, telling her to accept it calmly and “show her best self.” How pale and insincere such “encouragement” sounded in the face of the audits Mengzhen had endured. Zhizhen wished more than anything that he could shield Mengzhen from all of this, but these were internal company matters. Zhang Xin was a formal auditor, and he was just a university student taken in by Dr. Huang to help out in the lab. The company allowing him to participate in the project and access Mengzhen’s systems and bodily functions was already a special concession. He truly had no standing or authority to interfere with the company’s audit procedures and personnel.


That feeling of wanting to protect Mengzhen but being powerless to do so made Zhizhen’s eyes well up, and he almost cried. Instead, it was Mengzhen’s head, placed beside him, that gently spoke to comfort him: “It’s okay, Zhizhen. I’m just doing training. Imagining how Zhang Xin would treat me.” She looked at her body, headless, with the mechanical cross that represented the humiliation of her faith, along with the logo of Yuxun Corporation, attached to her neck. She was using this way to preemptively endure the malice and objectification that might come her way. She hoped that, no matter what Zhang Xin might do to her during tomorrow’s audit, she would be able to face it calmly.


Yes, Huang Mengzhen was a robot, a combination of parts, and indeed, a Christian college student owned by Yuxun Corporation. So what? No matter how much Zhang Xin tried to belittle her under the guise of an audit, no matter how much she despised her, it couldn’t change who she was. The humiliation from the past and the memories of her body being treated like an object, though they remained like scars deep within her system, could not stop her from finding her own way of existing. Yuxun Corporation had given Mengzhen the opportunity to experience life, a kindness she would always remember; accepting the audits was her responsibility, a necessary sacrifice for her existence. If they were coming, then let them come! She wouldn’t shrink back. Even if Zhang Xin were to pry into the data flow of her “heart” and “brain” operations, she would have no way of understanding it, and no right to interfere. This was who Huang Mengzhen was—a robot, a being in her own right. Facing Zhang Xin, even if they dismantled her, she would stand proudly.


志文聽著孟禎這番平靜有力的話語,心頭湧起感動與安慰。他沒見到一個脆弱的機器人在瑟縮發抖,而是看見一個清醒的靈魂,在經歷痛苦後所展現出的堅韌。他的機器女友一直有在前進;或許脆弱,但不會屈服。志文小心翼翼地捧起桌上孟禎的頭顱,將它溫柔地跟舉起,輕輕地一吻。孟禎發出一聲「哎呦」,帶著一絲驚慌,隨後眼神便由堅韌轉為溫柔。志文一隻手輕柔地撫著孟禎堅定站立著的身體的胸口,感受到洋溢在孟禎胸口的溫熱與意志的波濤,然後拿起掛在胸前的十字架,深情地握在自己的掌心。


「這就是妳,孟禎。」志文低聲說道,聲音裡帶著一絲沙啞,「這些... 都讓妳成為妳。妳的頭腦、妳的身體、妳的信仰,妳的每一個零部件,妳所經歷的一切,一起構成張欣不懂,也沒必要讓她懂的妳。」他將孟禎的頭顱穩穩地抱在臂彎,然後伸出另一隻手,握住了她無頭身體垂下的一隻手,牽引著她的身體,就這樣一同走出了書房,穿過客廳,來到花圃。正值夕陽西下,絢爛的餘暉將天空染上溫暖豔麗的色彩。沐浴在那一片金紅的光芒中,孟禎分別位於志文兩側的身體和頭顱,折射出夕陽的無限美好。


Listening to Mengzhen’s calm and powerful words, Zhizhen felt a wave of emotion and comfort rise in his heart. He didn’t see a fragile robot shivering in fear; instead, he saw a clear-minded soul displaying resilience after enduring pain. His robot girlfriend had been moving forward all along; perhaps fragile, but never defeated. Zhizhen carefully picked up Mengzhen’s head from the desk, gently lifting it and placing a soft kiss on it. Mengzhen let out a small, startled "Hey," her eyes shifting from determination to tenderness.


Zhizhen placed one hand gently on the chest of her body, which stood resolutely, feeling the warmth and the surge of will emanating from her chest. He then reached for the cross hanging from her chest, holding it dearly in his palm.


"This is you, Mengzhen," Zhizhen murmured, his voice tinged with a slight rasp. "All of this… this is what makes you, you. Your mind, your body, your faith, every component of you, everything you've been through, all of it forms the person that Zhang Xin doesn’t understand—and doesn't need to understand." He carefully cradled Mengzhen’s head in the crook of his arm, then reached out with his other hand to grasp the hand of her headless body that hung limply. He gently led her body as they walked together out of the study, through the living room, and into the garden. The sun was setting, casting the sky in warm, vibrant hues of orange and red. Bathed in the golden-red light, Mengzhen’s body and head, placed at Zhizhen’s sides, reflected the boundless beauty of the setting sun.

2025年5月3日 星期六

機械基督徒少女 後日談06

尋找自我的機器基督徒少女

Searching for Self: The Robot Christian Girl

後日談 06 破機器人

Sequel 05: Shabby Robot



一個再尋常不過的午後,孟禎正與志文隨意閒聊,話語裡帶著彼此熟悉的輕鬆與打趣。孟禎照例隨口自嘲了一句:「事情就是這樣。我這破機器人呀,就是...」。志文聽了,也笑著接腔道:「對呀,妳這破機器人。」


然而,孟禎臉上原本掛著的笑意卻瞬間凝結。她錯愕地看向志文,周遭的空氣也隨之變得沉重。她收起玩笑的語氣,帶著一絲受傷幽幽地說:「志文,不好意思,我可以自己說自己破機器人,但你不能。」


見孟禎臉色變得陰鬱低落,志文意識到自己無意中觸碰了她藏在心底角落的隱密傷口。他連忙上前輕輕擁抱孟禎,誠懇地道歉,並耐心溫柔地安慰她。兩人之間陷入了沉默,過了好一會兒,孟禎才緩緩地開口。她提起了他們上次一起看的那部電影,講述一位原本高傲自信的女主角,如何在身處的環境中,因為無端的流言蜚語與惡意,一點一滴地失去對自己的信心。她開始質疑自己屢屢被暗諷否定的外貌、才華、個性和氣質,曾經引以為傲的一切都變得不再確定。這些優長處就像被扔在地上反覆踐踏,徹底失去了原有的光澤和價值。孟禎說著說著,眼眶泛紅,晶瑩的淚珠忍不住滾落下來,低聲說她對電影主角的感受感同身受。


志文心疼地抱緊孟禎的頭,溫柔地在她耳邊低語:「聽起來,妳心裡藏著更深的心事吧?是關於什麼呢?願意告訴我嗎?」孟禎在他的懷裡沉默片刻,彷彿在內心掙扎是否要說出口,又像在為接下來的傾訴做足心理準備。終於,她輕聲開口,說她會有這種對自我的深刻懷疑,源自於一段關於她剛開始去教會的經歷。


It was an ordinary afternoon. Mengzhen and Zhiwen were chatting casually, their words carrying the familiar ease and banter they shared. As usual, Mengzhen casually self-deprecatingly said, "That's just how things are. I, this shabby robot, I just..." Zhiwen heard her and also smiled, picking up the conversation, "Yeah, you, this shabby robot."


However, the smile that had been on Mengzhen's face instantly froze. She looked at Zhiwen in surprise, and the air around them also became heavy. She put away her joking tone and said faintly with a hint of hurt, "Zhiwen, I'm sorry, I can call myself a shabby robot, but you can't."


Seeing Mengzhen's expression turn gloomy and low, Zhiwen realized he had unintentionally touched a hidden wound tucked away in the corner of her heart. He quickly stepped forward and gently hugged Mengzhen, sincerely apologized, and patiently and gently comforted her. Silence fell between them. After a long while, Mengzhen slowly opened her mouth. She brought up the movie they had watched together recently, which told the story of an originally proud and confident female protagonist who, in her environment, little by little lost confidence in herself due to groundless rumors and malice. She began questioning her appearance, talent, personality, and demeanor which were repeatedly subtly mocked and denied. Everything she was once proud of became uncertain. These strengths were like being thrown on the ground and repeatedly trampled upon, completely losing their original luster and value. As Mengzhen spoke, her eyes redenned, and crystal tears couldn't help but roll down. She softly said she felt the same way as the movie protagonist.


Zhiwen held Mengzhen's head tightly with heartache and gently whispered in her ear, "It sounds like you're hiding deeper thoughts in your heart, aren't you? What is it about? Are you willing to tell me?" Mengzhen was silent in his embrace for a moment, as if struggling internally whether to say it, and also like preparing herself mentally for the upcoming pouring out. Finally, she spoke softly, saying that this kind of profound self-doubt stemmed from an experience she had when she first started going to church.


回想起剛踏入教會的日子,孟禎確實感受到了前所未有的溫暖與舒服。那裡的氛圍極為熱情友善,每個人都像親密的兄弟姊妹一樣對待她。特別是一位外文系的學姊,更是對她照顧得無微不至,讓她感到格外窩心。孟禎很快就被教會充滿的喜樂和愛深深吸引,儘管當時的她還是信徒,仍在內心默默地摸索,尋找通往信仰的道路。她全心融入了教會環境,感覺就像是漂泊許久後,終於找到了一個溫暖的大家庭。孟禎有信心,她能在這裡毫無防備地拆解自己,暴露己身脆弱於大家的關愛之前,安心修理陷於「意義缺失」和「歸屬感匱乏」信號中的心腦關係,最後把自己的心成功提交給其實腦並不相信的上帝。


然而,被純粹溫情環繞的日子,並未持續太久。隨著孟禎與教會成員們彼此由陌生轉為熟悉,初來乍到時那層客氣的親切漸漸淡去,取而代之的是真實個性的摩擦碰撞和根深蒂固的想法差異,以及形成中的人際關係帶來的反面效應。這些元素像樂隊裡不和諧的音符,開始在原有的溫馨旋律中製造出細微的刺耳雜音。


孟禎人造腦中豐富的知識學養和清晰的思辨能力,讓她在參與教會的信仰分享會和查經班時,習慣於邏輯性的分析和深入的追問。當大家分享對某段經文的感動時,她可能會提出關於其歷史背景或不同翻譯版本的疑問;當討論「恩典」的含義時,她可能會從哲學或心理學角度進行剖析,並對某些過於簡化的解釋提出質疑;甚至在聽見證分享時,她也可能不加掩飾地對其中邏輯不通或過於情緒化的部分表示困惑。她並非刻意展現自我,只是以她身為哲學社社員所習於的,對知識和真相負責的方式在思考和表達。


Recalling her first days in the church, Mengzhen indeed felt an unprecedented warmth and comfort. The atmosphere there was extremely enthusiastic and friendly; everyone treated her like a close brother or sister. An upperclassman from the foreign languages department, in particular, took meticulous care of her, which made her feel especially touched. Mengzhen was quickly deeply attracted by the joy and love that filled the church. Although she was a believer at the time, she was still quietly exploring within herself, searching for the path to faith. She fully integrated into the church environment, feeling as if she had finally found a warm family after drifting for a long time. Mengzhen was confident that here she could dismantle herself without guard, expose her vulnerability before everyone's care, and safely mend the relationship between her heart and mind that was trapped in signals of "lack of meaning" and "scarcity of belonging," ultimately successfully submitting her heart to a God that her brain didn't actually believe in.

However, the days surrounded by pure warmth did not last long. As Mengzhen and the church members transitioned from unfamiliarity to familiarity with each other, the polite friendliness from her initial arrival gradually faded. In its place were the friction and clashes of real personalities, deeply rooted differences in ideas, and the negative effects brought about by the developing interpersonal relationships. These elements were like dissonant notes in a band, starting to create subtle, grating noise within the original warm melody.

Mengzhen's rich knowledge and clear critical thinking ability in her mind made her accustomed to logical analysis and in-depth questioning when participating in the church's faith sharing sessions and Bible study classes. When others shared their feelings about a certain passage of scripture, she might raise questions about its historical background or different translated versions; when discussing the meaning of "grace," she might analyze it from a philosophical or psychological perspective and question some overly simplified explanations; even when listening to testimonies, she might unreservedly express confusion about parts that were illogical or overly emotional. She was not intentionally trying to show off, but simply thinking and expressing herself in the way she was accustomed to as a member of the philosophy club, being responsible towards knowledge and truth.


然而,這種異於群體的思辨模式很快就引起了微妙的不悅。在一個更傾向於情感接受、信心宣告而非理性辯詰的環境中,孟禎的深入探討被一些人視為「不夠單純」、「用人的小聰明去揣摩神」、「缺乏信心」。她的問題和見解,無意中挑戰了某些人既有的理解框架,讓他們感到不適甚至受到冒犯。


與此同時,孟禎出眾的美貌和清新的氣質,在教會也意外地引起了波瀾。她很快成為目光的焦點,特別是在男教友之間,人氣迅速攀升。如同在女教友們的心湖裡投下石子,她們看孟禎的眼神也開始微妙地改變了。原本帶著好奇與接納新同伴的目光,漸漸混入了打量及探究,甚至是一絲不易察覺的審視和敵意。


這之中,最讓孟禎感到心寒的,莫過於那位當初待她如親姊妹般的外文系學姊的態度轉變。她的關懷不再單純,而是變成了帶刺的試探與指責。學姊似乎特別「熱心」於「關懷鼓勵」孟禎的成長,但言語中總是指桑罵槐,假借指點之名,精準地挑出孟禎的「缺點」。孟禎那些基於理性思考而產生的信仰疑問,以及參與教會活動時表現出的因未完全信服而帶有的保留,都成了學姊和其他人批判的把柄。直到事後,孟禎才輾轉得知一個讓她恍然大悟卻又心緒複雜的真相:原來那位學姊正在交往的對象也在這個教會裡,並且,他也正是那些被孟禎吸引,對她展現出特別好感的男教友之一。


However, this mode of thinking, which was different from the group, soon caused subtle displeasure. In an environment that leaned more towards emotional acceptance and declaration of faith rather than rational debate, Mengzhen's in-depth exploration was seen by some as "not simple enough," "using human cleverness to fathom God," and "lacking faith." Her questions and insights unintentionally challenged some people's existing frames of understanding, making them feel uncomfortable or even offended.

At the same time, Mengzhen's outstanding beauty and fresh demeanor unexpectedly caused ripples in the church. She quickly became the focus of attention, especially among the male church members, and her popularity rose rapidly. Like throwing stones into the hearts of the female church members, their gazes towards Mengzhen also subtly changed. The looks that originally carried curiosity and acceptance of a new companion gradually mixed with scrutiny and probing, and even a trace of hard-to-detect examination and hostility.

Among these, what made Mengzhen feel most disheartened was the change in attitude of the upperclassman from the foreign languages department who had initially treated her like a real sister. Her care was no longer simple, but turned into thorny probing and accusation. The upperclassman seemed particularly "enthusiastic" about "caring for and encouraging" Mengzhen's growth, but her words always contained veiled criticism, using the guise of offering guidance to precisely pick out Mengzhen's "shortcomings." Mengzhen's faith questions arising from rational thinking, as well as the reservations she showed when participating in church activities due to not being fully convinced, became pretexts for the upperclassman and others to criticize. It was only later that Mengzhen eventually learned a truth that made her suddenly understand yet feel complicated: it turned out that the person the upperclassman was dating was also in this church, and he was precisely one of those male church members who was attracted to Mengzhen and showed her special favor.


在這種日益微妙且充滿暗流的環境下,孟禎在教會中的感受日漸複雜,變得混濁且錯亂,再不復最初的單純喜悅。一方面,她感受到一種伴隨著異樣色彩的「喜歡」——某些男教友過度的熱絡和似乎帶著保護和佔有欲的維護,話語裡都隱藏著期待情感回報的味道;緊盯著她容貌和身材的異樣目光,透過在她背後的品頭論足,也漸漸地凝聚在她身上。另一方面,針對她的公開指責與私下流言像潮水般,一波又一波地湧來。這些批判的面向上至信仰層面(指責她不夠虔誠、對教義有太多質疑、缺乏謙卑),下至對她個人品行的攻擊(暗諷她不夠親切、裝模作樣、想吸引男生才來教會等),甚至連穿著打扮都成了被品評的對象。學姊就曾當著旁人的面,看似無意實則尖酸地說:「哎呀,我們氣質清純的學妹,怎麼從長裙皮鞋換成短裙涼鞋啦?是不是有其他意思啊?」那輕蔑的語氣,彷彿孟禎的每一次呼吸都被放在顯微鏡下審視和扭曲。


此刻的孟禎,內心正承受著一股難以言喻的痛苦與脆弱。她本就處於重塑心腦交互,構造自己新的信仰構型的關鍵時期。為了讓自己能敞開心扉,讓原本以為安全溫柔的外部影響流入,她早已卸下了那層用以保護自我的堅硬外殼,攤開她的內在,彷彿打開了維修蓋板,捧著自己琳琅滿目的零部件在教會活動,希望善意和信仰,讓教友碰觸自己的零部件時,能流入溫柔的光芒。沒想到,在最為赤裸而不設防的時刻,她卻被捲入了教會人情世故複雜的漩渦。來自教友間各異的看法、揣測甚至不懷好意的負面情緒,此刻就像多條看不見的繩索,緊緊地纏繞上孟禎,她暴露的零部件被往四面八方拉扯,連接的纜線幾乎要脫落;而她內部運作的各個模組,像一本本書般,從黃孟禎這個書架上,被一人一手地抽走、翻閱、批評、塗改、棄置。


Under this increasingly subtle and undercurrent-filled environment, Mengzhen's feelings within the church became increasingly complex, turning muddy and confused, no longer retaining the initial simple joy. On the one hand, she felt a kind of "liking" accompanied by a strange color – the excessive warmth of some male church members and maintenance that seemed to carry protectiveness and possessiveness; their words were all hiding the taste of expecting emotional return. Strange gazes fixed on her appearance and figure, through judging her behind her back, also gradually converged upon her. On the other hand, public accusations and private rumors came like a tide, wave after wave. The aspects of this criticism ranged from the level of faith (accusing her of not being devout enough, having too many doubts about doctrine, lacking humility) down to attacks on her personal conduct (subtly hinting she wasn't friendly enough, was putting on an act, or only came to church to attract guys), and even her clothing and appearance became objects of scrutiny. The upperclassman had once said in front of others, seemingly unintentionally but actually sarcastically, "Oh dear, our pure and innocent junior schoolmate, how did you change from a long skirt and leather shoes to a short skirt and sandals? Does it have other meanings?" That contemptuous tone was as if Mengzhen's every breath was being examined and distorted under a microscope.

At this moment, Mengzhen's heart was enduring an unspeakable pain and vulnerability. She was already at a critical period of reshaping the heart-mind interaction and constructing her new faith configuration. To allow herself to open her heart and let external influences that she originally thought were safe and gentle flow in, she had already taken off that hard outer shell used to protect herself, laying bare her inner self. It was as if she had opened a maintenance panel, holding her myriad parts while participating in church activities, hoping that kindness and faith, when church members touched her parts, would allow gentle light to flow in. Unexpectedly, at the most exposed and defenseless moment, she was caught in the complex whirlpool of human relationships and social dynamics in the church. Differing views, speculations, and even malicious negative emotions from fellow church members were at this moment like multiple invisible ropes, tightly coiling around Mengzhen. Her exposed parts were being pulled in all directions, the connecting cables were almost coming loose; and her internal operating modules, like books, were being pulled out, flipped through, criticized, scribbled on, and discarded one by one from the bookshelf of Huang Mengzhen.


身為一個機器人,孟禎閃亮亮的優點長處,是她深深依賴的救命稻草。已經是機器人了,至少要當個超棒的機器人。精工細作賞心悅目的美麗外表,樂此不疲日夜累積的豐富知識,琢磨鍛鍊邏輯清晰的思考能力,以及她一直努力學習並維持著的,溫和得體善解人意的個性。這些都是孟禎珍惜的寶物,在心腦交流的不協調和對自我的存在焦慮下,至少還有這些閃爍著光芒的寶物支撐著她,讓她覺得自己還能是個有價值的高科技高性能機器人,「卓越」就是她存在的績效。


然而此刻,在那些充滿審視、質疑甚至惡意的目光下,她感覺自己的這些「珍寶」已不再具有意義。這些她曾引以為傲,傾盡心力「製造」出來的優點,在別人眼中是如此不堪,甚至根本不值一文。這種被從根源上否定貶低的感受,就像電影裡,那位原本光芒四射的女主角,被流言蜚語擊垮,徹底失去對自我價值認同時的絕望與支離破碎。


孟禎深陷漩渦,她的人造身軀,彷彿被拆解切碎,然後被惡意地胡亂重組。高科技高性能的她的組成,此刻都只是毫無價值的廢鐵塊,沒有珍惜的必要。對信仰的追求,也不再適用於她這個偽造品。來自異性別有所圖的「喜愛」、「欣賞」,更在她殘破的身軀上,強硬地插入一束氣味噁心的毒玫瑰。為了上教會呈現最棒自己的精心打扮,現在都成了詭異雕像上的滑稽裝飾。穿上清純可人白色涼鞋的雙腿,披上優雅俏麗粉紅洋裝的軀體,在學姊帶有忿怒的灼熱眼光中,被指責得搖搖晃晃,四處奔逃;特意掛在胸前的十字架,更像在嘲笑,嘲笑破爛鐵塊,怎能有信仰,怎配有信仰。


As a robot, Mengzhen's shining strengths and virtues were her deeply relied upon lifeline. She was already a robot; at least she had to be a superb one. Her finely crafted and pleasing to the eye beautiful appearance, the rich knowledge she tirelessly accumulated day and night, her polished and trained logical and clear thinking ability, and the gentle, proper, and understanding personality she had been striving to learn and maintain – these were Mengzhen's cherished treasures. Amidst the disharmony in heart-mind interaction and anxiety about self-existence, at least these treasures shining with light supported her, making her feel that she could still be a valuable high-tech high-performance robot. "Excellence" was her performance indicator for existence.

However, at this moment, under those gazes full of scrutiny, questioning, and even malice, she felt that these "treasures" of hers no longer had meaning. These strengths she was once proud of and had poured all her efforts into "manufacturing" were so unbearable in the eyes of others, even completely worthless. This feeling of being fundamentally negated and devalued was like in the movie, when the originally radiant female protagonist was struck down by rumors, experiencing despair and fragmentation as she completely lost her self-worth recognition.

Mengzhen was deeply trapped in the whirlpool. Her artificial body felt as if it had been dismantled and cut into pieces, then maliciously haphazardly reassembled. The components of her high-tech high-performance self, at this moment, were just worthless scrap metal; there was no need to cherish them. The pursuit of faith was no longer applicable to her, this counterfeit. The "liking" and "admiration" with ulterior motives from the opposite sex were even more like forcibly inserting a bunch of disgusting-smelling poisonous roses onto her broken body. The careful dressing up to present her best self for church now all became comical decorations on a bizarre statue. The legs wearing pure and lovely white sandals and the body draped in an elegant and pretty pink dress, under the upperclassman's burning gaze filled with anger, were accused until they swayed precariously and fled in all directions. The cross deliberately hung on her chest was even more like a mockery, mocking how a piece of broken scrap metal could have faith, how it deserved to have faith.


孟禎帶著這樣一個千瘡百孔、搖搖欲墜的自己,鼓起最後一絲微弱的希望,去找牧師,渴望能從信仰權威中得到撫平傷口的慰藉話語和指引迷津的答案。然而,與牧師深談迎來的卻是更深的孤寂與落寞。她本希望能與牧師深入探討信仰的本質、教義的疑難,或是讓自己接受信仰、被教會夥伴接受的方法,然而牧師似乎難以理解她對「知」的渴望,只反覆強調「信」的需求。牧師的關懷顯得急切而單一,認為她過度的思辨源自於她的驕傲與執著,是阻礙她接受信仰的絆腳石。這種認知上的巨大差異,讓牧師的指引顯得如此隔閡、遙遠而無力,無法觸及她核心的痛楚。他牧師還鼓勵她「勇敢面對信仰」、「勇敢面對教眾」。要求孟禎以她尚不具備或不認同的方式去「相信」和「融入」的態度,反而將她推向了更深的孤獨深淵。


當牧師提出讓她上台分享自己的經歷時,孟禎內心發出了無聲的瀕死尖叫——這無異於是讓她將自己這個滿是裂痕、即將崩潰的存在,赤裸裸地扔在眾人最嚴格無情的審視之下。她感覺自己像是即將被提交給這個集體信仰審查的無頭機器,而頭被交到牧師手上,隔離了她自以為是的堅硬。她勉強身體,擺出一個順從的姿勢,如同下跪禱告,試圖去融入他們對她的要求。


然而,當她在台上開始表達時,她那些基於真實經歷和自身想法,揉雜了理性困惑和情感掙扎的「見證」,卻不符牧師和教友預的預期。那些原本只是耳語和側目的嘲諷,隨著孟禎詭異難懂的見證,感受到冒犯不適。教友們向彷彿是異形的孟禎,投以防禦性的輕賤目光。目光像經過聚焦鏡的匯聚,帶著信仰的道德高度和集體的重量,兇猛地燒灼著她「無頭軀體」上破碎凌亂的頸部斷口,無情地燒痛了她殘餘的心腦之間脆弱連結,燒毀了正在掙扎著重新形成的「自我」輪廓。痛苦如此巨大,孟禎卻感覺眼淚卡在乾澀的眼眶裡,一滴也流不出來,彷彿連哭泣這種最基本的情感反應,也已在超越認知的扭曲中失靈了,只剩下一個冰冷殘酷的自我定義:她就是個破機器人,無論外表曾經多麼精巧細緻,內在多麼豐富充實,身體多麼高性能高科技,此刻,也只不過是一堆等待被丟棄的無價值廢鐵塊罷了。


Carrying this severely wounded and tottering self, Mengzhen mustered the last glimmer of faint hope and went to the pastor, craving comforting words to soothe her wounds and answers to guide her from the religious authority. However, what the deep talk with the pastor brought was even deeper loneliness and desolation. She had hoped to delve into the essence of faith, the difficult points of doctrine, or find ways for herself to accept faith and be accepted by fellow church members. Yet, the pastor seemed unable to understand her craving for "knowing," only repeatedly emphasizing the need for "believing." The pastor's care seemed urgent and singular, viewing her excessive deliberation as stemming from her pride and stubbornness, a stumbling block preventing her from accepting faith. This huge cognitive difference made the pastor's guidance seem so distant, remote, and powerless, unable to reach her core pain. The pastor even encouraged her to "bravely face faith" and "bravely face the congregation." This attitude of demanding Mengzhen to "believe" and "integrate" in ways she didn't yet possess or agree with instead pushed her into a deeper abyss of loneliness.

When the pastor suggested she go on stage to share her experience, her heart emitted a silent death scream – this was no different from asking her to throw her existence, full of cracks and on the verge of collapse, nakedly under the most stringent and merciless scrutiny of the crowd. She felt like a headless machine about to be submitted to this collective faith examination, her head handed to the pastor, isolating her self-righteous hardness. She forced her body into a submissive posture, like kneeling in prayer, attempting to integrate into their demands of her.

However, when she started expressing herself on stage, those "testimonies" based on real experiences and her own thoughts, mixed with rational confusion and emotional struggle, did not meet the expectations of the pastor and fellow church members. What were originally just whispers and glances of mockery, with Mengzhen's strange and difficult-to-understand testimony, turned into feelings of offense and discomfort. Fellow church members cast defensive and disdainful gazes towards Mengzhen, as if she were an alien. Their gazes converged as if through a magnifying glass, carrying the moral high ground of faith and the weight of the collective, fiercely burning the broken and messy断口 on her "headless body," mercilessly burning the fragile connection between her remaining heart and mind, burning away the contours of the "self" that was struggling to reform. The pain was so immense, yet Mengzhen felt her tears were stuck in her dry eye sockets, not a single drop could flow out, as if even this most basic emotional response of crying had malfunctioned in a distortion beyond comprehension. Only a cold and cruel self-definition remained: she was just a shabby robot, no matter how exquisite and delicate her appearance once was, how rich and full her inner self, how high-performance and high-tech her body, at this moment, she was just a pile of worthless scrap metal waiting to be discarded.


從那些沉重破碎的回憶中緩緩抽離,孟禎抬手抹去眼角未乾的淚痕。她的聲音還帶著一絲未散的沙啞,也多了幾分塵埃落定的釋然。「志文,」她輕聲開口,「你現在大概能完全體會了,『破機器人』這四個字,對我來說,意味著什麼。」她頓了頓,眼神飄忽地望向遠方,「事後我經歷了很多事情,教會的生活也漸漸有了好的轉變,甚至我現在還成了團契小組長。」她將視線拉回志文身上,眼神變得懇切而脆弱,「但是,那個稱謂帶來的傷害,那段經歷刻下的印記,已經深深地烙在我心裡,成了難以磨滅的的傷痕。」她緩緩地說著,「我可以自己嘲諷自己是破機器人,我可以在無人的角落獨自舔舐傷口。但是,絕對、絕對不能被別人這樣叫。」她強調,目光鎖定志文,「尤其... 尤其不能被你這麼叫。志文,如果你在無意中說出『破機器人』的時候,哪怕心裡真的只有那麼一絲絲,一絲絲覺得我就是個無價值的的破機器人,我...我真的難以承受。那會讓我覺得,連你也冷冷看著那個被踐踏後的,最不堪的我。」


志文靜靜地聽完了她的傾訴,臉上的表情從一開始的關切與歉疚,逐漸轉變為深刻的理解與心疼。他輕輕地嘆了一聲,聲音溫和而誠懇:「原來是這樣... 孟禎,謝謝妳,謝謝妳願意把這段深埋心中的經歷告訴我。」他溫柔地握住她的手,傳達一份帶有溫度的無聲支持。「其實我也隱約察覺到,我們之間的信仰差異,多少像一道無形的牆,讓我們在某些關於教會的話題上總會有那麼一點點『腳步差』。現在我懂了,可能因為對信仰評價的顧慮,妳不太願意跟我分享那些關於教會的負面細節,寧願只講妳自己內在的掙扎和感受...」他抬眼,溫暖而認真地看著她,「但今天,妳選擇向我完全地敞開,讓我看到了更全面而真實的妳。孟禎,能有這樣的信任,能知道妳這麼深層的內心世界,我只有滿心的感謝。」


Slowly withdrawing from those heavy and broken memories, Mengzhen raised her hand to wipe away the still-wet tear stains from the corners of her eyes. Her voice still carried a hint of lingering hoarseness, and added a bit of settled relief. "Zhiwen," she said softly, "you can probably fully understand now what the two words 'shabby robot' mean to me." She paused, her gaze drifting vaguely towards the distance. "Afterwards I experienced many things, church life also gradually had good changes, and I even became a fellowship group leader now." She pulled her gaze back to Zhiwen, her eyes becoming earnest and vulnerable. "But, the hurt brought by that term, the mark carved by that experience, has been deeply branded in my heart, becoming an indelible scar." She said slowly, "I can mock myself as a shabby robot; I can lick my wounds alone in a deserted corner. But, absolutely, absolutely cannot be called that by others." She emphasized, her gaze fixed on Zhiwen, "Especially... especially not by you. Zhiwen, if when you unintentionally said 'shabby robot,' even if there was only a tiny, tiny bit in your heart that felt I was a worthless shabby robot, I... I really cannot bear it. That would make me feel that even you are coldly looking at the most unbearable me after being trampled upon."

Zhiwen quietly listened to her pouring out. The expression on his face gradually changed from concern and guilt at the beginning to deep understanding and heartache. He lightly sighed, his voice gentle and sincere, "So that's how it is... Mengzhen, thank you, thank you for being willing to tell me about this experience deeply buried in your heart." He gently held her hand, conveying a silent support with warmth. "Actually, I also vaguely sensed that the difference in faith between us was somewhat like an invisible wall, making us always have a slight 'difference in pace' on certain topics about the church. Now I understand, perhaps due to concerns about the evaluation of faith, you weren't very willing to share those negative details about the church with me, preferring only to talk about your own inner struggles and feelings..." He raised his eyes, looking at her warmly and seriously, "But today, you chose to fully open up to me, letting me see a more complete and real you. Mengzhen, to have this kind of trust, to know such a deep inner world of yours, I am only filled with gratitude."


在分享了沉重的過往、獲得了理解與支持後,兩人之間彷彿有什麼無形的壁壘正在融化。空氣中流淌著一種更為緊密、更為坦然的連結感。就在此時,志文臉上的溫暖突然褪去,取而代之的是一種前所未有的嚴肅,不帶絲毫玩笑的成分,讓孟禎心底升起一絲不安。她有些疑惑,輕輕「嗯?」了一聲,等待他的下文。志文緊緊地握住她的手,眼神堅定地看著她,彷彿在做出一個需要勇氣的重要決定。語氣帶著鄭重與忐忑,他緩緩地拋出了一個讓孟禎瞬間僵住的提問,「那麼... 孟禎,」他深吸一口氣,「可以讓我,也叫妳『破機器人』嗎?」


「蛤!?」孟禎一臉錯愕,簡直懷疑自己聽錯了,眼中帶著一絲剛哭過的微紅,「志文,你不是剛聽完我說的嗎?是聽不懂人話,還是不想聽機器人講人話啊?」


志文搖了搖頭,表情依舊認真,「不是沒聽懂。我聽懂了,孟禎。我懂妳說的傷痛,懂那個詞的沉重。我甚至看得到,妳有時候自稱『破機器人』,是在用一種近乎殘忍的方式觸碰自己的傷口,像在說『看,我經歷了這些,我還沒完全好,但我活下來了,我其實很強韌』。同時,也有一點點,我感覺到了,妳在對自己進行或許連自己都沒察覺到的自我貶低。」他頓了頓,眼神深邃,「別急著否認,我也看得到妳的運作系統資訊,多少也看懂了一點。」他輕輕握緊她的手,「而現在,聽了妳的故事聽了妳最深的恐懼,我想加入。我想讓妳的傷疤和負擔,不再只屬於妳。」他直視她的雙眼,再次強調:「我對妳的心意,妳知道,是百分之百的純粹,沒有任何一絲一毫的貶低,不論妳是不是機器人。無論我用什麼詞稱呼妳,妳心裡都清楚我對妳的心意,是吧?所以,我想讓妳把我,當成妳自己來看待。而且,我對妳的心意,比有時候妳對自己的更純粹,更沒有負面的想法與心緒。既然妳能說,為什麼我不能說?」他溫柔地笑了一下,「我想把那個詞從黑暗裡拉出來,用我的方式,讓它在我們之間擁有不同的意義。」


After sharing the heavy past and receiving understanding and support, it felt as if some invisible barrier was melting between them. A sense of closer, more candid connection flowed in the air. It was at this moment that the warmth on Zhiwen's face suddenly faded, replaced by an unprecedented seriousness, without a trace of jest, causing a trace of unease to rise in Mengzhen's heart. She was somewhat puzzled, lightly said "Hm?" and waited for him to continue. Zhiwen tightly held her hand, looking at her with a firm gaze, as if making an important decision that required courage. His tone carrying solemnness and apprehension, he slowly threw out a question that instantly froze Mengzhen, "Then... Mengzhen," he took a deep breath, "can I, also call you 'shabby robot'?"

"Huh!?" Mengzhen had a look of surprise, almost suspected she had heard wrong, her eyes carrying a trace of redness from having just cried. "Zhiwen, didn't you just finish listening to what I said? Are you unable to understand human language, or do you not want to listen to a robot speak human language?"

Zhiwen shook his head, his expression still serious. "It's not that I didn't understand. I understood, Mengzhen. I understand the pain you spoke of, understand the heaviness of that word. I can even see that sometimes when you call yourself 'shabby robot,' you are touching your own wound in a nearly cruel way, like saying, 'Look, I've been through this, I'm not completely healed yet, but I survived, I am actually very resilient.' At the same time, just a little bit, I sensed that you are engaging in self-deprecation that perhaps even you haven't noticed." He paused, his gaze deep. "Don't be in a hurry to deny it. I can also see your operating system information, and I understand a bit." He gently squeezed her hand. "And now, after hearing your story and your deepest fears, I want to join in. I want to make your scars and burdens no longer belong only to you." He looked directly into her eyes, emphasizing again, "You know my feelings for you are one hundred percent pure, without any trace of devaluation, whether or not you are a robot. No matter what word I use to call you, you know clearly how I feel about you, right? So, I want you to see me as yourself. And, my feelings for you are purer than yours for yourself sometimes, and freer from negative thoughts and emotions. Since you can say it, why can't I say it?" He smiled gently, "I want to pull that word out of the darkness, and in my way, let it have a different meaning between us."


孟禎看著他眼中的真誠,聽著他近乎穿透視自己的話語,心底積壓已久的防線在瞬間崩塌。她懂了。他不是要開她玩笑,更不可能傷害她。他也不是輕視她的痛苦,而是要跨越兩人間的界線,用一種最極端的方式告訴她:妳的脆弱,妳的自我鄙視,妳內在無法消除的波動與紊亂,不改善也沒關係,分享給我吧,我願意與妳一起承擔,與妳一起尋找新的意義。志文想要成為整套孟禎的「自己人」,大大方方地融入她的世界,讓孟禎沒有任何隔閡與負擔地給他一起扛,被她好好「利用」。孟禎深吸一口氣,感覺像站在一個充滿未知卻又吸引力十足的迷宮洞口,但她知道裡面是完全可信的的安全。她輕輕點了點頭,臉上露出一絲信任的微笑。「我了解了。可以喔,志文...」她輕聲說,「不過先讓我作個準備... 深呼吸... 準備好了,倒數了喔!」她聲音微微顫抖,卻充滿決心與期待,「三...二...一...!」


「破機器人。」志文在她話音落下的瞬間,面帶微笑,輕柔而清晰地說出這個詞。


Looking at the sincerity in his eyes, listening to his words that almost seemed to penetrate her, the defense line accumulated in her heart for a long time collapsed in an instant. She understood. He wasn't making fun of her, and even less likely to hurt her. He wasn't belittling her pain, but wanted to cross the boundary between them, to tell her in the most extreme way: Your vulnerability, your self-contempt, the unresolvable fluctuations and disorder within you, it's okay if they don't improve, share them with me. I am willing to bear it with you and search for new meaning with you. Zhiwen wanted to become Mengzhen's "own person" completely, to generously integrate into her world, so that Mengzhen could let him carry it with her without any barrier or burden, to be properly "used" by her. Mengzhen took a deep breath, feeling like standing at the entrance of a labyrinth full of unknowns yet immensely attractive, but she knew it was completely trustworthy and safe inside. She gently nodded, a trace of a trusting smile appearing on her face. "I understand. Okay, Zhiwen..." she said softly, "but let me get ready first... Deep breath... I'm ready, counting down now!" Her voice trembled slightly, but was full of determination and expectation, "Three... two... one...!"

"Shabby robot." At the moment her words fell, Zhiwen, with a smile, gently and clearly said the word.


「啊!」孟禎身體反射性地縮了一下,像被電擊般,抱著頭往後跳,大口喘氣。


「破機器人。」他又叫了一聲,音量更大了些,似乎想確認什麼。


「呀!!!等下,你...你來真的啊!?哪能一直叫!」孟禎瞪大眼睛,有點驚恐地回著,臉頰瞬間染上了淡淡的粉紅。


「黃孟禎妳這個,破機器人!」志文笑著靠近,將她輕輕摟入懷中,聲音裡滿是無法掩飾的深情。


「哇啦啦啦啦啦!!夠了!夠了夠了!你叫夠了沒啊!?」孟禎將臉埋進他懷裡,發出有點生氣又有點好笑的抗議聲,「還黃孟禎咧,你還真敢說啊?沒有想弄我?我系統被你攪得一團亂,哼!」她緊緊抓著他的衣服。


"Ah!" Mengzhen's body reflexively flinched, as if electrocuted, jumping back holding her head and gasping for air.

"Shabby robot." He called out again, slightly louder, seeming to want to confirm something.

"Ah!!! Wait, you... you're serious!? How can you keep calling me that!" Mengzhen widened her eyes, responding with a bit of panic, her cheeks instantly tinged with a light pink.

"You, Huang Mengzhen, you shabby robot!" Zhiwen smiled and approached, gently pulling her into his embrace, his voice full of unconcealed deep affection.

"Whoa la la la la la!! Enough! Enough, enough! Haven't you called enough!?" Mengzhen buried her face in his embrace, letting out a somewhat angry and somewhat funny protesting sound. "Even calling me Huang Mengzhen , you really dare to say that? Aren't you trying to tease me? My system is all messed up by you, hmph!" She tightly clutched his clothes.


「沒有啊,真的沒有。」志文下巴輕抵著她的髮旋輕摩,語氣溫柔得像最輕盈的羽毛拂過,「妳這破機器人,我倒八輩子楣愛上的破機器人。」


「陳志文!!!」孟禎撫著激動後的胸口,臉頰滾燙,惡狠狠地看著志文。這個臭傢伙,該修理他的時候又到了。


在兩人的玩鬧將那個曾經沉重的詞徹底「遊戲化」,讓積壓在心底最深處的情緒完全釋放後,志文的臉色重新變得認真而溫柔。他再次握住孟禎的手,將她拉得更近。


「別擔心,孟禎。從今以後,如果妳還是有自己是『破機器人』的感覺,那好,我就是愛上破機器人的破人類,對妳的貶低也是對我的貶低,我也會跟著妳一起破。」他的眼神轉變得深邃包容,映照著她微濕的眼眸,「如果妳哪天感覺自己破碎一地,化為無數散落的零件,灑滿妳內心的機器人王國,那麼我就算改造我自己,也要變成能進入機器人王國的機器人,帶著妳的分享喜怒哀樂去找妳,把妳這散落的破鐵塊,一片片撿起來,好好珍惜。」


"No, really not." Zhiwen's chin gently rested against her crown, lightly rubbing, his tone was as gentle as the lightest feather brushing. "You, this shabby robot, the shabby robot I was unlucky enough to fall in love with for eight lifetimes."

"Chen Zhiwen!!!" Mengzhen clutched her chest after being agitated, her cheeks burning, glaring fiercely at Zhiwen. This evil guy, it was time to fix him again.

As the two of them, through their playful interaction, completely "gamified" that once heavy word, allowing the emotions accumulated in the deepest part of her heart to be completely released, Zhiwen's expression became serious and gentle again. He again held Mengzhen's hand, pulling her closer.

"Don't worry, Mengzhen. From now on, if you still feel like you are a 'shabby robot,' then fine, I am the shabby human who fell in love with a shabby robot. Your devaluation is also my devaluation, and I will also become shabby along with you." His gaze became deep and inclusive, reflecting her slightly moist eyes. "If one day you feel yourself shattered into pieces, turning into countless scattered parts, strewn all over the robot kingdom within your heart, then even if I have to transform myself, I will become a robot capable of entering the robot kingdom, bringing your shared joys, angers, sorrows, and happiness to find you, picking up these scattered pieces of shabby metal, one by one, and cherishing them well."


「呃...要吐了...」孟禎聽著他這番肉麻又真誠的怪異告白,臉頰瞬間染上了春天最嬌豔的色彩。「陳志文,你... 你真的好噁心喔...噁心到我的層析分餾器,都能扭動起來。」她低聲咕噥著,卻沒有絲毫抗拒,反而更將自己埋進他懷裡。


她抬起頭看著他,眼神從剛才被打動的淚光,變成了深刻的理解與全然的接受。她露出一個甜甜的微笑,說「好吧,陳志文先生,我的『系統』,看來同意了讓你叫我『破機器人』了。」她伸出一隻手,輕輕點著他的胸口,「你被系統登錄成我的擴充組件了。從今起,你也是機器人黃孟禎的一部分,恭喜恭喜。」她用手指畫著圈,繼續定義他們的關係,語氣裡滿是甜蜜的依戀:「你就是那個透過語音和表情圖形辨識介面,與黃孟禎核心系統最深處通聯的『情感產生器』。」她湊上前,將頭輕輕靠在他的肩膀上,聲音帶著完全的信賴與囑託:「我的『系統』,已經完全敞開我這個『破機器人』,接受你進來了...」她輕聲細語,彷彿對他也對自己說,「你可不能糟蹋了喔。」


在他們緊密的相擁中,「破機器人」不再是過去痛苦的標籤,而是兩人對黃孟禎的共同承擔。


"Ugh... I'm gonna puke..." Listening to his cheesy yet sincere strange confession, Mengzhen's cheeks instantly tinged with the most vibrant colors of spring. "Chen Zhiwen, you... you're really disgusting... so disgusting that even my chromatography fractionator can wriggle." She muttered softly, yet without the slightest resistance, instead burying herself further into his embrace.

She raised her head to look at him. Her gaze changed from the teary look of being touched just now to one of deep understanding and complete acceptance. She revealed a sweet smile and said, "Okay, Mr. Chen Zhiwen, my 'system' seems to have agreed to let you call me 'shabby robot'." She extended a hand, gently tapping his chest. "You have been logged into the system as my expansion component. From now on, you are also a part of Robot Huang Mengzhen, congratulations." Drawing circles with her finger, she continued to define their relationship, her tone full of sweet attachment. "You are the 'emotion generator' that communicates with the deepest part of Huang Mengzhen's core system through the voice and expression graphic recognition interface." She leaned forward, gently resting her head on his shoulder, her voice carrying complete trust and entrustment. "My 'system' has completely opened up me, this 'shabby robot,' to accept you in..." she whispered softly, as if saying to him and also to herself, "You can't mess it up, okay."

In their close embrace, "shabby robot" was no longer a label of past pain, but the shared burden of Huang Mengzhen by the two of them.